Where do I find her?

[orangetree]

Quote:
Originally Posted by satindesire
So...here's the point to this long and extremely sad story.

If you're looking for a woman to treat you like a God, make sure you treat her like a Goddess, because us Goddesses are really tired of being mistreated.

My story is very similar and my sentiment is exactly the same. This is an issue that both sexes can fall victim to, not just women. It is my goal to find a woman that treats me as well as I strive to treat her. In all modesty, it's the least that we BOTH deserve.

Aaaaand same story here. Did everything perfectly because it was what I thought I was supposed to do.

So tell us girls... where do *we* find someone who actually turns us on physically and mentally who is *not* an asshole...?

 

[Nasty_Deeds]

Oh, trust me. It's sinking in. Why would she want to come back? She wouldnt. It's just hard to accept after 4 years of the same pattern.

I've adjusted my attitude, I assure u. I'm done playing. I just want one girl that works for me to share the adventure of life with. I was always focused on the next adventure w the next girl, not the one I had. I've barely eaten or slept in almost a mth. I can't go thru this again

You are still young and have plenty of time to find the right woman, but in the mean time, maybe you should adopt the philosophy, "Find em, Feed em, Fuck em and Forget em". It's a lot less stressful and you sleep better at night.

 

[Nasty_Deeds]

Regardless of what women say in public, when it comes to men, they all want the knuckle-draggers; that’s why the nice guys sit home on Saturday night, surfing the internet for porn and loping their mule. How many times have you heard a woman say, “He is such an asshole”, and the very next night, she is right back in his bed.

 

[satindesire]

Quote:
Originally Posted by satindesire
So...here's the point to this long and extremely sad story.

If you're looking for a woman to treat you like a God, make sure you treat her like a Goddess, because us Goddesses are really tired of being mistreated.



Aaaaand same story here. Did everything perfectly because it was what I thought I was supposed to do.

So tell us girls... where do *we* find someone who actually turns us on physically and mentally who is *not* an asshole...?

There's not a "Good boyfriend/girlfriend" store. You just have to keep dating and trying, and eventually you'll find that prince/ss charming.

With me, I noticed that I had a past pattern of being attracted to men who were abusive and neglectful. I didn't want to be in any more bad relationships, and so I decided that from now on, and man that immediately made me want to jump on him I would RUN AWAY from.

As soon as I started "giving chances" to guys that hadn't originally seemed extremely 'jumpable', I noticed that there were a huge amount of men out there that were very dateable that I'd never noticed before.

I met my now-husband after that. We dated for five months, and we both fell so hard we moved in together. We've been together ever since. That was back in 05. And you know what's the best part? He's my dream guy...he's got a genius IQ, he's hysterically funny and makes me laugh every single day. He's attentive, affectionate, a good cook, brave and generous with an assertive, bold personality...and great in bed. I really couldn't ask for anything more in him.

And I discovered him all because I decided to stop dating assholes.

Really, it's not hard to do once you commit yourself.

 

[holywagon]

Seems like being bit of an arsehole is actually conducive to having a long term relationship. From experience, it looks like many women seem to be attracted to guys who don't treat them with respect.

This then 'rewards' guys to continue behaving disrespectfully. Both parties sharing the responsibility and the blame whilst their lives go to shit.

So yes, holywagon, you may have treated her badly, but she didn't do you (or herself) any favours by not blowing you out sooner. On the positive side, if you keep up the "cook, cleaner, whore" attitude you probably won't have to wait long for another willing victim to start the whole sorry cycle again.

Huh. Interesting point of view. I was kind of thinking that myself.

As far as a cycle, I don't think that's true at all. It just seems to be the dynamic that's suited me best so far and I know a few women, on here included, that are happy to do this. Rest assured that if I get another one, I'll put a ring on her finger a hell of a lot faster now that I know exactly what I want.

Do you really think if it was that easy to find the woman you describe, all of these jack-offs would be wasting their time here?

And as far as the princess you had, if she didn't stick around, she couldn't have really been that good.

I don't know, I haven't been on here long enough to get a good feel for the members of Lit. So far I'm impressed though.

That good? How so? I messed up large. You can't expect somebody to stick forever, no?

Quote:
Originally Posted by satindesire
So...here's the point to this long and extremely sad story.

If you're looking for a woman to treat you like a God, make sure you treat her like a Goddess, because us Goddesses are really tired of being mistreated.



Aaaaand same story here. Did everything perfectly because it was what I thought I was supposed to do.

So tell us girls... where do *we* find someone who actually turns us on physically and mentally who is *not* an asshole...?

Very good question.

You are still young and have plenty of time to find the right woman, but in the mean time, maybe you should adopt the philosophy, "Find em, Feed em, Fuck em and Forget em". It's a lot less stressful and you sleep better at night.

Still young? Sure doesn't feel like it.

I've done that. I don't have it in me to do that anymore. I've found I like the personal connection of sex, not just the physical part. Not to mention the number of heads I've had to put back together and phone calls I've had to make to the police to have women extracted from my cars or paramedics to show up at their house because they left voicemails convincing me they were about to do something stupid.

Regardless of what women say in public, when it comes to men, they all want the knuckle-draggers; that’s why the nice guys sit home on Saturday night, surfing the internet for porn and loping their mule. How many times have you heard a woman say, “He is such an asshole”, and the very next night, she is right back in his bed.

I know, I've tried to be a balance of both worlds, but it's too difficult to pull it off and maintain some semblance of self respect without going around and just maliciously hurting women to maintain the asshole facade.

There's not a "Good boyfriend/girlfriend" store. You just have to keep dating and trying, and eventually you'll find that prince/ss charming.

With me, I noticed that I had a past pattern of being attracted to men who were abusive and neglectful. I didn't want to be in any more bad relationships, and so I decided that from now on, and man that immediately made me want to jump on him I would RUN AWAY from.

As soon as I started "giving chances" to guys that hadn't originally seemed extremely 'jumpable', I noticed that there were a huge amount of men out there that were very dateable that I'd never noticed before.

I met my now-husband after that. We dated for five months, and we both fell so hard we moved in together. We've been together ever since. That was back in 05. And you know what's the best part? He's my dream guy...he's got a genius IQ, he's hysterically funny and makes me laugh every single day. He's attentive, affectionate, a good cook, brave and generous with an assertive, bold personality...and great in bed. I really couldn't ask for anything more in him.

And I discovered him all because I decided to stop dating assholes.

Really, it's not hard to do once you commit yourself.

I think this will actually be my tactic currently. I'm gonna aim for the cute girls instead of the hot girls that make my neck snap when they walk by. There always seems to be some sort of far more detrimental issue(s) when I go that way.

Sorry for the extremely long post guys & gals, but I was out all day & didn't have a chance to respond.

 

[satindesire]

I think this will actually be my tactic currently. I'm gonna aim for the cute girls instead of the hot girls that make my neck snap when they walk by. There always seems to be some sort of far more detrimental issue(s) when I go that way.

Sorry for the extremely long post guys & gals, but I was out all day & didn't have a chance to respond.

I think you might be getting it a little twisted.

My husband is by far the best looking man I've ever been with by far. He didn't initially spark my attraction because he didn't approach me with that cocky "I'm what you want" attitude, like he was teh shizz. But as far as who I was attracted to, it wasn't just about physical looks with me.

He was friendly and respectful, a little flirtatious but not pursuing me with intense sexual interest the way I was accustomed to.

So, please don't think that you should go after women who are of lesser physical attractiveness just to avoid crazy bitches because trust me, crazy bitches come in all shapes, sizes and colors. Just start approaching women that you might not necessarily instantly be drawn to and women that seem more shy than what you might be used to. Open yourself up to dating more "types", that'll help.

 

[Boundlife]

I think this will actually be my tactic currently. I'm gonna aim for the cute girls instead of the hot girls that make my neck snap when they go by.

I think you are setting yourself up for an evil rebound relationship. Get to know a woman before deciding how "hot" they are personality can change your perception

 

[NippleMuncher]

With me, I noticed that I had a past pattern of being attracted to men who were abusive and neglectful. I didn't want to be in any more bad relationships, and so I decided that from now on, and man that immediately made me want to jump on him I would RUN AWAY from.

Same here, I figured out the pattern and made the decision that I wanted better for myself and that I was worth it. I had a whole lot of personal growth connected to this realization that affected my entire view of life and how I went about it.

 

[satindesire]

Same here, I figured out the pattern and made the decision that I wanted better for myself and that I was worth it. I had a whole lot of personal growth connected to this realization that affected my entire view of life and how I went about it.

That's absolutely true. Self reflection really showed me a big ugly mirror on parts of myself that I had no idea were so...terrible. Huge character flaws, that I vowed I'd change. Dating good people was just ONE of the things I decided was going to happen. The personal growth and maturity that I went through and have been going through for the last six years has been life-altering.

 

[holywagon]

Thanks for the advice guys. As far as the looks thing goes, it's just part of it. Ive found you can tell a lot about a person by how they look & behave. I think it was kind of the same thing as ur saying, satin. That whole exuding sexuality out of the gate is what's causing so much trouble. I need to look for the kind caring looking, not the hard, I will nail the ish out of you girls.

As far as a rebound goes? I think it's possible to avoid as long as you can talk about if before jumping into anything serious. That was actually how I got involved with this last girl. Suffice to say I won't be jumping into bed with anybody too soon sadly, but I think it's a lot more healthy. Not to mention you can talk about sex & interests before things get too serious. Another reason I joined lit, to see if I can find somebody wit the same sexual interests as I before starting anything serious. I've had a lot of issues with sexual compatabilty & satisfaction in the past unfortunately.

Getting back to the initial question, my mind still wonders how to meet that homebody that's just waiting for somebody to whisk them off their feet like initially happened to me with her. They don't go out & if they do it's typically only sporadically and without any pattern of regularity. Any thoughts?

 

[NippleMuncher]

That's absolutely true. Self reflection really showed me a big ugly mirror on parts of myself that I had no idea were so...terrible. Huge character flaws, that I vowed I'd change.

I prefer not to call them "character flaws". My take is that we all have our path in life to become self-aware. To say "flaw" insinuates judgment, something that MUST be let go of if you wish to move beyond an issue. The way I prefer to look at things in life is from a perspective of preferred and non-preferred. My former life was definitely non-preferred, and while it was non-preferred, I don't judge who I was nor the people that were around and taking advantage of me at the time. I have forgiven myself, more importantly, I've forgiven them and actually have thanked them for teaching me hard learned lessons.

Who knew a philosophical derailment was going to take place here?

 

[satindesire]

That whole exuding sexuality out of the gate is what's causing so much trouble. I need to look for the kind caring looking, not the hard, I will nail the ish out of you girls.

A common thing I've noticed is that sweet girls have so much potential to be that "freak in bed", once you gain their trust and treat them well. I'd say one thing to look for is a woman with a REALLY high EQ, because high EQ people tend to be very partner-focused and great communicators, and more interested in compatible sexual likes/drives, etc.

Getting back to the initial question, my mind still wonders how to meet that homebody that's just waiting for somebody to whisk them off their feet like initially happened to me with her. They don't go out & if they do it's typically only sporadically and without any pattern of regularity. Any thoughts?

The thing that always worked for me is to look in places that I frequented. I met my current husband when I was working, so look in your workplace, not just your co-workers but people that might be frequent visitors to the place you're working in. And also try and think of things that you really enjoy doing. I've met quite a few people playing video games, WoW and XBox Live games like Halo have a thriving female gamer base so if you're into video games, that's a perfect place to meet women. Also, I suggest joining Fetlife, (I'm on there under the same name) and joining the larger groups like Ask A Female Questions, and other groups that are focused around things you really enjoy as hobbies.

 

[holywagon]

I really like that. Preferred & non-preferred.

I actually love when topics turn into philosophical discussions. I'm glad it did. Gives me insight on different perspectives.


I agree, satin. Now I just need to find a sweet girl with a high IQ lol.

So, if I really like laying in bed watching TV between heated romps, where would I find one of those? I like your suggestions tho. If only I was into video games lol.

 

[SweetErika]

Getting back to the initial question, my mind still wonders how to meet that homebody that's just waiting for somebody to whisk them off their feet like initially happened to me with her. They don't go out & if they do it's typically only sporadically and without any pattern of regularity. Any thoughts?

What do you mean when you say you're looking for someone who doesn't go out regularly?

And are you also the type of "homebody" you're describing, or do you enjoy going out for your hobbies, socialization, etc.?

 

[satindesire]

I really like that. Preferred & non-preferred.

I actually love when topics turn into philosophical discussions. I'm glad it did. Gives me insight on different perspectives.


I agree, satin. Now I just need to find a sweet girl with a high IQ lol.

So, if I really like laying in bed watching TV between heated romps, where would I find one of those? I like your suggestions tho. If only I was into video games lol.

EQ, not IQ.

EQ is totally the opposite of IQ! It means "Emotional Intelligence" and it's a wonderful trait for a mate to have.

http://eqi.org/signs.htm

 

[holywagon]

What do you mean when you say you're looking for someone who doesn't go out regularly?

And are you also the type of "homebody" you're describing, or do you enjoy going out for your hobbies, socialization, etc.?

The women I've tended to fall in love with have been homebodies and I meet strictly by chance.

I go back and forth between homebody and out going. I find when I have gf I like to stay in and have her enjoy by body and vice-versa, but I do also like going out with my friends and showing her off while socializing.

EQ, not IQ.

EQ is totally the opposite of IQ! It means "Emotional Intelligence" and it's a wonderful trait for a mate to have.

http://eqi.org/signs.htm

Oh yes! Sorry, I read that on my phone and misread it. You're right EQ is very important. Have you found any indicators of EQ or places where people with high EQ frequent?

 

[satindesire]

Oh yes! Sorry, I read that on my phone and misread it. You're right EQ is very important. Have you found any indicators of EQ or places where people with high EQ frequent?

High EQ people are frequently social in small groups and generally very generous with their time, giving types, but are often overwhelmed by the empathic press of too many people in large groups like big parties, etc. Look at your local volunteering circles, whether that's at a VA Hospital, Habitat for Humanity, homeless shelter, cancer clinic, etc. High EQ people are often emotionally expressive, with very open faces and who smile and/or are warm a lot. You're going to want to find the woman that's welcoming all the new people, talking to everyone, especially if they talk with their hands and have a very expressive face.

You'll find that high EQ people often unintentionally "mirror" body language in order to get "in tune" with the person they're talking to at the time. Watch for women who mimic your posture as you're speaking to them, lean towards you, make eye contact, and smile. It's not necessarily flirtatious, just a signal of high EQ people.

 

[holywagon]

High EQ people are frequently social in small groups and generally very generous with their time, giving types, but are often overwhelmed by the empathic press of too many people in large groups like big parties, etc. Look at your local volunteering circles, whether that's at a VA Hospital, Habitat for Humanity, homeless shelter, cancer clinic, etc. High EQ people are often emotionally expressive, with very open faces and who smile and/or are warm a lot. You're going to want to find the woman that's welcoming all the new people, talking to everyone, especially if they talk with their hands and have a very expressive face.

You'll find that high EQ people often unintentionally "mirror" body language in order to get "in tune" with the person they're talking to at the time. Watch for women who mimic your posture as you're speaking to them, lean towards you, make eye contact, and smile. It's not necessarily flirtatious, just a signal of high EQ people.

Interesting locations. Thanks for the tip. Animal shelters would work well I'd think. I absolutely adore dogs. Any tips on sexual preferences of these women? Lol

 

[satindesire]

Interesting locations. Thanks for the tip. Animal shelters would work well I'd think. I absolutely adore dogs. Any tips on sexual preferences of these women? Lol

High EQ women are as different as everyone else in the world when it comes to orientation. Make the relationship and friendship the top priority, sex can come after that, and the level of commitment and communication about your sex life will surprise and delight you. I've noticed with high EQ people, they tend to understand that a satisfying sex life for both partners is completely integral to the long-term health and stability of the relationship, and often work VERY hard to make sure their and their partner's needs are met as fully as they can without compromising something important about/to themselves.

 

[holywagon]

I like your train of thought. Seems very similar to where mine is headed hence all my questions. So, even if there's all sorts of "interests" that aren't "mainstream?"

 

[satindesire]

I like your train of thought. Seems very similar to where mine is headed hence all my questions. So, even if there's all sorts of "interests" that aren't "mainstream?"

That's awfully vague. Can you be more specific, because I hate to assume you're talking about one thing when it might be another?

 

[holywagon]

Well, anal for starters. I know a lot of women won't even entertain the idea.

 

[satindesire]

Well, anal for starters. I know a lot of women won't even entertain the idea.

If you think about it, it's pretty much silly for you to think I'd know that.

Sexual likes and dislikes aren't something that's just a product of their EQ, as it's a product of their personality AND history AND genetics. I can't tell you what your future partner will like, that's for you to find out when the appropriate time comes!

 

[holywagon]

I realize that, but I thought maybe being a sexual lit forum it might have come across as sexual stuff. Sorry.

That's such a long process to find out what sort of sexual things they're into. Sadly, it's not something ppl talk about more freely. One of the other reasons I joined Lit.

 

[satindesire]

I realize that, but I thought maybe being a sexual lit forum it might have come across as sexual stuff. Sorry.

That's such a long process to find out what sort of sexual things they're into. Sadly, it's not something ppl talk about more freely. One of the other reasons I joined Lit.

Those kinds of conversations are better suited to a more intimate setting where a woman can feel vulnerable and trust you. If you push too hard too early after you meet someone new, you risk looking like you're trying to get into her pants as opposed to being interested in a real relationship.

I advise to keep that kind of talk to 5+ dates.