which are you?
- Thread starter bg23
- Start date
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
I knew I was a dominant before I knew what the word was for what I was. I was spanking (consensually!) at a very young age and on through my teen years (though usually just a quick swat here and there, now and then, with an occasional "session" when I was lucky enough to find someone who enjoyed it). It wasn't until my early 20s (about 30 years ago!) that I had the opportunity to do a little research and found out that not only was there a name (other than sadist, lol) for what I liked to do (and how), but that there were actually fairly large numbers of people across the country who also enjoyed it.bg23 said:
jasonlf
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2005
- Posts
- 621
I'm a dom/top ... I won't say it's *always* been my nature, in fact, it's contrary to what I am in most other situations. I just always fantcised about taking girls and tying them up, and doing fun things to them 
, in fact, I was talking to one of my cousins about it the other day, and she said "you did always have a facination with tying people up"...
Now, I see that, at least for me, it's an issue of power -- I like someone trusting me enough to give themselves completely over to me. Now, I'm not someone who's into 100% all the time bdsm relationships -- but, in the bed, I defiinately have to be in charge, and ropes, handcuffs, and other fun things will be involved
, in fact, I was talking to one of my cousins about it the other day, and she said "you did always have a facination with tying people up"...Now, I see that, at least for me, it's an issue of power -- I like someone trusting me enough to give themselves completely over to me. Now, I'm not someone who's into 100% all the time bdsm relationships -- but, in the bed, I defiinately have to be in charge, and ropes, handcuffs, and other fun things will be involved
Luna_Wolf72
CinnaWolf circa 2023
- Joined
- Mar 27, 2003
- Posts
- 43,982
Which?
I am most usually Dominant. My past life made it damn near impossible for me to think of myself as subservient to anyone. Recently, I have become a service submissive (involved in contractual obligations) but even so, I still maintain 2 active pets (in training) of my own.
I guess the best description of me is *Switch* yet, I don't think of myself that way. I am a masochistic Domme who likes to serve on occassion. (As for when I reached this conclusion: about 12 years ago..becoming actively invoved in the lifestyle about 2 years later.)
I am most usually Dominant. My past life made it damn near impossible for me to think of myself as subservient to anyone. Recently, I have become a service submissive (involved in contractual obligations) but even so, I still maintain 2 active pets (in training) of my own.
I guess the best description of me is *Switch* yet, I don't think of myself that way. I am a masochistic Domme who likes to serve on occassion. (As for when I reached this conclusion: about 12 years ago..becoming actively invoved in the lifestyle about 2 years later.)
Netzach
>semiotics?
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2003
- Posts
- 21,732
Having explored both sides pretty throroughly, I can safely say I'm Dominant. I can be a good bondage bottom, I can even groove on service, but ultimately I itch when my will gets tested.
Why? I can't really say with any certainty as it seems to be some hard wiring that bubbled up whether I wanted it to or not.
Why? I can't really say with any certainty as it seems to be some hard wiring that bubbled up whether I wanted it to or not.
Silverlily
Kitty Mama - East Coast
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2000
- Posts
- 13,101
Dominant
I have done both and can occasionally bottom for the right (and rare) person, but generally speaking there are too many caveats to bottoming for it to be a lifestyle. Dominant on the other hand, is home.
I have done both and can occasionally bottom for the right (and rare) person, but generally speaking there are too many caveats to bottoming for it to be a lifestyle. Dominant on the other hand, is home.
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
bg23 said:
Yes, and yes.
bridgeburner
threadkiller
- Joined
- Dec 5, 2001
- Posts
- 2,712
I should have known once I started to ramble that my post would disappear into the ether. Here's the second attempt which will hopefully be more coherent. At least it will show up.
What the hell am I? Hard to say, harder now than two years ago, actually. Then I would have said submissive without batting an eye depsite my lack of practical experience in BDSM. Now I'm still fairly comfortable claiming bottom status, but in examining my fantasies I'd have to say that I have definite switchy tendencies.
From a sexual fantasy standpoint it's a bit murky. I delight in the idea of rape and moderate abuse of females (no cutting off of bits or breaking limbs, generally no blood) but I don't often identify with the victim in such scenarios. My excitement and orgasm is tied to that of the perpetrator. The woman isn't enjoying it so why would I want to be her? At the same time, in real life I prefer to be sexually dominated. I make a real distinction between sex and the rest of my waking world because, while I'm a pleaser kind of person, I generally don't enjoy being told what to do. I don't like to be bested, dictated to, condescended to or made to feel powerless. It infuriates me and if I cannot win out eventually it depresses the shit out of me.
Being sexually dominated doesn't appeal to me for the loss of power aspect but for the desire quotient: the idea that someone is so into me that he wants free rein over my body. It's like having created some personal dish that is so delicious and drool-worthy that a lover will wrestle you to the ground to steal the plate from your hand so he can lick it clean. Not the "I'm taking this away from you because I devalue your right to hold onto it" but "I'm taking this from you because I absolutely HAVE to have it." Fuckin' gimme.
My own dominant tendencies such as they are operate that way. I'm not much of a power tripper unless someone has engaged in a contentious battle with me and I feel they deserve to lose for being a wanker. I don't get off on ordering people around, but I do like for things to go the way I want them to. I like to set the order and the plan and see it completed. I never used to see the appeal of dominating men. It still leaves me pretty cold in fiction unless both the participants are men. So I'm a sexist in that regard. All the same, I can certainly see the appeal of having a body -- male or female -- at my mercy to explore for my own entertainment. To hurt or pleasure as I wish without focus on what the toy wants. "What? It's irritating that I want to spend an hour working over your nipples? So? Who cares? I'm having fun. Shut up and present."
Submissive tendencies, dominance fantasies, toss in a little sadism, a little masochism and what have you got? Fuck if I know. Kinked for sure but hard to pin down.
As to the why? I've been drawn to dark sex and sex linked with violence as far back as I can remember. Blame it on the lizard brain.
-B
What the hell am I? Hard to say, harder now than two years ago, actually. Then I would have said submissive without batting an eye depsite my lack of practical experience in BDSM. Now I'm still fairly comfortable claiming bottom status, but in examining my fantasies I'd have to say that I have definite switchy tendencies.
From a sexual fantasy standpoint it's a bit murky. I delight in the idea of rape and moderate abuse of females (no cutting off of bits or breaking limbs, generally no blood) but I don't often identify with the victim in such scenarios. My excitement and orgasm is tied to that of the perpetrator. The woman isn't enjoying it so why would I want to be her? At the same time, in real life I prefer to be sexually dominated. I make a real distinction between sex and the rest of my waking world because, while I'm a pleaser kind of person, I generally don't enjoy being told what to do. I don't like to be bested, dictated to, condescended to or made to feel powerless. It infuriates me and if I cannot win out eventually it depresses the shit out of me.
Being sexually dominated doesn't appeal to me for the loss of power aspect but for the desire quotient: the idea that someone is so into me that he wants free rein over my body. It's like having created some personal dish that is so delicious and drool-worthy that a lover will wrestle you to the ground to steal the plate from your hand so he can lick it clean. Not the "I'm taking this away from you because I devalue your right to hold onto it" but "I'm taking this from you because I absolutely HAVE to have it." Fuckin' gimme.
My own dominant tendencies such as they are operate that way. I'm not much of a power tripper unless someone has engaged in a contentious battle with me and I feel they deserve to lose for being a wanker. I don't get off on ordering people around, but I do like for things to go the way I want them to. I like to set the order and the plan and see it completed. I never used to see the appeal of dominating men. It still leaves me pretty cold in fiction unless both the participants are men. So I'm a sexist in that regard. All the same, I can certainly see the appeal of having a body -- male or female -- at my mercy to explore for my own entertainment. To hurt or pleasure as I wish without focus on what the toy wants. "What? It's irritating that I want to spend an hour working over your nipples? So? Who cares? I'm having fun. Shut up and present."
Submissive tendencies, dominance fantasies, toss in a little sadism, a little masochism and what have you got? Fuck if I know. Kinked for sure but hard to pin down.
As to the why? I've been drawn to dark sex and sex linked with violence as far back as I can remember. Blame it on the lizard brain.
-B
Trinique_Fire
Daddi's Princess
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2004
- Posts
- 10,550
I could be dominant if I wanted to be. My attitude and beligerance (sp?) make it so it's difficult for me to let anyone control me or have a position of dominance over me. I had an online thingy (not sure what else to label it as) where I was the dominant. I didn't know a whole lot, but I went with my instincts. This lasted for all of three or four months. It was a fine experience and something I fell into step with, but it remained an online thing. Thinking about it now...should it have become anything other than online, I probably wouldn't have known what to do with myself half the time.
Now I find myself the submissive, and while I enjoy it, it's difficult for me to quit being bratty and strongly opinionated. Perhaps I'm not cut from the same cloth as other submissives, but I don't see myself being happy as a dominant. IMO...I'll never be the "perfect" submissive (whatever that is), but after a long talk with Luna, I find myself more open and more willing to try harder and not be so careless. I'm almost embarrassed to admit that I'm scared...of the lifestyle, of ideas and actions involved...but the fact remains that I'm scared. I want to give it go...and I'll probably surprise myself in the process. I know myself quite well, and I know there have been plenty of times in the past when I'll deny myself the opportunity to try something and then my curiosity will get the better of me and I'll end up doing it and enjoying it no less.
Dominant or submissive...a bit of both.
Now I find myself the submissive, and while I enjoy it, it's difficult for me to quit being bratty and strongly opinionated. Perhaps I'm not cut from the same cloth as other submissives, but I don't see myself being happy as a dominant. IMO...I'll never be the "perfect" submissive (whatever that is), but after a long talk with Luna, I find myself more open and more willing to try harder and not be so careless. I'm almost embarrassed to admit that I'm scared...of the lifestyle, of ideas and actions involved...but the fact remains that I'm scared. I want to give it go...and I'll probably surprise myself in the process. I know myself quite well, and I know there have been plenty of times in the past when I'll deny myself the opportunity to try something and then my curiosity will get the better of me and I'll end up doing it and enjoying it no less.
Dominant or submissive...a bit of both.
Xelebes
Little Blue Alien
- Joined
- Sep 13, 2003
- Posts
- 13,068
Sub bottom. I would say thatI only learned about this little bit about me for little more than a year now. Before then I never really got to partake in any relationship - all the dates I ended up on with me being totally lost on what I wanted and stuff. Declaring bottom seems to fit with the patterns that I have come to see growing up - a general fear of leading and being prefered to be led, stress relief being done in pain and not other methods and what not.
Definately a sub. I think I realized my submissive tendencies when I was about 7. I was 14 when I found out what BDSM actually was (thank you internet) and had my first submissive experience about seven months ago at the age of 18.
I'm coaxed into being Dominant every so often but God knows I'd never consider myself a switch. I'm not very good at it, see. *Maybe* I'll get the hang of it one day, in at least 5-10 years but for now I'm staying in my safe zone.
I'm coaxed into being Dominant every so often but God knows I'd never consider myself a switch. I'm not very good at it, see. *Maybe* I'll get the hang of it one day, in at least 5-10 years but for now I'm staying in my safe zone.
Lilith
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2002
- Posts
- 1,069
I'm a person with a dominant personality, a Domme if you will...in life, in sex, in my soul. However, I have this sniggling little masochistic streak, that drives me nuts. On the odd instance (once a year maybe) and with the right person(of which there has been only one), I have submitted to bondage and pain. I think the bondage allows me to let go and cave in to my masochistic tendencies. So I consider myself a masochistic Domme.
I am defintley a sub. I was always volunteering to help someone and doing double time. Any jobs I have held I was always the one that did everything and kissed ass. Very much a servant. It has only been in the last two years that I have learned my place in life. My marriage was in trouble and we were working on finding a way to save it. A friend told us about BDSM and it was worked like a charm. Going to church for 30 years had only made life more confusing. My husband of 20 years is discovering He REALLY enjoys mastering me. And I LOVE it. Master has become more confident in all areas of His life and I have noticed a lot less stress in my life. There are times that living this lifestyle 24/7 is difficult but, we are trying. The whip and nipple clamps and candles are great attitude changers. We make sure we have time once a week to have a good grueling session. Usually saturday nights. Tonight. Gotta go . submissively slave c
Nyte_BlackRose
Terribly eloquent flirt
- Joined
- Feb 25, 2005
- Posts
- 1,372
Dom, deffinatelly.
Though I am quite a bit masochistic, as well as sadistic, so I am open to the occassional exchange of power, with the right person.
As for when I knew... well I have always been a take charge, leader type, and never took crap off of anyone, even as far back as early childhood. As far as BDSM stuff... well having grown up around mostly females, usually a year or two younger than me, I usually got stuck playing "house" and took the daddy role without thought, and it always involved naughty girls getting spanked. But as far as blatantly labeling myself that way... probably about 8 or 9 years ago when messing around with a subbie I used to do scenes with, though it never involved sex, it was always very sexual?
Though I am quite a bit masochistic, as well as sadistic, so I am open to the occassional exchange of power, with the right person.
As for when I knew... well I have always been a take charge, leader type, and never took crap off of anyone, even as far back as early childhood. As far as BDSM stuff... well having grown up around mostly females, usually a year or two younger than me, I usually got stuck playing "house" and took the daddy role without thought, and it always involved naughty girls getting spanked. But as far as blatantly labeling myself that way... probably about 8 or 9 years ago when messing around with a subbie I used to do scenes with, though it never involved sex, it was always very sexual?
HypnoticDreams
Virgin
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2005
- Posts
- 10
A submissive
Definately a submissive,it has always felt like the right path for me 
Definately a submissive,it has always felt like the right path for me
h_i_s
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2004
- Posts
- 4,335
dom/me or sub?
i'm a submissive female(a slave aka 'owned' aka pyl), and only am such with regard to the Master with whom i share a romantic, intimate & loving relationship.
IE: Not at work, not with others, and, NOT just in the bedroom. For Him i am docile, for others.... i speak my mind, stand on my own two feet and am never anyone's 'doormat'.
why?
Why are my eyes green, why are my teeth straight, why am i petite?
--same answer would apply. i just *am*, some things simply ARE what they are. People are simply who they ARE. Call it fate, perhaps.
when did you come to this realisation?
Probably in the fourth grade, by age 9. i was always the fastest runner in Phys Ed. & we often played a game of 'boys try to catch the girls' at recess. They never ran fast enough and it annoyed me enough that i'd slow down just so they COULD catch me! i always WISHED they would try harder. If a girl was caught by a boy in this game we played, he got to kiss her if he chose to, and then keep her. She was his prisoner once caught.
In later relationships as an adult, i always longed for a take charge type of guy. i became bored & annoyed, and most times disrespectful of those i shared romantic relations with who were less than agressive in their lives and relationships.
¸,ø¤º°sinn0cent°º¤ø,¸ proudly owned by, and devoted to INSIDEYOURMIND
i'm a submissive female(a slave aka 'owned' aka pyl), and only am such with regard to the Master with whom i share a romantic, intimate & loving relationship.
IE: Not at work, not with others, and, NOT just in the bedroom. For Him i am docile, for others.... i speak my mind, stand on my own two feet and am never anyone's 'doormat'.
why?
Why are my eyes green, why are my teeth straight, why am i petite?
--same answer would apply. i just *am*, some things simply ARE what they are. People are simply who they ARE. Call it fate, perhaps.
when did you come to this realisation?
Probably in the fourth grade, by age 9. i was always the fastest runner in Phys Ed. & we often played a game of 'boys try to catch the girls' at recess. They never ran fast enough and it annoyed me enough that i'd slow down just so they COULD catch me! i always WISHED they would try harder. If a girl was caught by a boy in this game we played, he got to kiss her if he chose to, and then keep her. She was his prisoner once caught.
In later relationships as an adult, i always longed for a take charge type of guy. i became bored & annoyed, and most times disrespectful of those i shared romantic relations with who were less than agressive in their lives and relationships.
¸,ø¤º°sinn0cent°º¤ø,¸ proudly owned by, and devoted to INSIDEYOURMIND
Last edited:
Aeroil
Aerouille, Ma Chérie
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2005
- Posts
- 3,227
What? Submissive
Why? Not sure why exactly, I worry entirely too much and it makes a wreck out of me, to be able to give her the reigns and just let myself go, would put me at rest and allow me being able to enjoy being with her fully, instead of constantly wondering if I'm doing anything wrong. Also, D/s usually eliminates mind games, I HATE mind games. Probably not all the reasons, but some of 'em.
How long? Looking back I can see that I've had submissive tendancies and fantasies for a very long time, but if you'll look at my registry date, and subtract a week and a half, you'll see when I first realized I was a sub, right here on lit, actually.
Why? Not sure why exactly, I worry entirely too much and it makes a wreck out of me, to be able to give her the reigns and just let myself go, would put me at rest and allow me being able to enjoy being with her fully, instead of constantly wondering if I'm doing anything wrong. Also, D/s usually eliminates mind games, I HATE mind games. Probably not all the reasons, but some of 'em.
How long? Looking back I can see that I've had submissive tendancies and fantasies for a very long time, but if you'll look at my registry date, and subtract a week and a half, you'll see when I first realized I was a sub, right here on lit, actually.
I am a Dom, have always (since I can remember) have had a dominant personality. I have always enjoyed "rough" sex and have always had the urge to hurt people physically and to be hurt. Physical pain is a huge turn on for me.
When I met my girlfriend, 3 years ago, she put the label on what I was. I had always thought that BDSM was something weird/strange and only people who were weird were into "that". She still thinks its funny because she says I'm the most naturally dominant, sadistic/masochist person she's ever met.
When I met my girlfriend, 3 years ago, she put the label on what I was. I had always thought that BDSM was something weird/strange and only people who were weird were into "that". She still thinks its funny because she says I'm the most naturally dominant, sadistic/masochist person she's ever met.
rosco rathbone
1. f3e5 2. g4??
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2002
- Posts
- 42,431
I am a Master. Only after I read books such as The Story Of O at the prompting of a female I knew; did I come to realize that there was an official name and well-established rituals for what I had been doing all along.
Chance_is_a Lady
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Oct 14, 2004
- Posts
- 124
I am Switch.
Because I am very sexually submissive, love being controlled and pleasing my partner more than I worry about myself, His pleasure is mine. Out side of the 'bedroom' I have to be able to at least have equal say in things.
Have been that way all of my adult life just didn't realize there were names for it or a lifestyle involved until two years ago.
Because I am very sexually submissive, love being controlled and pleasing my partner more than I worry about myself, His pleasure is mine. Out side of the 'bedroom' I have to be able to at least have equal say in things.
Have been that way all of my adult life just didn't realize there were names for it or a lifestyle involved until two years ago.
