Why do they do that?????????

[puttout]

Now I'm sure that this has been discussed before and I know there are various answers but why do so many people ask for people to chat with then never respond? Now it may be me, and I'll understand if it is and I know that some of you get all kinds of responses. But I have written to some of the women who are looking for e-mail partners and I don't get responses back, and let me tell you I am damn good looking as far as any of you know ). Just wondering because I am really looking for some women to chat with. Boy does that sound deperate or what. Let me know if anyone else is frustrated by this.

 

[Never]

Ah. Women. You see, women are like, um... butter.
You can't just smack them on a piece of toast, you have to warm them up a bit.

 

[Siren]

GOOD ANALOGY NEVER

 

[Hecate]

Guess I don't know either...

Well - I assume you are most likely refering to the "personal ads" section of this BB, right?

Since I never have put up or responded to a personal ad I don't really know what the "common courtesy" says in that case but as long as you are mailing the Ladies in question with a friendly and maybe little humorous approach you should get at least an answer (even iv one of frinedly declining).

But then again - I think we have been discussion common courtesy quite a bit around here lately, and somehow it seems to be

1) a diminishing virtue in general

2) something people don't consider necessarry in Cyberspace (later statement is based on own experience on BB's, chats and last but not least my own mail-box)

Leaving that bit aside - maybe you just have to "re-think" your own strategie ... are your mails blunt? Or are they hard to answer?

I always found it much easier to answer a mail (or much harder not to answer it actually) if there was something in it I wanted to comment on - maybe a question, an interesting topic ... and if the tone of the mail was a more open one that didn't immediately suggest the "nature" in which a chat was suposed to develop.

Same with "looks". Looking for a chat partner not necessarrily requires good looks. Geeze - I would be most likely terribly intimidated if with an introduction mail of a stranger I got a full-body shot in detail - or even a "normal" pic. Specuially women on the internet are very protective (at least I am ) about their identity and might feel pressured to give away too much too fast of that thin layer of anonymity the web provides them with.

Last thought (for now) maybe your mails never "arrived"? I am talking about subject lines here. Due to the fact that most of our e-mail boxes are crammed up with junk mail, I for one simply delete everything (without looking at it) that either is obviously junk in the subject line, or whose sender is unknown to me and the subject line doesn't catch my interest or distinguish it from the junk. So I guess often a good subject line could help - like "Re: your ad on Literotica" or something like that.


puttout - I am NOT saying you are guilty of any of those "sins"!

To all the people who are notoriously NOT answering mail: PLEASE ... take a minute to at least freindly say that yes - you got the mail and are flattered but are too busy - not interested - whatever. It is agonizing to just get NO FEEDBACK at all! I know it sometimes is annoying - but hey - the 1 minute it takes to type up a line should not be too much bother in respect of a person who has declared genuine interest. (Yeah - ok *lol* I am not talking about the "I saw your pic / read your story - wanna fuck"-mails!!!)

 

[Bamarose]

Myself, when it comes to answering emails, it's pretty much like hecate said. Something to warm up to while being general in your questions. For instance, I had been registered here for a total of 20 minutes when I got an email that said simply..

How are you?
Like to trade literotica?
email me

Ugh! Puleeeeze... that's NOT a way to get a woman to respond to you.. some may not mind, but most that I know like things more like..
Hi, how are you? I saw your profile/add and would like to get to know you a bit better. Then tell a little about yourself, then end with something like, If you're interested, please email me back. Ask a question or two that you would like to know about that person somewhere in the email. And not necessarily in those words.

As for the looks, not everyone cares for the looks. I know from being a regular in chat rooms that once you share your pic with someone, a lot of times the conversation turns stale..<furrowing brow> hhmmm wonder if that's a reflection on my pic?...I would much rather have a stimulating conversation (hehe not meaning cybering by the way so ya'll get your heads outta the gutter) than worry about someone's looks. No matter if it's an add or you're just emailing out of the blue, if you don't sound interesting (and you may be very interesting just not portraying yourself that way) then you won't get a reply. And after this long explanation, lol it may just be that she has gotten so many replies to her ad (hey, it can happen!) that she can't respond to them all, <shrug> or that she just doesn't think about the person waiting on a reply. It's something you'll never know. This won't work for everyone, not every person is the same, but I hope it helps you some.

 

[Silverlily]

I totally agree with Bamarose. My favorite was one I recieved about two weeks about that went -

hi! u like to fuck? IM me.

WHAT?? Good lord, what happened to a simple, hi, how are you? That and I don't respond to e-mails with u or r as words.

Anyway, I also think that many people, both genders included, post these personals on a whim. Wanting erotic e-mail and participating in erotic e-mail are two different things. Good luck and hang in there.

 

[Cheyenne]

Re: Guess I don't know either...

To all the people who are notoriously NOT answering mail: PLEASE ... take a minute to at least freindly say that yes - you got the mail and are flattered but are too busy - not interested - whatever. It is agonizing to just get NO FEEDBACK at all! I know it sometimes is annoying - but hey - the 1 minute it takes to type up a line should not be too much bother in respect of a person who has declared genuine interest.

Thanks, Hecate. I couldn't have said it better. It is especially frustrating after someone HAS shown interest thru email, and then they drop off the face of the earth and you have no idea "why". Is it something you did? Said? Didn't say? What? Even a one line email saying "thanks, but I changed my mind and I'm no longer interested in corresponding with you" is kinder than silence. Anyone recognize yourself out there?

 

[Flagg]

I know what you mean about jerky introductions. Crystal still gets the odd email suggesting a bit of kinky telecommunications. The best one was:

You're stories just made my keyboard all sticky.
Want to help me clear it up?

LOL! I'd rather suggest a date with Debs than that!

 

[Bamarose]

I know cybering and such works for some people, but I myself like to have a person there with me... LOL When I get IM's or emails talking about wanting to fuck (excuse the language) or as in poor crystal's case.. "want to help me clean it up?" type thingies, it always makes me think of a cartoon I got when I first got online. It's a picture of this man with a mad (not meaning mad as in angry, meaning wild, oh ya'll know what I mean) look on his face, an empty tube of KY, and he's fingering the hard drive to his computer.

 

[Naked Hunny]

When you write your emails do you introduce yourself with at least a paragraph or do you just say hey I saw your ad on Lit. Why would anyone respond to an email like that you never know what you are getting into. At least give a small introduction with your age and where you are from and what about the ad attracted you. If there are similar interests include them .

 

[puttout]

Wow well this is a much better response than I thought I would get and I appreciate it. There are so very good and valid points made here. But there should be some common courtesy amoung us all. If you email for responses it would make since that you respond that those inquiries even if it is with a "thanks but no thanks". I know I do but then everyone is different. you all are good people and a big thank you I will take some of the advise here and see how it goes. By the way I'm a 31 year old man from Idaho(stop laughing we have more than potatoes) and I love all sports and I am in here for fun I love the stories and like participate in different disscusions.

 

[GuyJD]

NO SHIT!!!

PUTTOUT............I get the same reactions to personal online ads. I have checked out AdultFriendFinders, match.com, and a few others that finds their way to my e-mail. Just about every ad that interested me, I've written to and have gotten no response from any of the women. My question is.....If they don't care to answer the responses to their online personals, why do they bother posting them? Are they that bored or stupid? (OH MY, he didn't say that-did he?) A simple "thank you" would suffice.

[Edited by GuyJD on 09-22-2000 at 09:08 AM]

 

[Cheyenne]

Re: Re: Guess I don't know either...

Even a one line email saying "thanks, but I changed my mind and I'm no longer interested in corresponding with you" is kinder than silence. Anyone recognize yourself out there?

I guess not.

 

[LadyFyre]

a female perspective...

Ok,
so I totally agree that it is incredibly irritating when people don't answer - but have you considered how long some of the ads on sites likd FriendFinder or Match.com have been up? some of these women posted over a year ago.
Also, email addresses can change, or (and this is the most likely problem) the women are like me, and when they get busy the first thing they quit doing is checking email...It's incredibly time consuming and I never seem to have time...
So anyway, like everyone already said, make the email interesting...and if you don't get a reply, they're not worth your time.

 

[GuyJD]

HERE'S ONE FOR YOU.............

I have gotten e-mail from ladies (and I use this term loosely) who would seem interested in me or interesting to me. They often responded to my stories or profile and send a letter of intimate interest. So after they managed to grab my attention, I would reply to their e-mail. And you guessed the rest.........As Phil Collins put it, "NO REPLY AT ALL". They simply fall off of the face of the earth and if you manage to hear from them (i.e., IM, e-mail, chatroom, etc.), they don't remember you or their e-mail. HOW MANY OF MY FELLOW LITEROTICA HOMIES CAN RELATE TO THIS? >>Let's see a show of hands!!<<

 

[Guest]

Guy, cuiusvis hominis est errare, nullius nisi insipientis in errore perseverare.

 

[GuyJD]

SAY WHAT????

Guy, cuiusvis hominis est errare, nullius nisi insipientis in errore perseverare.

WHEN LAST I CHECKED, THIS IS AN AMERICAN ENGLISH BOARD....If you don't mind, Nevah, speak English.

 

[Lasher]

Lit es internacional....Schweinhund!

Criminy, ain't you just the little xenophobe there, Guy. Maybe you oughta lighten up. Near as I can remember, I've seen things posted here in English, Spanish, German, Dutch, Danish, Afrikaans and Latin - and I'm sure I'm forgetting a few...

Btw, on topic... After reading the posts from you and your buddy puttout (Does that really say putt? Is that a typo? Or did ya do it on purpose??), I've got a pretty damn good idea why women don't answer you.

 

[Guest]

I'd rather insult you in Latin. You seem to have a bit of a temper.

 

[Cheyenne]

Re: Lit es internacional....Schweinhund!

Btw, on topic... After reading the posts from you and your buddy puttout, I've got a pretty damn good idea why women don't answer you.

The question is still valid though, even if you discount these two guys for having an obvious reason why they get no replies.

It isn't so much not getting a response to a first email. We've all ignored the "do u want to fuck?" one line emails because they don't deserve a dignified response. But what about the case where someone HAS shown interest and you have exchanged email to get to know each other? Maybe for a week, maybe for a month. Then there is no response to an email you send and you never hear from the person again. Why do people do that? I'm saying people, not men or women in particular because both groups are probably guilty. If the other person has lost interest, or if you said or did something to offend them, I still say that rather than complete silence it would be kinder to receive just a one line email that says "Thanks, but no thanks. I changed my mind and don't really want to correspond with you afterall." Wondering what happened is much worse.

 

[Sonora]

For instance, I had been registered here for a total of 20 minutes when I got an email that said simply..

How are you?
Like to trade literotica?
email me

Damn, girl. I've been here for about 6 months and have never got an email like that.

BTW, welcome to Lit!

 

[GuyJD]

WHAT IF?

Cheyenne said it best. Even if all interet has been lost in either the individual or in the post itself, it should be noted in a simple one sentence e-mail. It's called common courtesy. I'm sure we've heard of that before.
It's the same as going on a job interview for that one job that you always wanted but never hearing from the employer anytime after the interview. Now who hasn't that happened to at least once? You take hours to perfect a resume and more to perfect your appearance and what you are going to say, only to be given a "Thank you, we'll call you in 2 weeks" bullshit. Once again, lack of common courtesy.
NEVER?...........What temper?