Why "boyfriend/girlfriend" when "husband/wife" is so much hotter?

[SteelPoint]

I don't normally post in AH but it strikes me that my moan is better aired here than in SI.

I've just seen the latest there in what seems to be a long sequence of story ideas where it's proposed that someone might be either loyal or unfaithful to a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" as the driving theme of a story.

Is it just me who considers that a BF or GF is an informal relationship where no undying vows are necessary, still less any exchange of rings, any solemn ceremony or the production of a certificate which has legal force... and therefore carries less clout as a story device?

People persist with talking about boyfriends or girlfriends in the context of cheating when, it seems to me, they are totally missing a more explosive "trick".

 

[SimonDoom]

It's not just you, but people are of different minds on this.

For some people, extramarital fun in the context of an actual marriage is just a step too far, so they'd rather see the fun happen in a less formal relationship. I liken it to incest story fans who'd rather read about sex with step-relatives than blood relatives. The consanguinity just takes it too far for them to enjoy.

My perspective is like yours. If you're going to do it, go all the way. Push all the chips into the middle of the table. I'd rather read about a hot wife than a hot girlfriend. I'd rather read about blood relatives than step relatives. It's naughtier and more fun and far more erotic.

Not everybody sees it the same way.

 

[alohadave]

Is it just me who considers that a BF or GF is an informal relationship where no undying vows are necessary, still less any exchange of rings, any solemn ceremony or the production of a certificate which has legal force... and therefore carries less clout as a story device?

Relationships vary and depend on the individuals. Some people 'date' for years without getting married and don't consider it casual.

Some people get married and don't think too much about sanctity or commitment.

Any relationship can be fully committed or casual, no matter what the legal status is.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

People persist with talking about boyfriends or girlfriends in the context of cheating when, it seems to me, they are totally missing a more explosive "trick".

1 ~ Not everyone shares your kink. The ones who do not, aren't missing anything. Deal with it.

2 ~ No two stories should be the same. You want all stories to be the same. That's your rut, no one else's. Deal with it.

 

[SteelPoint]

1 ~ Not everyone shares your kink. The ones who do not, aren't missing anything. Deal with it.

2 ~ No two stories should be the same. You want all stories to be the same. That's your rut, no one else's. Deal with it.

Deal with this: rather than lecturing and scolding from your very own "rut", perhaps you should address the point at issue, which is that deceit in respect of a spouse is a far weightier matter than the same in respect of a mere boy/girl-friend.

Boyfriends and girlfriends are being cheated on and dumped all the time. This is hardly just my subjective opinion or "kink" but an objective truth. It's a banal two-a-penny commonplace, the stuff of yawnsville.

Perhaps you forget that we are not talking here about idle chit-chat but about writing stories in a way so as to engage the reader and hold his/her interest. I venture to suggest that, for the vast majority of readers, regaling them with what happens to your average boyfriend or girlfriend will have them reaching earnestly for the latest issue of Sock Buyer's Monthly...

 

[SteelPoint]

It's not just you, but people are of different minds on this.

For some people, extramarital fun in the context of an actual marriage is just a step too far,

Then "some people" are doing that extremely common and erroneous thing on Lit.: conflating reality with speculative fiction.

 

[SimonDoom]

Deal with this: rather than lecturing and scolding from your very own "rut", perhaps you should address the point at issue, which is that deceit in respect of a spouse is a far weightier matter than the same in respect of a mere boy/girl-friend.

Boyfriends and girlfriends are being cheated on and dumped all the time. This is hardly just my subjective opinion or "kink" but an objective truth. It's a banal two-a-penny commonplace, the stuff of yawnsville.

Perhaps you forget that we are not talking here about idle chit-chat but about writing stories in a way so as to engage the reader and hold his/her interest. I venture to suggest that, for the vast majority of readers, regaling them with what happens to your average boyfriend or girlfriend will have them reaching earnestly for the latest issue of Sock Buyer's Monthly...

PSG isn't lecturing you. Just pointing out that people see this differently. You and I have similar perspectives on this issue, but others feel differently. For some people there are boundaries where if you cross them it ruins the eroticism. It doesn't feel right, and it loses the sexiness. Then there are perverts like me (and I guess you) whose attitude about boundary crossing is "bring it on."

 

[NoTalentHack]

I don't normally post in AH but it strikes me that my moan is better aired here than in SI.

I've just seen the latest there in what seems to be a long sequence of story ideas where it's proposed that someone might be either loyal or unfaithful to a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" as the driving theme of a story.

Is it just me who considers that a BF or GF is an informal relationship where no undying vows are necessary, still less any exchange of rings, any solemn ceremony or the production of a certificate which has legal force... and therefore carries less clout as a story device?

People persist with talking about boyfriends or girlfriends in the context of cheating when, it seems to me, they are totally missing a more explosive "trick".

Because sometimes what you want is a less painful story device.

As SimonDoom pointed out, there are people that can get off to stepsister/stepbrother porn because it's NOT blood relations. It's taboo, but not Taboo with a capital "t." Other people find it too tame specifically because of that. No one, I think, is arguing that one is more "potent" than the other; people acknowledge that. It's a question of whether that potency is always a good thing.

Put another way, I like cozy mysteries. They're silly, relatively ephemeral things, typically with largely bloodless (and certainly not gory) murders, a neat set of suspects, a fussy little detective, and set in a quaint English village in the 1920s. Would the stakes be higher if Ms. Busby went up against a serial killer who decorated the delightful cottages of Little Minton with his victims' entrails? Certainly. Would it still be a cozy mystery? No, and the people reading them would find that distasteful.

A cheating boyfriend/girlfriend can be more appealing simply because the stakes ARE lower. The reader can put themselves in any part of the story and, as you said, know that the worst likely outcome is heartbreak and not all the ugly minutiae of a divorce. Breaking the bounds of a more casual relationship works better for some people specifically for reasons like empathy for fictional characters.

Then "some people" are doing that extremely common and erroneous thing on Lit.: conflating reality with speculative fiction.

Maybe? But you probably want some of that. You want your readers to identify with your characters to the point where they empathize with them. You can't have your cake and eat it, too; if they can think, "it's really hot that these two fictional characters who don't exist are fucking within the context of this artificial world the author has set up," it's equally reasonable to think, "within the context of this artificial world this author has set up, the characters fucking are awful people, and I feel bad for the supporting characters/angry at the lead characters." Claiming otherwise is basically saying that stories should only have emotional heft in the places that you, the writer, deem appropriate.

 

[MrPixel]

Cheating BF/GF versus married couple? Gawd. Far less likely the former is going home to the same bed. Not that a BF/GF isn't living together, but a married pair is 99.97% likely to be. Changes the whole dynamic.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

Deal with this: rather than lecturing and scolding from your very own "rut", perhaps you should address the point at issue, which is that deceit in respect of a spouse is a far weightier matter than the same in respect of a mere boy/girl-friend.

What rut?

No, if marital infidelity gets you off more than unmarried committed infidelity, that is not the issue, merely what heats you up. Certainly it is (very) popular, but not necessarily the be-all-and-end-all. The real issue here is that you are upset that there are a handful of people in this world that aren't writing what you want. They disagree with you and as you are pissed off at them, proven by how hostile you are towards me for my stance. I expose that to you and and you don't like it. So now you have to deal with yourself. It has nothing to do with me or any lectures.

 

[alohadave]

Deal with this: rather than lecturing and scolding from your very own "rut", perhaps you should address the point at issue, which is that deceit in respect of a spouse is a far weightier matter than the same in respect of a mere boy/girl-friend.

Boyfriends and girlfriends are being cheated on and dumped all the time. This is hardly just my subjective opinion or "kink" but an objective truth. It's a banal two-a-penny commonplace, the stuff of yawnsville.

Perhaps you forget that we are not talking here about idle chit-chat but about writing stories in a way so as to engage the reader and hold his/her interest. I venture to suggest that, for the vast majority of readers, regaling them with what happens to your average boyfriend or girlfriend will have them reaching earnestly for the latest issue of Sock Buyer's Monthly...

You are coming in awfully hot. Do you need to talk about who hurt you?

 

[TheRedChamber]

Other people have given fuller answers. Just consider this...

He knows his girlfriend is cuckolding him...then he asks her to marry him anyway.

 

[SteelPoint]

PSG isn't lecturing you. Just pointing out that people see this differently. You and I have similar perspectives on this issue, but others feel differently. For some people there are boundaries where if you cross them it ruins the eroticism. It doesn't feel right, and it loses the sexiness. Then there are perverts like me (and I guess you) whose attitude about boundary crossing is "bring it on."

Really? I mean: really? Er... kindly check out post #4 and then tell me again that it was not delivered in a patronising and lecturing manner...

If you do, then I'll tell you to "deal with" this fault in yourself which seems to allow certain people to get away with uncalled-for unpleasantness. Got something going with "PSG", have we?

There, that's "dealt with" that. 'Bye now.

 

[NotWise]

Troll alert.

 

[John_Vandermeer]

I am in the "truly, really, bring it on" camp to exploring sexual taboo. Cruel marital unethical non-monogamy, noncon first degree incest, etc, those are my things. Though for the sake of certain stories to work often lesser relationships are required. I have a half sister femme fatale story that works because the MMC does not know who the FMC truly is, but the FMC knows her daddy is considering reaching out to and legitimiziing the "bastard" and is out to seduce and utterly destroy him before that happens. That sort of thing. But I understand for others a lot of taboo is too much. "Not erotic" is a common refrain from unsatisfied readers that leave a comment after one of my stories. Mostly because it went too far for them. A noncon mother-son femdom story, for example. A few absolutely love of. Many hate it.

 

[SimonDoom]

I tried to be constructive. With some, that's not possible.

@pink_silk_glove did you see this? I guess he's on to us.

 

[SimonDoom]

I am in the "truly, really, bring it on" camp to exploring sexual taboo. Cruel marital unethical non-monogamy, noncon first degree incest, etc, those are my things. Though for the sake of certain stories to work often lesser relationships are required. I have a half sister femme fatale story that works because the MMC does not know who the FMC truly is, but the FMC knows her daddy is considering reaching out to and legitimiziing the "bastard" and is out to seduce and utterly destroy him before that happens. That sort of thing. But I understand for others a lot of taboo is too much. "Not erotic" is a common refrain from unsatisfied readers that leave a comment after one of my stories. Mostly because it went too far for them. A noncon mother-son femdom story, for example. A few absolutely love of. Many hate it.

This is what I mean. There are plenty of people who think the way you do. And there are plenty of people for whom this is about two bridges too far. And that's fine. It's not something you can reason with or argue about. People are turned on by what they're turned on by. Write what turns you on and don't give two fucks for the criticism of people who can't understand it.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

Got something going with "PSG", have we?

I assure you, Simon has no passion for me. : P

 

[NoTalentHack]

Really? I mean: really? Er... kindly check out post #4 and then tell me again that it was not delivered in a patronising and lecturing manner...

If you do, then I'll tell you to "deal with" this fault in yourself which seems to allow certain people to get away with uncalled-for unpleasantness. Got something going with "PSG", have we?

There, that's "dealt with" that. 'Bye now.

For a guy named “SteelPoint,” you really are the most brittle person I’ve ever seen on these boards, and that’s saying a lot. “GlassPoint.” Try that one.

 

[SimonDoom]

I assure you, Simon has no passion for me. : P

Ssssshhhh. The more you deny, the more people will suspect. Keep it on the down low.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

Ssssshhhh. The more you deny, the more people will suspect. Keep it on the down low.

Oooh, is my thoroughly untitilating, plot-heavy vanilla finally getting to you?

 

[TheLobster]

Sheesh, get a room, you two!

 

[SimonDoom]

Oooh, is my thoroughly untitilating, plot-heavy vanilla finally getting to you?

You know, you can do a lot with vanilla. It goes with many things.

 

[RetroFan]

I got negative feedback on a Loving Wives story once because the wife and husband were already separated, with the wife in witness protection and the husband (an organized crime boss) on remand in prison when the wife cheats. The readers said it did not belong to LW as the marriage was already over although they were not divorced.

 

[Voboy]

deceit in respect of a spouse is a far weightier matter than the same in respect of a mere boy/girl-friend.

Yes, exactly. And some like their erotica less weighty.

Why is it difficult for you to accept that different people like different things? Seriously, lots of us have told you that in this thread, but honestly I'd have thought that would be patently obvious to just about anyone who writes.