Why Love?

[impressive]

You're either doing love, or you're doing fear. There is nothing else.

That sounds almost Yoda-esque.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

What's Love got to do with it?~Tina Turner.

 

[yui]

You're either doing love, or you're doing fear. There is nothing else.

I respectfully disagree. That's a lovely sentiment, but the reality isn't quite so black and white. Fear can just mean it's real, something I want in my bones, and not some storybook crush. I've said it before, but I'll say again, loving someone is the easy part; it's trusting them to love you—that—that is the hard stuff.

And if you don't believe me … ask me again, eh?

 

[impressive]

I respectfully disagree. That's a lovely sentiment, but the reality isn't quite so black and white. Fear can just mean it's real, something I want in my bones, and not some storybook crush. I've said it before, but I'll say again, loving someone is the easy part; it's trusting them to love you—that—that is the hard stuff.

And if you don't believe me … ask me again, eh?

To Have Without Holding (Marge Piercy)

Learning to love differently is hard,
love with the hands wide open, love
with the doors banging on their hinges,
the cupboard unlocked, the wind
roaring and whimpering in the rooms
rustling the sheets and snapping the blinds
that thwack like rubber bands
in an open palm.

It hurts to love wide open
stretching the muscles that feel
as if they are made of wet plaster,
then of blunt knives, then
of sharp knives.

It hurts to thwart the reflexes
of grab, of clutch; to love and let
go again and again. It pesters to remember
the lover who is not in the bed,
to hold back what is owed to the work
that gutters like a candle in a cave
without air, to love consciously,
conscientiously, concretely, constructively.

I can't do it, you say it's killing
me, but you thrive, you glow
on the street like a neon raspberry,
You float and sail, a helium balloon
bright bachelor's button blue and bobbing
on the cold and hot winds of our breath,
as we make and unmake in passionate
diastole and systole the rhythm
of our unbound bonding, to have
and not to hold, to love
with minimized malice, hunger
and anger moment by moment balanced.

 

[yui]

To Have Without Holding (Marge Piercy)

Learning to love differently is hard,
love with the hands wide open, love
with the doors banging on their hinges,
the cupboard unlocked, the wind
roaring and whimpering in the rooms
rustling the sheets and snapping the blinds
that thwack like rubber bands
in an open palm.

It hurts to love wide open
stretching the muscles that feel
as if they are made of wet plaster,
then of blunt knives, then
of sharp knives.

It hurts to thwart the reflexes
of grab, of clutch; to love and let
go again and again. It pesters to remember
the lover who is not in the bed,
to hold back what is owed to the work
that gutters like a candle in a cave
without air, to love consciously,
conscientiously, concretely, constructively.

I can't do it, you say it's killing
me, but you thrive, you glow
on the street like a neon raspberry,
You float and sail, a helium balloon
bright bachelor's button blue and bobbing
on the cold and hot winds of our breath,
as we make and unmake in passionate
diastole and systole the rhythm
of our unbound bonding, to have
and not to hold, to love
with minimized malice, hunger
and anger moment by moment balanced.

Beautiful, Imp. Thanks.

"You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip." ~Jonathan Carroll, "Outside the Dog Museum"

 

[impressive]

Beautiful, Imp. Thanks.

You're welcome. It's long been a favorite of mine.

 

[rgraham666]

Thank you yui.

Nothing is ever that simple.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Nothing is ever that simple.

actually it is...

we just like to make it complicated

 

[rgraham666]

actually it is...

we just like to make it complicated

Shrugs. Hasn't been my experience.

 

[impressive]

actually it is...

we just like to make it complicated

Simple and easy are two entirely different critters.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Simple and easy are two entirely different critters.

I'm simple and you're easy.

 

[impressive]

I'm simple and you're easy.

You're half right.

 

[zeb1094]

I'm simple and you're easy.

I may be easy, but I'm not cheap!

 

[ABSTRUSE]

You're half right.

That was sooooo smooth.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I respectfully disagree. That's a lovely sentiment, but the reality isn't quite so black and white. Fear can just mean it's real, something I want in my bones, and not some storybook crush. I've said it before, but I'll say again, loving someone is the easy part; it's trusting them to love you—that—that is the hard stuff.

And if you don't believe me … ask me again, eh?

Indeed. The reality is never so black and white. Love is often difficult, cruel, and downright mean, and unfortunately no one's keeping score to guarantee that the pleasure balances the pain. And often we end up hurting those who love us when we never intended to.

All in all, heroin's probably a lot cheaper and easier on the psyche.

 

[Belegon]

I respectfully disagree. That's a lovely sentiment, but the reality isn't quite so black and white. Fear can just mean it's real, something I want in my bones, and not some storybook crush. I've said it before, but I'll say again, loving someone is the easy part; it's trusting them to love you—that—that is the hard stuff.

And if you don't believe me … ask me again, eh?

That's where courage comes in...because it is only in fear's presence that courage is possible...

trusting someone to love you back...that speaks to control as well as fear. And that is what I have struggled with the most, and still do...not just trusting them to love you, but to love all of you...not to hide the things you feel they might not love...that one, I struggle with to this day.

 

[Sex and Death]

Indeed. The reality is never so black and white. Love is often difficult, cruel, and downright mean, and unfortunately no one's keeping score to guarantee that the pleasure balances the pain. And often we end up hurting those who love us when we never intended to.

All in all, heroin's probably a lot cheaper and easier on the psyche.

You can do love like heroin.

Or you can do love like your Source.

Either way, love requires a surrender to something greater than ourselves.

 

[entitled]

Love is overrated.

 

[impressive]

Love is overrated.

You are so wrong.

 

[entitled]

You are so wrong.

No i'm not. i'm absolutely right. The side effects of love is what people gush about, not love itself.

Than again, ask me in a week, and i'll have changed my mind.

 

[impressive]

No i'm not. i'm absolutely right. The side effects of love is what people gush about, not love itself.

Than again, ask me in a week, and i'll have changed my mind.

I think the side effects are what people complain about -- not vice versa.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Simple and easy are two entirely different critters.

yes indeed!!!

It's not easy at all... but it's simple and uncomplicated...

love isn't a thing we get or don't get or have or don't have...

love IS...

you're either doing love or you're not...

I like the idea of love as an action, a thing we can practice, something we can open up to right now in every moment. It's all around us, the minute we open to it...

love is simple
opening up to it is the hard part...

that's my yoda-wisdom for the day...

 

[Norajane]

I respectfully disagree. That's a lovely sentiment, but the reality isn't quite so black and white. Fear can just mean it's real, something I want in my bones, and not some storybook crush. I've said it before, but I'll say again, loving someone is the easy part; it's trusting them to love you—that—that is the hard stuff.

And if you don't believe me … ask me again, eh?

Trusting them to love you is the hard part, and believing, in your bones, that they love you - that can be even harder.

 

[entitled]

I think the side effects are what people complain about -- not vice versa.

i don't think so. That warm fuzzy feeling, the sudden urge to gush poetry, all that stuff - those are side effects. They tend to wear off. Kind of like when you start a new medication the side effects are fast and furious for a while, then they taper off.

The annoying stuff that people complain about is a part of love. Love is just asccepting somebody as they are, unconditionally. Which i guess isn't such a bad thing, when it happens.

 

[impressive]

i don't think so. That warm fuzzy feeling, the sudden urge to gush poetry, all that stuff - those are side effects. They tend to wear off. Kind of like when you start a new medication the side effects are fast and furious for a while, then they taper off.

The annoying stuff that people complain about is a part of love. Love is just asccepting somebody as they are, unconditionally. Which i guess isn't such a bad thing, when it happens.

We disagree.

Strip away the giddy/gushy & angst ... and you're left with what's REAL