Who Needs To Be More In Control?

[Miss Diva]

So I am a pyl and I was wondering who needs to be more in control and well aware of their emotions and state of mind? A PYL or a pyl?

It could be toss up. I do admire the control my PYL has when I do something wrong and he punishes me. He needs to make sure that I do not get seriously injured. And he has to be in control even if he has had a bad day.

But for the pyl, I mean I need to be in control of my emotions. I mean I cannot question him if he asks me something (especially if this falls within the boundaries of our negotiated play). I cannot pout if I do not like what he wants me do do.

Don't know. Any thoughts or comments about this.

 

[incubus'_sub]

And the answer is............if you are a responsible adult then you should be in control of yourself & your own emotions.

 

[Netzach]

but few of us are reasonable adults and emotions are not something rational and neat.

Most of the time, I encounter very controlled, tightly wrapped, highly constructed bottoms, and I believe I exist to bring dis-organization to their world.

 

[graceanne]

but few of us are reasonable adults and emotions are not something rational and neat.

Most of the time, I encounter very controlled, tightly wrapped, highly constructed bottoms, and I believe I exist to bring dis-organization to their world.

*giggles* I can totally see this. lol

Well, in me and K's case I'm more emotionally tightly wrapped, or whatever. I tend to stuff emotion and all that. Kenny doesn't.

I dont know if I think that there's a 'best way.' What works for us won't necessarily work for others. And sometimes, being emotional is good. God knows that being in control, emotionally, isn't working for me.

 

[Aeroil]

hmm.... I hate being in control of someone else, even if just a little thing, like deciding what movie to see or something.... I'll usually delay making a choice as long as possible lol, trying to get them to decide for me..... I'd make a TERRIBLE dom, that much is for sure lol.....

 

[soapstar]

If I dont excercise control, I can cry and that is not good.

 

[chagrin]

Aside from a weakness pertaining to yummy foods of all types, I'm perfectly capable of controlling myself and my environment.

In fact, some might say I'm a control freak *laughs*

When I have a Dominant, I am more than willing to hand over to him; my submission is driven by the need to serve and please and do what is expected of me, and when.

Admittedly, sometimes it is hard not to pout or react adversely when things don't go my way and such. So, yes, there is an element of self control inherent in modifying my natural responses, but these responses are still driven and controlled by the Dominant in that I fear displeasing him.

I'm not sure that made much sense!

 

[Never]

So I am a pyl and I was wondering who needs to be more in control and well aware of their emotions and state of mind? A PYL or a pyl?

A sub shouldn't be aware of their own emotions and state of mind. They should be in a state of mindlessness - a Zen of submissiveness - in which all thoughts are focused on pleasing the dom.

Let's all meditate on this now. Dommmmmmmmm.

 

[writerz01]

Control

I'm new to this forum but you talk as the subject is D/s play. Both must have control of themselves. The Dom to control the play that is being done. The sub to please the Dom. How one does this is up to them. Each person/couple have their own rules and personalities.

 

[Aeroil]

hmm, I must say never, I disagree, I don't think anyone could be a proper servant, BDSM or not, unless they are able to think coherently, to be able to think out what their /D wants before they tell them..... if you're mindless then you're just a drone, and it's not even a relationship.....

 

[Never]

You say drone like it's a bad thing.

 

[Aeroil]

yeah..... because it is, a "relationship" whether BDSM or not, has to be between two "people" not a person and a drone.....

 

[Never]

I find it's much easier to have a relationship with a drone than another person. I'm certain it's healthier. People cause far too much stress – just look at the thread titles:

"How do I please my domme?"
"Is my dom/me a real dom/me?"
"How do I deal with my SAM?"
"Why do subs put pleasing me over honesty when honesty pleases me most?"

Sadomasochistic or vanilla, I think the person and drone relationship has more than a few strengths when compared to the conventional person and person relationship. You just need to think outside the bounds of homogenous, heteronormative society.

 

[Aeroil]

haha....what fun is it fighting for the winning side? much better to go against the odds, the challenge makes it much more fun
And besides, by definition, you can't have a relationship with a drone

 

[Mr Blonde]

Ohhhhhhhhh....hmmm!

I can only speak of a D/s relationship and please feel free to adjust my pronouns!

The submissive needs to have a good infra-structure and be consistently at a certain level. Otherwise she can get worn down and bad things can happen. As for the dominant, he can be less stable day to day but needs to be at peak performance during certain times.

I'm still not happy with my answer but am hitting reply button anyway.