Why Women End Up Cleaning the House

[dr_mabeuse]

The answer isn't sexual politics or repression. It's that men just don't really know when a house is messy. We're mess-blind.

I'm perfectly happy living and working in an environment that drives my wife to distraction. But the truth is, it just doesn't appear especially messy to me, and if it does, I'm at a total loss to know what to do to set things straight again. I do notice when it's clean (usually) and I like it that way. It's just that I can't really tell when it's no longer clean. I just don't notice it. Just like I don't notice the difference between navy blue and black.

On the other hand, my wife has no compunction about using a pliers on a nut, or using tape to fix a broken rear-view mirror, things that are clearly sins against God and nature to me.

---dr.M.

 

[Guest]

That's so wierd. I was just thinking the exact same thing as I pushed the hoover around the carpet this morning. To me, it clearly needed hoovering, but my husband was surprised when I got the hoover out. He also just stood and looked at me as I struggled down the stairs with an over-flowing basket of washing. I think he also thinks the lunch cooks itself.

He just lives in his own little world, and doesn't notice stuff around him. I'm not complaining - far from it - I wish I could be more like him, and not stress about the little stuff. And, he does work hard all week, it's just his look of surprise when I'm doing the cleaning, or cooking, or washing.

Then again, maybe it's the fact it's rare he sees me doing any of that stuff.

Lou

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Men aren't mess blind, they are clutter comfortable. Ever seen a fellow's workshop? Now if he's one of those who talks a good game, but can't make a screw work it might be clean and neat as a pin. All the men I have know who could get down, roll up their sleeves and fix it (it rangeing from the broken tail light on the car to building a house from the ground up) had shops that looked like Camille had just hit.

My Grandfather, a master carpenter, was forever sending me into the dark, cool recesses of his shop looking for a tool or implement with such precise directions as "When you go in the door you'll see an old drop cloth on your left. Don't touch that. But on the wall behind that is the Precision saw. Now under the saw there's a bunch of boxes filled with screws and nails, be sure not to spill em, but pull em all out and in the back corner against the rail you'll see my ole three bar level, just bring that to me,"

This same man, in the house his wife kept neat as a pin had to be reminded where the salt shaker was on a semi daily basis. I wanted so badly to clean that shop up for him, but his wife would never allow it. Her simple explanation was if I cleaned it up, straightened it up, arranged everything in neat rows on the benches and wall boards so any one could find them at a glance my poor grandfather would never get anywork done, as he would never be able to find anything.

Over time I learned the method to the madness of his shop. The trick was to train yourself to have almost editic memory. Anytime you came across something you knew might come in handy at a later date you made a little mental note of where in all the clutter you saw it. Then when he needed it, you knew where it was.

As an avid 13 year old who wanted to be her granddfather's best helper I could do that. As a 34 year old who has no one I am trying desperatly to impress I find it's hella easier to keep the house clean and have eveything in it's place.

-Colly

 

[gauchecritic]

I hate clutter. I don't mind untidy. When I want to use the headphones I want them to be where I left them, at my left hand, not having to go search my son's bedroom.

When I need the flat blade screwdriver I want it in my toolbox where I left it, not in the shed lying next to an open tin of paint.

On the other hand, when there's a job to be done, resticking a loose bit of wallpaper, putting the pictures back up after re-decorating I'll do it when I get round to it.

After shopping or just rising from bed my wife will start doing things and I am constantly amazed.

The problem with housework is that it has to be done again and again and again, that's what irks me. But having to re-install a wireless network for a pc and 2 laptops again and again doesn't bother me at all.

Gauche

 

[solus]

I think you may have hit the nail on the head dr mab, just a shame noone told me about the male mess-blindness condition before i started living with my other half.

At the moment if i reach under my bed for a vibrator, i'm just as likely to pull out a cordless drill or a saw. I like variety in bed, but I'm not that adventurous . Shelves that were once filled with wildlife figures cast by my own fair hands are now decorated with nails, screws and off-cuts of cable that 'might come in useful'. I can't open the door to my guest room... on one hand that's not such a bad thing, means his mum can't stay but on the other it's just a place for him to hoard more crap that he will never tidy up.

I did wonder why she left the country so quickly after we started living together.... no forwarding address either

 

[fille]

The answer isn't sexual politics or repression. It's that men just don't really know when a house is messy. We're mess-blind.

---dr.M.

It's not that you don't know - it's that you don't care.

 

[rgraham666]

I remember reading many years ago that the main difference between men and women is their perception of dirt.

Women can see it in microscopic amounts and men aren't aware of it until it is in quantities large enough to support commercial agriculture.

Looking at my room would appear to support this hypothesis. I'm thinking of either corn or pumpkins this year.

 

[Boxlicker101]

I don't know if women enjoy cleaning or if it is some kind of a compulsion. Left to my own devices, I would throw dirty clothes on the bedroom floor until it was time to do the laundry, which I am perfectly capable of doing. If I leave two weeks worth of underwear lying around, as long as I have clean to wear and it is not a health hazard, who cares? My wife, thats who. She makes the bed every day. When I lived alone, I made it only when I changed the sheets, about once a month, unless they got extra dirty somehow, and hardly ever in between.

I don't think it's so much that men are mess-blind as it is that messes don't bother them. If the kitchen floor is sticky from a month's worth of spilled stuff, so what? After all, you don't usually eat off the floor, do you? If dishes are stacked in the sink, so what? As long as there are still enough clean dishes, no need to wash. If all flat surfaces are covered in dust and the carpet is littered with tiny bits of whatever, so what. Certainly more important things to do than clean up dusting or vacuuming.

This is not really just a man-woman thing. Daughters and sons and husbands are all equally slobby. It is when a woman is "the lady of the house" that she becomes a neat freak. These are generalities, of course. There are women who are as casual about cleaning as Oscar Madison and there are men as meticulous as Felix Unger. It's just that most men just don't care very much and most women do.

 

[minsue]

I don't know if women enjoy cleaning or if it is some kind of a compulsion. Left to my own devices, I would throw dirty clothes on the bedroom floor until it was time to do the laundry, which I am perfectly capable of doing. If I leave two weeks worth of underwear lying around, as long as I have clean to wear and it is not a health hazard, who cares? My wife, thats who. She makes the bed every day. When I lived alone, I made it only when I changed the sheets, about once a month, unless they got extra dirty somehow, and hardly ever in between.

I don't think it's so much that men are mess-blind as it is that messes don't bother them. If the kitchen floor is sticky from a month's worth of spilled stuff, so what? After all, you don't usually eat off the floor, do you? If dishes are stacked in the sink, so what? As long as there are still enough clean dishes, no need to wash. If all flat surfaces are covered in dust and the carpet is littered with tiny bits of whatever, so what. Certainly more important things to do than clean up dusting or vacuuming.

This is not really just a man-woman thing. Daughters and sons and husbands are all equally slobby. It is when a woman is "the lady of the house" that she becomes a neat freak. These are generalities, of course. There are women who are as casual about cleaning as Oscar Madison and there are men as meticulous as Felix Unger. It's just that most men just don't care very much and most women do.

My cleaning philosophy mirrors your own, Box. Poor hubby tries to clean up after me every so often, but mainly the house is just a wreck. It looks like teenagers have the house to themselves for the weekend.

 

[Dirty Slut]

The trick is, to point at the dirt, give the guy the right equipment to clean it, then go grab a beer, and hold it like a carrot until he finishes the job to your satisfaction. Let him drink the beer, and when he comes back to you and asks where the rest of the beer is, lead him to the next cleaning job, and again give him the proper equipment to do the job properly. Remember, in each case not to give them the beer until the job is properly finished. Oh, for those wondering, I keep the beer over in my neighbor's fridge. This is a great way to get six jobs done out of him. After a six pack, well, I like to take things to the next level, and start shedding clothes. But hey, by then the place is really clean.

DS

 

[Guest]

 

[Wills]

I have a cleaner. She is totally reliant on me to make the place untidy and messy. I'm doing my best, but it's hard work. She works three afternoons a week and leaves the apartment as shiny as a pin.
W

 

[Sabledrake]

I remember reading many years ago that the main difference between men and women is their perception of dirt.

Women can see it in microscopic amounts and men aren't aware of it until it is in quantities large enough to support commercial agriculture.

The very essay I was thinking of while reading this thread! Dave Barry, wasn't it?

I think the same thing applies to the state of leftovers in the fridge. I toss 'em when I think they're suspect. He'll wait until they actually jump out and bite.

Sabledrake

 

[Guest]

 

[Black Tulip]

The answer isn't sexual politics or repression. It's that men just don't really know when a house is messy. We're mess-blind.

---dr.M.

Not only men suffer from this particular illness. Women can get affected too. But I am very glad I finally know what's wrong with me. I can't help it, I'm mess-blind.

Clutter-challenged, that's me.



This thread enables me to go on having fun for at least another month before I have to start digging for the vacuum cleaner.

 

[CharleyH]

I love simplicity, so am anti-clutter. And I cannot think when there is a mess. The space around me reflects my state of mind. Anytime I have lived with a man, the place has always been immaculately clean and uncluttered. Anytime I have lived with a woman, the place has been a chaotic shit pot . . . go figure. So in my view, men know how to clean better than women. It has been my experience.

Hmm - what does this say about me? LOL

 

[Boxlicker101]

I love simplicity, so am anti-clutter. And I cannot think when there is a mess. The space around me reflects my state of mind. Anytime I have lived with a man, the place has always been immaculately clean and uncluttered. Anytime I have lived with a woman, the place has been a chaotic shit pot . . . go figure. So in my view, men know how to clean better than women. It has been my experience.

Hmm - what does this say about me? LOL

Generally speaking, men and women are probably about equally good or poor at housekeeping. Generally speaking, however, men attach a very low priority to house cleaning.

 

[Guest]

Generally speaking, men and women are probably about equally good or poor at housekeeping. Generally speaking, however, men attach a very low priority to house cleaning.

That may well be true. I am an awful housekeeper/cleaner. My bedroom and living room have been a mess for months, no details necessary. I think the difference for me, and other bad housekeepers, is that I feel really bad about it. I was raised to think it was my moral duty to be neat and clean (seriously). My mother was a compulsive 'cleaner', so I'm a lazy trashy one.

Perdita

 

[Guest]

"Honey, when was the last time we had brussel sprouts?"

"Those aren't brussel sprouts, those are meatballs!"

Lime

Oooh, yeah. Been there, done that.

Remember George Carlin's "Ice Box Man?"

Chocolate pudding skin, chocolate pudding skin - anybody want this bowl of dried-out chocolate pudding skin? I'm only going to throw it away!

That's what we say when we throw away half the contents of the fridge because we can't identify it.

Ewwww.

 

[CharleyH]

Generally speaking, men and women are probably about equally good or poor at housekeeping. Generally speaking, however, men attach a very low priority to house cleaning.

It says two things or many contradictory ones:

1) I tell men what to do, and when they want sex the house is clean.
2) I am having sex more often with women, hence chaos

 

[Guest]

I am having sex more often with women, hence chaos

Hey, Charlus, I find calm at the center of chaos. Not often though, so it's a luxury.

Perdita

 

[SlickTony]

I think the difference for me, and other bad housekeepers, is that I feel really bad about it. I was raised to think it was my moral duty to be neat and clean (seriously). My mother was a compulsive 'cleaner', so I'm a lazy trashy one.

Sisters under the skin, that's us, Perdita. Right now my place is pathologically messy; I need to get it cleaned up for when my daughter comes to see us later on in the year, and it's just overwhelming. As Dr. Seuss said, "This mess is so big and so deep, and so tall/We cannot clean it up. There is no way at all."

 

[gauchecritic]

At the risk of being political (ptui)

As Dr. Seuss said, "This mess is so big and so deep, and so tall/We cannot clean it up. There is no way at all."

Isn't that the Dubya song?

Gauche

 

[CharleyH]

Hey, Charlus, I find calm at the center of chaos. Not often though, so it's a luxury.

Perdita

Well Perdita - apparently if I am having sex with gorgeous women like you . . . So do I - find the peace and the centre of my orgasm, hence the chaos - to that point

You are a little bitch aren't you I LOVE that.

 

[Guest]

You are a little bitch aren't you I LOVE that.

You're a connoisseuress of bitch, Ch. I like that.