Why does it bother me so much?

[Beebeeblue]

Ok gang, Sunday I had a pisspoor day at work, it things could go wrong it did. And in big ways.

While I was dealing with all downfalls of work, (towards the end of my day) I walk around the aisle, and BLAM!! right into my Exboyfriend. Suprised was I ? YES! He lives a good 60 miles from me.
This is the one who thot it fun to record my telephone conversations, and just about control my life anyway he could. And I was his to do that with for almost 3 years. When I finally did manage to make myself lose contact with him, I had to find myself all over again. And at 24( I was then) it can be a hard task.
Needless to say, 4 yrs later, Im married, happily with a beautiful daughter. But after speaking with him briefly, all I could do was shake. I took off for the breakroom and smoked like a damn chimney till I calmed down. I wanted to scream and yell at him. I wanted to cry. I helped him come out of the depths of depression, only to fall into them myself afterwards, with no one to pick me up.
My husband didnt understand why I was so moody Sun nite, and kept getting edgy with me. And I just want to stay home, because I dont want to run into him again. Oh, his excuse for being in town? Shopping. Just shopping.

I think Im going to go crazy now. And hug my baby when Im done.

 

[Havocman]

Oh Beebee hon...I know what you mean, sometimes seeing those that we've had relationships with in the past can totally ruin a day or weekend, especially if it wasn't the best of break ups...

Saw an old flame of mine once, one that had really hurt me before she left, and this, like in your case, was a few years later and I was already married to Mrs. Havoc with a couple of kids...anyway, I just turned the end of an aisle at the supermarket and there she was.

I think what made it so bad was that it was without warning, and believe me it was awkward. She was on vacation and in town visiting her Mom. So I'm like trying to move along, and she wants to chat, catch up on what I've been doing, all of that while smiling smugly at my discomfort. I nod a few times, mumble a few replies, and then excuse myself and head straight for the checkout.

After sitting in the car for a few minutes, smoking a couple of cigarettes, I realized how I had played right into her hands once again. She obviously still took pleasure in making me feel uncomfortable, and damn it all, I had let her. To top it all off, once again I had fled. Man was I pissed at myself. So I got out of the car, went back in, continued shopping, and hoped to see her again...but I didn't, not that time.

I did however see her a few days later. When I did I approached her directly, apologized for being so abrupt before, took out my wallet and with a big smile asked her if she wanted to see a picture of my kids...she declined the offer and hurried on her way.

Chin up girlie...now I have to go explain to Mrs. Havoc why I never told her about this before....well you see Honey...

Havoc

 

[Katerina Val-Kyrie]

beebeeblue, I am so sorry for what you had to go through. Unfortunately, it is sometimes hard to fight off the ghosts from our pasts. Hang in there hon, you are a much better person, then he could ever be. You have a loving husband and beautiful daughter now, how much better can life be? Hug them close, feel their love, and know you are worthy of receiving it. It sounds like you have overcome a great deal, and you should only feel proud of who you are. Hang tight. Hugs Katerina

 

[Fallen Angel]

Sorry to hear that you had such a bad day. While sometimes it is best to be cool and act all grownup there are times to turn loose the tiger. If this guy gave you such a hard time in the past that you want to yell and scream at him in the middle of the store that you work in, then maybe you should or at least tell him that it would be best if he found somewhere else to shop. Stop letting him influence your life.

If you don't want to see him then tell him so and make it stick. There are many other stores to shop at and most likely it wasn't just by accident that he showed up. Take control girl!! Hope that you don't have to yell at the man in your store but do what you got to do.

Tell hubby what happened and why it upset you. We really do understand more than we sometimes let on.

Hugs and best wishes
Fallen

 

[Weird Harold]

Originally posted by beebeeblue:
My husband didnt understand why I was so moody Sun nite, and kept getting edgy with me. And I just want to stay home, because I dont want to run into him again. Oh, his excuse for being in town? Shopping. Just shopping.

Talk to your husband! Don't let him get the idea that your mood may have been the result of something he did. Pain and fear shared is pain and fear halved. It's a trite sort of cliche, but cliches get to that status by being true more often than not.

Is the Ex the sort who would turn stalker? Your reaction to meeting him sounds as if the parting was not amicable and not his idea. Meeting him once on a shopping trip can easily be written off as happenstance, if he shows up again, think stalker and call the cops if you even think he might be the type that would stalk you.

 

[Xander]

Beebeeblue:
I feel for, and is truely sorry for what that incident did to you.
Though not in that sense, I do know everything about the ghost of Christmas past.
IT SUCKS
Big hug to you.

 

[Beebeeblue]

>thinking back...< I guess in some way he was a stalker at one point. When I still lived in the same town, he would drive by my job, and at one point followed me home. Nervous? Hell yes, but I had this wonderful roomie who was a Navy guy and he kept me calm with gin and 7up. I honestly believe that he would be married by now, and I HOPE against all hope that he was visiting. The thing that bothers me most is that he knew I worked there. I have for over 4 years!!! (got the job shortly after I moved home) Hes an asshole. And he knows it.

And on the other side of things, Havoc, once again you made me smile hon. Our lives are almost similar at times. Kinda weirds me out if you know what I mean?
Katerina, Wierd Harold, Fallen,and Xander thanks for the words. I know what I need to do to get him out of my head. I just wish I could keep him out of my life.