Why I Didn't Write Anything Today
If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. All the "voices" told me to clean all the guns today. Wait a minute! I don't own any guns! Oh well, I'm off to "Guns R Us" !
I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet. . .
I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
When I got up this morning I accidentally took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel REALLY good about it.
I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early. Either next week, or last week.
I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the supermarket.
Today, I have to PROVE that all this comedy on television really DOES cause comedy in our streets.
Yes, I seem to have contracted some sort of attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.
The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.
The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the Vet.
I prefer to remain an enigma.
My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.
If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. All the "voices" told me to clean all the guns today. Wait a minute! I don't own any guns! Oh well, I'm off to "Guns R Us" !
I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet. . .
I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
When I got up this morning I accidentally took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel REALLY good about it.
I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early. Either next week, or last week.
I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the supermarket.
Today, I have to PROVE that all this comedy on television really DOES cause comedy in our streets.
Yes, I seem to have contracted some sort of attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.
The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.
The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the Vet.
I prefer to remain an enigma.
My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.
