where's the passion?

[nortonsavage]

you see it in movies, you read about it. passion. people so hot for each other that they just have to rip each others' clothes off and fuck like there's no tomorrow.

I've never felt that.

is it something that only exists in fantasy, or do people really have those feelings? if they're real, I guess the question becomes is it a mental thing, or physical? I've started to wonder if maybe my body doesn't produce as much testosterone as it should.

it's not like I haven't had sex.... I don't get to do it as much as I'd like. but I get to do it on occasion and have been told that I'm good at it.... the last girl I was with told me that she wanted to be fucked hard and deep and that if it was good she'd have to have a cigarette afterwards. she ended up smoking about 5 of them, so I guess I did something right.

still.... even though being with this woman is almost all I've thought about for 2 years, I never felt like just throwing her down on the bed and fucking her like a beast.

any thoughts or suggestions? thanks.

 

[SexyChele]

I've never really thought about this, but it is interesting.

I don't think anyone can have the passion that is portrayed in the movies all the time, but on occasion? Sure. For me, it is not something that just "happens". Normally, I'll start having sexy thoughts throughout the day until I get really worked up. Then, by the time I see my S/O, I simply cannot wait to get nekkid with him - and NOW!

It's not something that "just happens" or that we walk into the house and "ohmygodihavetohaveyounowsogetnakedalready!" It takes a certain amount of thought for me to get worked up to that point. Of course, all my S/O knows is when he sees me at the end of the day I can't get enough of him, so he loves it.

It works the other way round as well, but for him it is usually if we hadn't had sex for a while. (Sometimes we both get busy/sick during the week and we just have to go without) He doesn't get to the point of "ripping off clothes", but he makes his wants known very clearly!

 

[SweetErika]

That's a really good question! In my experience, it all depends on the person and circumstances. With some partners, it's only taken a touch to ignite the fire. With others, it more sporadic and rare...it takes a period w/o sex or a long buildup to happen. I think the key is to appreciate each relationship for what it is, and not bemoan what's missing.

Your hormone levels are probably fine, but you could have them checked just in case. A better solution might be to look at how you feel about sex, and if there's something holding you back from the raw, animalistic kind (e.g. are you afraid of getting out of control and hurting her?). Also try a long, simmering buildup to sex...have phone sex, exchange hot emails, leave little notes, flirt, read stories together, don't masturbate. That kind of build-up is a big deal for a lot of women AND men.

 

[Bobmi357]

The passion that you often see on movies does exist. The problem is that it exists for only a short amount of time.

Its a known fact that when you first meet someone and become intimately involved, your brain releases a neurochemical which results in a euphoric, I want to tear your clothes off and fuck you all day type feeling. Its also known that this neurochemical is only generated for a short time. Medical researchers say it can be released by the brain for upwards of 6 months in most normal people, and in a few noteable cases it lasted for nearly 2 years. This chemical rush often accounts for what people term the "honeymoon period". Unfortunately the brain can only produce this chemical so long before it has to stop.

It is possible to briefly recapture that feeling. But its not possible to bring it back for all time. I've seen my wife naked literally 1000s of times, yet all she has to do is put on some lingerie and my hands start to shake and I find myself wanting her so bad it hurts.

Like so many other things in life if you want to have that passion, you need both parties wanting it.

 

[sxylegs]

you see it in movies, you read about it. passion. people so hot for each other that they just have to rip each others' clothes off and fuck like there's no tomorrow.

I've never felt that.

is it something that only exists in fantasy, or do people really have those feelings? if they're real, I guess the question becomes is it a mental thing, or physical? I've started to wonder if maybe my body doesn't produce as much testosterone as it should.

it's not like I haven't had sex.... I don't get to do it as much as I'd like. but I get to do it on occasion and have been told that I'm good at it.... the last girl I was with told me that she wanted to be fucked hard and deep and that if it was good she'd have to have a cigarette afterwards. she ended up smoking about 5 of them, so I guess I did something right.

still.... even though being with this woman is almost all I've thought about for 2 years, I never felt like just throwing her down on the bed and fucking her like a beast.

any thoughts or suggestions? thanks.

Im curious.....do you feel passion about anthing else......like your av shows you with a musical instrument......do you get passionate about that.......do you yell at football games.......do you yell when you argue.......do you get passionate about ice cream or anything else? I have found that if you are a passionate person then you are passionate about sex.......if you are ho-hum then the same goes for sex.......you can enjoy but not get worked up about it..........
I am a very passionate person.......i will rip someones clothes off when I first see them.........but I am passionate about other things too......

 

[watergirl]

I hear ya.

Once in a while I have that sort of passion. It's usually after I've gone without for a long while. And oddly, it's usually when I'm single and looking. It's like when you're starved, and you go to a restaurant - but you can't decide what you want because everything on the menu sounds so damn good, you just want one of everything. That's how it gets for me sometimes.

 

[nortonsavage]

Re: Re: where's the passion?

Im curious.....do you feel passion about anthing else......

thanks for the replies.... you've all given me a lot to think about. too much masturbating could be part of it, I suppose. most times I go at least once a day and sometimes 2 or 3.

I'm especially going to have to ponder sexylegs' question. I honestly don't know if there is anything I do feel passionate about. the closest thing I can think of happens to be the girl I talked about in my first post.... sometimes I want to hold her so bad it's almost a physical ache, but in a way that seems to be more about feelings of romance than lust. the first 2 nights I got to spend with her it felt so good to finally be able to hold her like I really wanted to, but as for making love to her I couldn't even get it up.

maybe I'm just too screwed up for words..lol.

 

[sxylegs]

Re: Re: Re: where's the passion?

maybe I'm just too screwed up for words..lol. [/B][/QUOTE]

thats a possibility.......you cant just let yourself go......
I believe that the physical ache to hold her is a need not a passion.....so not quite sure there.....
My boyfriend is an anxious person and is afraid to feel passion.....he makes sure everything is even keel......we are working on that.......
Maybe screwed up is too harsh a word.....

 

[nycphoto]

I have noticed the only way to keep passion like that going is to keep getting new partners. Why is monogamy so enforced in American society? Find yourself a new partner and let all your erotic thoughts pour out.

 

[nycphoto]

Re: Re: Re: where's the passion?

YOur not the only one who uses masturbation way to much, by the way.

thanks for the replies.... you've all given me a lot to think about. too much masturbating could be part of it, I suppose. most times I go at least once a day and sometimes 2 or 3.

I'm especially going to have to ponder sexylegs' question. I honestly don't know if there is anything I do feel passionate about. the closest thing I can think of happens to be the girl I talked about in my first post.... sometimes I want to hold her so bad it's almost a physical ache, but in a way that seems to be more about feelings of romance than lust. the first 2 nights I got to spend with her it felt so good to finally be able to hold her like I really wanted to, but as for making love to her I couldn't even get it up.

maybe I'm just too screwed up for words..lol.

 

[SweetErika]

Re: Re: Re: where's the passion?

thanks for the replies.... you've all given me a lot to think about. too much masturbating could be part of it, I suppose. most times I go at least once a day and sometimes 2 or 3.

I'm especially going to have to ponder sexylegs' question. I honestly don't know if there is anything I do feel passionate about. the closest thing I can think of happens to be the girl I talked about in my first post.... sometimes I want to hold her so bad it's almost a physical ache, but in a way that seems to be more about feelings of romance than lust. the first 2 nights I got to spend with her it felt so good to finally be able to hold her like I really wanted to, but as for making love to her I couldn't even get it up.

maybe I'm just too screwed up for words..lol.

Definitely lay off the masturbation before you're having sex.

What you said here got me thinking...how do you know that ache wasn't passion? Passion can take all different forms, and I've always thought that ache arose from some of the strongest feelings possible. Maybe you were feeling something deeper than "I wanna rip your clothes off this second."

I think it'd be valuable to take a look at how you were feeling those nights and about the relationship in general if you don't normally have a problem getting it up. Did you have any fears? Were you drinking or taking something? Think about it, and don't let the past color the future.

 

[sweetgirl666]

Yes, have felt it a few times. And not only about sex, but at times about the whole person.

What I found out is that when I am very stressed or depressive (or both) I cant feel it anymore. I also cannot, or just mildly, orgasm then. So your bodys chemical balance for sure has to do with it.

But, lets not forget, movies are movies, real life is real life. Everything is nicer and better and easier in the movies.

 

[warrior queen]

that passion exists.

but - and here's the thing - you have to understand that the nature of the passion changes over time.

what begins as 'i need you right now anywhere sex', changes to 'i know you and you know me and it's still good' sex.

what begins as 'whenever i think about/see/feel you near me, my entire body quivers' love, becomes 'i love that you know me so well and still want to be with me' love.

it's all still passionate, just in a different way.

 

[nortonsavage]

Re: Re: Re: Re: where's the passion?

Maybe you were feeling something deeper than "I wanna rip your clothes off this second."

I think it'd be valuable to take a look at how you were feeling those nights and about the relationship in general if you don't normally have a problem getting it up. Did you have any fears? Were you drinking or taking something? Think about it, and don't let the past color the future.

I was terrified, to be honest. I've led a pretty sheltered life compared to most guys my age and the feelings that I feel for this girl are the closest to what I thought love would feel like that I've ever felt.

as for the sex, there were a lot of factors that added up to make me nervous: she's had a lot of experience and I was a virgin til I was 36. I was 39 at the time and she was 21, so I was worried about being able to measure up to the young guys she'd been with. I've had problems in the past with diabetes and I take BP medication... I'm sure those are factors. with other women I could get it up after they went down on me, but for all of her experience she'd never done that and wasn't ready to and I wasn't about to push her to do it. if she had been willing to, it might have been a different story.

the bright side is that she's now back in my life somewhat. we got together about a week ago and she went down on me and I was able to make love to her finally. it might not ever become a "relationship" the way I'd like it to be, but for now we get to play and have some fun on occasion.... I'm even gonna try mr. g's technique on her tomorrow. woo hoo!

somewhat rambling post, I know. sorry.

 

[SweetErika]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: where's the passion?

I was terrified, to be honest. I've led a pretty sheltered life compared to most guys my age and the feelings that I feel for this girl are the closest to what I thought love would feel like that I've ever felt.

as for the sex, there were a lot of factors that added up to make me nervous: she's had a lot of experience and I was a virgin til I was 36. I was 39 at the time and she was 21, so I was worried about being able to measure up to the young guys she'd been with. I've had problems in the past with diabetes and I take BP medication... I'm sure those are factors. with other women I could get it up after they went down on me, but for all of her experience she'd never done that and wasn't ready to and I wasn't about to push her to do it. if she had been willing to, it might have been a different story.

the bright side is that she's now back in my life somewhat. we got together about a week ago and she went down on me and I was able to make love to her finally. it might not ever become a "relationship" the way I'd like it to be, but for now we get to play and have some fun on occasion.... I'm even gonna try mr. g's technique on her tomorrow. woo hoo!

somewhat rambling post, I know. sorry.

Reread this ^. Sounds pretty passionate to me!

 

[nortonsavage]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: where's the passion?

Reread this ^. Sounds pretty passionate to me!

maybe it's a matter pf perception, then. I still have really strong feelings for this girl and I would do anything she asked me to. in my mind, I would throw her down anywhere and rip her clothes off and make love to her. it's the fact that "little norton" isn't always standing up and ready to do his part without some coaxing that makes me feel like I don't have that passion......

 

[rydia57]

Gad, I hope you're not stressed or depressed. I've been with two guys that were like that. One when he was happy felt the passion bigtime so when we had the moment, it was very passionate, y' know like waiting for Christmas. After tho, he'd be in the slump. Erika is right, just let it build up, also use that imagination to help, just thinking about what it's gonna be like always gets me off, but I've been told I was very passionate, but still it can get you off. Play that music and think of it happening fantasize about it, and oh, also helps when you have alot in common witht that person, so it's more than just the sex, it's being with that person...it's WILD!