Why Aren't BBW's All as confident as the ones here?

[WyldBreeze]

What can I say that hasn't already been said... I hope all of you find the love of your life and that he makes you feel as beautiful as you really are. It's not easy being a guy either that doesn't look like he just stepped out of GQ or has 6 pack abs. We tend to get ignored too... We're always looking for someone who fits us like a glass slipper. I hope you all find your prince charming Just be careful he doesn't turn into a frog the moment he gets you into his castle.

I don't want a "perfect" guy...I just want a guy that's perfect for me.

 

[IAboy]

I have a question.

There's a guy that I kind of have a crush on but I've never actually had any success with RL relationships and never before has a guy asked me out. I had a boyfriend before but 80% of our relationship was based online. And last night I had my first real first date ever. So I have zero idea about flirting or dates or what to do. I'm a complete and total n00b when it comes to this.

So anyways, this guy is encouraging me to work out. Would anyone else feel offended? Like you're not good enough for them? I kind of thought so at first but I supposse that if it makes me feel better and even if he doesn't go for me in the end, i'd feel good about myself.

Or just made a fool of? Humiliated? If he likes me he has to like me with my 180 lbs! right?

I would find out if he is encouraging you to work out because that is something he likes to do too. I would also find out what he was really saying when he asked that question. You are right, he should love you for you, but I know that if my wife asked me to work out it would be because she wants me to get healthy. Do you feel like you need to work out? Do you feel that you are living an unhealthy lifestyle? We all could use a good workout and spend some time at the Gym... I just never seem to get there.... Just like we don't like people judging us, we shouldn't jump to conclusions about what other people mean when they say things. Now if it turns out that he can't love you for your 180, then dump his sorry ass, but first give him a chance. Just have fun with this and ask him to be honest with you and be honest with him about your feelings and how is words are coming across to you. If what he says offends you or hurts you, he needs to know. It may not be intentional. We guys sometimes don't think before we open our mouths.... (guilty as charged here)

 

[Prettydirty]

I don't want a "perfect" guy...I just want a guy that's perfect for me.

Well said Wyld... Well said!

 

[IAboy]

I don't want a "perfect" guy...I just want a guy that's perfect for me.

I found a woman whose perfect for me.... We all want someone who is just right for us... I also want a Mustang GT....

 

[Guest]

If his comment came out of the blue, then you have kind of have a right to be offended.

I had some woman tell a friend of mine that I would be nice looking "if I lost some weight" I was a bit offended by her comment but figured that if she didnt like me what I was then it was her loss

He should like you just the way you are and not how you could look because you are the same person regardless. If he is encouraging you to work out because you mentioned it, that is great to have a support system in place, but if he brought it up, that is a little sketchy!

Hmmmm......I think anything you do, it should be because you wanted to do it for YOU. It sounds cliche', I know, but its what I feel. Then again, what do I know? I'm sitting here single as can be. lol I do wish you lots of luck with your new endeavor, though.

I've always lacked the confidance, the will and the drive to do things like that precisely because of my self-consciousness and insecurities. He didn't say it out of the blue, I mentioned I wanted to go to the gym and usually anyone would be like "cool, me too" or something, but I was a bit surprised when he kept telling me to go on. It made me feel weird and good, and a bit offended. Some might feel completely offended and others would like it... I suppose it doesn't hurt to try.

 

[WyldBreeze]

I would find out if he is encouraging you to work out because that is something he likes to do too. I would also find out what he was really saying when he asked that question. You are right, he should love you for you, but I know that if my wife asked me to work out it would be because she wants me to get healthy. Do you feel like you need to work out? Do you feel that you are living an unhealthy lifestyle? We all could use a good workout and spend some time at the Gym... I just never seem to get there.... Just like we don't like people judging us, we shouldn't jump to conclusions about what other people mean when they say things. Now if it turns out that he can't love you for your 180, then dump his sorry ass, but first give him a chance. Just have fun with this and ask him to be honest with you and be honest with him about your feelings and how is words are coming across to you. If what he says offends you or hurts you, he needs to know. It may not be intentional. We guys sometimes don't think before we open our mouths.... (guilty as charged here)

In all fairness, its not just guys that don't think before they speak sometimes. I can't speak for all the ladies here, but I know I've said some things before without thinking first.

 

[Guest]

I would find out if he is encouraging you to work out because that is something he likes to do too. I would also find out what he was really saying when he asked that question. You are right, he should love you for you, but I know that if my wife asked me to work out it would be because she wants me to get healthy. Do you feel like you need to work out? Do you feel that you are living an unhealthy lifestyle? We all could use a good workout and spend some time at the Gym... I just never seem to get there.... Just like we don't like people judging us, we shouldn't jump to conclusions about what other people mean when they say things. Now if it turns out that he can't love you for your 180, then dump his sorry ass, but first give him a chance. Just have fun with this and ask him to be honest with you and be honest with him about your feelings and how is words are coming across to you. If what he says offends you or hurts you, he needs to know. It may not be intentional. We guys sometimes don't think before we open our mouths.... (guilty as charged here)

thats kind of the thing though. Are all BBW unhealthy? Some of us have hormonal issues, of course if everyone works out, there'll be weight loss. But sometimes for some people its harder, for whatever reason, handicaps, other health problems etc. So if it is unhealthy, would that stop us from being beautiful? We can carry ourselves with confidence and embrace our curves and extra pounds, but we're still unhealthy then.

 

[WyldBreeze]

Well said Wyld... Well said!

Thank you very much! *curtsies*

 

[WyldBreeze]

I found a woman whose perfect for me.... We all want someone who is just right for us... I also want a Mustang GT....

Congratulations.....and good luck with that. lol

 

[WyldBreeze]

I've always lacked the confidance, the will and the drive to do things like that precisely because of my self-consciousness and insecurities. He didn't say it out of the blue, I mentioned I wanted to go to the gym and usually anyone would be like "cool, me too" or something, but I was a bit surprised when he kept telling me to go on. It made me feel weird and good, and a bit offended. Some might feel completely offended and others would like it... I suppose it doesn't hurt to try.

If you mentioned it first, then it sounds like he might have just been encouraging you. I understand about the insecurities, though....what would you have thought about his statements if you'd been the size you wanted to be? Would you still be doubting? Would you have considered it encouragement? By the way, you may want to completely ignore this...I'm very bad about over analyzing things. lol

 

[Kingofmycastle]

Sadie, I hope things work out for you with this guy. If its meant to be it will work out. In the meantime, you can always count on your fellow litsters for support.

 

[Guest]

If you mentioned it first, then it sounds like he might have just been encouraging you. I understand about the insecurities, though....what would you have thought about his statements if you'd been the size you wanted to be? Would you still be doubting? Would you have considered it encouragement? By the way, you may want to completely ignore this...I'm very bad about over analyzing things. lol

Hahaha don't worry about it. I haven't really thought about that, If he had mentioned it first, and I had been at my ideal weight, I would've felt a bit self conscious about it, but since it was my ideal weight i'd probably just think he was a shallow pig with super unrealistic expectations and move on. I'm good at moving on. I've mastered it.

Sadie, I hope things work out for you with this guy. If its meant to be it will work out. In the meantime, you can always count on your fellow litsters for support.

thank you very much hun! I'm not getting my hopes up, but we'll see

 

[WyldBreeze]

Hahaha don't worry about it. I haven't really thought about that, If he had mentioned it first, and I had been at my ideal weight, I would've felt a bit self conscious about it, but since it was my ideal weight i'd probably just think he was a shallow pig with super unrealistic expectations and move on. I'm good at moving on. I've mastered it.




thank you very much hun! I'm not getting my hopes up, but we'll see

*keeping my fingers crossed for you*

 

[IAboy]

thats kind of the thing though. Are all BBW unhealthy? Some of us have hormonal issues, of course if everyone works out, there'll be weight loss. But sometimes for some people its harder, for whatever reason, handicaps, other health problems etc. So if it is unhealthy, would that stop us from being beautiful? We can carry ourselves with confidence and embrace our curves and extra pounds, but we're still unhealthy then.

I am aware of the issues and you are right there are issues that are factors for people being the way they are. The first step is to be happy with who you are and with WHO you see in the mirror, not What you see. The second step is to realize that we ALL need to work on ourselves and keeping ourselves healthy. Yes you embrace your curves and extra pounds, but we all could be more healthy. I know some skinny people who smoke... is THAT healthy? I know some skinny people who eat junk food... is THAT healthy? I know some skinny people who love to party and drink every weekend. you get my point. Frankly I would rather know that I'm sexy no matter what, but still try and work out just to keep myself healthy and my blood pumping than believe I am sexy and not worry about my health at all. If a doctor told you that you should work out, would you be offended? If you were skinny and he told you that you needed to work on strength training would you be offended? I know what you are saying, but working out is as much for the mind sometimes as it is for the body. In the end it is YOUR decision and he has to respect that and not pressure you too much. Tell him that too...

 

[Guest]

I am aware of the issues and you are right there are issues that are factors for people being the way they are. The first step is to be happy with who you are and with WHO you see in the mirror, not What you see. The second step is to realize that we ALL need to work on ourselves and keeping ourselves healthy. Yes you embrace your curves and extra pounds, but we all could be more healthy. I know some skinny people who smoke... is THAT healthy? I know some skinny people who eat junk food... is THAT healthy? I know some skinny people who love to party and drink every weekend. you get my point. Frankly I would rather know that I'm sexy no matter what, but still try and work out just to keep myself healthy and my blood pumping than believe I am sexy and not worry about my health at all. If a doctor told you that you should work out, would you be offended? If you were skinny and he told you that you needed to work on strength training would you be offended? I know what you are saying, but working out is as much for the mind sometimes as it is for the body. In the end it is YOUR decision and he has to respect that and not pressure you too much. Tell him that too...

Yes but tell me, what is more socially acceptable. A big woman? Or a skinny chick that smokes? Sadly we DO live ruled by what society says, what we can do is NOT think the way society does but its still sadly overruled by the masses.

 

[GoldunAngel]

Yes but tell me, what is more socially acceptable. A big woman? Or a skinny chick that smokes? Sadly we DO live ruled by what society says, what we can do is NOT think the way society does but its still sadly overruled by the masses.

good point...sadly this is true. how skewed are people's views....

 

[IAboy]

Yes but tell me, what is more socially acceptable. A big woman? Or a skinny chick that smokes? Sadly we DO live ruled by what society says, what we can do is NOT think the way society does but its still sadly overruled by the masses.

I cannot argue that point.... Unfortunately you are very correct. Let me just say that if I were your boyfriend I would hope that you would be honest enough with me to let me know if I was going too far with my encouragement. I would want to know if I was hurting your without meaning too. Then I would do whatever I could to help you feel beautiful and sexy.... Telling you how I would do that is for another place and time Let's just say there would be a lot of touching, kissing, and moaning your name....

 

[IAboy]

good point...sadly this is true. how skewed are people's views....

Way to skewed if you ask me.... I make a public apology for all of my brothers who have ever made you feel less than what you really are... Which is beautiful....

 

[cuppycakes]

Sadie, I haven't seen any really good evidence that BMI and health are directly related. Seems like we get dealt our genetic cards and that's the most significant factor in developing diseases.

The blog "Kate Harding's Shapely Prose" has some articles on the BMI debate that I found really interesting.

This is just my opinion, obviously, but from what I've read and experienced, if you're healthy already 30 or 40 extra pounds doesn't seem to make any difference. I'm going to live in a healthy way with 40 extra pounds and enjoy my life, thanks.

ETA: good luck!

 

[ELisabeth85]

Sadie, I haven't seen any really good evidence that BMI and health are directly related. Seems like we get dealt our genetic cards and that's the most significant factor in developing diseases.

The blog "Kate Harding's Shapely Prose" has some articles on the BMI debate that I found really interesting.

This is just my opinion, obviously, but from what I've read and experienced, if you're healthy already 30 or 40 extra pounds doesn't seem to make any difference. I'm going to live in a healthy way with 40 extra pounds and enjoy my life, thanks.

ETA: good luck!

You are so right with the BMI crap. If everyone lived by that then we would have some really deformed people. I mean if i was as skinny as they say, i would be disporportionate. It doesnt look at frame, if you have had kids, genetics etc. They believe everyone at certain heights should weigh the same. Yes i am trying to lose weight but not stressing because this weight came from having my kids and they are the best thing in the world. And yes i like to eat, no way am i starving myself for society. I have perfect blood pressure and cholestrol etc , so i am not that worried

 

[Guest]

Well of course I wasn't trying to be shallow, negative or trying to insult anyone in here. I applaud the women that embrace their curves and don't give a damn about eating another slice of pizza or feel completely comfortable in their skins. A lot of them have successful marriages, sex lives, boyfriends and get hit on. I don't, but I want to try and be proactive about it in my own way, that's all.

 

[NGrove1975]

Tell her this for me. No hair, no legs, no cheek. She's just the hole.

I am a BBW...no doubt about it. I like coming to lit because its nice to hear a guy say I am beautiful and sexy. It makes me feel that way. I will share with you exactly why BBWs aren't always confident...this actually happened to me yesterday.

At work we all had to dress up in pink (don't ask) and my team, which is all women, wore our hair in pigtails with ribbons. This bitchy girl who used to be a friend of mine actually made a comment after seeing me yesterday, that fat girls shouldn't wear pigtails, because, hello the word pig is in it and fat girls are already fat enough...she then she oinked.

Things like that beat down my confidence, making it take quite awhile to be built back up.

But all you BBW lovers here, do make me feel sexy...and I thank you for that.

 

[NGrove1975]

Hopefully we are starting to see a reversal in how larger women are viewed. Several magazines have done some excellent spreads with voluptuous and runenesque women. We can only hope that trend wll continue.

 

[just for fun]

I'm a guy and I grew up overweight and for me it was horrible. Nobody made fun of me in front of me but I didn't have a lot of confidence back then and it was because of my weight, it really bothered me. It took me until I was older to really realize what an impact that had on me and once you incorporate that thinking it doesn't matter if your 98 pounds it will still be there unless you manage put it in it's place.

I'm miles away from where I was back then but sometimes I feel like a part of my life has a big hole in it like I missed out on a lot of things and I guess now I'm kind of making up for lost time.

God I can't believe I said all this.

 

[WyldBreeze]

I'm a guy and I grew up overweight and for me it was horrible. Nobody made fun of me in front of me but I didn't have a lot of confidence back then and it was because of my weight, it really bothered me. It took me until I was older to really realize what an impact that had on me and once you incorporate that thinking it doesn't matter if your 98 pounds it will still be there unless you manage put it in it's place.

I'm miles away from where I was back then but sometimes I feel like a part of my life has a big hole in it like I missed out on a lot of things and I guess now I'm kind of making up for lost time.

God I can't believe I said all this.

Thanks for your post...its nice to hear from the other side of the coin as well.