Which plot thread leads to the most heartbreaking ending?

[taytay4eva]

I have an idea for a sad cheating story. Not a "vengeance ending" one, just sort of a sad ending.

I have the basics mapped out

I know his partner is either his girlfriend, his fiancee, or his girlfriend whom he was planning to propose to (he had a ring ready and everything).

I know that the she ends up leaving him for either his brother or his cousin. The [golden child who can do no wrong / basically just a better version of you in in every way] one, in comparison to him, who's the [scapegoat / always told "don't act out it's <church/holiday/event>" / always gets in trouble for doing the things the golden one gets away with] one.

I know that she's the one who convinced the scapegoat to meet back up with his family whom he was estranged from (because "family matters" if they're just bf/gf, or "weddings are for bringing people together" if they're engaged").

I'm trying to figure out a couple things.

+++

One:

Once he realizes that hers and the golden one's "we're totally not flirting you're being a worrywary" has turned into actual sex (the golden one is better in bed than him, too), what does the scapegoat do?

Does something inside him just sort of die, and he leaves quietly, having made up an excuse, and she only realizes later that he knew, and that there's no recovery?

Or did he walk in, and she and the golden one know why he left (but he kept quiet, because "it's christmas, don't make a fuss, talk about it later"), and the family just snipes that he's being "dramatic again" (and she realizes that "just being dramatic" doesn't mean emotional, it means this kind of thing, and there was a valid reason the scapegoat was estranged).

She rides back to their city with the golden one (he's recently moved to their city, but this was her first time meeting him), and gets into a relationship with him (a GOOD relationship (at first, at least) because, again, he's like the scapegoat but better).

+++

Two:

I know that his ex ends up marrying the golden one.

I'm not sure if the scapegoat doesn't go to the wedding, or if he's the best man, gives a great speech, is very professional, and then just never appears at a family anything ever again.

+++

This is a guy whose family member was better at him in so many things that he worked hard to get good at the specific thing he does only because his golden family member didn't like doing it, so he could at LEAST be better at him in that way, nevermind that the scapegoat isn't really happy doing it.

He's TERRIFIED of the golden one coming further into his life because he KNOWS that everyone who meets him will shift from "my friends in this city" to "his and my friends in this city" to "his friends in this city who don't have time to hang out with me anymore" BECAUSE ITS HAPPENED BEFORE.

At some point she realizes that she's messed up, but by that point it's too late. She's not UNHAPPY, she's just not happy, either; the worst kind of miserable, because you can't even complain. The golden one is perfectly content. They aren't poor, either; they're well off, with two and a half kids and a dog. She just time day realizes that she gave up something real.

The scapegoat one doesn't magically become successful and rich with a hot girlfriend, he just ... persists. Well, he eventually (in another story) finds friends who value him, and makes friends with the kind of people she wishes she could meet but can't anymore, but I'd like to keep it from a "angry / yeah fuck that bitch" feeling and more of a "good for him" feeling.

I know I have a good seed, I just need opinions on where I'm taking it. Thanks in advance.

 

[AwkwardMD]

These are fundamentally different stories. Crowdsourcing story choices is better left for things like "Blond or brown hair?"

You don't want to be stuck trying to write a story other people chose for you. That's ghostwriting, and you should only do that if you're getting paid.

 

[NoTalentHack]

In the first part, I think he should stand up for himself, get beaten down by his family, and then slink (or stomp) away, with her realizing, "oh, he really did have a good reason for being estranged."

Then, in the second question, he just doesn't show up to the wedding, although she does reach out to him, which he ignores.

As far as the scapegoat never becoming "the best there is," I think it's okay to have him being better at a few things, but nothing that intersects with the brother's interests, as you said. I do think it's interesting to explore that being the wife to the golden child is... as you said, it's not unhappy, but it's not happy either. I've noticed that the people around folks like that for a long period can find them to be self-centered, but not in a malicious way; it's not that they're firebreathing monsters, but, "hey, everything's always gone okay in my life as long as they go along with what I say, so why shouldn't my friend/wife/etc.?"

Maybe he even starts to treat one of their two sons like his family treated him, and the other as his family treated his brother, with the wife trying to push back on this, maybe finally snapping at him, "So maybe his brother doesn't steal his fucking fiancee some day?!"

 

[taytay4eva]

In the first part, I think he should stand up for himself, get beaten down by his family, and then slink (or stomp) away, with her realizing, "oh, he really did have a good reason for being estranged."

Then, in the second question, he just doesn't show up to the wedding, although she does reach out to him, which he ignores.

As far as the scapegoat never becoming "the best there is," I think it's okay to have him being better at a few things, but nothing that intersects with the brother's interests, as you said. I do think it's interesting to explore that being the wife to the golden child is... as you said, it's not unhappy, but it's not happy either. I've noticed that the people around folks like that for a long period can find them to be self-centered, but not in a malicious way; it's not that they're firebreathing monsters, but, "hey, everything's always gone okay in my life as long as they go along with what I say, so why shouldn't my friend/wife/etc.?"

Maybe he even starts to treat one of their two sons like his family treated him, and the other as his family treated his brother, with the wife trying to push back on this, maybe finally snapping at him, "So maybe his brother doesn't steal his fucking fiancee some day?!"

Oh I like the kid angle.

 

[NoTalentHack]

I'll also say that I like approaching it from the POV of the girlfriend. Usually, these types of stories are done from the jilted boyfriend's POV, which is fine, but the slow unravelling of the GF's happiness and her slow realization that the ex was right all along is a really, really interesting approach.

 

[taytay4eva]

I'll also say that I like approaching it from the POV of the girlfriend. Usually, these types of stories are done from the jilted boyfriend's POV, which is fine, but the slow unravelling of the GF's happiness and her slow realization that the ex was right all along is a really, really interesting approach.

That had been my thought as well. Maybe she finds the scapegoat ex out in his childhood treehouse at "Grandma and Grandpa's" Christmas morning, commiserating with the offspring who she now realizes is becoming the new "scapegoat" one

 

[NoTalentHack]

I actually appreciate this thread, because it helped me get unstuck on an idea I had about a "golden child" scenario that I wasn't sure exactly which direction I might go with it. I think I might also use the "he's treating his younger son like shit" but in a much smaller way, and from the husband's POV.

Mine is basically an excuse to use a line/exchange I've had in my head almost since I started writing LW stories.

"It's your brother! He's in the hospital!"

"Oh wow, is there anything I can do?"

"Please, he needs a bone marrow transplant; can you get tested?"

"No, I meant like hold a pillow over his face."

 

[taytay4eva]

I actually appreciate this thread, because it helped me get unstuck on an idea I had about a "golden child" scenario that I wasn't sure exactly which direction I might go with it. I think I might also use the "he's treating his younger son like shit" but in a much smaller way, and from the husband's POV.

Mine is basically an excuse to use a line/exchange I've had in my head almost since I started writing LW stories.

"It's your brother! He's in the hospital!"

"Oh wow, is there anything I can do?"

"Please, he needs a bone marrow transplant; can you get tested?"

"No, I meant like hold a pillow over his face."

What a fantastic bit of dialogue

 

[TheWritingGroup]

I sort of like the Lesser Brother being estranged from his family, and years later the third vertex of their love triangle tracks him down because Golden Boy's and her own child needs a bone marrow transplant. And begs him. And offers her body in exchange for his getting tested, and donating if he's compatible.

And he spits on her. And then goes to volunteer, because he isn't going to let this child die of a rivalry she has nothing to do with.

I know that wasn't your vision, but it came into my head, so now I put it in yours.

--Annie

 

[Carnevil9]

If you really want "the most heartbreaking ending" for the story, somebody has to die. Either by suicide or by grief-induced recklessness. And somebody else has to feel guilty about it for the rest of their life.

 

[NoTalentHack]

I sort of like the Lesser Brother being estranged from his family, and years later the third vertex of their love triangle tracks him down because Golden Boy's and her own child needs a bone marrow transplant. And begs him. And offers her body in exchange for his getting tested, and donating if he's compatible.

And he spits on her. And then goes to volunteer, because he isn't going to let this child die of a rivalry she has nothing to do with.

I know that wasn't your vision, but it came into my head, so now I put it in yours.

--Annie

This is something roughly in line with my idea, except it’s the brother who needs the transplant. Haven’t decided if he gives in yet.

 

[taytay4eva]

If you really want "the most heartbreaking ending" for the story, somebody has to die. Either by suicide or by grief-induced recklessness. And somebody else has to feel guilty about it for the rest of their life.

I think if you have to kill someone to break a heart you're not thinking broadly enough. Lots of ways to break a heart that don't involve death.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

I could relate my life.

No point.


No one could believe it possible.

 

[Britva415]

I don't have an opinion on the question asked, but I'd vote for the story where being both a golden boy and estranged makes sense.

 

[taytay4eva]

I don't have an opinion on the question asked, but I'd vote for the story where being both a golden boy and estranged makes sense.

No no, the scapegoat was the estranged one, not the golden one

 

[NoTalentHack]

No no, the scapegoat was the estranged one, not the golden one

Although that could be an interesting story, too. I'm not sure how I'd structure it, but a golden child falling out of favor through no fault of their own could make an interesting narrative.

 

[lovecraft68]

I'll also say that I like approaching it from the POV of the girlfriend. Usually, these types of stories are done from the jilted boyfriend's POV, which is fine, but the slow unravelling of the GF's happiness and her slow realization that the ex was right all along is a really, really interesting approach.

In other words you want to show the woman suffering and as always, the man is proven right because how could he not be? It is at it should be.

This is why you get high marks in the category. You speak their language.

 

[NoTalentHack]

In other words you want to show the woman suffering and as always, the man is proven right because how could he not be? It is at it should be.

This is why you get high marks in the category. You speak their language.

Yes. Human drama, instead of fantasy-based smut. Different strokes, LC.

 

[LegendInMyOwnMind]

I sort of like the Lesser Brother being estranged from his family, and years later the third vertex of their love triangle tracks him down because Golden Boy's and her own child needs a bone marrow transplant. And begs him. And offers her body in exchange for his getting tested, and donating if he's compatible.

And he spits on her. And then goes to volunteer, because he isn't going to let this child die of a rivalry she has nothing to do with.

I know that wasn't your vision, but it came into my head, so now I put it in yours.

--Annie

It's a beautiful vision, though.

 

[anthrodisiac]

I have an idea for a sad cheating story. Not a "vengeance ending" one, just sort of a sad ending.

I have the basics mapped out

I know his partner is either his girlfriend, his fiancee, or his girlfriend whom he was planning to propose to (he had a ring ready and everything).

I know that the she ends up leaving him for either his brother or his cousin. The [golden child who can do no wrong / basically just a better version of you in in every way] one, in comparison to him, who's the [scapegoat / always told "don't act out it's <church/holiday/event>" / always gets in trouble for doing the things the golden one gets away with] one.

I know that she's the one who convinced the scapegoat to meet back up with his family whom he was estranged from (because "family matters" if they're just bf/gf, or "weddings are for bringing people together" if they're engaged").

I'm trying to figure out a couple things.

+++

One:

Once he realizes that hers and the golden one's "we're totally not flirting you're being a worrywary" has turned into actual sex (the golden one is better in bed than him, too), what does the scapegoat do?

Does something inside him just sort of die, and he leaves quietly, having made up an excuse, and she only realizes later that he knew, and that there's no recovery?

Or did he walk in, and she and the golden one know why he left (but he kept quiet, because "it's christmas, don't make a fuss, talk about it later"), and the family just snipes that he's being "dramatic again" (and she realizes that "just being dramatic" doesn't mean emotional, it means this kind of thing, and there was a valid reason the scapegoat was estranged).

She rides back to their city with the golden one (he's recently moved to their city, but this was her first time meeting him), and gets into a relationship with him (a GOOD relationship (at first, at least) because, again, he's like the scapegoat but better).

+++

Two:

I know that his ex ends up marrying the golden one.

I'm not sure if the scapegoat doesn't go to the wedding, or if he's the best man, gives a great speech, is very professional, and then just never appears at a family anything ever again.

+++

This is a guy whose family member was better at him in so many things that he worked hard to get good at the specific thing he does only because his golden family member didn't like doing it, so he could at LEAST be better at him in that way, nevermind that the scapegoat isn't really happy doing it.

He's TERRIFIED of the golden one coming further into his life because he KNOWS that everyone who meets him will shift from "my friends in this city" to "his and my friends in this city" to "his friends in this city who don't have time to hang out with me anymore" BECAUSE ITS HAPPENED BEFORE.

At some point she realizes that she's messed up, but by that point it's too late. She's not UNHAPPY, she's just not happy, either; the worst kind of miserable, because you can't even complain. The golden one is perfectly content. They aren't poor, either; they're well off, with two and a half kids and a dog. She just time day realizes that she gave up something real.

The scapegoat one doesn't magically become successful and rich with a hot girlfriend, he just ... persists. Well, he eventually (in another story) finds friends who value him, and makes friends with the kind of people she wishes she could meet but can't anymore, but I'd like to keep it from a "angry / yeah fuck that bitch" feeling and more of a "good for him" feeling.

I know I have a good seed, I just need opinions on where I'm taking it. Thanks in advance.

First off, this is an interesting story. To me, it's clearly a story about a guy who catastrophizes about what happens when the "better brother" shows up in his life. He fled his family to get away from that, because he perceived that anytime he had something good going, everyone just liked the better brother more, and people would leave. He's probably admited as such to the girlfriend, who likely reassured him that he's likeable, and his brother probably isn't really THAT awesome. And the MC started to think maybe he was reading too much into it and he was so self-focused he couldn't see the other possibilities. So, to rid himself of this negative association he's had his whole life, he decides to go see his family, bringing his girlfriend to support him in case things don't go well.

And, oops... Turns out his catastrophizing was right on the money.

1. It dawns on him that she's cheating on him. It doesn't have to be something he knows for a fact, it just has to be something that seems very clear to him. This is devastating, but quietly so. He'd started to convince himself he wasn't this loser who would always be overshadowed by the better brother, his girlfriend believed in him too, only to have his worst fears completely and totally affirmed in the most ironic way possible. He doesn't freak out, he doesn't fight it. It's total and utter defeat. He'll never be good enough, not just in relation to the brother, but to anyone at all. So he leaves, withdraws from social life, because why bother making friends or dating people when he's clearly not good or interesting enough to be around?

True irony: She didn't actually cheat on him, but was kind of leaning that way. And when he disappears and ghosts her, she's upset and the brother conforts her, which leads to them entering a relationship. The MC might never find out their relationship was the product of him crumbling and leaving, just sees it as another point of evidence as to his failure. Additional, it's possible the reason people like the better brother more is because the MC becomes overprotective or mopey when he's around, which turns off those around him and they don't like the side of him that comes out around the brother.

2. He should show up. He probably still harbors feelings toward her, given that, if he hasn't been with anyone since, he might not have ever gotten over her. Or she was the one person who treated him like he mattered, and even though she left him, it still means something to him. He doesn't have to be best man, I suspect the brother is probably not so callous and oblivious as to do that to his brother (which makes it even more tragic, if the brother is actually a decent guy who cares about his brother, not just some asshole who steals things on purpose), but the ex asks the MC to show up because she also still cares about him in some way. Not romantically, but she worries about him. She probably reached out over the years to apologize, to explain, to tell him not to take it so personally, but he either said, "Sure, okay," or never replied.

If you want to go redemptive route, maybe he goes to the wedding and finds someone there. If you want to keep his rehabilitation separate, the wedding might be the catalyzing event for him to realize he needs to either work on himself or learn that the issue was never the brother, it was his reaction to being around the brother. Maybe the ex reveals something (like if you were to go with she technically never cheated, but only hooked up with the brother because the MC left) that serves as a eureka moment as to why people don't stay, which gives him room to work on that part of himself.

 

[TheRedChamber]

I think you can possibly make it a meditation on 'soulmates'. The mc starts of bitter and angry that the girls is 'stolen' fron him, has a long dark night of the soul where revenge is a possibility and he has his finger in the trigger, then realizes that the two do have a possibility of a long and genuine relationship.

(Edit - and even if he feels that it was possible for him to have had a genuine relationship with her, that ship has sailed )

It seems unlikely he'd be asked to do tbe speech given his history, but there could be some stuff around whether he attends the wedding and if others start trouble about the cheating origins of the relationship.

I feel like that episode if the Simpsons with grown up Lisa not quite marrying Hugh Grant is appropriate here...You will find someine and be happy, but this is the story about how tou got jerked around.

 

[TheWritingGroup]

A therapist (or bartender or prostitute) could point out to the Silver (as opposed to Golden) Boy that unless his Golden Brother is a bigamist, he is free to find a life partner now that won't get stolen. Sure, the girl from the beginning is wonderful, but there are literally billions of people in the world.

Epilog has him married to a woman totally different from the first (one a model, one a teacher; one fair and blonde, one a Mayan) and sneakily thanking Golden Boy for giving him the extra time to meet his real soulmate. Since he no longer had ties to his hometown and wanted to avoid running into the happy couple or talking about them to relatives, he decided to travel the world, got a job in the travel industry, and, well ....

Note: in retrospect, I like the idea of a wise working girl giving him the best advice.

--Annie

 

[dirk2024]

Burn The Bitch...and the brothers cock she rode in on.

 

[taytay4eva]

Burn The Bitch...and the brothers cock she rode in on.

I mean that's the kind of attitude I want to avoid the main character having.

 

[taytay4eva]

Yes. Human drama, instead of fantasy-based smut. Different strokes, LC.

You can do drama and smut in the same story, it's not a zero sum game