why am i like this?

[confusedone]

I have a problem. I'm a man happily engaged to a woman. She has no idea that I love to cross dress and and play with realistic looking dildoes. The two usually go together. I only do it when she is away. I love being with her and being her man. 99% if the time that is all I want. I guess I am one of those guys that doesn't want to convert to a woman or anything, but loves to role play as one once in a while. And not just any woman, but one dressed in slutty clothes and on her knees. I have been trying "get rid" of these desires since I know she won't really like it, but they keep coming back. I've had them in secret for maybe 6 years or so. I don't know why I am like this?

What can I do? I feel horrible. I want to tell her so bad, but I know it won't go over well. So I want to get rid of the desires but of course that doesn't work either.

 

[blueyz22]

You really have to be honest with her. These desires will not just go away. You might be pleasantly surprised by what she says. Maybe there are things that turn her on and she's afraid to tell you about them. Believe me, it is much better to put it all out there now before getting married.

Have a discussion with her one night (NOT during sex). Be open with her about how you have been feeling. The worst that will happen is that she'll be mortified and quite possibly not want to marry you. Of couse that would suck but it's better than living a lie. It's better than marrying her and then cheating on her with someone else.

 

[limplizzard]

Living two lifestyles is a bitch, I know cause I'm doing it. I love my wife and we have a good life together including sex. I also like having sex with other men, truly enjoy the taste and feel of a hard cock in my mouth. I have tried to talk the wife into a 3some but she won't do it. I have even told her how much I would like to eat her after another man fucked her, she just shrugged it off.

All I can say is good luck and I hope things work out for you.

 

[cramer-FL]

Risk -VS- Reward

Trust me, after a few years of marriage I told my wife that I thought I was bi-sexual. Her feelings were hurt a little, I think she is afraid I am going to decide one day that I am gay. She has actually become very interested in the whole bi-men thing and I find a woman who was once quiet during sex, is now turning into an agressive sex machine. She has even suited up with a strap-on and taken advantage of my once virgin backside. She has also gotten into watching me give "self-facials" and I feel is becoming dominant in the bedroom. Your fiancee does deserve to know, but I wouldn't drop it in her lap all at once. Check her limits and comfort levels and you may just find that she is okay with it. Odds are that you will end up looking for extra-curricular activities from someone that is interested in this activity and that may cost you a marriage.

 

[confusedone]

Thanks for all of the responses.
The bisexual urges don't seem to bother her. It's the cross dressing that really freaks her out. She tells me flat out everything that turns her on and off. She's not shy at all not particulary conservative. I've told her I'm interested in wearing her underwear and she keeps saying that it's weird and asks why do I want to do that. The truth is I don't have an answer.
I'm not really bi so there's no reason for me to tell her that I am, although she would be cool with that. I just like to pretend I am a woman sometimes and pretend she is wearing a strap-on while I am sucking on it. I don't actually want a real guy there, although I can see where one would think that I eventually would. I know for certain she does not like the idea of me cross dressing. That's what I don't know what to do about. I really wish I didn't have such urges to do it.

 

[PublicAffection]

*raises hand* I was on the other end of this issue not three months ago. It was very difficult for me to accept initially that my intended wanted to do the same types of things that you want to/are doing. He felt that I deserved to know before we got married, and I am glad now that he told me (although at first I felt like my entire life was falling apart). The key is to be honest, and take BABY steps with the whole thing. Let her get used to the idea that you might do this sometimes. Then let her get used to the idea of you doing this sometimes. Go one item at a time, and don't push her.

My fiancee and I got into some trouble because I wanted to be supportive and said it was ok; and as soon as I said that I wasn't going to leave him over it he started compiling a mini-wardrobe of underwear/stockings/bra/shoes/clothes. It snowballed and ended up being something that we have really had to work through.

PM me if you need to talk about it. I am more than happy to lend an ear.

 

[confusedone]

Hi PublicAffection,
Thanks for the response. I am very glad to get the perspective from the other side of this.
I think you are dead on with going very slow with the whole thing. If you don't mind my asking, can you share a little about what are the things that he says or does that makes you okay with it, and some of the things that freak you out more than others. In other words, what should I avoid telling her for now, or how can I break it easier to her?

I think all of the time that I should tell her before we get married. I don't want her to feel like I tricked her into marrying me. The thing is that the feelings go away for a while, and I really convince myself every time that they are gone for good. They stay gone for a while, but eventually come back. I usually only have the urge when I am very horny and they go away when I release. Not sure if that reveals anything.

I know for my fiance, partly she is concerned that I'd become a full time CD and possibly not want her anymore, and partly that she would hate seeing her masculine burly man in a girly light, even if she knew it were temporary. The first one might be manageable. Not sure what I can do about the second.

Of course you can pm me any of this if you prefer.
Confusedone.

 

[onyxvixen]

I agree with others that you owe your fiance to approach her with this before you marry (and not the day before either.) I'm sure if you're sensitive and honest about your desires and reassure her that you're not about to decide you're gay, she'll take it on board. She may not be immediately accepting and enthusiastic, but it shouldn't be a dealbreaker.

Sounds like you're a male lesbian (bear with the clip because the relevant gag's at the end but it's priceless. Gotta love Izzard)

 

[ConradBird]

The truth is, the desires never goes away. A man I met in a motel room told me that once. I was young then and thought I could keep it all under control. Life would have been so much simpler without these recurring desires. Yes, sometimes they seem like they'll go away, but then they come back with a vengeance. Telling your fiance will only lead to distrust. It doesn't sound like you'll be very happy being married. It probably wouldn't be fair to use her as your cover. You need to make some important decisions for yourself before you commit to her.

 

[bi golly]

Could it be that the scaring thing for your fiance is that this my tilt the pendulum of the relationship, perhaps in a way that won't ever balance back out?

All relationships require balance; give a little, get a little. It is easy to see this activity as something just for you. What does she get out of it? There are things in the relationship which will be only for one person, but when such an intimate part of the relationship tilts toward just one person, it can be daunting to balance back out.

 

[leZilla]

Are you sure this is the woman for you? Your partner should accept you for WHO YOU ARE. This is part of who you are, and she rejects it? That's not true love in my opinion.