Why do I cry?

[Guest]

I am a male of 29 years and "happily" married with one 6 year old daughter. I love my wife, my child and my life. In the past 5 years at my job I have been promoted 4 times and tripled my starting income. Success seems to be just around the corner. Life should be great, so why do I cry?

I can sit there and feel like life is ending. I can sit there and see everything I worked so hard to get just.....gone! I watch t.v. and when there is a death I cry, a birth I cry, a dog crossing the street I cry. I am currently about to cry.

I am very unhappy all the time! I think about killing myself all the time! I don't know what to do, who to go to and why I should go there. How the hell can everything be soo great and yet, everything be soo bad. I have everything and yet nothing. Confusion is my confort and misunderstanding is my path. If to live is so damn hard then why make death so damn easy.

Ok, soo maybe happy is not what I am but what I should be!

Do you think god (if there is one) thinks to himself, "ohh well, you win some and you lose some"?

cya

 

[MADDOG]

NotSureAnyMore, I'm not an expert, but it sounds like you have almost everything you want. There doesn't seem to be a real reason for your unhappiness, and that leads me to believe that you are clinically depressed. It is an illness, and it is very treatable.

You don't have to feel this way. Go and see your doctor and tell him how you are feeling. He can help you. He may prescribe drugs, or he may send you to a psyhcologist. Or both. But whichever option you chose, you can improve your state of mind and turn your life around. Don't let this go untreated any longer.

Good luck.

 

[forgetunome]

notSureAnyMore...

I have to agree with MADDOG...it's most likely clinical depression. I know I suffered from the same thing no real logical reason but, I went through about 6 years of depression trying to fight it on my own because, I knew logically there was really no reason for me to be depressed! I went through the suicidal thoughts...it got to where it was a little unnerving to get in the car because...I would seriously think about driving as fast as I could towards any light pole or off a cliff...but thank God I didn't and it's not the answer...the pain that that would cause your loved ones would be everlasting! I finally gave up trying to will it away and went to a doctor who gave me a test and told me that I was severely depressed. And that it was a chemical imbalance...my thyroid wasn't operating right which also causes depression. So I am now on thyroid medication to correct that and anti-depressants and life is good! I am getting my old personality back!!! I feel hope for the future again!

Best of luck to you and get yourself to the doctor!!!

 

[Cheyenne]

I am very unhappy all the time! I think about killing myself all the time! I don't know what to do, who to go to and why I should go there.

You think killing yourself is a logical option when the pain you feel becomes too much to handle. Unfortunately, I've been there, too. Ten years ago yesterday, to be exact.

Unless you've been there, you can't imagine what a deep black hole depression is and how hard it is to climb out once you're on the bottom looking up. What kept me alive that night 10 years ago? Thinking about how my family would be in pain instead of me if I were no longer here. And, in my own warped logic at the time, wondering what would happen to my 2 cats if I wasn't here to take care of them. I always thought I could never have the nerve to kill myself because in my religion, I was taught that taking your own life meant an automatic trip to Hell. But guess what? It didn't make a bit of difference to me when the pain of living got to be worse than the fear of Hell.

Go to a doctor and get help. Please. I never did, and I should have. Recovery would have been much easier if I'd been able to tell someone at the time about the pain I was in. No one knew, no one suspected. Go.

 

[Samuari]

Absublutly, go get help. Depression is treatable and often has physical causes. Its nothing to be ashamed of.

Cheyenne, congratulations on your aniversary. I'm so very glad that you are still amoungst us.

 

[Becca Btr N Btr]

I know how you feel too. You do sound like as the others have said as though you have clinical depression. I want to tell you something though that may help you on your journey through this and to get help and feel good about it. A friend and I who both have clinical depression get a lot of well...you are just depressed.... it wears on nerves quick let me tell you! When you think of being clinically depressed...allot of times a bad connotation and thought comes with it. I offer this to you and have seen it help me too. Depression is not bad; nothing like it gets the rap for. It is an illness just the same as any other say Diabetes for instance...they need insulin to live. Well we have depression, and we need medication just the same way...to live. It is a chemical deficiency in our body/mind. WE are not bad or depressed...our body is not able to be up and "happy" as some other can. I promise this is very treatable, and also it is realized and found a lot as the holidays come up. It is a very stressful and busy time with memories everywhere. Do not take the fact that you feel like you could or might kill yourself lightly...again trust me here. You will feel like you can handle it and keep it under control...but you may not be able to that if your body is low in the chemicals it needs to function. Love yourself, and those you love enough to take the risk and go out to find help. Be choosy...they are not always the right therapist / doctor for you. Choose one that you feel safe with, as it is a time you should feel safe with those who can and will help you.

All my best...Becca

 

[Laurel]

I agree with what everyone's saying. It sounds like you may be running yourself ragged in pursuit of success. Depression, like all emotion, has a biochemical side. If you work too hard under too much stress with too little unwind time you literally work yourself straight into a clinical depression. See your doctor and talk to him about your current stress level. He'll probably prescribe some meds and hopefully give you suggestions on how to handle stress more constructively. Please let us all know how it goes!

 

[Stormystarr]

I know the feeling all to well Not Sure. If you want to E-Mail me, I can tell you how to begin to heal that feeling of pure hopelessness, becuase I'm sure that many here know of my manic depression. But I have come up with one way of making it easier believe it or not!

 

[Darowyn]

I've been there too, and you've had some good advice. If the greyness will clear for long enough, try to do at least one of the things that your friends in the group suggest. It will give you a sense of getting somewhere, or re-establishing a bit of control over the way you are feeling.
There is one more thing- you mention that you are 29.
You are coming up to the first of those milestones and having to come to terms with the fact that even you get older.
Let me tell you that it does not matter. Old age is a club. It's not compulsory to join. You can't stop the birthdays, but you can stay young in heart and mind for ever. If you are on this group you have one of the secrets of eternal youth. Music, love and imagination work for me!
You have done the best thing by sharing your feelings.
All the best wishes!

 

[Sammyjo]

I cry a lot now, too.

 

[NewEnglandBBW]

Please see your doctor. I'm going with the majority here in saying it sounds very much like depression. Your doctor can help rule out anything else medical, then you can go from there.
Sadly, with depression, the "good things in life" seem to make you more depressed, because you can't enjoy them. It's not your fault, you can't control it without help, either with counseling, medicaiton, or both. I found the help I needed to pull me out of a lifetime of depression, and I feel good most of the time now.

Good luck!
Email me if you need to chat!
NEBBW

 

[Cheyenne]

Cheyenne, congratulations on your aniversary. I'm so very glad that you are still amoungst us.

Thanks, Samuari. I'm glad I'm still here, too.

Another thing I forgot to add last night was that even though I never went for professional help 10 years ago, I learned to modify my behavior a bit to help keep me sane. One of the things I've gotten much better at doing is telling people when when they've disappointed me, or hurt me. Not casual friends or people at that level so much, but definitely with people that matter to me. It's that communication thing again. If you don't speak up, they don't know and they can't change, explain, or apologize for whatever they did or didn't do. And if you speak up and they just don't care, then you've learned something important about them, too. Either way, communication is important. Speak up.

 

[teresafannin]

Let me add my voice to those who recommend seeing a doctor & even a therapist. My fiancee has suffered from clinical depression for several years, but was just diagnosed 2 years ago. It does sound like life should be good for you, but the stress of success can be overwhelming. A good therapist can help discover why you feel the way you do & help you with ways to fight the depression. I am also being treated for depression, but mine is due to the murder of my son 13 months ago. Without the medication & therapy, my fiancee would not have been able to help me get through the last year. Have you talked to your wife about it? When we were trying to figure out why my sweetie was so sad all the time,for no apparent reason, we spent hours talking & listening to each other to see if we could figure out what was wrong. The change in him once he was diagnosed was incredible. Until we lost my son, he was like a totally new man. Now we are in therapy together, mostly to help me deal with this loss. Good luck to you, depression can be treated successfully, but you should also see a medical doctor for a complete physical, just to be sure.

 

[Skitten]

I can understand how you are feeling, and it seems like you have everything, but the fact still remains where inside you feel empty. You are going through some sort of a depression, I am not an expert or anything like that just someone who went through what you are dealing with. I cried all the time for no reason at all I just couldn't find happiness and I had everything going for me.

You have to go and see a therapist and see what is wrong it could be a chemical imbalance and there is plenty of things they can and will do for you. There are a lot of different medications and therapies they can use to help you.

so don't wait and hope it will get better, you are the only one who can make it better by getting help. Depression is not something you want to mess around with.

 

[Patryn]

Despite what others would like to believe, I've had a very recent experience with what you're feeling. If you'd like to talk e-mail me - patryn@literotica.org - and we can talk about it.

It took me a long time to realize that what I was feeling wasn't just "the way I was made". Some things are working, some things haven't. There's hope for anyone that wants it, all you have to do is ask for help. Take care and best wishes.

 

[Juliangel]

http://www.med.nyu.edu/Psych/screens/depres.html

Take the test here and see what your results are, as a long time depression sufferer I can tell you that with the right doctor and medication you can feel better.