Which one of These Stories is the Best

[johndoe2007]

I've started writing a series called Celebrity Liaisons which can be found here.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=823166&page=submissions

Just wondering which one people liked best.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

I looked at your stories. The first thing I noticed was that everyone of them has the Disclaimer overlaid on top of the first few paragraphs. I suspect this is a system error and reported it to Manu. Hopefully it will get corrected.

So I went ahead and read your stories. They all have the same problem. You can take any name you can imagine and substitue Natalie Portman, or whoever, and you have the same story. These are your fantasies, not fan-fic. You have not differentiated the celeb from any other person in the world other than by the name you attached. After reading, I don't know who their mother is, what film they are working on now, who their boyfriends are, where they live, what kind of car do they drive, do they have an accent (Brit, texas, deep south, non-english?) or anything about them.

You are not alone. 90% of the fan-fic stories have the same flaw. You, along with most of the other fan-fic writers didn't take the time to research these celebs. You saw a picture in your mind and plunked it down on paper. Didn't work.

This is the reason I (and many on Lit) shun the Fan-Fic Catagory.

Next time find out who this celeb is before you start writing, or just change the names and stuff it in a different catagory.

 

[CeriseNoire]

I looked at your stories. The first thing I noticed was that everyone of them has the Disclaimer overlaid on top of the first few paragraphs. I suspect this is a system error and reported it to Manu. Hopefully it will get corrected.

So I went ahead and read your stories. They all have the same problem. You can take any name you can imagine and substitue Natalie Portman, or whoever, and you have the same story. These are your fantasies, not fan-fic. You have not differentiated the celeb from any other person in the world other than by the name you attached. After reading, I don't know who their mother is, what film they are working on now, who their boyfriends are, where they live, what kind of car do they drive, do they have an accent (Brit, texas, deep south, non-english?) or anything about them.

You are not alone. 90% of the fan-fic stories have the same flaw. You, along with most of the other fan-fic writers didn't take the time to research these celebs. You saw a picture in your mind and plunked it down on paper. Didn't work.

This is the reason I (and many on Lit) shun the Fan-Fic Catagory.

Next time find out who this celeb is before you start writing, or just change the names and stuff it in a different catagory.

Woah Jenny, it's almost exactly the same thing you said last time he asked the question.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Woah Jenny, it's almost exactly the same thing you said last time he asked the question.

Yeah. Hasn't improved any either

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Woah Jenny, it's almost exactly the same thing you said last time he asked the question.

The formula for a well written short story:
Deep plot development with terse discriptives.
Deep character development (Fan-Fic requires more of this than any other cat)
Tight, terse and concise sentences. Every word must move the story along.
Mechanics (sentence structure, grammar, etc)
No dangling plot elements in the end
Action which moves both the characters and the plot from beginning to end (ie, the characters have to undergo some learning or change by the end of the story - I've yet to see a stroke story that passes this test)

I can say, at least, JohnDoe is learning how to make his characters talk for themselves. So there is improvement, but not there yet without the personal research to differentiate his celebs and show them as the specific people they are.

 

[CeriseNoire]

The formula for a well written short story:
Deep plot development with terse discriptives.
Deep character development (Fan-Fic requires more of this than any other cat)
Tight, terse and concise sentences. Every word must move the story along.
Mechanics (sentence structure, grammar, etc)
No dangling plot elements in the end
Action which moves both the characters and the plot from beginning to end (ie, the characters have to undergo some learning or change by the end of the story - I've yet to see a stroke story that passes this test)

I can say, at least, JohnDoe is learning how to make his characters talk for themselves. So there is improvement, but not there yet without the personal research to differentiate his celebs and show them as the specific people they are.

I'm currently having serious problems with those two. That's what I get for not figuring out the whole plot before I start writing.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

I'm currently having serious problems with those two. That's what I get for not figuring out the whole plot before I start writing.

It takes a long time and a lot of writing to get it down, CeriseNoire. The problem is, we were never taught to write fiction. Schools, even universtities, teach you "expostulatory writing"...how to explain something. That's what Lit is for, my friend. It's also the reason why 90% of the writers who try to get published fail. Writing is easy. Writing interestingly is hard. Short story writing is the hardest of all because there is so little freedom because of the size limits. Keep working at it. You are doing quite well.

I often don't work out my plots in advance other than where I will start and where I will finish, then let the characters do the work. I'm sometimes surprised where they end up and change the ending to make the story work. It's all part of the process.

 

[CeriseNoire]

It takes a long time and a lot of writing to get it down, CeriseNoire. The problem is, we were never taught to write fiction. Schools, even universtities, teach you "expostulatory writing"...how to explain something. That's what Lit is for, my friend. It's also the reason why 90% of the writers who try to get published fail. Writing is easy. Writing interestingly is hard. Short story writing is the hardest of all because there is so little freedom because of the size limits. Keep working at it. You are doing quite well.

Thanks Jenny. I was at least lucky enough that back home, they insisted on teaching every genre of writing. Otherwise, I'd be pulling my (nonexistent) hair out these days. It's just that my latest piece of writing has developed into a monster of its own, leaving me with so many plot elements to resolve, my fingers will fall off before I'm done. Thank goodness for Lit though, being able to talk to other writers helps on the sanity front.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Thanks Jenny. I was at least lucky enough that back home, they insisted on teaching every genre of writing. Otherwise, I'd be pulling my (nonexistent) hair out these days. It's just that my latest piece of writing has developed into a monster of its own, leaving me with so many plot elements to resolve, my fingers will fall off before I'm done. Thank goodness for Lit though, being able to talk to other writers helps on the sanity front.

My friend, to do a short story correctly, the is ONE main plot and NO subplots. As soon as you add anything beyond that you have a novella.

One of the things I do when I write is draft the story. Then I look at it critically and ask myself, "Do I need this?" Very often the sex is deleted. That's why so few of my story have sex in them. Typically a story starts out about 7500 words and gets pared down to about 3000-3500 with the deletion of gratuitous sex, subplots and needless discription. I don't think that's unusual.

 

[drksideofthemoon]

I have to agree with Jenny, none of your stories did anything for me. You just plopped celbrity names into a weak plot.

Spend more time trying to develop a good story, try to make the characters come alive and make them believable. Simply using famous name doesn't do anything for most of the readers.

 

[CeriseNoire]

My friend, to do a short story correctly, the is ONE main plot and NO subplots. As soon as you add anything beyond that you have a novella.

One of the things I do when I write is draft the story. Then I look at it critically and ask myself, "Do I need this?" Very often the sex is deleted. That's why so few of my story have sex in them. Typically a story starts out about 7500 words and gets pared down to about 3000-3500 with the deletion of gratuitous sex, subplots and needless discription. I don't think that's unusual.

Uh-oh, looks like I'll have to put that one in the 'novella folder'. Though I have to say, the novella category scares me.
For my other short stories, I follow something close to what you do, except that the opposite tends to happen. I write out the barest version of the plot, and then flesh things out with characterization, dialog, etc.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Uh-oh, looks like I'll have to put that one in the 'novella folder'. Though I have to say, the novella category scares me.
For my other short stories, I follow something close to what you do, except that the opposite tends to happen. I write out the barest version of the plot, and then flesh things out with characterization, dialog, etc.

I try not to write Novellas too, my friend. The reads are few and if you really want to go into that much detail you might as well go whole hog and do another 60,000 words and make it a novel. Novellas are next to impossible to publish.

 

[starrkers]

I don't think I have enough words in me on any one topic to make a novella.

JohnDoe: to add to your audience perhaps you could open your writing up - at the moment it is personal - your fantasy: you and the star. Because of this there is little to interest an outside reader.

 

[CeriseNoire]

I don't think I have enough words in me on any one topic to make a novella.

That's what I said too -- 6k words ago.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Gad!! I fucked up along the way. This actually became a writerly thread. Someone kill me now!!!!!

 

[CeriseNoire]

Gad!! I fucked up along the way. This actually became a writerly thread. Someone kill me now!!!!!

Aw come on, at least it's a threadjacking. It only looks like a writerly thread.

 

[johndoe2007]

All of what you said makes sense but the question was, which one was the best?

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Huh?

 

[elfin_odalisque]

All of what you said makes sense but the question was, which one was the best?

In terms of what? You write good grammatical stuff but there is no story. Take any of your posts and delete the words 'Natalie' and 'Reese', then read them as a third party. Jenny's comments, despite Cerise's crit, are right. Why should I care if Portman is having bland sex with you? Celebs is a graveyard for writers - you see things that just don't click with most of the readers.

 

[CeriseNoire]

In terms of what? You write good grammatical stuff but there is no story. Take any of your posts and delete the words 'Natalie' and 'Reese', then read them as a third party. Jenny's comments, despite Cerise's crit, are right. Why should I care if Portman is having bland sex with you? Celebs is a graveyard for writers - you see things that just don't click with most of the readers.

I wasn't disagreeing with Jenny. Just saying that johndoe asked the exact same question before, and didn't ask if he's improved in certain areas or mention making any changes.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

The formula for a well written short story:
Deep plot development with terse discriptives.
Deep character development (Fan-Fic requires more of this than any other cat)
Tight, terse and concise sentences. Every word must move the story along.
Mechanics (sentence structure, grammar, etc)
No dangling plot elements in the end
Action which moves both the characters and the plot from beginning to end (ie, the characters have to undergo some learning or change by the end of the story - I've yet to see a stroke story that passes this tes can say, at least, JohnDoe is learning how to make his characters talk for themselves. So there is improvement, but not there yet without the personal research to differentiate his celebs and show them as the specific people they are.

A story starts when something out of the ordinary happens - usually just as simple as missing your bus stop or bumping into someone in the convenience store.

Then a series of events happen (story), perhaps sex, but there is a bit of friction until the final scene. Then you have a brief 'resolution' where the white hats win and the lovers bond. Readers vote and compliment you.

In a short story there is little time for anything deep, you have to sketch your main characters, suppress your supporting characters and concentrate on main plot - with a bit of a kick in the tail.

Short story writing is about the most difficult of all story writing.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

I wasn't disagreeing with Jenny. Just saying that johndoe asked the exact same question before, and didn't ask if he's improved in certain areas or mention making any changes.

I understand, but johndoe missed the comments that said he didn't develop his characters. I think that was the issue.

We must get a charcter and personality to relate to.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Yeah. What Elle said.

To answer JD's question directly. All of your Celeb Stories are boring beyond belief. Readers don't care that you got laid. Readers don't care that you got laid by someone with the same name as some Celebrity.

Your stories go nowhere. Your characters are thin and wooden. You have not SHOWN me Natalie Portman or Reese Witherspoon. You've shown YOURSELF getting laid by women with the same names as these celebs.

There is another writer (of really bad shit, BTW) with the name Jenny Jackson. I've seen her stuff. It SUCKS. It's not me! That's what you've done with Portman and Witherspoon.

You need a PLOT. You need a STORY. Getting fucked is neither a story nor a plot.

Is that clear now?

 

[starrkers]

All of what you said makes sense but the question was, which one was the best?

They are all equally boring, mate.

There's no bloody story to them, just some faceless git screwing a name - not a person, a name. You might as well write about a faceless git wanking while thinking about a particular face, or screwing a blowup doll with a famous face.

Good, better and best will apply when there's an incentive to keep reading, other than to critique them for you.

 

[drksideofthemoon]

They are all equally boring, mate.

There's no bloody story to them, just some faceless git screwing a name - not a person, a name. You might as well write about a faceless git wanking while thinking about a particular face, or screwing a blowup doll with a famous face.

Good, better and best will apply when there's an incentive to keep reading, other than to critique them for you.

LOL...faceless git...

I couldn't have said it better myself. All of the stories were equally abysmal...