why do my stories not get approved

[nyminus]

I have here a sample of a story that I wrote and one that I did not. When I submitted my story I keep getting the message
that I need to read the writers resources(essays) this has to do with quotation marks and making your character come alive.
The first story is one that did get approved







I was flying in from the West Coast back to Houston. I was out of town for close to three week and wasn’t expected home till Friday. I didn’t tell Joyce I was coming home early. The Yankees were in town and as a kid in Boston I have seen Clement pitch a lot of games. He was going to be their starting picture in the game and I haven’t seen him pitch in years. So when the opportunity arrived to see him, I jumped at the chance.

I knew Joyce wouldn’t want me to go. Seeing I have been out of town for over two weeks now, she would want me to take her to dinner and spent some time with her. She hated it when I went out of town. We have been married 16 years now and have a 13-year-old daughter.

Joyce has been talking about her new boss that took over her section over nine months ago, like a teenage girl with a crush on him. It was pissing me off the way she talked about him and I finally told her off before I left. She still called me every day while I was out of town. You could still tell she was pissed at me but I had enough stories about Jim to write a book. She never mentions Jim at all but talked mainly about our daughter Judy and her softball games.

It was Thursday and I figured I would catch the game and spent the night in a hotel. Then I would go home Friday and take her out to dinner and smooth things over with us two. I bought her a present while out of town and would surprise her with it.

I took the shuttle into town and checked into the hotel and charged the room on the company credit card. I didn’t want to charge it to my card and figured I would straight out with the company later. This way the wife wouldn’t find out about it. The game was eight o’clock start so I went to dinner. After dinner I went to the hotel desk and they said the bus to the ballpark would leave every 15 minutes starting at six.

As I was in the bar drinking and phone rang and it was Joyce. She told me Judy was sleeping over to a friend’s house and she ate early. She said she was having one of her girl friends over for a swim and then she was going to hit the hay early to rest up for me. This was the nicest she has been to me in our phone conversation so far. I told her I been storing up for 16 days now and that I’m ready to bust. We both said we loved each other and said goodbye. I looked at my watch and it was 5:30 so I went back to the room to shower and get ready to go.

I caught the bus at seven thirty for the twenty-minute ride to the ballpark. We went about three blocks and stopped for a light when I seen my car parked in a lot at Joey’s steak house. I ran up to the driver and said let me off please. I don’t know for sure why, I got off but I knew something was wrong.

Did someone hurt my wife?

Did someone steal my car?

She said a friend was coming over to swim and that she would be going to bed early.

I reached in my pocket and got the cell phone out and called home. There was no answer and we had a phone by the pool plus in just about every room. The machine picked it up on the fifth rings.

I looked at my watch it was seven forty five. I walked over to the steak house and went it side. From the bar I could see all the tables pretty good and didn’t see her there. After ten minutes I went to the headwaiter and showed him her picture and he said they left a few minutes ago. I said Mr. Long and he said yes that it was he. I got out side and her car was still in the lot. I called a rental place for a car and they brought a car down to me.

I parked in the lot for awhile and decided to go inside for a few drinks knowing I would have a long wait on my hands. I sure was pissed off and would kill the guy right now. I could see the driveway if anyone pulled in. I was thinking what I should do.

So no one hurt her or kidnapped her or stole my car. What was she doing with him and how long has it been going on. I knew she talked about him all the time and she thinks he was the greatest thing going. Would she cheat on me, I didn’t think so. I know I wouldn’t cheat on her.

I watched the game on TV but couldn’t tell you anything about it at all. To tell you the truth I didn’t even know who won the game or if Roger pitched at all. I went back in the lot about midnight and sat there staring at my car and wondering what I should do about all this. Lots of things when through my mind like taking my car and hiding it. Beating the shit out of both of them when they came back. Then I laughed, could be a business meeting and she didn’t want to say anything to me because what I said about him.

At two am I was starting to get worried about her if something happen to them. I had to move the car across the street because we were the only two cars in the lot and they would see me right away. From here I still had a good view of the car and there were two other cars next to me. I think I fell asleep a few times but the car was still there and it was now three am.

At three ten they pulled up and parked next to her car. They walked to the car and kissed before she got in. It was not a friendly kiss it was with passion. She then got in and he bent down and they kissed some more. She threw him a kiss as she drove off and headed for home. I was going to follow him but knew where he lived so I followed her home to see she got there safely. Wouldn’t want any harm to come to my little whore wife.

I got back to the hotel at four and went right to bed. I slept till one PM and checked out. I went and got something to eat then I called for a cab to take me home. Once I got home I saw both the cars in the garage. As I went in the front door I didn’t see Joyce around at all. I walked to the back of the house and saw her lying by the pool. It was two PM now and she should be at work. I went up stairs and checked the hamper and found her panties from last night. They where stained from cum so I took them out and hide the in my closet way in the back. I looked out the window and saw Bob in his yard and went over to his house. We sat in his den drinking beer till four.

At four I went home and Joyce was still in the back by the pool. I walked back to her and she got up and gave me a big hug and kiss. I told her I took a cab home and she said she didn’t hear it. She told me she just got home from work a few minutes ago and she left early from work to be with me. I changed to go in the pool. Judy our daughter was at the pool when I came down. I talked with Joyce and she said she had a boring night last night. She said they swam till nine and she went to bed at ten.

She said where you taking me to eat tonight and then told me where we were going to go. Judy didn’t want to go with us and asked if she could stay with a friend. We dropped Judy off at her girl friends and got to the restaurant at eight. While we were eating Jim came over to our table and sat down with us. We talked small talk and Jim told us he was having a pool party tomorrow and asked if we would join the party. Before I had a chance to say anything Joyce accepted for us. About nine the band started playing and Jim danced with her. Around ten I was getting pissed off and wanted to leave but Joyce was having too much fun and we stayed till one am. The two of them danced a lot together and you could see them talking up a storm.

She asked me to dance with her but I told her I pulled a muscle and couldn’t dance with her. Joyce danced some fast one with a few girls and guys but all the slow ones with Jim.

When we got home Joyce wanted to make out and I told her my balls hurt from pulling something in my leg. She was sure pissed off and said we could have stayed longer to let her dance and have fun.

When I got up I had breakfast with her then went to car wash to do my car. As I started the vacuum it out I found a rubber with cum in it in the back seat. Jim must have put it there when he kissed her good night. The bastard wanted me to find it. It was tied so none would leak out of it. Joyce wasn’t on any pills because they played hell with her body.

Joyce told me we would leave for Jim’s party at two. She told me there was a lot of important people there and not to drink too much. She said Jim’s wife was out of town with her sick aunt and wouldn’t be there. When we got their there was about forty people there. They were in the back where the bar was set up. He had a large tent set up for people to get out of the sun. It was a nice lay out and looked like everyone was having fun. There were eight girls in the pool with tiny thongs on and what a site it was.

The beer was coming out slow and Jim was playing with it to get it to work with no success. He called the company where he got it from and they told him he could come over and get another set up for it. It was then that I walked away from the group to watch the girls in the pool. Joyce came up to me and asked if I would help Joe go get the part for the beer. She said I’d make it up to you later. Joe came up to me and said you ready to go. I knew I was set up but didn’t know how to get out of it. As we walked to the car three girls pulled up and one of them started to fall all over Joe. I said to Joe wouldn’t she be better company for you and they left together.

I figured it was a good hour and a half round trip and Jim and Joyce want me out of their way. I stayed in the front for about twenty minutes and then started to look to see if I could find them. I walked around in back and they were not there. I headed to the house and searched there for them. Upstairs I looked in four bedrooms and a bathroom so far and they weren’t in any of them so far. When I came to the fifth bedroom the door was locked. I went to the bedroom next to them and had a glass from the bathroom. I put it against the wall and could hear them in the shower talking. I went to the doors that let to the balcony and went towards there room. As I tried to look in their room but I couldn’t see anything because of the curtains they had on the door.

I got up on the railing and I could see them on the bed over the curtains. They both were naked and she was sucking his cock. I was on the side of the house and no one from the party could see me but the other houses had a good view of me. There wasn’t that many houses and with all the cars and people here I don’t think anyone would call the police or I hoped they wouldn’t. It was a good thing I hadn’t too much to drink it was a long was down to the ground. They broke their sixty-nine position and started to screw. I watch for a few minutes but got down before I fell. I headed for the backyard and to the party.

Forty minutes later I saw Joyce come out of the house. I hide in-between people so she wouldn’t see me. By now there were close to a hundred people at the party. I finally saw Joe and he headed for the beer. He put the new tap on and the beer flowed well. Joyce came up to me to thank me for a job well done. She hugged and kissed me saying she owed me big time. I didn’t drink too much as I was dumping it on the grass because I wanted to stay sober with a clear head. I was eating a lot as they had a caterer help with the meals.

When I seen Jim and Joyce both get in the pool I went to the bedroom upstairs. There I moved the curtain by the door so I would be able to look in. I didn’t move in more that a ½ inch and checked out side and I had a good view of the bedroom. I then went down stairs and as I was going by the TV room I saw a camcorder and checked it out. The battier were low so I found the charger and put it on charge. I also found a tape and had it set to go if they went back upstairs. There was a remote with the cam and I put it in my pocket.

At about ten there was less than 20 people there. Some guy was sleeping in a lounge chair and another sleeping on the grass. I decided that I would tell Joyce I was tired and was going in the screen in porch and to take a nap if she don’t mind. She told me I looked beat and I should go home and she would get a ride later. I told her no that I would lay down for an hour. As I was laying their she came with a blanket and covered me up. I pretended to be out of it completely.

It wasn’t fifthteen minutes and they were headed upstairs. I got the camcorder and headed for the outside balcony. I started to film it and they had their clothes on. It didn’t take three minutes and they were naked and into a sixty-nine position. I continued it right up till he shot a load of cum on her ass then I headed back to my spot on the porch. Joyce came over to me and adjusted the blanket on me as I pretended to be asleep.

The two of them were down at the pool in the shallow in drinking. I got up and went and put the camcorder back on charge. As I looked at my watch it was now close to midnight. When I walked to the pool area it looked like about 12 people left at the party. Joyce came out of the pool and wrapped up in a towel. I told her I think we should get going and she wanted to stay longer. I told her I was dead tired and she said she would get a ride home. She gave me a hug and a kiss and said she would see me later.

I went back up stairs and placed the cam on a dresser and hide it with a couple of towels that was on the dresser. I then went and moved my car so they could not see it. As I walked back to the house a few other people were leaving. In the kitchen I took 3 beers and some ice in a bucket and headed for the bedroom. I locked the bedroom door and laid on the bed it was 12:30. As I was drinking the beer I could hear cars leaving and people laughing. Around 1:30 I got out on the balcony and saw all the cars had gone except one and that one was just getting ready to leave now. I finished the last of the beers and waited till I heard them come up stair.

When they went in the master bedroom I went out to the balcony. They started to hug and kiss at the foot of the bed. They fell on the bed as I started the cam by the remote and hope like hell that it worked. I then watched for a while as they got in a 69 position.

When they broke he got behind her and fucked her pussy. He pounded her for awhile then he got some lube from the headboard. He was licking her asshole and then put some lube on it. He stood on the bed and forced his cock into her ass. They both pumped away till they fell in a heap on the bed.

They lay there talking but I could not hear them from the out side. I just hoped the cam picked it up. They lay there for 30 minutes and then they took turns eating each other. Finally they stetted down and fucked her from behind again but just in the pussy.

Twenty minutes later they showered and he drove her home. I went in the master bedroom and took the cam back down stairs and took out the tape. From there I walked to my car and headed to the pub. I sat there for about an hour thinking of what I would do.

When I got home she was in bed and I crawled in next to her. In the morning she asked why I wasn’t home and I told her I got tired and pulled over in a parking lot and slept. I asked her what time she came home and she said that she left right after me and she was worried if I made it home all right.

this next one is the one by me that was not approved. Please tell me what the problem is here




Lisa was sitting on the sofa with her legs drawn up under her when Jim
came home. She could tell that he was in terrible discomfort from the way
he entered the apartment. It seemed that each step he took was very painful
to him. "Hi Jim " Lisa said as cheerful as she could, she was not much better
off than her husband. The previous evening she had about as many fat cocks
in her own cunt and anus as Jim had in his butt. The act of speaking was in
itself painful as her jaw's ached from being streached around massive cocks.


Jim explained that he had a massive hangover in order to mask his true
condition. When he bent to kiss her his lip's caused lots of pain to Lisa's. Lisa's
lips were raw from her evening of cock sucking. She explained it away as a bad
case of chapped lips. Since Jim was hiding his own condition he accepted her feeble
explanation. Lisa smiled to herself as Jim went and took a shower. She had now
seen Jim's true self the night before and she had enjoyed what she had seen.
Soon she would be able to have the kind of marriage she really wanted with him,
but not just yet. There were still many men that she wanted to sample by herself
before Jim was aware that she knew of his desires. Oh yes, so many men.


The evening passed without any sex between them. It would have been hard for
Lisa to have even considered giving her husband a blowjob. The effort would have
caused pain to her mouth. She did get a look at his poor cock and noticed that
it was red and swollen from having it sucked on by so many men, many who had
various stages of whiskers.Some were bearded and some just had their five O:clock
shadows. She almost felt sorry for him but the same unshaven mouths had made her
own breast and anus raw. She recalled a time a few years before when he sister had
visited them. Stephanie had gotten her self screwed silly one night by Mike, a
neighbor in their apartment building, and he had fucked her from behind with her face
on the carpet. Stephanie's chin was raw from rug burns for several days. She had
kidded Stephanie then. Now she was suffering from the same only not confined to
her chin.


Two days later Lisa and Jim had to go back to work. She had not spoken at length
to Lanny except for a short phone conversation. Lanny was eager to know how she had
done with Jim. " Well Lanny" she told him "we left each other alone and I'm sure he
was as grateful as I was". She asked about him then. Lanny told her that he had
enough sex that one night to do him a lifetime but naturally he wanted more " but
not like that" he added " I'll have them only a dozen at a time from now on". Lisa
laughed at her boss " yeah " she said "same here..but I have to admit that it was
an experience that I am very glad I had".


Later in the stock room she asked to see his cock "I just want to see if it's
still there" she explained. She opened his pants and took out his cock. " Oh the
poor thing.." she said playfully as she fondled it and caused it to stiffen a little.
She took it into her mouth and gently sucked at it. She wanted to make sure that she
was able to perform fellatio after that night. She was happy to find that she was able
feel his now fully hard cock without discomfort. Lanny told her that he had a lot of
work to do and that he would settle for a blowjob today. That morning she had eased
a finger into her pussy and found it just a little sore and wanted to give it another
day or two before she tried more. Lanny exploded in her mouth with hot sperm and she
drank it greedily. The sperm was soothing to her throat as she swallowed "hair of the
dog" she kidded Lanny. Lanny said that he was glad to have helped her and that she had
also taught him that he could have sex with women as well as men " to think that I
wasted all those years ".


Lanny told her that he had been approached by one of the store managers to see if
he could arrange some females for an upcoming party that the big wheels from other
stores as well as the main office in New York were having. The story was that many
of the bosses would have their wives with them and wanted to have a little fun without
their wives knowledge. Lanny said " you can't imagine what people who know you are
gay will ask of you..they think that I am a pervert". Lisa kidded him "well you are
one Lanny and so am I". Lanny said that he realized that and that was the reason he
thought that she would do fine. He told her that there would be a room next to the mens
bathroom that they could sneak into. They had built several private booth where a man
could go into. Each booth would have a large hole in one wall and the booths were all
backed up against a room where a couple of women could give the men blowjobs.


" You can make five hundred for the night" he told her " and get to suck a lot of
cock. I even though of doing it myself but I guess they would be able to tell if it
were a man or woman". Lisa asked him " you said a couple of women.Do you have someone
else in mind"? Lanny told her that Debby from the cosmetics department was going
to do it also. Lisa knew Debby well, a beautiful black girl from mixed heritage. Lisa
gasped "Debby...oh she is truly beautiful..what will she think of me"? Lanny said that
he had already told her that Lisa might be the other woman and had gotten a similar
reaction from her " perhaps the two of you could get together before hand" Lisa thought
it was a good idea. Lanny said " well it will be next week so you have lots of time"


Lisa made arrangements for Debby to stop by her apartment the next evening when Jim
would be in Sacramento. She also arranged for Randy to be there also. After some small
talk Lisa suggested that they get comfortable " I have a friend with a large fat cock
coming by..I thought that we could practice a little first" Debby was nervous at first
but then said " well I do need the extra money..and sex". "I haven't done that much lately"
"So then let's get our clothes off and be ready for Randy". Lisa watched at the shapely
woman took her's off. Her skin was a beautiful dark cream and she noticed that the hair
covering her pussy was as soft as the hair on her head. She was only able to tell the
woman that she was very pretty before there was a knock at the door. Randy's eyes almost
fell out when he saw the two beautiful naked women. Lisa was very white, her skin almost
alabaster and it contrasted with the bronze beauty of Debby. Debby was shy and tried to
cover herself till Lisa told Randy to get naked. When Debby saw Randy's fat cock she
gasped " You know I have never been with a white man before". Lisa reached out and grasped
Randy's fat cock " bring that over here and then let us practice up on you a bit" Randy
grinned "Lisa I don't think you really need any practice". Lisa said " that's true but
Debby does".

 

[honeysucklerose]

Lisa was sitting on the sofa with her legs drawn up under her when Jim came home. She could tell that he was in terrible discomfort from the way he entered the apartment. It seemed that each step he took was very painful to him.

"Hi Jim," Lisa said as cheerfully as she could. She was not much better off than her husband.

The previous evening she had about as many fat cocks in her own cunt and anus as Jim had in his butt. The act of speaking was in itself painful as her jaw's ached from being streached around massive cocks.

Jim explained that he had a massive hangover in order to mask his true condition. When he bent to kiss her his lip's caused lots of pain to Lisa's. Lisa's lips were raw from her evening of cock sucking. She explained it away as a bad case of chapped lips.

Since Jim was hiding his own condition he accepted her feeble
explanation. Lisa smiled to herself as Jim went and took a shower. She had now seen Jim's true self the night before and she had enjoyed what she had seen. Soon she would be able to have the kind of marriage she really wanted with him but not just yet. There were still many men that she wanted to sample by herself before Jim was aware that she knew of his desires. Oh yes, so many men.

The evening passed without any sex between them. It would have been hard for Lisa to have even considered giving her husband a blowjob. The effort would have caused pain to her mouth. She did get a look at his poor cock and noticed that
it was red and swollen from having it sucked on by so many men, many who had various stages of whiskers. Some were bearded and some just had their five o'clock shadows. She almost felt sorry for him since the same unshaven mouths had made her
own breast and anus raw.

She recalled a time a few years before when his sister had
visited them. Stephanie had gotten her self screwed silly one night by Mike, a neighbor in their apartment building, and he had fucked her from behind with her face on the carpet. Stephanie's chin was raw from rug burns for several days. She had
kidded Stephanie then. Now she was suffering from the same only not confined to her chin.

Two days later Lisa and Jim had to go back to work. She had not spoken at length to Lanny except for a short phone conversation. Lanny was eager to know how things had gone with Jim.

"Well Lanny," she told him, "we left each other alone and I'm sure he was as grateful as I was." She asked about him then.

Lanny told her that he had enough sex that one night to do him a lifetime though naturally he wanted more "but not like that," he added.

"I'll have them only a dozen at a time from now on."

Lisa laughed at her boss.

"Yeah," she said, "same here but I have to admit that it was
an experience that I am very glad I had."

Later in the stock room she asked to see his cock.

"I just want to see if it's still there," she explained. She opened his pants and took out his cock.

"Oh the poor thing," she said playfully as she fondled it and caused it to stiffen a little. She took it into her mouth and gently sucked at it. She wanted to make sure that she was able to perform fellatio after that night. She was happy to find that she was able feel his now fully hard cock without discomfort.

Lanny told her that he had a lot of work to do and that he would settle for a blowjob today. That morning she had eased
a finger into her pussy and found it just a little sore and wanted to give it another day or two before she tried more. Lanny exploded in her mouth with hot sperm and she drank it greedily. The sperm was soothing to her throat as she swallowed "hair of the dog" as she kidded Lanny.

Lanny said that he was glad to have helped her and that she had
also taught him that he could have sex with women as well as men.

"To think that I wasted all those years."

Lanny told her that he had been approached by one of the store managers to see if he could arrange some females for an upcoming party that the big wheels from other stores as well as the main office in New York were having. The story was that many of the bosses would have their wives with them and wanted to have a little fun without their wives knowledge.

"You can't imagine that people who know you are
gay will ask of you. They think that I am a pervert," Lanny said.

"Well you are one Lanny," Lisa kidded him, "and so am I."

Lanny said that he realized that and that was the reason he
thought that she would do fine. He told her that there would be a room next to the mens bathroom that they could sneak into. They had built several private booth where a man could go. Each booth would have a large hole in one wall and the booths were all
backed up against a room where a couple of women could give the men blowjobs.

"You can make five hundred for the night," he told her, "and get to suck a lot of cock. I even though of doing it myself but I guess they would be able to tell if it were a man or woman."

"You said a couple of women. Do you have someone
else in mind?" Lisa asked him.

Lanny told her that Debby from the cosmetics department was going to do it also. Lisa knew Debby well, a beautiful black girl from mixed heritage.

"Debby," Lisa gasped, "Oh, she is truly beautiful. What will she think of me?"

Lanny said that he had already told her that Lisa might be the other woman and had gotten a similar reaction from her.

"Perhaps the two of you could get together before hand."

Lisa thought it was a good idea.

"Well, it will be next week so you have lots of time," Lanny said.

Lisa made arrangements for Debby to stop by her apartment the next evening when Jim would be in Sacramento. She also arranged for Randy to be there also. After some small
talk Lisa suggested that they get comfortable.

"I have a friend with a large fat cock coming by. I thought that we could practice a little first," Lisa announced.

Debby was nervous at first but then said, "Wel,l I do need the extra money...and sex. I haven't done that much lately."





I'm not going to keep going but I fixed your punctuation to hopefully give you an idea of what you need to do. Punctuation at the end of a statement (your periods and commas) go within the quote, not after. Usually best to start a new paragraph whenever you start a new quote unless your just quoting a phrase. If you want to use elipsis (...) usually use three or four at a time. When you determine where the quote is coming from (he said, she said) that usually comes after the quote with the comma within the quote. You need two spaces after a period at the end of a statement.

Not my cup of tea for a story but with good punctuation I'm sure there will be some who enjoy it and it should be accepted. I did change a couple of your words also.

Good luck.

 

[DarlingNikki]

Re: Re: why do my stories not get approved

The previous evening she had about as many fat cocks in her own cunt and anus as Jim had in his butt. The act of speaking was in itself painful as her jaw's ached from being streached around massive cocks.

Jim explained that he had a massive hangover in order to mask his true condition. When he bent to kiss her his lip's caused lots of pain to Lisa's. Lisa's lips were raw from her evening of cock sucking. She explained it away as a bad case of chapped lips.

I'm not going to keep going but I fixed your punctuation to hopefully give you an idea of what you need to do. Punctuation at the end of a statement (your periods and commas) go within the quote, not after. Usually best to start a new paragraph whenever you start a new quote unless your just quoting a phrase. If you want to use elipsis (...) usually use three or four at a time. When you determine where the quote is coming from (he said, she said) that usually comes after the quote with the comma within the quote. You need two spaces after a period at the end of a statement.

Not my cup of tea for a story but with good punctuation I'm sure there will be some who enjoy it and it should be accepted. I did change a couple of your words also.

Good luck.

You also need to change your plurals. "her jaw's ached" should be "her jaws ached." "his lip's caused lots of pain" should be "his lips caused lots of pain." An apostrophe indicates the possessive.

"Streached" should be "stretched."

Regarding ellipses: Ellipses are always three dots. If you use them to indicate a pause in speaking, you use three dots. If you use them at the end of a sentance to trail off, you still use three, plus the period at the end of the sentance.

Some people are against using ellipses for anything besides eliminating words in a sentance quoted from sone other source... I'm not one of them.

I have no idea why your stuff is not getting accepted. I've seen lots of stories posted that could really use a good edit. Keep trying, I guess. Have you checked out the volunteer editor list? You might also try asking around in the editor's forum.

 

[hiddenself]

KillerMuffin has two great writeups that you could use:

How to Punctuate Like a Pro
http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=79818&page=1

and

A Crash Course in Grammar
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=39018

Other people have also written useful pieces -- try the search engine or the "How to" section.

hs

 

[nyminus]

Thank you both for your feedback

It gets rather disheartning when you read a story like the first
one I posted that was approved and has no quotes where they
are called for. I have always felt that a story should reflect the
mood of the writer and sometimes gramatical punctuation will
destroy that mood. But since many readers have emailed me
asking for further stories I will try. Perhaps your hints will help.

 

[KillerMuffin]

I've heard rumors that the webmasters have raised the standards on formatting since the New Year. This is only rumor, mind you.

What probably got your first story rejected were lines like this one:

She said they swam till nine and she went to bed at ten.


These sorts of sentences usually look like they need quotation marks around them. Couple that with all the pseudo-dialogue you have mixed in one paragraph, it can be confusing to the reader.

The concern is generally with the end-user, not the writer. You'll want to make your stories as easy to read as you can when it comes to punctuation and formatting. That means writing dialogue conventionally.

While there's nothing wrong with the way you did it in the first story, it's not the easiest way to read speech.

 

[nyminus]

hello killer

That first story wasn't mine. I took it from the site if stories that
have been recently published. Your comments were exactly my
point. I read the story and had trouble making sense of it. I
could simply not understand what standards were being used.
In my case they seemed arbitrary. Why would a story that had
no quotetation marks where they were , in my opnion ,
called for be published and mine wasn't. I have always used
quotetation marks where they were called for yet my rejection
notice clearly stated that I should " make my characters come
alive" and the essay section of the writers guide, which the rejection, referred to clearly was about quotation marks.
It takes some time to write a story. Then there is the time
involved in running it through a spell checker. Then the time to go
over it again and to have it rejected without any clear idea of
how to improve it is rather frustrating. Someone wrote what they
believed was the proper way to change it above however I found
their changes actually destroyed the mood of the story.
I feel that I am writing for the reader and not for my English
101 teacher. I have seen that many people have read and
have rated my stories at a 4+ out of five. To me that means that
they enjoyed them. So my question is : who are the people
that select the stories selecting them for? Are they selecting
them according to certain college level standards or are they
selecting them to satisfy their own concepts of what should be
made available to the readers. I read a lot. I read stories
from A.S.S.M. from Kristians and from white Shadows and many
sources. If the people who run the site are trying to acheive
a certain schoolastic level of stories rather than content then I
believe that they will eventually lose readers and we are the ones\that make the click on advertisments to sites that support
the site. That is how a free site works.
As I have stated it is frustrating to write and continually be
arbitrarily rejected. This frustration causes, I'm sure, many writers
to not bother with writing them at all. I have written this in hopes
that these people monitor the feedback section and this is my
way of voicing my opnion. I thank you for your comments





published or they selecting them for their erotic content?

 

[Graymouse]

Nyminus,

You know, I don't mean to cause trouble with you at all, but I'm detecting a bit of hostility in your most recent post and I just have to step in on behalf of people who appreciate proper grammar even in--gasp--their porn stories.

The thing is that, free or not, this is Laurel's site to run however she wishes. Regardless of past standards maintained here, she has every right to mandate a standard of writing that conforms, for the most part, to established rules of grammar and punctuation if she so chooses. As someone who rolls my eyes and back-clicks the moment I see multiple grammar mistakes, I assure you that there is a readership for stories that use "proper" English. While your assertion that other free sites (and Literotica too in the past) have published well-received stories that blatantly disregard grammar conventions proves that such stories also have a readership, I must reiterate--both sorts of stories are widely appreciated in the world of free Internet erotica. Moreover, the fact that other free sites do not maintain these grammar standards (and the fact that I, as well as many other regulars on these boards, express an interest in properly punctuated stories) argues for the need for a site that DOES establish a certain writing standard. If someone is so set in their refusal to use standard English, they have options--there are ALWAYS places to publish on the Internet. Personally, I applaud Laurel if she is indeed raising the "grammar and punctuation bar."

I also wish to point out that, contrary to your assertion, you HAVE been provided with a clear means of "improving" your story--edit it such that the punctuation and grammar conforms more closely to standard English. Someone here was kind enough to start that process for you--this was not a matter of their opinion; changes that were made were, for the most part, in accordance with any writing text book. While you may feel that this "destroyed the mood of the story," the fact is that "destroying the mood" is what seems to be required at this point if you want the story published here. Like it or don't; given the language of the rejection form, I'd say that's your only option.

For even more guidance, refer to the links to Killermuffin's how-to pieces. They're there for a reason; they really will help you.

Like I said, I'm not saying any of this to anger you. You're fully entitled to your opinion and to your right to express it here. It is, however, important to me to point out that there ARE numerous people who support the idea of some basic grammatic standards--they really do make for easier reading. Fortunately, these same people are the ones who would be more than happy to help you tweak your story such that it fulfills these. I don't doubt that there are readers here and elsewhere who like your stories as they are, but if the standards here are being changed--and only Laurel can confirm this--you will likely find that a majority supports this and there's nothing you can do about that; thus you really ought to entertain the idea of a punctuation makeover. It won't kill the mood of your story--I promise .

 

[eyefish]

The Indian authors will have to submit their stories somewhere else if the "new" standards rumor turns out to be true.

 

[nyminus]

Hello Eyefish

What you say is correct. When I read a story I can pretty well
determine if the writer has english as a first language and read the
story with that in mind. I have lived in Europe for several years and traveled extensively so I understand that. I do not write
my stories to illustrate my worldly travels and sophistication.
I write them as a man who has loved to see his wife with other
men. There are are many people who look for these stories and
want only the content. NOT THE POLITICAL CORRECTNESS OF IT.
I also have a degree in Psychology and I took a lot of English
courses. But when I am writing a sex story I do not consentrate
on that aspect. I try to make it reasonably intelligent ,as far as
a sexual situation goes. I believe that too much empahsis had
been put on the gramatical points of a story rather than the
Sexual content. If a story is so badly written that it hard to knoiw
what has happened then that is different. Buy give me a break.
I feel as if I am being graded by one of my teachers and I think
"fuck it it's not worth it". I remember one case in college when
a teacher was telling me that my stories showed a lot of imagination
but contained spelling errors. I asked that teacher how she knew
that the words were misspelled. She said tht she knew how the
word was supposed to be spelled. I asked her then if she knew
what I was trying to get across. She said she did. I then told her
that the purpose of the written word was to convey an idea or such and since
she had understood what I was writing about then my writing
accomplished it's purpose reguardless if it was spelled "correct".
One thing i do know about any language is that it evolves. The
spelling of words has changed over the years. Look at Bobby
Burns for instance or William Whats-his-name.
I have looked over the writers resources and get this. It states
that men do not ejaculate in great amounts but in teaspoons
and not several times. There is comment about not making a
point over the size. Lets be real. I have known men that ejaculated
litteral buckets and time and time again. What the guidelines
refer to is the average. We al know that the average is pretty
boring. The average never does anything beyond the average.
They make for poor situations. Take for instance the character
of George on Seinfield who comes up with the idea for a show
in which nothing happens. That is the world of the average, nothing.
It is also refered to as mediocracy. ( sorry if that spelling isn't
correct but I am sure you understand me) I have written on other forums about our present world situation I have tried to say
what I feel only to have some asshole write a response making
snide remarks about my spelling. I think this is just to try and
belittle the content of my post without having a real opnion on it.
So getting back to my point. Being picky about grammar, unless
really really bad, is this boards way of advancing the cause of the
uninteresting and mundane. The guide lines also mentioned something
about not using terms like "up her poop shute" . While I would never
employ such phrases some people do talk and think that way.
Now some mistake are bad. That's why Jay Leno does his
headlines part of his show. Who has not read in any novel or
newspaper an obvious mistake. Does a person throw the newspaper or book away and say "my desire for gramatical
perfection will not allow me to really enjoy this book because of
it's
mistakes?" Is the person so anal that he will , reguardless of the
fact that is is by Clancy, let that or those mistakes keep him from
enjoying the novel or finding out about a news item..
I think that the new guidelines are ANAL and that the stories
will become mundane due to it. If you wish to disagree with me
on this on the forum please indicate how I can find a story that
you have written and let me judge it according to the ' peter
meter' scale.

 

[DarlingNikki]

Re: Hello Eyefish

Lets be real. I have known men that ejaculated
litteral buckets and time and time again.

Fucking gross. Thank God I haven't come across one of those men... we'd have to do it in the bathtub.

Seriously, grammar does not = mundane. It's more than possible to write a good story with good grammar.

As a writer, you are allowed to eschew grammar and spelling when you've mastered them and know exactly what you are choosing not to do, but I suspect you have not. (For that matter, you are allowed to do whatever you want - you just can't expect everyone to want to publish it.)

Why are you so proud of a lack of ability?

 

[nyminus]

"Darling" Nikki

You gave yourself away with the statement " thank God I have'nt
come across one of those men" You gave me some insight into
your personality. I just mentioned what the guidelines said and
yet you had to qualify it with your statement. You evidently
concider that any other than what you yourself enjoy is
GROSS. Well that is certainly your priviledge however the site
does not cater just to people with your obvious hangups. OR
perhaps it does. Perhaps that is what it is becomming. If so then
I will post elsewhere. You also totally ignored my request to post
a way to find a story that you have written. That is the only way to
judge you since you obviously choose to judge me. I do not judge
others right to publish just because I do not like them . I simply
do not waste my time reading them. Believe me Literotica is not
the place to post what you might hope to be the GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL.

 

[DarlingNikki]

Re: "Darling" Nikki

You gave yourself away with the statement " thank God I have'nt
come across one of those men" You gave me some insight into
your personality. I just mentioned what the guidelines said and
yet you had to qualify it with your statement. You evidently
concider that any other than what you yourself enjoy is
GROSS.

--I do find it gross. But in the interest of not offending those who are turned on by that, I'll take back the rude word.
Anyway I never said you couldn't write it. But seriously, do you know what literal means? I truly doubt you know any man who can ejaculate literal buckets. You could drink a case of beer and still not urinate literal buckets. You could cut your leg off and you might not even bleed literal buckets. BTW, the article you were referring to wasn't a rule, it was a suggestion. If you want buckets of ejaculate, write them--

Well that is certainly your priviledge however the site
does not cater just to people with your obvious hangups. OR
perhaps it does. Perhaps that is what it is becomming. If so then
I will post elsewhere.

--I don't have hangups. I have likes and dislikes, as you do. I don't expect this site to cater to me, although you certainly seem to expect it to cater to you.--

You also totally ignored my request to post
a way to find a story that you have written.

--I didn't ignore anything. You can find a story I have written the same way you find one from any other author here.--

That is the only way to
judge you since you obviously choose to judge me. I do not judge
others right to publish just because I do not like them . I simply
do not waste my time reading them.

--I'm not judging your story, I'm replying to your stated opnion. And if you read my post again, you'll see that I said you can write whatever and however you want, you just can't expect to get your story posted wherever you want. BTW, since you obviously don't like me, why are you trying to read my stories?--

Believe me Literotica is not
the place to post what you might hope to be the GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL.

--Why do people always come back with this line? There is so much in that space between borderline illiteracy and the great American novel--


[/B]

 

[nyminus]

"darling"nikki

Well "darling"nikki. Ifound one of your stories. I gave it a "totally Limp"
grade. It was boring and pointless to me. I have met women such as yourself
and they left me the same way, limp.

To begin with your story contained some errors. There were several but I will
make note of a couple.
Tommy didn’t strive for more than what was easy to get. He liked the freedom to stay up late and do what he pleased, and he took sketchy temporary jobs that allowed him to do just that. He liked sex, but he liked it with a lot of different women and didn’t want to put any work into other aspects of a relationship. F

inally, after one more morning slinking home alone in a disheveled, skimpy outfit, I realized that the thrill had begun to wear off and I was forced to admit to myself that Tommy and I would never be a real couple. I think now that he only liked me because I was his type physically, with my slender body, light brown skin, full lips, and long dark hair.

of his jeans to rub his engorged cock. “It can be… painful for a guy, to not—" (here too)

“Oh, don’t give me that. It can be painful for a woman too, you know,” I said, with genuine annoyance.

“It can?”

“Are you kidding me? You think it’s easy for me to do all this and then just stop and go back to my room? You think I don’t want more?”

“Well, I—" ( you should have used an ellipse here ... not -)

the story was full of such mistakes. Other writers guides on Netscape search state that
the - is used to connect other words and that the ellipse should be used in place of missing words. Oh you will be happy to know that I voted on your story. I gave it a (1) that was the
lowest I could give.

 

[DarlingNikki]

A dash signifies an interruption in speech by another character.

But I surely do feel stupid after all that bragging I did about how perfect my writing is!!

 

[nyminus]

Sorry DK I did not see it.

Here is a page I copied from the web page of Gary A. Olsen.
I would not have went to all this bother had you not gotten
personal and attacted my character. Beware of that unless you
can back it up.
The Dash



The dash—often typed as two hyphens side by side with no space between the dash and
the words on either side of it—is used to connect groups of words to other groups.
Generally, the dash does this in two ways: it separates words in the middle of a sentence
from the rest of the sentence, or it leads to material at the end of a sentence.

1) Separating Words in the Middle of the Sentence

As described in our section on commas, writers often place a component in a sentence and
set the component off with commas. Sometimes, however, you might wish to place special
emphasis on the component, but commas are too weak to serve this purpose. If this is the
case, you may wish to use dashes for added emphasis. For example, look at these two
pairs of sentences:

1.Linda Simpson, the president’s most trusted economic advisor, will
resign her office during today’s press conference.
2.Linda Simpson—the president’s most trusted economic advisor—will
resign her office during today’s press conference.
3.Simpson’s prescription for the economy, lower interest rates, higher
employment, and less government spending, was rejected by the
president’s administration.
4.Simpson’s prescription for the economy—lower interest rates, higher
employment, and less government spending—was rejected by the
president’s administration.

All four examples are correct, but numbers 2 and 4 place more emphasis on the
component within them because of the dashes. Also, you have probably noticed that
number 4 is much clearer than number 3 because the dashes clearly mark where the
component begins and ends, whereas the reader might become confused by all the
commas in number 3. In other words, you can use the dash to make sure your reader
clearly understands your point.

In addition, you have an added advantage when using dashes over commas: you can use a
full sentence as a component. For example, examine these sentences:

Linda Simpson—her enemies call her the author of our nation’s
economic woes—has resigned her office with the present
administration.

The present economic condition—Linda Simpson calls it an
economic disaster—will require stringent fiscal measures before
improving.

Notice how economical your sentence is when you can interject another entire sentence
into the middle of it. Combining sentences in this way accentuates the relationship between
the ideas and helps you draw attention to the component within the dashes.

2) Adding Words to the End of a Sentence

You can also use a dash to attach material to the end of your sentence when there is a
clear break in the continuity of the sentence. Here are two examples:

The president will be unable to win enough votes for another term of
office—unless, of course, he can reduce unemployment and the
deficit simultaneously.

Generally, the president’s economic policies have proven
ineffective—although, it’s true that he has lowered inflation
considerably.

These two samples show how you can attach added material to the end of your sentence.

Use dashes sparingly—only for those occasions when you wish to show special emphasis.
They can help you communicate effectively in certain situations, but you don’t want to
clutter your prose with too many of them.


Introduction | Colon | Semicolon | Comma | Dash | Apostrophe

 

[DarlingNikki]

Well I'll certainly be sure to beware you in the future, lest my new stories get hit with the dreaded wrath of your powerful (and oh-so-mature) voting finger.

Kindly point out where I attacked your character?

 

[hiddenself]

nyminus get a grip.

First of all, your posted gripe was not whether you or DN or Laurel find a particular story erotic or not. The point was why some stories get rejected on the basis of grammar, spelling, etc (and others do not).

IMO, DN's "fucking gross" comment (which she graciously retracted) was off. But chill out. I was extremely offended by your post's cheap sarcasm ("darling"), condescension ("I've met women such as you") and the like. Do you think this reflects well on you?

Now, you pointed out two instances in DN's story where the ellipsis vs. dash issue comes up. For the first one you're clearly wrong. In direct quotes, a dash should be used if the speaker is interrupted, while an ellipsis should be used if the speaker pauses or trails off. The dash can also be used to do other things as you point out but that is irrelevant. Do you want to learn how these things are supposed to be used or just whine? I gave you a well meaning pointer to read up the rules in KM's excellent writing. Did you even try to do so?

You say that with better grammar and writing, "the stories will become mundane." It is possible that someone who has a great story idea and a great skill with the flow and telling of the story may be an atrocious speller and such. So, yes, maybe he/she might find it hard to get a story posted here. In real life, such writers have good editors and they do get published. But the same applies to Lit. There are lots of people who are willing to help you with both form and substance feedback. That said, most good writers learn (make the effort) to have decent (not necessarily perfect) spelling, grammar, and syntax anyway. Laziness and unwillingness to make an effort is not an excuse.

You also have to consider that for those who are English speakers, bad writing detracts from the substance and makes it much harder for them to enjoy a story. So, everything else being equal, a story will resonate more with better spelling and grammar than without. Therefore, your argument doesn't hold.

I agree that it's frustrating to see other posted stories with tons of typos and outright awful grammar and syntax, when yours (may) be somewhat better. So what? Things do occasionally fall through the cracks. The fact that a few do, doesn't mean we should leave the floodgates open for everything.

hs

 

[nyminus]

DK

Why are you so proud of a lack of ability?

That was pure cat and totally uncalled for I was stating an
honest opnion and you retorted with the above. I never said that
I was proud of a lack of ability. That was you putting your little
claws in and making up you own mind about what I think or feel. It was your interpretation of what you thought from your own
mentality.

 

[DarlingNikki]

Well I'm not sure how that is a "character" attack, but I made that comment because you spent a couple dozen screen inches defending your right to poor grammar and spelling. And of course you have that right. Just apparently not here.

I would not, however, have voted down a story of yours out of pure malice. You just made a statement about your character yourself with that action - without me having to type a word.

--

I would just like to point out re: my comment about the ejaculate -I'm still taking it back, because that wasn't nice to say. However I would like to clarify that I wasn't talking about cum in general, or cum on someone, or copious amounts of cum, or enjoyment of cum or enjoyment of copious amounts of cum, but "litteral [sic] buckets" of it. "Buckets" would have to equal at least two to four gallons and is simply impossible. My comment was meant to reflect the difficulties involved in having a sex partner who ejaculated gallons of fluid. I mean, where would it all go?

 

[nyminus]

DNKK

It seems that reguardless of what myself or anyone else says
that you have some pre conceived notion of what you are going to say
reguardless of what anything is all about. My orginal post was
not defending my right to poor grammar or spelling. It was
about why some badly written stories were accepted and why
mine (admittedly with some grammatical errors) were rejected.
I was interested to know if there was another standard (an
non-published one) that was imposed such as content. Perhaps
the story moderator just did not like the situations in the story.
That was all. On other forums I have posted reguarding my opnion on a political situation to find out who agreed and the
honest opnions of those that disagreed. I have received replys
from those ( like yourself) who choose to attack my views with
rancid attacks , obviously because they disagreed with me.
I did not place myself out as a target for these looneys(although
it can certainly be expected) You attacked my post simply because
you disagreed with me and choose to use similar tactics as the
looneys to do so. Others replied to my post and I thanked them for
their intelligent comments. Your replys were by no means
intelligent and were filled with the same kind of intelligence that I found in your characters in your story. That is why I graded it so low.
It had nothing to do with malice. Your character seemed to be
wandering around in a mental fog, focused only on her school
girl romantics. You tried to make it appear as if she was a
sophisticated world traveler which I found which I found to be
basically unreal. It was just not my cup of tea as some like to
use. I spent years living in Europe and traveled extensively to
such places as Paris, Rome, Prague, Amsterdam, Berlin, Munich...
I could go on and on. Not to say that you haven't been places
just that they should be used only at settings for characters
and not to impress as you did (my opnion) . I used the Bay area
for the majority of my stories because I lived there. I did not
mention a certain place for litterary impact but simply because
that is where they took place. Besides I don't believe an adult
motel( for instance) qualifies as an attempt to emblish a story.
It is simply where something occured.
And by the bye a bucket has no particular volume amount
attached to it's meaning. A bucket can be a gallon or it can simply
be an ounce. A bucket is simple a container that holds something.

 

[DarlingNikki]

Re: DNKK

It seems that reguardless of what myself or anyone else says
that you have some pre conceived notion of what you are going to say
reguardless of what anything is all about.

Hey, you're the one who's ignoring hiddenself's post pointing out that you were wrong about dashes and ellipses.

My orginal post was
not defending my right to poor grammar or spelling. It was
about why some badly written stories were accepted and why
mine (admittedly with some grammatical errors) were rejected.
I was interested to know if there was another standard (an
non-published one) that was imposed such as content. Perhaps
the story moderator just did not like the situations in the story.
That was all.

You already knew why your story wasn't getting published - punctuation and making your story come alive. You posted that reason YOURSELF. Honeysucklerose and I tried to give you some punctuation hints. hiddenself gave you links to some good resources. KillerMuffin seconded the possiblity that your lack of quotation marks was the issue.

On other forums I have posted reguarding my opnion on a political situation to find out who agreed and the
honest opnions of those that disagreed.

Irrelevent.

I have received replys
from those ( like yourself) who choose to attack my views with
rancid attacks , obviously because they disagreed with me.
I did not place myself out as a target for these looneys(although
it can certainly be expected) You attacked my post simply because
you disagreed with me and choose to use similar tactics as the
looneys to do so.

Untrue.

Others replied to my post and I thanked them for
their intelligent comments.

Others? You thanked ME for my reply, didn't you?

Your replys were by no means
intelligent and were filled with the same kind of intelligence that I found in your characters in your story. That is why I graded it so low.

Intelligence or lack thereof of characters does not mean a story is not good. I mean when you think about it, it's pretty stupid to spend an evening sucking dozens of strangers' dicks given the diseases that are running around, isn't it?

It had nothing to do with malice.

Oh no? So why did you demand to see my story after I made a comment you didn't like and then come back with "Well "darling"nikki. Ifound one of your stories. I gave it a "totally Limp"
grade. It was boring and pointless to me. I have met women such as yourself
and they left me the same way, limp.... Oh you will be happy to know that I voted on your story. I gave it a (1) that was the
lowest I could give."
Sounds pretty malicious to me.

Your character seemed to be
wandering around in a mental fog, focused only on her school
girl romantics. You tried to make it appear as if she was a
sophisticated world traveler which I found which I found to be
basically unreal.

My story is one hundred percent true. And I didn't say word one about sophistication. I'm not going to address this passage further.

It was just not my cup of tea as some like to
use.

Then don't go wandering around in the Romance section giving ones to stories that don't have gang-bangs and gallons of cum.

I spent years living in Europe and traveled extensively to
such places as Paris, Rome, Prague, Amsterdam, Berlin, Munich...
I could go on and on. Not to say that you haven't been places
just that they should be used only at settings for characters
and not to impress as you did (my opnion) . I used the Bay area
for the majority of my stories because I lived there.

Blah, blah, blah. I've been to each of those places as well... who cares?

I did not
mention a certain place for litterary impact but simply because
that is where they took place.

And I set my story in Calcutta because that's where it took place. Even if it hadn't... so?

Besides I don't believe an adult
motel( for instance) qualifies as an attempt to emblish a story.
It is simply where something occured.

I'm not even sure why you made that comment.

And by the bye a bucket has no particular volume amount
attached to it's meaning. A bucket can be a gallon or it can simply
be an ounce. A bucket is simple a container that holds something.

I could cut and past a definition of "bucket" here, but you can go to dictionary.com yourself. I assure you NO ONE sees the word bucket and thinks ounce. "Hey, get a bucket of water, the campfire is getting out of control!" Okay. "Can I have some cookies and a bucket of milk?" Hmm.

Bucket means bucket.

[/B]

I replied to this latest post of yours because I had a few free minutes. But I just want to let you know that if you come back with another unparagraphed (which is VERY hard to read, btw) block of accusations, I'm just going to ingnore it, because this is getting stupid.