Why nice guys are never seen

[Shadoweyes]

It is true nice guys finish last. So much you never see or get the actual "nice guy" you get the just "nice enough guy" he is sweet, charming, but drinks to much or likes to disappear for a bit with the next cute thing close to you.

You see nice guys are endangered species nowadays. We get pinned down with the crazy chicks, the cheating girls that just cant wait tell you away so they can try out the guy down the street.

It is sad that I know I was born in the wrong era. Do to the point that I don't believe that a long relationship should be measured in months, rightfully it should be measured in years (ie: 2+ years). God knows that doesn't happen these days anymore do to well the obvious. We are all shallow! Like it or not it is true. You have a perfect relationship then you see a movie or another couple and you judge your happiness of them! SHALLOW!!

Back to point "nice guys" we don't compare what we have ... we see the person we have and judge them for what they are as a whole against themselves. I don't think I can recall pulling out the comparison model the last time I was in a relationship. I saw her and I couldn't see anyone else.

I miss that I guess and I guess that is why I am writing this. Oh! and to right a wrong out there. Number 1 misconception about "nice guys" is that we do not have any fetishes or kinks ... WRONG!!!

So yeah ... I am a Nice Guy and you know what I am OK with that. I just wish women out there would just stop looking for there movie/ book hero, cause when find the picture it usually comes with a few black eyes and years of abuse. Where as what you want from that movie/ book hero ... we have and its free of charge ... nice guys just want a change to compete before you stack the odd against us.


My thoughts are alil jumbled so if this jumped around a bit ... I am sorry! (oh yeah nice guys admit when we are wrong too)


message me or comment if you wish to discuss more or if you are looking for nice guy ... I am right here!

 

[Shadoweyes]

shameless promotion!

 

[Numnuttz]

No offense my friend but you need to cowboy up.Get grip on yourself.,accept things for what they are.It is virtually impossible to keep attracting scanks if you were right in your mind.Something is making you vulnerable to these attacks so to speak.

Woman have the same problems attracting losers.It is what you are doing or not doing that is bringing this shit on.Good guy's bad guy's,dumb guy's and smart guys it does not matter.Instead of creating a melodrama about your feelings getting trampled man up and put a stop to it.

Dig deep and find some self esteem and grow a back bone.Like I said no offense or disrespect intended.But whining and licking your sack is not helping your situation.Man up and take control of your life and quit giving everyone else power over your life.You are in charge of your existence.

A real woman wants a man that is confident in his feelings and his emotions.She wants to feel protected and sheltered.How can you do that when you can not deal with or handle your own emotions.You are not attracting women you are attracting immature teenie bobbers who have no more of a clue than what you do.

What are you going to do with a woman?.,a real woman?.,better yet what could you possibly do for a real woman?

And I have never hit a woman and have little patience for those who do.I feel I am a nice guy.,why?.,Because I am me.,I am legit and I am 100% confident with my existence.When in a relationship I commit.,But in turn I refuse to let anyone walk all over me.

You get ran thru the ringer because you are passive.,you are promoting this :Nice Guy" persona but are not conducting business as a man.

 

[Joe6pack]

A real woman wants a man that is confident in his feelings and his emotions.She wants to feel protected and sheltered.How can you do that when you can not deal with or handle your own emotions.

Bingo! What he said. You sound more needy than nice. I recently asked my gorgeous wife of 17 years why she loves me and has stood by me all these years. She said it's because she can count on me to provide for her and the family. Sure, it's not as sexy as "I love you for your 10 inch penis and massive pecs", but I can live with it. Basically, I am reliable, confident and provide very little drama.

It sounds like you may need to reevaluate your potential target mates. If you are really being treated like the doormat you say you are, then you may want to go for another type. Also, if you are really looking for the long term, trolling message boards such as this one probably isn't the best approach.

Good luck.

 

[Numnuttz]

"I love you for your 10 inch penis and massive pecs

They can say what they want.,.,But that is the reason.,.,.,hahahaha.,My gal pal is the same way.,.,Baby why you love me?????.,.,Cuz you provide.,.,true.,.,But I tell mine.,its cuz of my thickness.,hahahahaha.,she still turns red.,lmmfao

 

[elysiume]

Bingo! What he said.

What he said what he said.
And just to speak up for working women, some of us contribute more to the household than our "stronger" halves. It's not about being provided for quite as much as it is about getting that big bear hug after a long day.

 

[Numnuttz]

What he said what he said.
And just to speak up for working women, some of us contribute more to the household than our "stronger" halves. It's not about being provided for quite as much as it is about getting that big bear hug after a long day.

What you said.,.,

 

[perspicacity611]

http://www.cracked.com/article_18804_the-6-wrong-questions-men-love-to-ask-about-women.html

#1. "Why Do Girls Like Jerks?"

The right question:

"What does [girl I am interested in] like in a guy?"

Are you attracted to girls based solely on how "nice" or "jerky" they seem? Why would they be then?

You don't even have to stop being a misogynist to recognize girls evaluate men in more than one dimension. Even a shallow girl looks for more than one thing. What about looks? Money? Fame? Penis size? Any of those could be higher on the checklist than "nice/jerk." And every girl is different.

For example, I like a guy who is smart, sarcastic and good at video games. (Hey, I can open my own jars but I can't get past the Meat Circus level of Psychonauts on my own.)

One of my friends used to have a thing for blue eyes, and another needed to find a guy that shared her musical talent. And on the other end of the spectrum, I've had friends that just need to check for a penis and they're good.

Being nice is important to us, but it's not a free ticket to the bedroom if you've got none of the other things.

Just to be clear, there are actually girls for whom jerkiness is the first thing they're drawn to (or rather, they're drawn to other factors that tend to come packaged with jerkitude). But for a lot of them, this is because they've grown up being mistreated or abused, so trying to take advantage of that makes you a dick.

 

[Ransack]

Let me give you a bit of an analogy:

2 guys go fishing, one guy brings sure to catch expensive bait, the other guy brings a loaf of bread. After 3 hours the better prepared one hasn't caught shit, while the guy who balls up bread on the end of the hook has caught 7 fish. Would it serve the unsuccessful one to ponder and obsess over why his bait (which is so obviously superior) isn't getting any bites? Or would he be better off grabbing a slice from his friends bag and matching his bait to his target's preference?

Speaking as a lifelong nice guy you have to shake it up a bit, learn to be an asshole, a little. You've probably got some anger and resentment stored up against women, let it out. Find yourself a woman you don't intend to care for or develop feelings for and be a wee little bit mean to her. Whether you attract her or repel her it doesn't matter because here's the key:
.
Woman need to know that they are less important to you than you are to them.
.
The minute the scales tip the other direction it's game over. The real thing to get out of doing something like that is learning to be comfortable not kissing women's asses.
.
After you get adjusted to that type of behavior you can go fishing for a woman you want to be with. Simply start off the relationship with the strong implication that she could vanish from your life at any minute and you probably wouldn't notice. Once you solidify their attraction to you then you can let your inner nice guy out. Win them with your inner jerk and keep them with the other, bigger side of you.

Just some insight and advice from a fellow nice guy.

 

[Sensualdreamer]

No offense my friend but you need to cowboy up.Get grip on yourself.,accept things for what they are.It is virtually impossible to keep attracting scanks if you were right in your mind.Something is making you vulnerable to these attacks so to speak.

Woman have the same problems attracting losers.It is what you are doing or not doing that is bringing this shit on.Good guy's bad guy's,dumb guy's and smart guys it does not matter.Instead of creating a melodrama about your feelings getting trampled man up and put a stop to it.

Dig deep and find some self esteem and grow a back bone.Like I said no offense or disrespect intended.But whining and licking your sack is not helping your situation.Man up and take control of your life and quit giving everyone else power over your life.You are in charge of your existence.

A real woman wants a man that is confident in his feelings and his emotions.She wants to feel protected and sheltered.How can you do that when you can not deal with or handle your own emotions.You are not attracting women you are attracting immature teenie bobbers who have no more of a clue than what you do.

What are you going to do with a woman?.,a real woman?.,better yet what could you possibly do for a real woman?

And I have never hit a woman and have little patience for those who do.I feel I am a nice guy.,why?.,Because I am me.,I am legit and I am 100% confident with my existence.When in a relationship I commit.,But in turn I refuse to let anyone walk all over me.

You get ran thru the ringer because you are passive.,you are promoting this :Nice Guy" persona but are not conducting business as a man.

Absolutely agree w/ you

 

[KatNW1]

Let me give you a bit of an analogy:

2 guys go fishing, one guy brings sure to catch expensive bait, the other guy brings a loaf of bread. After 3 hours the better prepared one hasn't caught shit, while the guy who balls up bread on the end of the hook has caught 7 fish. Would it serve the unsuccessful one to ponder and obsess over why his bait (which is so obviously superior) isn't getting any bites? Or would he be better off grabbing a slice from his friends bag and matching his bait to his target's preference?

Speaking as a lifelong nice guy you have to shake it up a bit, learn to be an asshole, a little. You've probably got some anger and resentment stored up against women, let it out. Find yourself a woman you don't intend to care for or develop feelings for and be a wee little bit mean to her. Whether you attract her or repel her it doesn't matter because here's the key:
.
Woman need to know that they are less important to you than you are to them.
.
The minute the scales tip the other direction it's game over. The real thing to get out of doing something like that is learning to be comfortable not kissing women's asses.
.
After you get adjusted to that type of behavior you can go fishing for a woman you want to be with. Simply start off the relationship with the strong implication that she could vanish from your life at any minute and you probably wouldn't notice. Once you solidify their attraction to you then you can let your inner nice guy out. Win them with your inner jerk and keep them with the other, bigger side of you.

Just some insight and advice from a fellow nice guy.

Huh?

Any other women having problems with this logic?

There's some good advice in this thread but I'm struggling with this...while I don't expect to have my ass kissed (and I'd quickly kick any man who did that to the curb - and have) I certainly don't expect anything along the line of "a wee little bit mean" and I definitely don't expect a man to think he can string me along by acting like a jerk. Act like a jerk and I'm OUT of here.

I'm hoping that, since you identify yourself as a 'nice guy', there's just something I'm missing here and you're not getting your point across very well.

 

[janeyl]

Huh?

Any other women having problems with this logic?

There's some good advice in this thread but I'm struggling with this...while I don't expect to have my ass kissed (and I'd quickly kick any man who did that to the curb - and have) I certainly don't expect anything along the line of "a wee little bit mean" and I definitely don't expect a man to think he can string me along by acting like a jerk. Act like a jerk and I'm OUT of here.

I'm hoping that, since you identify yourself as a 'nice guy', there's just something I'm missing here and you're not getting your point across very well.

Nope...not the only one at all...thank fuck I'm not looking for a man here, let alone any who are impressed or influenced by that sort of advice..."nice guy" or not...

Woman need to know that they are less important to you than you are to them.

Worth pulling out of the whole and quoting in bold so that everyone can see how utterly ridiculous that actually sounds...context? fuck context...

 

[man2012]

No offense my friend but you need to cowboy up.Get grip on yourself.,accept things for what they are.

 

[Ransack]

Huh?

Any other women having problems with this logic?

There's some good advice in this thread but I'm struggling with this...while I don't expect to have my ass kissed (and I'd quickly kick any man who did that to the curb - and have) I certainly don't expect anything along the line of "a wee little bit mean" and I definitely don't expect a man to think he can string me along by acting like a jerk. Act like a jerk and I'm OUT of here.

I'm hoping that, since you identify yourself as a 'nice guy', there's just something I'm missing here and you're not getting your point across very well.

First off thanks for the benefit of the doubt! Most people just jump at the chance to attack someone's ideas.

My post was tailored specifically for the OP and other nice guys. It's not really meant to be read by women. It's also not meant to describe the model relationship at all. No woman would read what I wrote and say "hell yea thumbs up, that'll win me over" It isnt really meant to win any women over, what I suggested the OP to do was just to try and shed the 'nice guy' self image. Some small ways he could be more "manly" or more cowboy-like as some have put it. As I said the ideas or tactics I laid out aren't supposed to win him a wife or a LTR they were to help him develop relational skills that make him more attractive or desirable. Of course there are many, many women who demand and earn respect and consideration, it just seems as though he isn't meeting those women.

Over all it's one of those things that women may just not be able to understand, which is fine because it isn't exactly logical. Which I think is also fine because really, do women typically choose their lovers logically?

I can't deny there's some misogyny in my post I really didn't mean to offend women. It just didn't occur to me that women would be reading this thread, hindsight and all.

I'll put it this way: Everyone seeks some form of conquest from sex or love, even women. A woman's version is taking a guy who she thinks, or better yet knows can be a jerk and for lack of a remotely precise way to put it "makes" him be good to her. No woman wants to be treated poorly, or abused. What she wants or needs is to know that she COULD be treated poorly but isn't because there's something about her, inside her that convinces her man to be good to her. There's a beautiful yet absurd symetry to men and women in this context. I think that women are attracted to the bad boys for the challenge of "domesticating" them. They want to select a jerk and bring out the nice guy in him in a way no other woman has been able to do. Where as men want a virginal flower for the challenge of setting her inner slut free as no other man has been able to.

So the reason the 'nice guy' approach usually fails is because it takes out the element of risk and danger out of the equation for the woman. Women thrive on the constant possibility of heartbreak. If you take a woman out and are wonderful to them (thats fine) they need to know that it's mostly because they brought that loving and kind part out of you through their own womanly wiles, not that it was always guarenteed to them. Certainty is boring. Risk is exciting and attractive.

That's my two cents, best of luck to all.

 

[Ironfistvk]

Nice guy in general is a myth.

 

[SmileyGirl]

First off thanks for the benefit of the doubt! Most people just jump at the chance to attack someone's ideas.

My post was tailored specifically for the OP and other nice guys. It's not really meant to be read by women. It's also not meant to describe the model relationship at all. No woman would read what I wrote and say "hell yea thumbs up, that'll win me over" It isnt really meant to win any women over, what I suggested the OP to do was just to try and shed the 'nice guy' self image. Some small ways he could be more "manly" or more cowboy-like as some have put it. As I said the ideas or tactics I laid out aren't supposed to win him a wife or a LTR they were to help him develop relational skills that make him more attractive or desirable. Of course there are many, many women who demand and earn respect and consideration, it just seems as though he isn't meeting those women.

Over all it's one of those things that women may just not be able to understand, which is fine because it isn't exactly logical. Which I think is also fine because really, do women typically choose their lovers logically?

I can't deny there's some misogyny in my post I really didn't mean to offend women. It just didn't occur to me that women would be reading this thread, hindsight and all.

I'll put it this way: Everyone seeks some form of conquest from sex or love, even women. A woman's version is taking a guy who she thinks, or better yet knows can be a jerk and for lack of a remotely precise way to put it "makes" him be good to her. No woman wants to be treated poorly, or abused. What she wants or needs is to know that she COULD be treated poorly but isn't because there's something about her, inside her that convinces her man to be good to her. There's a beautiful yet absurd symetry to men and women in this context. I think that women are attracted to the bad boys for the challenge of "domesticating" them. They want to select a jerk and bring out the nice guy in him in a way no other woman has been able to do. Where as men want a virginal flower for the challenge of setting her inner slut free as no other man has been able to.

So the reason the 'nice guy' approach usually fails is because it takes out the element of risk and danger out of the equation for the woman. Women thrive on the constant possibility of heartbreak. If you take a woman out and are wonderful to them (thats fine) they need to know that it's mostly because they brought that loving and kind part out of you through their own womanly wiles, not that it was always guarenteed to them. Certainty is boring. Risk is exciting and attractive.

That's my two cents, best of luck to all.[/QUOTE]

Oh boy good luck with the replys you are going to get!! Oh and please girls remind me not to send a potential partner to him for advice ha!

 

[Latice]

Bingo! What he said. You sound more needy than nice. I recently asked my gorgeous wife of 17 years why she loves me and has stood by me all these years. She said it's because she can count on me to provide for her and the family. Sure, it's not as sexy as "I love you for your 10 inch penis and massive pecs", but I can live with it. Basically, I am reliable, confident and provide very little drama.

It sounds like you may need to reevaluate your potential target mates. If you are really being treated like the doormat you say you are, then you may want to go for another type. Also, if you are really looking for the long term, trolling message boards such as this one probably isn't the best approach.

Good luck.

Agreed. Ive been married to a wonderful man for nearly a decade now, and while he was a "nice guy" when I met him, and is still a wonderful husband. He wasnt a nice guy before I met him.

While his sweet nature did draw me in. What sealed the deal was his confidence and straight forwardness when we first met. And in a decade of marriage Ive never heard him complain.

 

[aussie_aurora]

It's not hard to be the nice guy in a forum filled with married cheaters. I don't think it would take much to be a nice guy here anyway.

I've heard about this strategy. Men pretend they are 'nice' guys who want love and commitment, rather than just sex, and it works very effectively in getting insecure women into bed. It's pathetic using the weakness of emotional and insecure women like that, if you are indeed one of those people.

Anyway, I think most women here are not looking for a nice guy, and if they are it's silly to think they will find one, because from my experience, sites of this nature are filled with the worst kind of men.

But, if you're not looking for a nice guy, then it's a bit of a haven.

 

[janeyl]

First off thanks for the benefit of the doubt! Most people just jump at the chance to attack someone's ideas.

My post was tailored specifically for the OP and other nice guys. It's not really meant to be read by women. It's also not meant to describe the model relationship at all. No woman would read what I wrote and say "hell yea thumbs up, that'll win me over" It isnt really meant to win any women over, what I suggested the OP to do was just to try and shed the 'nice guy' self image. Some small ways he could be more "manly" or more cowboy-like as some have put it. As I said the ideas or tactics I laid out aren't supposed to win him a wife or a LTR they were to help him develop relational skills that make him more attractive or desirable. Of course there are many, many women who demand and earn respect and consideration, it just seems as though he isn't meeting those women.

Over all it's one of those things that women may just not be able to understand, which is fine because it isn't exactly logical. Which I think is also fine because really, do women typically choose their lovers logically?

I can't deny there's some misogyny in my post I really didn't mean to offend women. It just didn't occur to me that women would be reading this thread, hindsight and all.

I'll put it this way: Everyone seeks some form of conquest from sex or love, even women. A woman's version is taking a guy who she thinks, or better yet knows can be a jerk and for lack of a remotely precise way to put it "makes" him be good to her. No woman wants to be treated poorly, or abused. What she wants or needs is to know that she COULD be treated poorly but isn't because there's something about her, inside her that convinces her man to be good to her. There's a beautiful yet absurd symetry to men and women in this context. I think that women are attracted to the bad boys for the challenge of "domesticating" them. They want to select a jerk and bring out the nice guy in him in a way no other woman has been able to do. Where as men want a virginal flower for the challenge of setting her inner slut free as no other man has been able to.

So the reason the 'nice guy' approach usually fails is because it takes out the element of risk and danger out of the equation for the woman. Women thrive on the constant possibility of heartbreak. If you take a woman out and are wonderful to them (thats fine) they need to know that it's mostly because they brought that loving and kind part out of you through their own womanly wiles, not that it was always guarenteed to them. Certainty is boring. Risk is exciting and attractive.

That's my two cents, best of luck to all.

Congratulations...words fail me...seriously...even fucking Ravi has never made me quite so speechless at the utter wrongness of his posts...a bigger crock of shite I've never read...

You don't actually know many women do you...

 

[Maturec]

Janey... you are so harsh.... and so right!

 

[Ransack]

Nope...not the only one at all...thank fuck I'm not looking for a man here, let alone any who are impressed or influenced by that sort of advice..."nice guy" or not...

Woman need to know that they are less important to you than you are to them.

Worth pulling out of the whole and quoting in bold so that everyone can see how utterly ridiculous that actually sounds...context? fuck context...

Oh boy good luck with the replys you are going to get!! Oh and please girls remind me not to send a potential partner to him for advice ha!

Congratulations...words fail me...seriously...even fucking Ravi has never made me quite so speechless at the utter wrongness of his posts...a bigger crock of shite I've never read...

You don't actually know many women do you...

I noticed a couple things about the reaction to my responses.

1. women disagree with me
2. they seem to be agitated by me
3. not one has offered anything constructive

A big motivator in all that I do is that I may help or learn from people. It was my intention to help but I guess this is a learn type situation. Why don't some of you women offer your explanation as to why you and other women don't go for the "nice guy"? It shouldn't be too hard to wow me since my post was so terribly wrong. I'm all ears.

Of course I fully expect to be either ignored or given a variant of "well if you don't know then I'm not going to tell you". But I live for surprises.

 

[Brave Maximus]

Anyway, I think most women here are not looking for a nice guy, and if they are it's silly to think they will find one, because from my experience, sites of this nature are filled with the worst kind of men.

But, if you're not looking for a nice guy, then it's a bit of a haven.

There actually are some nice guys on lit. Trust me. They're just burried.
Though, I think it goes back to the OP's original (if badly worded) intent.

The nice guys on the site. The ones that want to talk, want to get to know some one, want to do more than just fuck and bugger off (though, no arguing that fucking is always fun ) - they're lost. You may see one or two threads in the first two pages of the Personals section. But they're burried under the mountain of "I want you to suck me right now" or "I want to abuse you and you know you like it".

There are guys on here that don't want to be a dom, don't want to slap you around, use you like a fuck toy, degrade you, want to cum all over you and leave when they're done.

The problem is - they see that the assholes of lit are getting some. They're getting the time and attention of the smexy women and they're left bumping their own threads until they give up.

This is, of course, something that they are percieving incorrect - as the good women of lit. The ones you want to get to know, get to be friends with - aren't going for those guys. But it's hard - when the jack asses seem to get all the time.

But I don't think "being an ass" yourself is the way to go about things.....

 

[ofLebanon]

What he said what he said.
And just to speak up for working women, some of us contribute more to the household than our "stronger" halves. It's not about being provided for quite as much as it is about getting that big bear hug after a long day.

Yes - this is what I miss, living alone now… Having someone to snuggle with. My entire adult life I had someone, until recently. It's hard to go without that.

 

[KatNW1]

I noticed a couple things about the reaction to my responses.

1. women disagree with me
2. they seem to be agitated by me
3. not one has offered anything constructive

A big motivator in all that I do is that I may help or learn from people. It was my intention to help but I guess this is a learn type situation. Why don't some of you women offer your explanation as to why you and other women don't go for the "nice guy"? It shouldn't be too hard to wow me since my post was so terribly wrong. I'm all ears.

Of course I fully expect to be either ignored or given a variant of "well if you don't know then I'm not going to tell you". But I live for surprises.

Nothing constructive? I flat out told you how wrong you were.

You're presuming something that simply isn't a universal truth.

You're making assumptions without facts to back them up.

You cannot prove that I, in particular, have always gone for the jerk - that just might explain why I didn't marry until I was almost 29, and why I divorced his ass when I was 34 because he decided knocking me about was a good idea. And no, he wasn't an ass when I met him. (In fact, I lived with him for two years before I said 'I do'!) For years he treated me like a queen; don't ask me how he hid it so well, but I suppose that type is quite skilled at it. I can't waste energy or time psychoanalysing the whole situation but so much. I've dealt and continue to deal with the baggage he was so kind *sarcasm* to leave behind. It's all I can do. That and be more careful going forward, of course.

Pick that apart and you'll only prove you're some sort of twisted ticket. Women can be fooled just as men get fooled.

I didn't get involved with anyone else seriously until just over a year ago - and I'm 38, well on my way to 39. Mainly because I kept meeting arrogant pricks who assumed women want to be treated like shit and refused to listen to reason on the subject.

And SO? He's ANYTHING but a jerk. Believe me - he went miles out of his way to prove he wasn't, because you can rest assured I was suspicious as hell when I first met him. But I can't walk around assuming every leopard is going to change his spots for the worse. I either take a chance or keep a distance. I choose to take a chance.

There are women out there who don't mind being doormats, who believe they don't deserve any better. I'm not one of them. I'm betting there are few on Lit, given the scope of what we discuss/show here.

I certainly have friends who continuously make the wrong decisions. But I can sit here and honestly say I've never willingly subjected myself to continual - or even serial - assholes. And I can also sit here and say I have plenty of friends who've had similar experiences.

With me, the nice guy wins every time. If he turns out to be an asshole (as my ex did), then I can't control that - unless I choose to stay. And I did not. Either he lied to me (shame on him) or he truly did a one-eighty. Either way, not my fault.

I don't know what in the name of all that is holy you want us to 'wow' you with. We just take offence at your insistence that we and all the women on Lit (and everywhere else, for that matter) always fall for the asshole. Because we don't, plain and simple.

Then again, given your continued assertion that this is indeed true, I should realise I'm doing nothing but taking the bait from a troll and should delete my post immediately. But really, I can't help myself. I'm offended.

 

[KatNW1]

Yes - this is what I miss, living alone now… Having someone to snuggle with. My entire adult life I had someone, until recently. It's hard to go without that.

Hugs to you....been there and I understand.

Your someone is out there.