why do these boys keep finding ME?!

[bunny bondage]

some other subbie out there please tell me that you constantly find yourself becoming involved with very nice guys who are quite good looking but just not a dom! i've met this VERY nice fella with freckles like a field of strawberries. he gets an A+ in bed except for the fact that he's just not "a dom". as you all know, this is hardly the first time i've come to you with this dilema. i just keep getting into these situations. it's not just me, right? you guys all do this too, yes?



(whimper)

 

[esclave_PP]

Hmmmmmmmm. Even nice guys are doms. Perhaps go to some more local munches and find one there? Perhaps you'd have better luck there than randomly meeting boys? Or perhaps you can help guide one?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Used to meet lots of such boys/men in my time, but once I knew what I wanted and needed, no pretty face nor charming manners were going to persuade me to even get to the bedding stage if they were not of the dominant persuasion. I felt I had to prioritise what was most important to me, and once I did, life became a lot easier and more hopeful. Fortunately for me, I got the Dom, the charm, and the looks all in one beautiful package.

Catalina

 

[bunny bondage]

double post...

 

[bunny bondage]

yours is a happy story, catalina! hopefully i'll find something similar if i just keep kissing all these vanilla frogs!

as for meeting locals, i've realized that the majority of locals who advertise themselves are very very creepy indeed. we're just not as organized about the whole deal down here in the south.

 

[TNRkitect2b]

yours is a happy story, catalina! hopefully i'll find something similar if i just keep kissing all these vanilla frogs!

as for meeting locals, i've realized that the majority of locals who advertise themselves are very very creepy indeed. we're just not as organized about the whole deal down here in the south.

Being from TN, I resent that somewhat....Do I really come off as creepy?

 

[bunny bondage]

Being from TN, I resent that somewhat....Do I really come off as creepy?

hey, i said majority!!

 

[FungiUg]

You gotta stop hiding under their beds, bunny! (Although feel free to hide under mine.) Maybe that way they will stop finding you.

 

[BlueSugar]

I can hear that.

But what about those that say they can be wild in bed, or all bdsm like... but really they just want our hands tied, blindfolded and us on our knees... and that is as far as it goes ::sigh::

 

[bunny bondage]

i wasn't hiding under that bed, just looking for a shoe!!

and yes, i've found that everyone has their own unique definintion of "dom" and "sub" and that this can cause miscommunication!!

 

[catalina_francisco]

yours is a happy story, catalina! hopefully i'll find something similar if i just keep kissing all these vanilla frogs!

Blessed I am...though on a serious note, I may not be blessed or even in a relationship if I hadn't made it happen for me by making a determined effort to seek what I wanted and needed, and forget the rest. Was not always encouraging, or fun, but like most things, if you want it bad you have to put the energy in the right place to reap the rewards, not have it sucked (LOL no pun intended) out of you by the frogs who will never a Dom be. Fortunately time is on your side, and it can be fun kissing a few vanilla frogs!!..and keeps you in practice for when you find your one.

Catalina http://www.flip-logtenberg.net/middeleeuwen/anfrogprince.gif

 

[bunny bondage]

a good point, cat! i'm in NO rush to find "the one" and settle down. besides, i really have nothing to complain about! he's a super guy and i'm having a great time getting to know all about him. furthermore, he's so good in bed that i couldn't help but let ALL his roomates know EXACTLY what was going on...quiet was just no longer an option! *g*

 

[Netzach]

For me it was important to rule out vanilla men by the time I was 30.

I'm so glad I didn't BEFORE then, though.



Although yeah, when someone claims to be kinda kinky, you better push a little to find out what that means.

It could mean they like to screw from behind (makes whoop de doo gesture) or it might mean they were doing self-urethral-play enema play and bondage all along. (blink blink)

 

[bunny bondage]

For me it was important to rule out vanilla men by the time I was 30.

I'm so glad I didn't BEFORE then, though.



Although yeah, when someone claims to be kinda kinky, you better push a little to find out what that means.

It could mean they like to screw from behind (makes whoop de doo gesture) or it might mean they were doing self-urethral-play enema play and bondage all along. (blink blink)

i'm still determining his definition of "kink". i'm wearing bite marks, so that's a good sign! though in truth, i'm pretty sure he's a switch. i'm not too sure how to handle that, cuz it seems like i can only please him half of the time! any suggestions?

 

[lark sparrow]

35 and I don't care if they are "kinda kinky"... if the WOMEN are not professed Dominants, forget it. It won't work otherwise, and sometimes even the profession is not enough. It's about an authentic feeling of power exchange between individuals and commitment in the end I think. Not to say that it will NEVER happen with a maybe kinked individual but YOU are taking your chances, it's not really them finding you. It's a matter of acceptance and choice.

Even if you found the "perfect Dominant", you might not pass muster and have some growing to do. It works both ways. It's not always submissive choice.

 

[bunny bondage]

ls, i didn't mean to make it sound like i was doing all the choosing, but since i can't make up his mind for him, i can only talk about my choices and decisions! i'm not, like, interviewing guys and accepting or rejecting them, it's something both people decide on. here is where i can rant about my thoughts! didn't mean to make it sound one-sided! ^_^

 

[Netzach]

First of all, switchable does not a 50 50 switch make.

I've bottomed and subbed, but I can go about a year without doing it or wanting to.

A lot of people are going to start out pretty open minded and mutualistic, often new..Doms, subs...ANYthings...are a little more flexible.

If you find that you really really get into this guy and you just can't possibly top him ever, I'd enlist a good strict kinky female friend to mete out some old fashioned non-sex discipline on his ass while he puts his cock to other uses.

But look who you're asking for help...LOL.

N.

 

[dreaming_lilith]

I think it helps if you are pretty much outspoken with your BDSM intrest; if friends know what you are into, it's easier to find someone who wants the same...

Suggestions: talk.
If you wonder what he wants, ask. If you wonder what he doesn't like, ask.

 

[bunny bondage]

thanks for the advice! but netz, i could NEVER share. i'm an only child - what's mine is MINE. (i make a naughty sub...)

lilith, i'm approaching this fella with your ideas in mind. open communication is just the easiest way to keep things from getting confused, and i've been determined to keep the lines open. i've been saying things like "no, actually, that would bother me." and "why don't you call me when you wanna hang out as i have the tendancy to bug the shit out of people." wow, honesty really is the best policy. who knew? ^_^

 

[dreaming_lilith]

well, i tend to think i know what others are thinking about diffrent things, knowing their opinions when i dont. so im trying to learn to ask them instead of overanalyze and let the funny trolls in my head screw me over, cause its not as nice as screwing in the general meaning.

 

[bdsmToy]

I have the problem of finding a good girl that is into being a sub, or even into BDSM for that matter.

 

[bunny bondage]

well, i tend to think i know what others are thinking about diffrent things, knowing their opinions when i dont. so im trying to learn to ask them instead of overanalyze and let the funny trolls in my head screw me over, cause its not as nice as screwing in the general meaning.

we just learned about this in my abnormal psyc class. it's called "mind reading" and most people do it. i did it too, and didn't even realize it until he described it as a disorder! i guess i kinda had to be told "no, bunny, you DON'T know everyone's reasons and thoughts, you have to ASK."

 

[Krinaia]

Bleh... Bunny, i know your pain (sort of) and I appreciate your candor in talking about it here.

I've got a dominant (not someone I want to see forever, but someone I could enjoy sceneing with as I continue to look, someone to experiement and explore with) but then I went and had a fabulous weekend with a very vanilla man I've been friends with for years. He knows my tastes and made small efforts and the foreplay was excellent though very unkinky. And the sex, was well awkward but generally okay. And him getting me off, I think it's the first time I ever screamed someone's name without first thinking that it would turn them on - but screamed their name because it just happened. It was very good. But I also wish he had been a bit rougher at times and that he had teased me more, and done more domly type things. And he is perhaps willing to work on it, but he's a few states away. and now I'm confused as to what I want. And instead of scening with that dominant like I could this weekend, we're having a casual dinner with no touching until I figure things out.

Life can be tough for us single girls!

luckily, we still get to have good sex

 

[bunny bondage]

lol! skyline, you're great! be sure to keep us updated on your situation, too! after all, if an online forum isn't the place for candor, where is?

 

[dreaming_lilith]

we just learned about this in my abnormal psyc class. it's called "mind reading" and most people do it. i did it too, and didn't even realize it until he described it as a disorder! i guess i kinda had to be told "no, bunny, you DON'T know everyone's reasons and thoughts, you have to ASK."

Haha, yes...
I don't know how many times I've heard my mom say "Hey, you dont know what are going on in their wicked heads so stop bothering. If it concerns you, you will find out sooner or later anyway."