i have read many threads in this forum on this subject. but i like to be both submissive and dominant and am lost in the abyss somewhere in between. What should I do? I like the submissive qualities that i cannot find from a normal give and take relationship like being tied up and being verbally abused. I actually like that a lot. But I also like to be the dom from time to time and dish it out. My problem is if I get into a relationship as either one I am expected to be one or the other. This is not a truly sexual question either. I can have a truly great experience as a dom or sub in an unsexual encounter as well. Just lost as to what to do because the women I have dated in the past just don't seem to understand someone who can go both ways...dom and sub....
where should i go
- Thread starter mister38
- Start date
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
Would thiknk you need to look for another switch as neither Domme or sub are going to be willing to accomodate your need to switch, nor can they enjoy it as it is not who they are. Why torture yourself unproductively by trying to persuade them to change something they can't or won't. Wish you good fortune in your search.
Catalina
Catalina
that's called a switch
When you can switch back and forth from Dom to sub, it's called a switch. I'm new to posting here and I'm sure someone else here can give you more information. I've been reading this forum for a while though and I am pretty sure I remember some threads about switches so you might want to look through some of the old threads.
When you can switch back and forth from Dom to sub, it's called a switch. I'm new to posting here and I'm sure someone else here can give you more information. I've been reading this forum for a while though and I am pretty sure I remember some threads about switches so you might want to look through some of the old threads.
PinkOrchid
Anal Whore™
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2002
- Posts
- 12,582
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
AvaAdore said:
Much of it is similar to the same issues which motivate the sceptical attitude toward bisexuality by those who are either gay or straight. Partly it is because as in most things, if one does not personally experience it, it may be difficult to understand. Also for those who are strongly Dominant or submissive, it is difficult at times to imagine how another can embrace both states seriously. It is a misconception, but it remains. I also think as with anything, how you experience it is individual and coloured by the perspective from which you experience something, so to be switch, though no less authentic or valid, is going to be a different experience to being 100% D or s, simply because you have dual sets of feelings, desires, and experiences from which to build. It does not mean a switch is any less or better, just different. To some extent too, I think part of it for some is related to fear.
Catalina
AvaAdore
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2002
- Posts
- 488
i'm not really sure what i am. i think for the most part i'm submissive, but sometimes i really want to play and torture (like right now!)... perhaps i'm just a sadistic submissive 
luckily my lover is the same...when we got together it was fairly vanilla, though straight away we noticed that the other liked pain. although maybe being covered in bruises and bites from head to toe isnt very vanilla.
i'm of the opinion that if you strictly stick to one side of any fence you're missing out.
luckily my lover is the same...when we got together it was fairly vanilla, though straight away we noticed that the other liked pain. although maybe being covered in bruises and bites from head to toe isnt very vanilla.
i'm of the opinion that if you strictly stick to one side of any fence you're missing out.
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
wolf2002 said:
Many fear what they don't understand, while even more fear what they recognise in the deep recesses and try to deny it's existence by eradicating anyone who reminds them of their hidden secrets and questions. Some just plain fear anyone who has the strength of character to say 'this is me, I am who I am, take it or leave it as it will not make me change who I am.'
Catalina
wolf2002
Moderator
- Joined
- May 13, 2002
- Posts
- 1,500
catalina_francisco said:
I understand. Personally I have never met any negativity towards my 'switchness', neither from Doms nor submissives. But I know it exists, and occasionally I see posts about people expressing their difficulties with the concept.
Of course switching doesn't fit very well into the classical, romantic 'sadean' image... On the other hand, even the slave 'O' seemed to have some Dominant urges towards members of the same sex...
I must admit that for a while I have been trying to avoid any dealings with the BDSM community just because I thought I wouldn;t (and didn;t want to) fit in... I am an individualist in those matters... luckily I have come over this, cause I have learned a lot more since I became a more or less active member on this board...
Wolf
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
wolf2002 said:
Is always good to try and keep your options open in most things otherwise you begin to stagnate plus miss many opportunities. I understand about individualism....does not always seem to be a respected trait these days as the powers that be dop everything to change the thought patterns to if you aren't one of the team you are a misfit....balony! As for Lit, I think it is a great place to learn even if only about yourself. The read only sites are great too, but this forum allows everyone to discuss anything and everything, get feedback, interact, and through the exchanges change preconceptions they may have held if needed.
Catalina
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
Never said:
You are lucky.
