Why lie about the little stuff?

[MissTaken]

Have you ever had someone tell you they were doing something adn couldn't be on line, only to find they have been posting?

Why lie?

One little lie tells me to be wary.

Add that to suspicions that that someone has had two lit id's and he denies it.

Why lie?

Sometimes I think that I am simply too trusting and an easy target. However, there is no reason to lie.

When you say you care, are you lying as well?


Am I the only one who has been subjected to such misleading behavior?

 

[MissTaken]

Crap!


I shouldnt' have started this thread.

So, let's just discuss lying in general.



Sorry!

 

[Freya]

Have you ever had someone tell you they were doing something adn couldn't be on line, only to find they have been posting?

Why lie?

One little lie tells me to be wary.

Add that to suspicions that that someone has had two lit id's and he denies it.

Why lie?

Sometimes I think that I am simply too trusting and an easy target. However, there is no reason to lie.

When you say you care, are you lying as well?


Am I the only one who has been subjected to such misleading behavior?

With you in spirit TOTALLY hun. I know exactly where you are coming from.

 

[MissTaken]

I am sorry.

I am just very pissed off.

It doesn't happen often!

 

[mbb308]

Have you ever had someone tell you they were doing something adn couldn't be on line, only to find they have been posting?

Why lie?

One little lie tells me to be wary.

Add that to suspicions that that someone has had two lit id's and he denies it.

Why lie?

Sometimes I think that I am simply too trusting and an easy target. However, there is no reason to lie.

When you say you care, are you lying as well?


Am I the only one who has been subjected to such misleading behavior?

This has never happened to me, but I believe women, in general, are more honest than men, in general. I am what I am, like it or not. I have been a bad actor at one point in my life, but that was years ago, and not something I'll be posting about....there is a difference between honesty and openness....and stupidity. I don't act like that today, either.

Trust is an earned commodity, and I am often surprised at the people who will trust, in my opinion, too soon. I can usually smell out a con-person, but I am not flawless. I do have a good memory, and it helps me find falsehood. I do this by living and listening, not because I am paranoid and fearful.

If I cannot trust you with the little stuff, I sure won't trust you with the big stuff. My last live-in found that out the hard way. She was being dishonest, and I told her she had played out the hand - one more, and she was out with no warning. I came home for lunch one day, and she was up to her old games. Her stuff was sitting at the door when she got home, and all the tears she shed didn't let her sleep here ever again, from that moment to this one. I felt hard and cold for three days, but I knew at that moment I had done the right thing.

I think there are too many decent people on this rock to put up with the liars. I think too much of myself to do that to me, either. I'm worth more than that. I can deal with it when someone lies to me, but it is worse when I lie to myself - by saying that I need this person in my life. I don't . No relationship is so much better than a bad one.

Thanks for letting me say that - guess I needed to.

 

[mbb308]

I am sorry.

I am just very pissed off.

It doesn't happen often!

That's okay. It sucks to feel like you've been hustled. And your feelings are probably hurt, too. I've been there, and I offer you my empathy.

 

[MissTaken]

Thanks, mbb.

Good posts!

Yes, I started the honesty thread a while back just to encourage honesty.

Generally, I can spot posers a mile a way. Then, periodically, yes, I get hustled.

I truly don't understand it.
The little lies serve no purpose at all.
Truly.

Oh well.

Life goes on...believe it or not!

 

[mbb308]

Thanks, mbb.

Good posts!

Yes, I started the honesty thread a while back just to encourage honesty.

Generally, I can spot posers a mile a way. Then, periodically, yes, I get hustled.

I truly don't understand it.
The little lies serve no purpose at all.
Truly.

Oh well.

Life goes on...believe it or not!

Bless you, Dear, your attitude (which is merely "angle of approach") is perfect. I have spent almost no time in your honesty thread....maybe I should spend more, perhaps.

We all get conned sometimes. The little lies may serve to spare us from the posers who would hurt us big later. I guess we should use them as road signs, warning us to steer clear. In that sense, they do have a use.

Life does go on....my experience. You'll be fine - you have great spirit. Thank you for the thread....as I mentioned, I guess I needed to say this.

 

[Freya]

It's just so silly lying about little things that have no essential relevance in the big picture.

 

[Playtimes fun]

re: why lie about little stuff

I feel your pain MissTaken......huggs.....

I am writing an article for a mental health publication that has to do with online thinking and what it does to almost everyone who takes part. Being able to hide behind a nick makes it very easy to do things one would not normally do. Case in point, a guy who normally doesn’t lie now, because of being anonymous has two or more personalities that comes out. There is no easy answer to online relationships and trust.

Normally when you mention online anything in a crowd the conversation always seems to turns to distrust and suspicion. Again being anonymous is a protection, that’s why nicks are used and not real names. But it promotes just exactly what has happened to you. I just came from a long distance relationship of eight months and it is not easy. Even when you know the person in real life and there is distance between you, there is always the wonder of what the other is doing. I agree with MBB308, trust is essential for a relationship. It is the premise for the love that binds two together.

I have learned you either need to develop a tuff skin or be prepared for heartbreak...

Hang in there....

Huggs

Marty

 

[mbb308]

It's just so silly lying about little things that have no essential relevance in the big picture.

That "tangled web" cliche is still true. It takes a great memory and 20/20 foresight to be a great liar. Some go far. It's just not my style. I'll close up before lying....

 

[sortacurious]

MissTaken,

Another awesome thread.

I have some really strong feeling and opinions on this topic that hit too close to home to talk about right now.

But I will say....I hate liars. And I don't understand it either.

Mbb,
Good for you about the ex. I wish I could be so firm.

Freya sweetie,
As you know...I couldn't agree more. Completely pointless. And once the doubts start...they will always haunt you. It becomes not an issue of the actually lies, but the fact that they were lying at all.

 

[mbb308]

Re: re: why lie about little stuff

I feel your pain MissTaken......huggs.....

I am writing an article for a mental health publication that has to do with online thinking and what it does to almost everyone who takes part. Being able to hide behind a nick makes it very easy to do things one would not normally do. Case in point, a guy who normally doesn’t lie now, because of being anonymous has two or more personalities that comes out. There is no easy answer to online relationships and trust.

Normally when you mention online anything in a crowd the conversation always seems to turns to distrust and suspicion. Again being anonymous is a protection, that’s why nicks are used and not real names. But it promotes just exactly what has happened to you. I just came from a long distance relationship of eight months and it is not easy. Even when you know the person in real life and there is distance between you, there is always the wonder of what the other is doing. I agree with MBB308, trust is essential for a relationship. It is the premise for the love that binds two together.

I have learned you either need to develop a tuff skin or be prepared for heartbreak...

Hang in there....

Huggs

Marty

Good luck with your piece, and good point in your post. The sad thing is that someone always gets hurt when one lies, and it usually is the hearer. I think the liar also hurts him/herself by deceiving him/herself as well in the lie. Lying begins with delusion of self, and that violates Reality, which comes with its own set of consequenses. One lies at one's own peril.

One can always decline to answer something, as opposed to lying. Some things about me are for me only, or the trusted inner circle, and are not the World's business.

 

[MissTaken]

Playtimes?

Welcome to lit.

Your paper sounds interesting. There are so many dynamics that could be covered, including the different avenues of on line behavior.

Instant messenger
Chat rooms
bulletin boards

I have some thoughts on the subject if you want to discuss it sometime.

Back to lying, people lie for attention.
People lie to achieve a goal.
People lie on line just to play with people.
Face it, there are posters out there that look at the rest of us as nothing more than text and monikers. They don't care to take into consideration that there are real, live, breathing, feeling adults behind these words.

Frankly, that is okay. We all come on line for our own reasons.

IN this case, my belief is that the spirit of the chase is what sets some up to lie.
I am and have in the past been part of a game, wherein the goal is set by the anonymous person on the other end of the copper wires. He wants to get close to me, ensnare me and once promises are solicited, he disappears. That is okay. I never let myself get so close to someone I haven't met that my heart breaks. So, do I win the game?

One more knotch in the belt loop?

*smirks*

I am really not too terribly upset.
Lying just does something to my blood pressure.

 

[MissTaken]

mbb?

Yes, I won't lie on the internet or in real life.

I may, however, decline to answer.

So be it.

Those are my limits. We all have some.

 

[mbb308]

Re: mbb?

Yes, I won't lie on the internet or in real life.

I may, however, decline to answer.

So be it.

Those are my limits. We all have some.

I like me better when I have some standards, AND live up to them. "No" is a valid answer in the English language, and in polite conversation. Good for you, and stick to your guns. I believe you'll be happier doing so.

 

[mbb308]

MissTaken,

Another awesome thread.

I have some really strong feeling and opinions on this topic that hit too close to home to talk about right now.

But I will say....I hate liars. And I don't understand it either.

Mbb,
Good for you about the ex. I wish I could be so firm.

Freya sweetie,
As you know...I couldn't agree more. Completely pointless. And once the doubts start...they will always haunt you. It becomes not an issue of the actually lies, but the fact that they were lying at all.

Thank you. It wasn't easy. I actually felt like I was being mean to the poor woman, when it was she who was BSing me. I was good with the decision when I made it and while I made it happen, but I wasn't good with the feelings. I got those processed in about three days, and have been good about it since. (The wench still owes me $400, too, which I'll see, hmm, when Hell freezes over.)

 

[Daedalus77]

On the other hand

Some lies are misunderstandings or mistakes.

I got myself into big trouble by forgeting something I said about someone else. When he called me on it I didn't remember saying it and denied saying it. It took me getting in touch with the third party to jog my memory and then I called my friend to admit I had said it but he was so mad at me he called me a liar and still tells everyone I'm a liar.

Was what I said in the first place out of line? Yes, but I didn't lie when I denied saying it.

 

[Playtimes fun]

Good Points!

I appreciate your candor MissTaken and would love to chat sometime on the subject. mbb308 I could not agree with you more....The piece I am writing delves into getting ones to do self reflection on how one can be caught in the continuing deception of others and how it directly affects ones self image and life patterns. It goes way deeper than just online as MissTaken pointed out. Email, IM and even voice communication are just the ones that seem so out of control.


I will be following your discussion and appreciate your insight.


Marty

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Good Points!

I appreciate your candor MissTaken and would love to chat sometime on the subject. mbb308 I could not agree with you more....The piece I am writing delves into getting ones to do self reflection on how one can be caught in the continuing deception of others and how it directly affects ones self image and life patterns. It goes way deeper than just online as MissTaken pointed out. Email, IM and even voice communication are just the ones that seem so out of control.


I will be following your discussion and appreciate your insight.


Marty

We need to talk then.
I can relate directly to your subject and have a bit of social work expertise.
The incident in this thread is no different than a number of situations I have faced in real life. Yep. A pattern exists!



Daedalus?

That is so true. Especially on line, I think we type or say things so quickly and off the cuff, that there are times when the text gets misconstrued and can be percieved as a lie.

Great point!

 

[mbb308]

Re: Re: Good Points!

We need to talk then.
I can relate directly to your subject and have a bit of social work expertise.
The incident in this thread is no different than a number of situations I have faced in real life. Yep. A pattern exists!



Daedalus?

That is so true. Especially on line, I think we type or say things so quickly and off the cuff, that there are times when the text gets misconstrued and can be percieved as a lie.

Great point!

I think a pattern may well exist, but I have no social science expertise. I do have nearly a half-century of living and people watching under my belt, however, and a good memory for things that have happened in my life. I would be pleased to participate in any further discussions with any/all of you.

Shall we just keep doing it here? Works for me!

 

[MissTaken]

Sure!

But, I am going to excuse myself to take a shower and buff up first!




Be back soon

 

[mbb308]

Sure!

But, I am going to excuse myself to take a shower and buff up first!




Be back soon

Freshly buffed here, but no polish....off for a meal, and back after a while.

Bathe carefully, MissT!!!

 

[MissTaken]

Freshly buffed here, but no polish....off for a meal, and back after a while.

Bathe carefully, MissT!!!

All squeaky clean, but hungry.

What did you bring me?

 

[mbb308]

All squeaky clean, but hungry.

What did you bring me?

Well, I'm not sure of your culinary requirements, but, assuming you are lactose tolerant, how's a chocolate milkshake from my favorite eatery - they do a good one, too.