Why can't I orgasm?

[me700]

Hey everybody. I've been a lurker for quite some time, but something has developed in my life that I think only this board can help me with.

My boyfriend and I have been going out for over a year, and we've been fooling around (mutual masturbation, oral) for almost that long.

We also in the past month we have just started to have sex.

Now, my problem is that while everything he does feels great, I just can't seem to have an orgasm.

I can have one while masturbating, but only with the help of running water from the bathtub. I've never been able to have one using anything else (i've tried fingers and hairbrushes)

But since we've decided to take such a big step in having sex, I would really like to start enjoying it to its fullest.

I know this is pretty common from the research I've done online and I'm wondering if maybe anyone else on this board has had the same problem.

Any kind of tips, advice or help would be greatly appreciated.

 

[SweetErika]

I'm willing to bet stress is the main problem here...you're getting yourself so worked up about having an orgasm that you can't relax and just let it happen. Put the orgasm out of your mind...just focus on how wonderful it feels and how turned on you are. If it's possible you're worried about other issues such as pregnancy, std's , getting caught, time, your partner getting tired, etc., you need to address those so they aren't contributing stress to your mind.
The other thing is that you might need a lot of stimulation to have an orgasm, maybe more than fingers, a mouth, or a penis can provide. I suggest you buy a vibrator (the Pearl Rabbit that uses 3C batteries is my personal favorite) and practice using it on your own, experimenting until you orgasm. Then you can teach your partner, or you can masturbate while he helps and pleasures other parts of your body.

A lot of women won't admit it, but this is a fairly common problem. Eliminate stress, relax, enjoy yourself, and maybe experiment with some toys. You will cum!

 

[Woodsycouple]

I would imagine you're on the younger side so if you can have one by masturbating you're ahead of the curve.

 

[CreativeSubmissions]

I don't know why I've never orgasm...how does one make herself orgasm? I can't even when I am alone...I only get very wet...I've wanted to for lovers in the past...but I just wouldn't be able to do so.

 

[Woodsycouple]

alot of it has to do with age.most teenagers can't and alot of women in their 20's don't. I've also heard it said that up to 1/4 of all women never will.

Don't be frustrated by it or think you never will. That will just hold you back. Just go with the flow and enjoy whatever happens, out of the blue you never know when it will hit.

And all women are different. For the Mrs to have her first it took alot of hard pounding for a long time. Other's would have cringed at the thought.

 

[SweetErika]

Creative, if you can't do it alone, you probably won't be able to with partners. Most women have their first orgasm through maturbation and fantasizing. You can try to read a story on Lit, slip into a fantasy, and explore your body and/or buy a vibrator as well (orgasms usually come faster and easier with a little help).

 

[CreativeSubmissions]

Honestly many of my friends go on and on about the orgasms,about how good it is. I've only been with two partners...I feel like I am disappointing them when I don't cum.

 

[Woodsycouple]

did the thought ever cross your mind that your friends haven't either??

 

[CreativeSubmissions]

But they tell me they do?

 

[Woodsycouple]

I've got a feeling you're on the younger side. Alot of younger people will tell these things to their friends to make themselves look and feel older.

My advise is not to worry about it. It will happen when you're ready and with the right person or by yourself.

As far as not pleasing your partner. With guys if you're giving any type of response to what they're doing they're happy they're doing something right.

Just quit trying so hard!! Enjoy the moment for what it is.

 

[CreativeSubmissions]

Thank you for the kind words annd advice, I supose I am young I will be 21 next week.

 

[njguy1002]

Thank you for the kind words annd advice, I supose I am young I will be 21 next week.

what do you want for your birthday?

 

[CreativeSubmissions]

Honestly I am not sure,maybe I will get a digital camera so I can put more pictures here,lol...but did you have something else in mind?

 

[njguy1002]

Honestly I am not sure,maybe I will get a digital camera so I can put more pictures here,lol...but did you have something else in mind?

more pictures?

 

[CreativeSubmissions]

Online,yes.:")

 

[njguy1002]

Online,yes.:")

where are they?

 

[CreativeSubmissions]

Not taken most of the time, I hope to get some once I get the camera for my birthday. I have others g rated but I don't know to send them on here.

 

[njguy1002]

Not taken most of the time, I hope to get some once I get the camera for my birthday. I have others g rated but I don't know to send them on here.

I would love to see your picture

 

[Woodsycouple]

send them on over and I'll help you out, hehehehehe

 

[CreativeSubmissions]

Thank you, I will try to have them up as soon as I can.

 

[Angusthe bull]

Relaxing

Dear Creative,

I recently had the most enjoyable experience of helping a lady to orgasm for the first time. She told me you see that she got very excited and then sort of froze up. I asked her if she was worried about peeing herself on the bed and she said yes. I suggested to her that for some girls the sensation of impending climax is like a need to pee but was not in reality so. I suggested to her that she pee well before masterbating and if she really was still worried then to put a towel under herself and go for it.

Success that very night! Better still she has never looked back, so again you see it was really a worry that held her back or stress if you want to use the buzz word.

I wish you well,

Angus

 

[geishaGirl]

Great post Angusthe bull about relaxing - I was going to mention that myself. Although I've orgasmed through sex before the feeling that I get when I'm sitting on top of my husband is one of wanting to pee. And one time my worst fear came true - I relaxed so much that I did pee - much to my embarassment but my husband was understanding and not worried about it at all.

My husband is only the second person I have ever had sex with and the guy I was with before him wasn't very considerate when it came to me being pleasured by anything sexual.

I have been lucky I guess in that I have always been able to orgasm by masturbating and I've been masturbating since I was quite young. When I was with my ex I too was frustrated Creative about not being able to orgasm, wondering if there was something wrong with me, thinking that maybe I was one of the kinds of women who just don't orgasm from having sex etc. etc. After having sex for a while I just gave up on the thought of having an orgasm from it and never had one the whole time I was with my ex. There were alot of relationship issues in the way for me too but I was pretending things were OK....anyway!

My first orgasm, without masturbating, was with my husband at the start of our time as a couple together. We were both fully clothed and he laid on top of me and pushed himself into me just like he would do if we were naked and having sex in the missionary position. It was great! It was unexpected and spontaneous but so awesome!!! Since then he has made me orgasm through intercourse in the missionary position (naked though) so many times it's not funny. One time I had 11 orgasms in a row. I have also orgasmed from having anal sex as well. And I thought I would never even have 1...I think it takes time for you and your body to adjust to the feel of it all and one day you'll probably have a lovely orgasm through sex. Until then, or if that time never comes, at least you are able to orgasm some way - that was going to be my consolation if I hadn't have been able to.

 

[Bandit58]

At 45 I am still learning what makes me tick. I've only been exploring my sexuality for the last couple of years, having been married to my first sex partner for almost 24 years. I did not enjoy sex with him to put it bluntly. He was unimaginative and boring (think missionary every time) plus he was an emotional bully and that is not conducive to a good relationship let alone good sex.

I didn't have an orgasm until I was 22. That was through masturbation. I grew up in a very sheltered way, no information about sex at all. Plus I was dealing with feelings of being attracted to women.......I was confused and ignorant and the self esteem was way low

I left my husband (finally) and embarked on a learning curve. Soon became aware that there was nothing wrong with my ability to respond to another's touch, but had to overcome years of repression of self. I bought a vibrator and began to experiment......that first sexual partner after the split was a revelation even though I still did not come hard I would have little climaxes and learned to relax and enjoy my body and his.

Now I am in a loving relationship with a very experienced man. He makes me gush and cum over and over until I have to beg him to stop (which he doesn't sometimes, cos He is Master ). We are still exploring my responses, I'm a bit shy but that is going as my confidence increases. He is the only one who has found my Gspot (I didn't even know where it was....oh the first time he made me gush I was so overcome that my legs went all shaky).
The combination of the right atmosphere, the right partner and the right touch does indeed make a difference

 

[Rusty914]

COME TO NY WE'LL HELP

Hey everybody. I've been a lurker for quite some time, but something has developed in my life that I think only this board can help me with.

My boyfriend and I have been going out for over a year, and we've been fooling around (mutual masturbation, oral) for almost that long.

We also in the past month we have just started to have sex.

Now, my problem is that while everything he does feels great, I just can't seem to have an orgasm.

I can have one while masturbating, but only with the help of running water from the bathtub. I've never been able to have one using anything else (i've tried fingers and hairbrushes)

But since we've decided to take such a big step in having sex, I would really like to start enjoying it to its fullest.

I know this is pretty common from the research I've done online and I'm wondering if maybe anyone else on this board has had the same problem.

Any kind of tips, advice or help would be greatly appreciated.