Why get a DOM

[YourCaptor]

Seriously, pyls, what’s so great about them PYLs? Other than sexing.

And don't be lame and say love.

 

[chy_girl]

Seriously, pyls, what’s so great about them PYLs? Other than sexing.

And don't be lame and say love.

You mean like why a PYL in general, or why did I want a PYL to call my own (and vise-versa)?

 

[YourCaptor]

You mean like why a PYL in general, or why did I want a PYL to call my own (and vise-versa)?

either or

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

There's something appealing about being the small helpless female and him being the big, strong, in charge man.

And that's nothing to do with the sexing.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I'll give a short answer but later will return to give a longer one.

I tend to be impulsive. I am like to get what I want when I want it. This way of thinking has gotten me into trouble in the past. Having a Dominant in control of me makes me stop and ask permission or access a situation better to see if he would approve or not. I'm not a little girl who needs to be watched over. Or who can't behave without rules. But his control does make me feel grounded and makes me think twice before doing some things.

It also gives me a feeling of security. Having a Dominant has also allowed me to explore areas of myself where I would have been too timid to go without him. Because of the trust necessary in this kind of relationship I can go boldly where I have never gone before.

 

[graceanne]

Love.

Oh, c'mon. You had to know I'd say that when you told me not to.

As to why get a dom, why not? Because, while I can be friends with other subs, in a relationship they annoy the snot out of me. (Been there, done that.) Because, and this is the least popular reason for this board, but there you have it; the Bible says that a woman is to submit to her husband. Because it's hot. Because it's what I need AND want.

 

[VelvetSin]

Seriously, pyls, what’s so great about them PYLs? Other than sexing.

I got mine on sale. I paid for a hot, sexy, regular boyfriend type and got the Dominant, put-together God upgrade for free. I never could pass up a deal. (Like I own him or something. )

Why does anyone get into any relationship (excluding sex and love)? I guess some do it for money or security, but I don't need those. Well anyone can use *more* but I did just fine on my own financially, and much of the additional security that He brings arguably falls under the sex and love headings.

I like ecstaticsub's answer about feeling grounded. That definitely applies for me also. Life can feel pretty chaotic and insane sometimes, but when there's a steady, unmoving presence nearby, it makes everything much easier to face.

 

[chy_girl]

Why find a PYL of my own?

Because there can be a relationship built on trust and honesty in which everyone involved can grow in their Dominance or submission. So there is enough familiarity that I can give of myself completely instead of holding back. So I know that my service to them is honored and appreciated instead of seen as part of a game. Because there is a sense of comfort, protection, and caring that is intrinsic to my relationship with my People that can't be found with an outside play partner. I know that if something goes wonky and I'm unable to deal with it (due to subspace, etc.), they will because that's part of their job. Because I'm not only a heavy bottom, but a bit greedy about it too and they know me well enough to know when to protect me from my endorphin driven, stubborn self when my own judgment is off.

Because I like the way it feels to have People who care about me as they do and to be able to demonstrate my own care for them in return. Besides, they're good people who are fun to be around.

Why a PYL in general as opposed to a pyl or vanilla type?

Because as great as the later two are as friends, they do nothing for me sexually or give me the opportunity to fill the emotional needs as a service submissive. I do NOT like having to Top in general. I especially do not, not, not like having to top when it comes to sex.

I am not one of The Bossy Ones. If I'm having to give orders on who goes where and how stuff is done I'm not only going to left sexually unsatisfied but very, very cranky.

Seriously. If I want to Dom-up, there are plenty of opportunities to do so with the kids, at work, and just dealing with the general public. I've no desire to pack my submission away and pretend to be something I've not when it comes to BDSM.

 

[sb2009]

I'll give a short answer but later will return to give a longer one.

I tend to be impulsive. I am like to get what I want when I want it. This way of thinking has gotten me into trouble in the past. Having a Dominant in control of me makes me stop and ask permission or access a situation better to see if he would approve or not. I'm not a little girl who needs to be watched over. Or who can't behave without rules. But his control does make me feel grounded and makes me think twice before doing some things.

It also gives me a feeling of security. Having a Dominant has also allowed me to explore areas of myself where I would have been too timid to go without him. Because of the trust necessary in this kind of relationship I can go boldly where I have never gone before.

This.

 

[00Syd]

Why get a SUB

Seriously, PYLs, what’s so great about them pyls? Other than sexing.

And don't be lame and say love.

 

[satindesire]

Without Mister, I am not a sub. It takes his Domination to make my submission complete and whole.

BDSM is loving functional codependency, when done in an ethical and healthy way.

Cheesy? Maybe...but he fills a part of my soul that is missing.

 

[Jaded_One]

I got mine on sale. I paid for a hot, sexy, regular boyfriend type and got the Dominant, put-together God upgrade for free. I never could pass up a deal. (Like I own him or something. )

Um.... where did you find this sale? I'm assuming not Walmart

 

[CutieMouse]

All the cool kids are doing it, and the whole "submissive nature" thing makes it hard for me to stand up to peer pressure.

*nods wisely*

 

[graceanne]

All the cool kids are doing it, and the whole "submissive nature" thing makes it hard for me to stand up to peer pressure.

*nods wisely*

Darnit, I like your answer better.

 

[chy_girl]

All the cool kids are doing it, and the whole "submissive nature" thing makes it hard for me to stand up to peer pressure.

*nods wisely*

*dies laughing*

My favorite answer yet!

 

[YourCaptor]

There's something appealing about being the small helpless female and him being the big, strong, in charge man.

And that's nothing to do with the sexing.

Id say thats about 50/50 a sex thing...

I'll give a short answer but later will return to give a longer one.

I tend to be impulsive. I am like to get what I want when I want it. This way of thinking has gotten me into trouble in the past. Having a Dominant in control of me makes me stop and ask permission or access a situation better to see if he would approve or not. I'm not a little girl who needs to be watched over. Or who can't behave without rules. But his control does make me feel grounded and makes me think twice before doing some things.

It also gives me a feeling of security. Having a Dominant has also allowed me to explore areas of myself where I would have been too timid to go without him. Because of the trust necessary in this kind of relationship I can go boldly where I have never gone before.

Since this is the most popular answer.

A dominant allows you to be a better, maybe more refined or developed you?

I got mine on sale. I paid for a hot, sexy, regular boyfriend type and got the Dominant, put-together God upgrade for free. I never could pass up a deal. (Like I own him or something. )

Why does anyone get into any relationship (excluding sex and love)? I guess some do it for money or security, but I don't need those. Well anyone can use *more* but I did just fine on my own financially, and much of the additional security that He brings arguably falls under the sex and love headings.

I like ecstaticsub's answer about feeling grounded. That definitely applies for me also. Life can feel pretty chaotic and insane sometimes, but when there's a steady, unmoving presence nearby, it makes everything much easier to face.

Why does anyone get into a relationship. I'd say companionship. But how great could that arrogant jerk possibly be.

It sounds like you are using "feeling grounded" different then ecstatic.

Why get a SUB

Seriously, PYLs, what’s so great about them pyls? Other than sexing.

And don't be lame and say love.

I think that ones been done already.

Without Mister, I am not a sub. It takes his Domination to make my submission complete and whole.

BDSM is loving functional codependency, when done in an ethical and healthy way.

Cheesy? Maybe...but he fills a part of my soul that is missing.

Naw I get it, it's like does feeling happy require knowing sadness.

 

[YourCaptor]

Love.

Oh, c'mon. You had to know I'd say that when you told me not to.

As to why get a dom, why not? Because, while I can be friends with other subs, in a relationship they annoy the snot out of me. (Been there, done that.) Because, and this is the least popular reason for this board, but there you have it; the Bible says that a woman is to submit to her husband. Because it's hot. Because it's what I need AND want.

Sub = I'll never understand
Bible = I'll never understand

Grace = I'll never understand^2

 

[sweepthefloor]

because, I want to learn how to be vulnerable. I want to feel the anticipation of the pleasure in pleasing in him, in many ways. It is the desire to have to world revolve around him, instead of the world revolving around me, and still have him hold me closely, so that the world revolves around us both. During this world spinning I am safely inside him so that when the earth twirls, I will not get dizzy.

It is the maddening desire to give up some control, to take a risk and trust someone enough to do this.

And this is a slow process for a person who has been taught self sufficiency to a fault, and I am carefully taking it one baby step at a time, while I figure it out. I am happy to tears, just figuring it out. My submissive awareness.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

There's something appealing about being the small helpless female and him being the big, strong, in charge man.


And that's nothing to do with the sexing.

Id say thats about 50/50 a sex thing...

Definitely more to it than just the sexing. I like feeling like I'm being protected from the big bad world in a much more general sense. That settling in his arms, I'm safe from everyone and everything, and I don't have to worry about anything, or maintaining my public face, I can just be me.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Since this is the most popular answer.

A dominant allows you to be a better, maybe more refined or developed you?

No, I wouldn't say better, more like polishing raw material into a diamond.

Maybe it is not so much having a dominant as having the dominant that I happen to have that makes me want to continue to have a dominant.

I have certain fantasies and natural impulses that I didn't have a safe way to express. As a college student and 20 something I would indulge in activities that often were fun and gave me my outlet but frankly, I am lucky to still be alive.

So I married the love of my life and have lived very happily in my safe harbor. But as the saying goes "A ship is safe in a harbor but that's not what ships were made for". I needed a way to safely explore outside of my safe world. My dominant allows me to do that.

In doing so I have learned that I do have a submissive side, that surrendering my strong willed self and opening myself up to his will gives me a kind of peace and comfort, grounding, that I have not felt ever before.

 

[00Syd]

I think that ones been done already.

And this one hasn't?

 

[Netzach]

I prefer the flexible dual-mode model anyway, so, nothing? Anything great about him is great about him, not "a Dom".

 

[CurlyKat]

He balances me out. That's the most simplistic, but totally comprehensive way to say it. We compliment each other, and that's what makes it work. Same way anyone else would get into a relationship, this just happens to be the type that works for me. Someone needs to take control and be the authority, and while I can do that, I'm not necessarily happy doing it. If he is, then it's just a good match.

 

[Keroin]

Yeah, I don't have a dom. Sometimes he's the boss of me and sometimes he isn't.

A full time boss wouldn't work well for me.

It's more like, "Why get an alpha male?", for me. In which case, the short answer is, "Because even though he's not always the boss of me, when he is the boss of me I need to believe it." I know my own worth and I'm not easily impressed by posturing. Confidence, combined with a tangible, believable reason for it, is my aphrodisiac, baby!

 

[CutieMouse]

My more serious response, is that I don't want a Dom, I'm not looking for a Dom, I don't need a Dom; however, my life is more enriching when I'm in a relationship.

It's kinda like an 85 year old client I had a few months ago who was buying her wedding trousseau - she said she didn't make a very good widow. Well, on some level I don't make a very good single person. Unfortunate, really, given how much time I've spent (and continue to spend) as a single person.