Why do female subs go through Masters like toilet paper?

[WriterDom]

At least two come to mind from this forum. One had a Master within weeks, and later another after a "devastating" break-up. Another hopped aboard another train within a few weeks. It took me a year before I was even interested in looking for a sub.

 

[MissTaken]

I am going to try to answer this question reasonably well.

I probably fit the description of one of the two posters.

Why would go "Dom hopping?"

Well, when relationships are based on fundamental lies, it makes it much easier to move on.

Also, I have also seen novice subs, myself included, fall into "I have a Master" routine far sooner than is realistic or wise. When the relationship should move forward, but doesn't, <poof> there is no Master.

Well, those are the reasons I had two Doms in a year and a half's time and another which was a potential relationship that didn't go anywhere past the first meeting.

Two were liars from the word "Go" and the third? Well, it just didn't work out, even given our best effort.

 

[P. B. Walker]

At least two come to mind from this forum. One had a Master within weeks, and later another after a "devastating" break-up. Another hopped aboard another train within a few weeks. It took me a year before I was even interested in looking for a sub.

because subs are inherently naughty and need spankings.

j/k... I have no idea.

I think some are just able to move on faster than others. Each person's "healing" time is different than anothers. Also, some may just be moving on to "rebound" relationships because they don't want to be single, but they haven't yet found a worthy replacement. To them, being single is worse than being with the wrong person.

To each his/her own. It's their life.

PBW

 

[Freya]

Some people can't face being alone - whether D/s or 'nilla, there's no difference. So they move from partner to partner without taking time for themselves in between.

And then, of course, there are the flakes who throw around the word love like it's nothing.

 

[WriterDom]

Some people can't face being alone - whether D/s or 'nilla, there's no difference. So they move from partner to partner without taking time for themselves in between.

But isn't not taking time in-between a recipe for disaster?

 

[MissTaken]

But isn't not taking time in-between a recipe for disaster?

It could be, for some.

It all depends on the situation, I suppose.

 

[P. B. Walker]

But isn't not taking time in-between a recipe for disaster?

Yeah... just like some never pay off their credit card debt and just get by paying off the interest... lol. Pretty soon it will catch up to them.

I wouldn't worry too much about it, WD. What prompts you to ask this question, if I may be so bold?

PBW

 

[WriterDom]

Yeah... just like some never pay off their credit card debt and just get by paying off the interest... lol. Pretty soon it will catch up to them.

I wouldn't worry too much about it, WD. What prompts you to ask this question, if I may be so bold?

PBW

Just making conversation. It really wasn't the one that PMed me that promised to leave here forever that made me ask the question. But I always wondered about the other forum guru.

 

[Freya]

But isn't not taking time in-between a recipe for disaster?

I would think so. I have a couple of friends that do this, and it seems to blow up in their face eventually but they still do it.

Some are afraid of being alone, some like the constant attention, some eternally believe the grass is greener....there's a multitude of reasons.

 

[MissTaken]

I also see a trend with Doms who view submissives as interchangable.

Some submissives may find their need for "A" Dom outweighs their need for "The One."

 

[lilredwolph]

to be completely honest i have wondered this very thing many times.

i am a female sub, and i have had 3 Doms and 1 Top in 21 yrs., and out of those 21 yrs i have been Dom/Top less for a total of 5-6 years. yes i have had Nilla BF's tossed in there but it never went to a level where i would have been comfortable enough to even bring up my BDSM involvement. i never set out to find a Dom, if it happened it happened if it didn't Oh Well, i always make sure the relationship and trust is stable before i take the step into BDSM

 

[WriterDom]

I also see a trend with Doms who view submissives as interchangable.

Some submissives may find their need for "A" Dom outweighs their need for "The One."

There will always be guys out for a piece of ass. That really has nothing to do with bdsm. But it seems like reasonably intelligent subs feel like they have no self worth unless they are owned.

 

[lovetoread]

There will always be guys out for a piece of ass. That really has nothing to do with bdsm. But it seems like reasonably intelligent subs feel like they have no self worth unless they are owned.

Bullshit.

It has more to do with feeling wanted.

Everyone wants to feel wanted, irregardless of what kind of relationship it is.

 

[P. B. Walker]

But should a feeling of being wanted outweigh common sense? That is the question...

PBW

 

[lovetoread]

But should a feeling of being wanted outweigh common sense? That is the question...

PBW

Sometimes that feeling of knowing someone out there wants you outweighs anything else, including common sense.

I didnt say it was right.

I am just saying that because one does this, does not make them stupid.

 

[serijules]

just what works for me...

I've only had one Dom in the time since I 'discovered' BDSM...and seeing how that one went badly, I learned that finding someone truly suited to me (and I to him or her) would take a long time of getting to know each other on all different sorts of levels before making the relationship official in any way.

I'm very glad I learned that early on, rather than subjecting myself to failed relationship after failed relationship. Not to say that my next relationship, if I get involved in one, won't fail at some point. However, by that time I hopefully will be ready to handle it and learn from it again as I did the first time around, rather than cover the hurt by falling into another relationship right off.

What I find more so curious than why some subs seem to hop from Dom to Dom is why more people don't simply take the route of trusted play partners. I have dozens of people that I 'play' with or submit to, all with different levels and intensitys of relationships. Some just for a few hours when it works to meet for an afternoon, some for a few weeks of agreed submission, some just over certain things for a certain time...

This satisfys my need to play and submit and gives me a chance to learn as well as meet people that may end up being someone I can have a deeper, more official relationship with, and I go into the casual relationships with the knowledge on both parts that neither of us are exclusive to just each other or have any of the expectations that exist in official relationships. It's mostly just a friendship with a twist that satisfys us both.

Some of my play partners already have subs, and I just use that opportunity to play and explore with someone more experienced than I. It works so well, and I do believe that somewhere along this line, I will eventually build a relationship with a play partner that will turn into a true D/s relationship. But as with everything in life, I guess that method is not for everyone

 

[P. B. Walker]

Sometimes that feeling of knowing someone out there wants you outweighs anything else, including common sense.

I didnt say it was right.

I am just saying that because one does this, does not make them stupid.

True, it's not necessarily right or wrong... and definitely doesn't make a person stupid.

It just means they are ruled more by emotions than the cold hard facts. Sometimes a person just can't see the downfalls to a certain relationship, they just know that a certain person makes them feel good and wanted... and what more is there? But eventually, the practical side of life will catch up to them and they may or may not regret ever being with that person. But it is their life. And who's to say a short term relationship or even a "rebound" relationship is harmful? It maybe exactly what those two people need at that point in their lives.

Love, passion, being wanted, sex, whatever you want to call it, it's all made us do some crazy things... and I'm sure it'll make us doing crazy things again in the future. It's easy to judge someone when they are in that situation. But I'm sure we've all done some pretty crazy shit when under the influence of love/sex/lust/passion. I think that's one of the magical qualities of it... the ability to make us do stuff we normally wouldn't do. Things our brain says no to, but our heart says yes to. For example (and to be funny) what guy out there really thought it was a good idea to have something inserted into their bum? You know the first guy to do that was under some kinda spell. LOL.

Anyhoo... enough soapboxing for me...

PBW

 

[SexyChele]

I think the initial question is a bit of an over-generalization, but I have seen some pretty quick turn arounds since I've been looking into this whole lifestyle.

For me, playing just isn't as important as trying to find that certain some one I can truly connect to. I just don't understand others who can hop from one to the other - and that goes for both subs and Doms. If I've been through a breakup of a relationship that was more than just a casual fling, I need a lot of time before getting involved again.

But then, as stated before: there are many people in this world who abhor being along far more than anything else, and will do anything to avoid it.

 

[Cirrus]

Can't say this applies to me, because I have only had one Dom, and I don't want a Master anyway...I want a Dom. I don't want someone dictating what I do outside of the bedroom, I can screw up perfectly well on my own without someone else's direction.

In one particular case you eluded to, WD, I think it has to do with acceptance and self esteem, and being able to defer thought and decision to someone else.

 

[Desdemona]

I don't know, WD. Maybe its just a male/female thing. Maybe it has little to do with BDSM and more to do with people who are just looking for relationships. I can actually think of lots of reasons that someone would "Dom hop". Maybe the person who was devastated was just trying to find a way to move on (rebound). Maybe they're just horny. Hell, I've had a few Dominant play partners myself.

 

[Cuckolded_BlK_Male]

At least two come to mind from this forum. One had a Master within weeks, and later another after a "devastating" break-up. Another hopped aboard another train within a few weeks. It took me a year before I was even interested in looking for a sub.

That's simple. It's because regardless of what anyone tells themselves in regards to their BDSM status, women are in always in control of the sex lives of hetro males. Sexuality is a complete and total Gynarchy. They decide when we have sex, what kind of sex that is to be, and what kind of tribute must be paid (not necessarily financial) for the privilege. Then they evaluate us. If the evaluation is negative, they'll black-ball us. After which, it will be difficult to obtain the sexual benediction of any woman with even a passing familiarity with the first woman.

 

[WriterDom]

Re: Re: Why do female subs go through Masters like toilet paper?

Sexuality is a complete and total Gynarchy. They decide when we have sex, what kind of sex that is to be, and what kind of tribute must be paid (not necessarily financial) for the privilege.

Speak for yourself.

 

[P. B. Walker]

Re: Re: Why do female subs go through Masters like toilet paper?

That's simple. It's because regardless of what anyone tells themselves in regards to their BDSM status, women are in always in control of the sex lives of hetro males. Sexuality is a complete and total Gynarchy. They decide when we have sex, what kind of sex that is to be, and what kind of tribute must be paid (not necessarily financial) for the privilege. Then they evaluate us. If the evaluation is negative, they'll black-ball us. After which, it will be difficult to obtain the sexual benediction of any woman with even a passing familiarity with the first woman.

My opinion is that this is a slightly warped thought about how society really works. There are plenty of women that may approve me and find me worthy to have sex with, but that doesn't mean I necessarily will have sex with them... much less talk to them. I can think of one prime example of someone that comes to this board in fact. And she'd get laughed at from other women if she tried to "black-ball" me.

Generalizing is a great concept in theory, but it never works in the real world.

PBW

 

[Cuckolded_BlK_Male]

Re: Re: Re: Why do female subs go through Masters like toilet paper?

Generalizing is a great concept in theory, but it never works in the real world.

PBW

And, extrapolating what goes on in this forum onto the real world does work???? LOL

 

[Cuckolded_BlK_Male]

Re: Re: Re: Why do female subs go through Masters like toilet paper?

Speak for yourself.

Of course you are the exception, at least in your mind.