Why don't I have a sub?

[Betticus]

Seriously.

Is it because I live in the asscrack of New Mexico? Are subbies so rare that this supposed 100 to 1 or so sub to dom ratio is just a wishful guess?

I'm not broken. I own my own home, my own car, truck. I have a career that is very stable even through this time of economic upheaval. I have a real personality and real life friends, family, etc...

I don't have any diseases, sexual or otherwise other than I'm allergic to a protein specific to wheat and am not supposed to eat bread or grain products.

I see absolutely disgusting people with wonderful lil subbies out there and I can only think.. fuck.. WTF????

*sigh*

 

[twysted73]

Seriously.
*sigh*

Because...quite simply...this is the part of your journey to reflect...to learn more of yourself. To familiarize yourself with your actions, patterns, desires of direction.
This is your time to learn a new skill inwhich to treat and entice and subject a potential submissive with.
Hone that skill. Master it. Add to your arsenal. Don't squander your time of reflection and self-knowladge.
Utilize it in preperation for when she presents herself.

As I am oft to say to others..."don't lay the responsability of your happiness on the shoulders of another (because you will always be dissapointed)".
Allow their happiness to add to your own.

 

[Betticus]

Because...quite simply...this is the part of your journey to reflect...to learn more of yourself. To familiarize yourself with your actions, patterns, desires of direction.
This is your time to learn a new skill inwhich to treat and entice and subject a potential submissive with.
Hone that skill. Master it. Add to your arsenal. Don't squander your time of reflection and self-knowladge.
Utilize it in preperation for when she presents herself.

As I am oft to say to others..."don't lay the responsability of your happiness on the shoulders of another (because you will always be dissapointed)".
Allow their happiness to add to your own.

I'm screwed!

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I have no clues about the sub population of New Mexico but I am sure you'll find somebody to inflict your inner nastiness on before long. There are plenty of sites you can advertise on. BDSM always makes meeting like minded singletons more challenging but it's far from impossible. There must be a scene somewhere near you, munches or fetish clubs?

I found my Master right here on Lit and we were long distance until last year. When you find the right person, everything else will sort itself out. I do believe that.

 

[Betticus]

I have no clues about the sub population of New Mexico but I am sure you'll find somebody to inflict your inner nastiness on before long. There are plenty of sites you can advertise on. BDSM always makes meeting like minded singletons more challenging but it's far from impossible. There must be a scene somewhere near you, munches or fetish clubs?

I found my Master right here on Lit and we were long distance until last year. When you find the right person, everything else will sort itself out. I do believe that.

I'm about two inches away from turning homosexual with multiple personality disorder and dating my damn self....

The women here have absolutely nothing to offer me that interests me. Sure, some are cute and young and petite like I like but they are also fucking stupid which is a hard limit. I can't be with someone who is deficient upstairs. Some are just s&m, d/s in bed and fuck that bullshit. I don't care how goddamned good she is in bed if that cunt thinks she can push me around the door is very close by and she's welcome to be shoved right out of my house. On the other side there are the doormat type of girls and I can't stand that either. I also don't want the constant drain of having to incessantly prove dominance over some girl who is going to test me 24/7, that bitch can hit the fucking road too...

Soo, I guess that looking for a "partner" is just more than this lifestyle has to offer so far. There are good ones of course but they are sadly enough taken.

 

[DVS]

Seriously.

Is it because I live in the asscrack of New Mexico? Are subbies so rare that this supposed 100 to 1 or so sub to dom ratio is just a wishful guess?

I'm not broken. I own my own home, my own car, truck. I have a career that is very stable even through this time of economic upheaval. I have a real personality and real life friends, family, etc...

I don't have any diseases, sexual or otherwise other than I'm allergic to a protein specific to wheat and am not supposed to eat bread or grain products.

I see absolutely disgusting people with wonderful lil subbies out there and I can only think.. fuck.. WTF????

*sigh*

Hey, join the club. I'm in the same boat as you are. And I can even eat bread and grain!

I also see men who don't seem to even care for their subs...like they take them for granted. Sure I like anal sex. Sure I like electroplay. Sure I'm kind of kinky. But, that's what makes me fun, right?

I've been dominant pretty much all of my life. I know exactly what I want and exactly what I can do for (or should that be to) a submissive. There is no question or doubt about my desires. But, I'm without a partner.

So...what's the deal? Life just sucks, sometimes.

Oh, if we decide to form a club...I want to be Sgt. of Arms. You can be president. President might have more power, but the SoA gets to show it.

 

[Betticus]

Hey, join the club. I'm in the same boat as you are. And I can even eat bread and grain!

I also see men who don't seem to even care for their subs...like they take them for granted. Sure I like anal sex. Sure I like electroplay. Sure I'm kind of kinky. But, that's what makes me fun, right?

I've been dominant pretty much all of my life. I know exactly what I want and exactly what I can do for (or should that be to) a submissive. There is no question or doubt about my desires. But, I'm without a partner.

So...what's the deal? Life just sucks, sometimes.

Oh, if we decide to form a club...I want to be Sgt. of Arms. You can be president. President might have more power, but the SoA gets to show it.

Maybe we just are too scary in real life.

 

[minx1]

The women here have absolutely nothing to offer me that interests me.

*hugs* where are you looking Bett?

 

[TerragonSix]

Seriously.

Is it because I live in the asscrack of New Mexico? Are subbies so rare that this supposed 100 to 1 or so sub to dom ratio is just a wishful guess?

I'm not broken. I own my own home, my own car, truck. I have a career that is very stable even through this time of economic upheaval. I have a real personality and real life friends, family, etc...

I don't have any diseases, sexual or otherwise other than I'm allergic to a protein specific to wheat and am not supposed to eat bread or grain products.

I see absolutely disgusting people with wonderful lil subbies out there and I can only think.. fuck.. WTF????

*sigh*

Ah, you'll find somebody Bett. It's just a matter of playing the waiting game. Besides, aren't Doms supposed to be real picky about who they choose? It shows they are not easy to get, and have a good amount of self control.

Don't worry about it. It's just a matter of finding someone twisted enough for you.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I'm about two inches away from turning homosexual with multiple personality disorder and dating my damn self....

The women here have absolutely nothing to offer me that interests me. Sure, some are cute and young and petite like I like but they are also fucking stupid which is a hard limit. I can't be with someone who is deficient upstairs. Some are just s&m, d/s in bed and fuck that bullshit. I don't care how goddamned good she is in bed if that cunt thinks she can push me around the door is very close by and she's welcome to be shoved right out of my house. On the other side there are the doormat type of girls and I can't stand that either. I also don't want the constant drain of having to incessantly prove dominance over some girl who is going to test me 24/7, that bitch can hit the fucking road too...

Soo, I guess that looking for a "partner" is just more than this lifestyle has to offer so far. There are good ones of course but they are sadly enough taken.

Well subs have a similar thing.

I wanted a dom who was my intellectual equal or better yet, superior. Someone who requires obedience but doesn't see everything as a test of whether I'm a 'true sub.' Someone with no interest in shit, vomit, anal fisting and other gremlins in my 'no fucking way sir' box. Someone who wants a D/s lifestyle but won't micromanage or oppress me. Someone who won't tolerate sammy behaviour or manipulation but recognises that I'm a human being and occasionally I fuck up or am in a generally belligerent mood. Who will make the important decisions but always after discussing things with me and who doesn't count my personal wishes and dreams as irrelevant. A sadist who won't kill me or treat me with kid gloves. A Master who is secure enough in himself to push my tolerances and limits but accepts that some things will remain outside my capability. Someone who values effort as highly as achievement. Someone who can objectify me, humiliate me, spit, cum and piss on me and still have me convinced afterwards that I am his most precious possession. I had a very long list.

Master is thankfully, most of these things, most of the time. I loved him from the day I met him and have never regretted not holding out for someone who checked every box in my head.

Is it possible you're being a little pre-judgemental? On a first impression, I can seem too passive or too belligerent depending on my mood and the time of my cycle. I'm just fortunate that Master and I met on one of my good days.

 

[minx1]

Well subs have a similar thing.

I wanted a dom who was my intellectual equal or better yet, superior. Someone who requires obedience but doesn't see everything as a test of whether I'm a 'true sub.' Someone with no interest in shit, vomit, anal fisting and other gremlins in my 'no fucking way sir' box. Someone who wants a D/s lifestyle but won't micromanage or oppress me. Someone who won't tolerate sammy behaviour or manipulation but recognises that I'm a human being and occasionally I fuck up or am in a generally belligerent mood. Who will make the important decisions but always after discussing things with me and who doesn't count my personal wishes and dreams as irrelevant. A sadist who won't kill me or treat me with kid gloves. A Master who is secure enough in himself to push my tolerances and limits but accepts that some things will remain outside my capability. Someone who values effort as highly as achievement. Someone who can objectify me, humiliate me, spit, cum and piss on me and still have me convinced afterwards that I am his most precious possession. I had a very long list.

Master is thankfully, most of these things, most of the time. I loved him from the day I met him and have never regretted not holding out for someone who checked every box in my head.

Is it possible you're being a little pre-judgemental? On a first impression, I can seem too passive or too belligerent depending on my mood and the time of my cycle. I'm just fortunate that Master and I met on one of my good days.

I was going to say something similar. I think you make a good point Velvet

 

[naxalite0906]

Well subs have a similar thing.

I wanted a dom who was my intellectual equal or better yet, superior. Someone who requires obedience but doesn't see everything as a test of whether I'm a 'true sub.' Someone with no interest in shit, vomit, anal fisting and other gremlins in my 'no fucking way sir' box. Someone who wants a D/s lifestyle but won't micromanage or oppress me. Someone who won't tolerate sammy behaviour or manipulation but recognises that I'm a human being and occasionally I fuck up or am in a generally belligerent mood. Who will make the important decisions but always after discussing things with me and who doesn't count my personal wishes and dreams as irrelevant. A sadist who won't kill me or treat me with kid gloves. A Master who is secure enough in himself to push my tolerances and limits but accepts that some things will remain outside my capability. Someone who values effort as highly as achievement. Someone who can objectify me, humiliate me, spit, cum and piss on me and still have me convinced afterwards that I am his most precious possession. I had a very long list.

Master is thankfully, most of these things, most of the time. I loved him from the day I met him and have never regretted not holding out for someone who checked every box in my head.

Is it possible you're being a little pre-judgemental? On a first impression, I can seem too passive or too belligerent depending on my mood and the time of my cycle. I'm just fortunate that Master and I met on one of my good days.

Hijack - and your M is very lucky VD....

As for Bett... Whoever you find will be lucky too, but sometimes things take time. For what it is worth though, even when you find someone, sometimes it poses a lot of problems and heartache... lol.. But there are obviously the good points too. You just cannot rush things, otherwise you will force yourself into liking something that you don't really want.

 

[LittleJade]

I have to echo what twysted said.

You've been going through a lot of emotional turmoil lately- you need to focus on you and sort yourself out. When you've done that, you'll be able to stand tall and present a 'together' version of yourself... which is right now in the making.

Taking on a submissive at this point would be damaging for both you and her, I believe.

 

[LittleJade]

The women here have absolutely nothing to offer me that interests me.

Most of the people here, while they are wonderful folks, are just not a match to me either.

I used to look for a Dom or a sub, and I've had so many of those relationships just fall by the wayside, that I'm sick of it all. Hence my BDSM Sabbatical. I just can't do it anymore.

There's one man, if circumstances were different, at whose feet I would sit, but they aren't different, so I remain on sabbatical.

 

[minx1]

I have to echo what twysted said.

You've been going through a lot of emotional turmoil lately- you need to focus on you and sort yourself out. When you've done that, you'll be able to stand tall and present a 'together' version of yourself... which is right now in the making.

Taking on a submissive at this point would be damaging for both you and her, I believe.

I think this is spot on and I wrote similar in Betts train wreck thread

/Snip
You deserve someone special; a subbie to look after and to call your own and equally they deserve a PYL who is able to protect and fulfil all the responsibilities of owning them.

If that is what you want, then work towards it. Work on making yourself strong again so that you are ready for their submission

I honestly think this is key Bett.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

.... BDSM always makes meeting like minded singletons more challenging but it's far from impossible....

[Mini-hijack] I must still be only semi-functional this morning. When I first read this, I saw "like-minded simpletons" and thought a flame war was about to erupt. Looked again and those letters had changed [/mini-hijack]

BOT, patience can often lead to finding what you were looking for, especially if you decide to enjoy life as it comes while you're being patient. And sometimes a decision to quit "looking" in an active sense and just enjoy life will do the same. I can't count the number of times I've heard and read people discussing the irony of finding their partner after they'd quit actively seeking one. Best of luck to you, Betticus. I'm sure that when the right partner finds you, it will be a wonderful thing for you both.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

So...what's the deal? Life just sucks, sometimes.

Life always suck.

 

[DVS]

Maybe we just are too scary in real life.

Well, it could be that we are just too pick...um I mean we're very selective. Of course, we should be entitled to what we desire, just like the subs who have rejected me, because I wasn't her "Prince Charming".

Just keep your standards where you want them. You won't be happy with yourself, otherwise. It might be a while, but I believe there are enough women out there, that we will find one, too. But, I also agree with you that fate isn't parsing out the relationships as fairly as it should be. Go figure.

 

[Yang4yin]

I'm about two inches away from turning homosexual with multiple personality disorder and dating my damn self....

It's a lot simpler and less expensive that way. Maybe not as satisfying, though. At least you're still young. Wait until you get over 50 - that really sucks, and not in a good way!

 

[DVS]

Life always suck.

Ah, a lot of it is a person's frame of mind. So much shit comes your way, and you tend to believe it's going to continue. So, you get into a rut. It's just as difficult to get out of that rut!

I used to have a saying..."life sucks, and then you die". I finally realized that if I kept thinking that way, that was how it was going to be. I had to live with what life dished out, as well as search for what I wanted, too. I was too busy dealing with what life dished out and just getting pissed about it. I didn't have enough energy left to search for what I wanted.

It's possible to get out of the rut and feel better about life. It's just not as easy as one would think. Life is full of fuckheads. Patience when dealing with fuckheads is a big thing, but it's necessary to do. Understanding that the world is full of them, and just deciding that they won't get the best of me, so their shit pounces off instead of sticking. This gives me more energy to keep sights set on a goal, and make life not suck. And, it's nice to have a little good luck, too.

 

[celticsunspiral]

{{{{HUG}}}}}

Bett and DVS, I am sure you will find someone, but just like in real life you have to sort through all the wrong ones first. Being a subby it isn't any easier to find the right one either.

 

[DVS]

{{{{HUG}}}}}

Bett and DVS, I am sure you will find someone, but just like in real life you have to sort through all the wrong ones first. Being a subby it isn't any easier to find the right one either.

I hear that! I would much rather be a Dom and looking than be a sub and looking. There are quite a few creeps out there that think they are Doms and just sifting through that mess would be a major challenge.

 

[iluvyou3638]

Seriously.

Is it because I live in the asscrack of New Mexico? Are subbies so rare that this supposed 100 to 1 or so sub to dom ratio is just a wishful guess?

I'm not broken. I own my own home, my own car, truck. I have a career that is very stable even through this time of economic upheaval. I have a real personality and real life friends, family, etc...

I don't have any diseases, sexual or otherwise other than I'm allergic to a protein specific to wheat and am not supposed to eat bread or grain products.

I see absolutely disgusting people with wonderful lil subbies out there and I can only think.. fuck.. WTF????

*sigh*

i think it's the locale. i have the same problem. Sacramento is a corporate and really straight and narrow kind of place, and the asscrack of new mexico is just....well, there's probably not a whole bunch to choose from down there, you know?

 

[celticsunspiral]

I hear that! I would much rather be a Dom and looking than be a sub and looking. There are quite a few creeps out there that think they are Doms and just sifting through that mess would be a major challenge.

Yes it is. I am still trying to figure it all out and sometimes it seems like a maze.

 

[DVS]

Yes it is. I am still trying to figure it all out and sometimes it seems like a maze.

Kentucky, huh? Nice part of the country, but man...the skeeters there are HUGE!