Who Pays

[shy slave]

Captains Wench has a thread where she is showing her new weighted nipple clamps.
They look great (if you like weights on your nipples making them scream in pain ), but it made me curious about money issues. I didn't want to clog up her thread so here is my curiosity question.

Who pays for new toys?
If your PYL tells you to buy something do you or do they pay for it?
If you are together when you buy it does the PYL pay or does it depend on other issues like who just got paid etc?
If you are in an LDR do they find something on the net, pay for it and have it shipped to you or do they show it to you and then you buy it locally?

How do pyl's feel about the PYL paying for toys?
And vice versa how do PYL's feel if the pyl pays?

 

[lil_pooka]

When we were in a long distance relationship we'd both buy things. We'd find things on the net and i'd look locally for them or he'd have them shipped to me.

Now, he's the only one who workds so he's the one who deals with all the money, he buys everything. (I ask for money for birthday and holday gifts for him, he never gives me enough )

I'm most comfortable with it this way, I think.

 

[leeroy jenkins]

We both buy toys, but Sir has bought some toys at my request too. I buy toys only because I know at somepoint I might be moving on to what I don't know. I also buy my own toys because I buy stuff I want to be used on me.

 

[Netzach]

whoever has more cash.

Often that's not me, lately it is.

 

[myinnerslut]

i pay usually, since with the exception of one or two small things, Sir wasnt with me when i bought them.

 

[Kailey_86]

Captains Wench has a thread where she is showing her new weighted nipple clamps.
They look great (if you like weights on your nipples making them scream in pain ), but it made me curious about money issues. I didn't want to clog up her thread so here is my curiosity question.

Who pays for new toys?
If your PYL tells you to buy something do you or do they pay for it?
If you are together when you buy it does the PYL pay or does it depend on other issues like who just got paid etc?
If you are in an LDR do they find something on the net, pay for it and have it shipped to you or do they show it to you and then you buy it locally?

How do pyl's feel about the PYL paying for toys?
And vice versa how do PYL's feel if the pyl pays?

i have heard that the Dom is supposed to pay for the toys but that depends on the couple. In my last relationship (LDR) my Dom told me what He wanted me to buy from online and i paid for it. In my current relationship (RL) my Dom is paying for most things because i am currently without a job. i will start paying for more when i have a regular paycheck.

 

[shy slave]

whoever has more cash.

Often that's not me, lately it is.

Thats what works for us as well. Whomever has the cash, pays.

I hate money discussions and hate adding up costs even more.
I love toys though, so this way works best for us

 

[the captians wench]

This is the first time he's ever told me to buy a certian toy. He knows that I live on a tight budget, especially here in the winter when sales are down so he set no time limit. If i didn't have the money to buy what he wanted me to then I would have said something about it, and we would have discussed other options, I imagine.

Mostly I make my new toys. He comes up with an idea, and I make it using things I most often have around the house, so other than a dollar or two here and there there really isn't much cost to it.

He has talked about taking me shoping when I get over there, to which I have asumed that he would buy the new additions, but it hasn't really been discussed. And seeing as that date has not been set yet, I see no reason in bringing up the matter at this time.

I have mentioned things I would like him to buy, but these are things that I would like for him to use on me, so until I'm there again there really is no reason to push the issue.

I figure since the toys are here with me, and I ultimitly get to enjoy them whether it is with him or with friends in person then I don't have a problem paying for them. Now if it were something that I was only allowd to use under his eye, then we'd have to talk about who foots the bill.

 

[BiBunny]

I'm going to be weird...I had a toy collection going before I met B. It's gotten to be pretty extensive (on a college student's budget) since then. He, of course, has his own, too. So he buys for his collection, and I buy for mine. I don't think I ever remember him telling me to buy anything. I've got most of the basics, anyway. He, on the other hand, did buy me a strapon harness...and, yes, he had ulterior motives.

 

[ownedsubgal]

well if you're in a D/s relationship, then i would guess that the Dominant decides who pays for what, whether it's himself or the submissive.

 

[Chicklet]

My last PYL never requested the purchase of anything, but he didn't mind if I bought things for myself. I purchased him some basic things that he didn't have - ankle cuffs, and a whippy toy he really liked but didn't buy at the time.

Like BiBunny, I built myself up quite a collection before I really had anyone to use them with. My new PYL has a huge collection of his own that he also built up before he had anyone to use it with. Currently, I'm planning on going out tonight and buying him something fun for valentine's day, so I'll be buying his toy From my experience and my opinions, just because my relationships haven't been marriage/lifepartner types, I buy things I want for myself, and my PYL buys things he wants for himself.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I've never been asked to buy anything by anyone, though I was asked to make my canes which I found very enjoyable. I have also asked to be allowed to order and buy a handmade kangaroo leather bullwhip and also handmade kangaroo leather stockwhip while in Oz, and he gave permission for that purchase but by then we were 24/7 so the money really was his anyway. Before we got together we both had a few things of our own, but most of our now huge collection have been purchased since our being together so once again it is pretty much he who pays, though I may do the purchasing at times.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/186/376675788_f2e2be5814_t.jpg Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

I plan.

I order.

I pay.

Always.

It seems if things were left up to my husband nothing would be done, ever.

Fury

 

[leeroy jenkins]

I plan.

I order.

I pay.

Always.

It seems if things were left up to my husband nothing would be done, ever.

Fury

LOL why would he do it if your so willing??

 

[FurryFury]

LOL why would he do it if your so willing??

Well that's just the thing. I'm not so willing anymore.

Blech.

Fury

 

[graceanne]

We share a checking account. Whoever pays is whoever has money on them at the moment, since it's all coming from the same place.

 

[Moonlit]

The way it has worked out is that we've always gone shopping together and split the costs.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

i've only been asked to buy rope and candles. the floggers, crop, and that stuff He has bought Himself. it doesn't matter to me, if i have the money and i see something that i know He'd like to have or i'd like used on me *grins* i will buy it, as of yet though that hasn't happened (having the money for it i mean lol)

 

[shy slave]

Thank you everyone.

Something that sparked my interest from BiBunny, OSG and Wenchie (yes, you again ) responses, are three not so nice questions.

If you have a collection which you have purchased with the view to use together and you split up, what happens to the toys?

My ex vanished without a word, I ended up with most of the toys as they had been left at my house after the last time we had seen each other(fluke not design).
Andante and I had a sort out and he decided what we would keep and what we would discard. The majority of our toy collection now stays with him, if we split I am unlikely to fly to Denmark to hassle over a few toys.
Then again, none of our toys were hugely expensive, nor did I hand make them (as cat has done). If I had I may feel differently.

If you are in an LDR and split up would anyone travel long distances to re-claim toys bought or would just move on?


What about dungeon furniture? Who gets that?


Oh and FF, your comment made me laugh. I guess if your PYL is a man he can be a number of things, but he is still a man


Oh I am a happy soul tonight, asking you to consider the 'what if's' in life

 

[FurryFury]

<snip>

1.) If you have a collection which you have purchased with the view to use together and you split up, what happens to the toys?

<snip>

2.) If you are in an LDR and split up would anyone travel long distances to re-claim toys bought or would just move on?


3.) What about dungeon furniture? Who gets that?


Oh and FF, your comment made me laugh. I guess if your PYL is a man he can be a number of things, but he is still a man


Oh I am a happy soul tonight, asking you to consider the 'what if's' in life

I'm glad you are a happy soul tonight! *L*

Yes, a man is still a man. *grr* Manly yes, but I like him too. LOL

1.) Depends on the toy. If it's something that I am very fond of I might keep it or insist on keeping it. If, on the other hand, I think of it as something purchased with love and promise that's gone wrong I might not want to see it again - ever. In a conflict, I'm most likely to say, fuck it, I can buy another, you keep it if it's so damned important to you.

2.) My answer is that it's unlikely I'd want to see the person again much less travel a long distance to do so. I prefer travel to be for my relaxation. I'm guess no toy is worth that sort of time, expense or stress. Look at it this way, I sometimes won't go another ten miles to buy something cheaper because I figure it will cost me more in gas to save a few dimes. Sometimes I even say, I don't care about saving a little if it's inconvenient to do so.

3.) Same answers as before. I don't plan to set up a dungeon or to get such furniture. (I dream of it but don't expect to ever do it.) I do enjoy new beginnings though and as much as possible not dragging the old baggage or toys, and so on with me.

Fury

 

[the captians wench]

Thank you everyone.

Something that sparked my interest from BiBunny, OSG and Wenchie (yes, you again ) responses, are three not so nice questions.

If you have a collection which you have purchased with the view to use together and you split up, what happens to the toys?

My ex vanished without a word, I ended up with most of the toys as they had been left at my house after the last time we had seen each other(fluke not design).
Andante and I had a sort out and he decided what we would keep and what we would discard. The majority of our toy collection now stays with him, if we split I am unlikely to fly to Denmark to hassle over a few toys.
Then again, none of our toys were hugely expensive, nor did I hand make them (as cat has done). If I had I may feel differently.

If you are in an LDR and split up would anyone travel long distances to re-claim toys bought or would just move on?


What about dungeon furniture? Who gets that?


Oh and FF, your comment made me laugh. I guess if your PYL is a man he can be a number of things, but he is still a man


Oh I am a happy soul tonight, asking you to consider the 'what if's' in life

*giggles* I guess I'm your insperation this week so. Nice to be in some one's mind anyway.

Since the majority of the toys I have here I bought/made/or had before I met Jounar, I'd keep them myself. I'd like to see him try to fly over here and snatch them from me.....might be fun anyway.

The few things (and I mean very few because he lives with others that he would not like to have to explain items to) that I have sent him are so small and honestly inexpencive that I wouldn't bother trying to get them back.

If he did buy things for me, and we did split, I would offer to send them to him. But he's last subbie took all their toys with her, so i imagine he wouldn't bother with it either. And tho it hasn't been discussed, I imagine anything we buy when I'm over there is likely to come home with me because I have people to use them on me, and he doesn't have anyone there to use them on....besides he loves pics of me all blushed. *giggles*

Now in a vanilla context...when my ex and I split we talked about who would keep the toy bag and came to a settlement that anything purple I would keep because anything purple we bought for me anyway....and fortunitly for me 90% of our collection was purple. he realized this after he agreed to it.

 

[subtleone]

Going back to the original question:
I have bought things, he has bought things and we have bought together; as the money comes out of the same pot they are always paid for by both of us. Sometimes he will send me a link and ask me to choose a specific toy from a page but he has never told me to get something myself...but there is still time I guess.

I don't really want to contemplate the thought of us splitting, however I guess if they were in my toy drawer with the 'intimate' toys (that he just would never ask for) he may just leave them all to me. But as many have already said there is nothing of great value so it probably wouldn't even occur to either of us to do anything with them. If we had any dungeon furniture, which we don't atm think it would go to him as the Dom. Now I don't want to think of that scenario again!!!

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Like several here, janey and I, being a 24/7 couple, have the joint account, so it doesn't matter who whips the card out. It all comes out of the same account.

We do, however have a rule.

DO NOT BUY ME ANYTHING YOU DO NOT WANT USED ON YOU. In other words, "if you buy it, it WILL be used on you at some point."

That's been in place 4 years.

She STILL bitches about toys I use on her that she's bought! *LMAO*

She has toys that were hers before we were a couple, I have toys that were mine. If we go splitsville, those remain with the original owner. Stuff we have purchased jointly? Well... I imagine I'll keep everything she doesn't like! *LOL* The rest we'll negotiate.

 

[Chicklet]

DO NOT BUY ME ANYTHING YOU DO NOT WANT USED ON YOU. In other words, "if you buy it, it WILL be used on you at some point."

lol...

I bought myself a bunch of new toys last night, and I was showing them to my boy online... and I said "i suppose you won't believe me if I say i don't want you to use this, huh?" lol... specifically I was talking about anal beads. and I followed up directly by saying 'i wish they'd had the larger ones'

he laughed at me.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

On the original question, as rose said I have bought most of the toys we have so far, because I am the one with more available funds at the moment. I did ask her to pick up a couple of things before My last trip, but they were inexpensive.

As far as once we transition into real time, I expect that we will have joint funds and it won't matter who pays as long as she has permission.