*Why Can't You Read?

[SimoneLisbon]

Okay since this was moved to a public forum and the exchanges were not through Literotica I'm going to toss my situation out here in hopes for understanding on this person's actions, although I think the title of this thread nails it down to a tee.

This morning I sent the following email to an author I used to follow here on Lit for many years. Some of the details are changed to protect this Litster's identity:

Hi (Litster/Author),

I've followed you since your days on Literotica and as I'm a (ways we're similar) writer, I identify with you, relate to you and was a die hard fan, supporter, albeit a quiet one over the years. I'm glad to see all your successes along the way as you've transitioned from Lit to self-published author. Congrats on making that difficult transition. I know the amount of hard work it takes to get there from my own struggles along the way. I'm not at your level yet, but you inspire me that it can be done.

I feel I've gotten to know you from your blog posts, excellent storytelling, etc. but I realize that this is only one-sided, the fan perspective, based only on what you've shared with your audience. I could be wrong and making a few assumptions and you could be an older white man for all really know. I doubt it, but hey stranger things have happened on the internet I'm sure.

Over the years I'v sometimes seen you make choices I wouldn't make. That's not a good or bad thing, just a statement of fact. We're not the same person so obviously you're going to do you and I'll do me. Up until now my thinking has been, you're an accomplished author and who am I to tell you my opinion, right? But as a fan of yours, I thought I'd get over my being intimidated by you and just drop you an email on a few thoughts I'd like to share.

I think you're a wonderful storyteller. I miss the days where I could find your work without having to pay for it. Color me frugal, but to find that high a quality of writing on a free site was an awesome find for me. I understand you have to eat and of course your work has value and it was about time you started to earn a living off of what you where producing.

I hated all that business that went down with (Story Title) by the way. I'm glad you were able to get it resolved. I was pissed on your behalf about it. Here, you'd offered your work for free and someone took the only thing you hoped to gain by publishing on a open forum, the credit. I mean I was outraged about that. Still am, thinking about it. I guess the good that resulted from that was you realized that people were willing to pay to read your work and that's when you pulled most of your work down and started self-publishing.

As you haven't done a blog update in a while I have no idea what is going on with you. Why am I only now writing to you about this? Well, it's because 1, I was concerned and hope you are okay and 2 honestly, I'm not as die hard a fan of yours as I once was, I'm still a supporter though. A few of those choices that you've made that I wouldn't were off-putting and I only check your page for updates sparingly as result. So until I clicked your link this morning which I hadn't checked in about six months, I had no idea you hadn't updated in over three months.

Anyway, I do hope you are well and I wish you the best of luck and success with your career.

Simone

After some investigation, I discovered this Lister was recently active, just on a different forum. So I clicked and was then following this person over there. I went back to work and that's how I spent my day. A few hours ago, I stopped by the new outlet to see what was going on in the world, I use it too. Turns out, instead of responding to me about my email this person took it to a public outlet by posting the following:

Ugh, just got the most passive aggressive email form a so-called fan. Not bothered by critiques because people just feel vastly different from one subject to the next and an author just can't take it personally. But if someone just HAS to explain what they don't like then just spit it out, make your point, cite some examples...and then don't forget to provide a suggestion to remedy it. What? What? That's the hard part? Oh gotcha! — feeling annoyed.

I was immediately in panic mode. Oh no, I'd offended the Author I so admired. Keep in mind, I hadn't read my email to them or thought about it much since sending it this morning. I assumed they felt attacked, totally not my intention, so I shot a quick note through their new social medium and I apologized profusely. In the quick note, I offered to find specific examples for my criticism. Then I went back and read the email I sent.

Well, their reaction was true, where they said, "...people just feel vastly different from one subject to the next and an author just can't take it personally."

I do still enjoy this author's work. I think they have an amazing talent, but this is an exact example of 'off-putting' choices I wouldn't make. I'd sent what I thought was a complimentary email, bordering on fangirl, that I was intimidated to send and instead of reading it and accepting it for the compliment it was, the author felt attacked and responded by calling me 'passive-aggressive' and a 'so-called fan'...

Update: This situation has been resolved to my satisfaction. I'm back to being a fan of both the work and author.

It can be very disappointing when role models let us down. From a fan side I had an expectation, maybe I'd imagined, daydreamed about the situation turning out a certain way, or not, I'm not saying for sure and you can't make me tell you.

Basically, I'm turning this thread into a life lesson for me and tossing it out to you, fellow Lit authors and fans, followers of others.

What are your thoughts on fans & authors? I try to separate body of work from the person, IE, I still love Lethal Weapon and can watch it over and over again. Mel Gibson, not so much. What are some good ways to approach a situation of this type? What's the etiquette? Protocol?

Thoughts? Comments? Responses? Own experiences you're willing to share?

 

[Noor]

How do you know they meant that about you?

 

[SimoneLisbon]

How do you know they meant that about you?

You are 100% correct. I assumed it was about me. It may not have been. Usually when I follow someone I am able to respond right there out in the open, however this person has blocked my access to their fan page so that I couldn't comment or respond publicly.

 

[SecondCircle]

It happens sometimes. Sorta reminds me of the song "Stan".

Anyway, I wouldn't be too discouraged by what happened. If he/she was actually talking about you, they probably just took your email the wrong way. It's honestly flattering to an author to have fans like you, while other times it can get weird.

I saw nothing wrong with what you wrote, and the author may very well have been a bit ungrateful. All in all though, don't sweat it. You are a fan that anyone would be glad to have. You did nothing wrong. If nothing else, just send the guy/girl another brief letter saying you're a fan and don't wanna impose or anything, but that you just wish there was some way to get an inside track on his latest stuff. I know a lot of authors here that have their stuff published offer discounts on their stuff, or even float some fans some stuff for free.

And if the author is still a douche, fuck em. Great thing about Lit, is there are plenty of awesome authors and stories here to sift through. Things go awry sometimes, doesn't mean you can always control it.

In any sense, continue to read, vote, and send feedback here on the site. While one may misunderstand you, we all appreciate the readers who appreciate our attempts at art here. Do not feel discouraged.

 

[Noor]

They are just human, like everyone else.

Yes, knowing quite a few professional writers, some can have off days, weeks, months and years.

Sometimes writers can be amazingly positive and resilient too.

 

[jdnunyer]

Fwiw, I wouldn't have commented on the email in public, but neither would I have responded. I'm not saying his reaction was appropriate or mature, but I can't fault him for finding your email a bit strange and passive-aggressive. An email that basically said "I was sad when you stopped making your stories available for free. They were so great! By the way, I haven't seen an update from you in a while. Just wanted to know if your okay and what you're up to," would have almost certainly been received differently. You might think that was the gist of the message you sent, but it looks to me like there's a lot of judgment being passed in an email that's allegedly inquiring as to his well-being/expressing admiration of his work.

 

[HeyAll]

I find could provide an opinion, and assuming the message was aimed towards you, maybe the author just skimmed your email (because of the length) and took it the wrong way.

It's just like how college professors get flooded with daily emails and they can only skim them.

 

[jdnunyer]

I find could provide an opinion, and assuming the message was aimed towards you, maybe the author just skimmed your email (because of the length) and took it the wrong way.

It's just like how college professors get flooded with daily emails and they can only skim them.

Perhaps it is no coincidence then that the one person in this thread who thinks the author's reaction is somewhat understandable (me) is a college professor!

 

[sr71plt]

I can understand it too. If someone was reading my stories for free and complained about not being able to read the ones I publish for money, I'd tell them to take a hike as being an ingrate.

 

[SimoneLisbon]

*giggle*...Stan, I love that song. This is another case of fangirl moment that I'll laugh about sooner, rather than later. Just not quite yet. Thank you for your kind response and suggestion, but I think if I send another email or attempt to make contact again at this point it becomes a case of me stalking them.

Over the years I've had the pleasure of meeting a lot of people, celebrities, or local amazing talent on the rise. I met System of a Down before they blew up and everyone knew their names. They were awesome. I'm used to meeting or speaking to someone I've admire for their artistry. But no matter how many times I do it, I want them to like me and can immediately be reduced to a blithering idiot, over sharing inappropriate embarrassing stuff trying to impress them.

I was a heavy metal show deejay in college and had an opportunity to meet and interview Type-O-Negative, specifically the late great Peter Steele. The story is an awesome one of me fangirling, but to keep it short, I couldn't speak to him. I ended up interviewing Kenny Hickey instead although the entire band was a pleasure to meet. They realized I was having a fangirl moment and thought I was cute. Peter Steele patted me on the head like a puppy and offered me a chair while advising me to calm the hell down. Tongue tied from actual contact with the hand of this bass playing, lady parts stimulating with just his sultry deep voice, genius, I plopped into the chair while having the sudden realization, I'd left my interview notes back at the radio station.

I'm glad you want me as fan. I'll let you know how it's going after I finish reading Still Irresistible...

It happens sometimes. Sorta reminds me of the song "Stan".

Anyway, I wouldn't be too discouraged by what happened. If he/she was actually talking about you, they probably just took your email the wrong way. It's honestly flattering to an author to have fans like you, while other times it can get weird.

I saw nothing wrong with what you wrote, and the author may very well have been a bit ungrateful. All in all though, don't sweat it. You are a fan that anyone would be glad to have. You did nothing wrong. If nothing else, just send the guy/girl another brief letter saying you're a fan and don't wanna impose or anything, but that you just wish there was some way to get an inside track on his latest stuff. I know a lot of authors here that have their stuff published offer discounts on their stuff, or even float some fans some stuff for free.

And if the author is still a douche, fuck em. Great thing about Lit, is there are plenty of awesome authors and stories here to sift through. Things go awry sometimes, doesn't mean you can always control it.

In any sense, continue to read, vote, and send feedback here on the site. While one may misunderstand you, we all appreciate the readers who appreciate our attempts at art here. Do not feel discouraged.

 

[NaokoSmith]

Interesting that jdnunyer assumes the author you admire is a man. I did think this felt like a Men are from Mars, Women from Venus kind of thing.

If I got your email I would think, 'Gosh, a fan! she likes my work and cares enough to comment on some things. Wow, she has been quietly following me for that long, that is so great.' I would be a bit about some of the comments you make but I would just roll with those for the time being; I might write back and ask what it was you found problematic in my writing in case it helped me improve it. (LOL, I love it when a fan writes to me and I throw free vouchers at them for my work - but then I'm not successful in the paid market like the one you're following.)

I would certainly not post in public that someone had been narky about my stuff because that might put off other fans following me and writing to me.

But I think a lot of (more male?) people skim quickly and may pick up the wrong signals. So perhaps the author skimmed your message and only got that you were critical of them, then blew off about it.

that you are still objective enough to follow the person's writing although they were mean to you. Good writing should be encouraged and maybe the person will wake up one day and realise they are where they are because fans follow them.

 

[SimoneLisbon]

I know they're just human, really I do. But I can't remember it when I meet them for flipping out about the fact that I just met so and so, whoever. FANGIRL moment ensue...I don't have a clue what kind of day they were having...Maybe their dog just died, who knows...Yes, I've met other authors who just took the compliment, or they realized I was fangirling and laughed it off...

Yes, knowing quite a few professional writers, some can have off days, weeks, months and years.

Sometimes writers can be amazingly positive and resilient too.

 

[SimoneLisbon]

Interesting that jdnunyer assumes the author you admire is a man. I did think this felt like a Men are from Mars, Women from Venus kind of thing.

If I got your email I would think, 'Gosh, a fan! she likes my work and cares enough to comment on some things. Wow, she has been quietly following me for that long, that is so great.' I would be a bit about some of the comments you make but I would just roll with those for the time being; I might write back and ask what it was you found problematic in my writing in case it helped me improve it. (LOL, I love it when a fan writes to me and I throw free vouchers at them for my work - but then I'm not successful in the paid market like the one you're following.)

I would certainly not post in public that someone had been narky about my stuff because that might put off other fans following me and writing to me.

But I think a lot of (more male?) people skim quickly and may pick up the wrong signals. So perhaps the author skimmed your message and only got that you were critical of them, then blew off about it.

that you are still objective enough to follow the person's writing although they were mean to you. Good writing should be encouraged and maybe the person will wake up one day and realise they are where they are because fans follow them.

I'm surprised about the leaning towards the author in question is male when I left a huge hint to the sex and race in the original email. I guess I'm long winded and people skimmed...On the asking for giveaways, swag, etc from the author, I didn't want to ask for anything from them, because I thought it would be taken as rude...*shrug*

 

[SimoneLisbon]

Fwiw, I wouldn't have commented on the email in public, but neither would I have responded. I'm not saying his reaction was appropriate or mature, but I can't fault him for finding your email a bit strange and passive-aggressive. An email that basically said "I was sad when you stopped making your stories available for free. They were so great! By the way, I haven't seen an update from you in a while. Just wanted to know if your okay and what you're up to," would have almost certainly been received differently. You might think that was the gist of the message you sent, but it looks to me like there's a lot of judgment being passed in an email that's allegedly inquiring as to his well-being/expressing admiration of his work.

In a couple of posts up, I explained my thinking while writing the original email...FANGIRL while writing...I even put it right in the email...The author intimidated me...I just don't see the passive-aggressive portion on what I wrote...*shrug*...I felt and still do feel it was complimentary across the board and the author saw something in my words that wasn't there...but apparently you see something passive-aggressive in my words too...So please point it out to me...Cuz I can't see it...

ETA: Never mind...

 

[NaokoSmith]

I'm surprised about the leaning towards the author in question is male when I left a huge hint to the sex and race in the original email. I guess I'm long winded and people skimmed...On the asking for giveaways, swag, etc from the author, I didn't want to ask for anything from them, because I thought it would be taken as rude...*shrug*

Exactly. You were polite. If you were my fan, I would say, Thank you! Please do have a free voucher - or 25% off voucher if I am really trying to make my stuff pay - and let me know what you think of this latest writing I'm doing. But obviously the author read the email differently, and I think they probably skimmed. I wouldn't take it to heart.

 

[SimoneLisbon]

Exactly. You were polite. If you were my fan, I would say, Thank you! Please do have a free voucher - or 25% off voucher if I am really trying to make my stuff pay - and let me know what you think of this latest writing I'm doing. But obviously the author read the email differently, and I think they probably skimmed. I wouldn't take it to heart.

I know it seems like I'm taking it to heart, I'm not...I just thought this would make a great topic for discussion...Only I used something that actually happened to discuss...I'm not looking for validation on what I did or this person did...I will continue to be a fan of their work, just not the person going forward...That's it. I hoped this would lead to a discuss on fans, authors, that whole thing of being humble, yadda, yadda...this was just a real world example to get it started...Or at least that's the way I feel about it now...right now...after this post...

 

[NaokoSmith]

I know it seems like I'm taking it to heart, I'm not...I just thought this would make a great topic for discussion...Only I used something that actually happened to discuss...I'm not looking for validation on what I did or this person did...I will continue to be a fan of their work, just not the person going forward...That's it. I hoped this would lead to a discuss on fans, authors, that whole thing of being humble, yadda, yadda...this was just a real world example to get it started...Or at least that's the way I feel about it now...right now...after this post...

Oh I see!

Well, in that spirit, I love fans. I can't quite believe I have any. I love the ones for my romances - the Anonymice. They creep quietly onto Lit and post secretly and anonymously that *whisper* they quite like the stories (not mentioning any sex, y'unnerstand).

And I have another set who write long adulatory missives telling me what they would like to have me do to them with my cocksucking blahdiblah. I appreciate those very much too, and always say, Thank you so much for your supportive comment on my work. Although to be honest, some of those messages border on being short stories in their own right rather than comments on my writing.

I love the werewolf fans who get excited about the characters and indignant when the Alphas behave badly. I feel it's such a compliment when people are so drawn into the story that the characters have become like their group of friends and they want to tell them off or hug them when things go wrong and stuff.

I once saw a writer I adore - he is a cookery writer, in a shop where he was going to do a booksigning. He was clearly in a bad mood, sitting on a small chair with a tiny cup of espresso. (He is Italian, imagine the most stereotypical Italian possible and that is him. He used to say "I must kiss this chicken!" or whatever he was cooking and plant a smacker on it.)

I could not let this moment pass. I went up to him and said in as gushing a voice as I could: "Oh I just had to tell you! I adore your recipes, and I love it when I see you on television." He jumped up with a big smile, and said "Oh you makka my day! I must kiss you!" and he planted two big smacking kisses on my cheeks.

I feel this sort of enthusiastic reception of the emails from fans of my cocksucking blahdiblah might lead to a misunderstanding, however I always try to be polite.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnRc1saiTUU

BREAD

 

[SimoneLisbon]

Oh I see!

Well, in that spirit, I love fans. I can't quite believe I have any. I love the ones for my romances - the Anonymice. They creep quietly onto Lit and post secretly and anonymously that *whisper* they quite like the stories (not mentioning any sex, y'unnerstand).

And I have another set who write long adulatory missives telling me what they would like to have me do to them with my cocksucking blahdiblah. I appreciate those very much too, and always say, Thank you so much for your supportive comment on my work. Although to be honest, some of those messages border on being short stories in their own right rather than comments on my writing.

I love the werewolf fans who get excited about the characters and indignant when the Alphas behave badly. I feel it's such a compliment when people are so drawn into the story that the characters have become like their group of friends and they want to tell them off or hug them when things go wrong and stuff.

I once saw a writer I adore - he is a cookery writer, in a shop where he was going to do a booksigning. He was clearly in a bad mood, sitting on a small chair with a tiny cup of espresso. (He is Italian, imagine the most stereotypical Italian possible and that is him. He used to say "I must kiss this chicken!" or whatever he was cooking and plant a smacker on it.)

I could not let this moment pass. I went up to him and said in as gushing a voice as I could: "Oh I just had to tell you! I adore your recipes, and I love it when I see you on television." He jumped up with a big smile, and said "Oh you makka my day! I must kiss you!" and he planted two big smacking kisses on my cheeks.

I feel this sort of enthusiastic reception of the emails from fans of my cocksucking blahdiblah might lead to a misunderstanding, however I always try to be polite.

Well I have 3 followers that I know about...I treat them well, respond to emails...Overall I usually get great feedback, comments from people and if they email I will respond...I only had one person send me an email, something about wanting to cyber based on them confusing me with a character...Thinking that was who I was...I was polite, or so I though, in my response but they still took it wrong...

 

[oggbashan]

One of the problems with the internet is that it is immediate and spontaneous. It isn't the medium for involved transmission of subtle meaning.

When you write a story, a long post, or a long email you might think you have been clear, precise and accurate in your communication.

But will the reader interpret what you have written exactly as you intended?

Will the words trigger images or ideas that you didn't intend - because of the reader's own experiences?

Even one word, or a particular word order, can alter how the reader views the whole piece.

The mismatch between the author's intention and the reader's comprehension gets even wider if cultural or language barriers have to be crossed.

You know what you wrote. Do you know how it will read?

I don't.

 

[SimoneLisbon]

One of the problems with the internet is that it is immediate and spontaneous. It isn't the medium for involved transmission of subtle meaning.

When you write a story, a long post, or a long email you might think you have been clear, precise and accurate in your communication.

But will the reader interpret what you have written exactly as you intended?

Will the words trigger images or ideas that you didn't intend - because of the reader's own experiences?

Even one word, or a particular word order, can alter how the reader views the whole piece.

The mismatch between the author's intention and the reader's comprehension gets even wider if cultural or language barriers have to be crossed.

You know what you wrote. Do you know how it will read?

I don't.

Yes, you're exactly right. After reading the line, "I'v sometimes seen you make choices I wouldn't make" I can see how someone would see that as a slam, not reading the statements that follow it. There's an implied sentiment that I think their choices are wrong or something, which is not the case. I meant just not choices I would make for myself or the way you do things wouldn't work for me. I guess I should have worded it differently.

In my mind I didn't see that as a personal attack. I meant along the lines of, you might go skydiving, I'd never do that. You eat sea snails, I'd never do that (actually I don't know, never tried them). Or you constantly complain about people who don't like your work to the people who are trying to support you, asking for them to be sympathetic to the fact that you never learned not everyone in the world is going to like you or what you do and you need to grow a pair, uh, er, I mean, you eat caramel apples, again, I'd never do that.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

One of the problems with the internet is that it is immediate and spontaneous. It isn't the medium for involved transmission of subtle meaning.

When you write a story, a long post, or a long email you might think you have been clear, precise and accurate in your communication.

But will the reader interpret what you have written exactly as you intended?

Will the words trigger images or ideas that you didn't intend - because of the reader's own experiences?

Even one word, or a particular word order, can alter how the reader views the whole piece.

The mismatch between the author's intention and the reader's comprehension gets even wider if cultural or language barriers have to be crossed.

You know what you wrote. Do you know how it will read?

I don't.

I've been studying psychology for 50 years, and know that 99% of the confusion and blunders are the fruits of mental incongruence; that is our natural mind is conflicted with our adaptive mind. Another way of saying it or looking at is, the star and its agent aren't in agreement when negotiating contracts with the world.

 

[driphoney]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnRc1saiTUU

BREAD

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

 

[lovecraft68]

I think you're being paranoid and care way to much about what someone you will never meet thinks.

That is my short and sweet response.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Alas, much of the time we're not even stars in our own dramas.