Where did I go wrong?

[CiaoSteve]

Looking for some opinion from the wonderful authors out there. My latest tale is currently flopping with a rating below 4, something which is a little disappointing. I do have a second chapter going up shortly to see if that brings any better fortunes, with a third chapter being edited. I am wondering though whether I am just flogging a dead horse with this one (no . . . I'm not suggesting there are dead animals and whips in the tale as that would be clearly against common decency and Lit rules).

I suspect the problem may be too much background before hitting any erotic scenes, but would welcome your opinions if you would be kind enough to take a look. The link is below.

https://www.literotica.com/s/work-hard-play-harder-ch-01

Thanks in advance,

Steve

 

[KeithD]

Not a time to worry too much about ratings. Something is going off in the system and everyone's stories are rating lower than usual. Admin says they are working on it.

 

[CiaoSteve]

Is this why the system seems slow too?

 

[KeithD]

Is this why the system seems slow too?

Maybe. I agree that the system is very sluggish at the moment.

 

[NotWise]

Is this why the system seems slow too?

Could be. To paraphrase Manu, the site's fraud prevention system has been off for two weeks while they work out other problems. The road will get pretty bumpy for a while after they reinstate that system, which hopefully will be before they announce the April Fools Day contest results.

 

[lovecraft68]

Glad I popped into this thread. I haven't been paying much attention to the disappearing votes thread, and was planning on uploading a new story early this week. Guess I'll hold off a bit.

 

[Emirus]

Looking for some opinion from the wonderful authors out there. My latest tale is currently flopping with a rating below 4, something which is a little disappointing.

I do have a second chapter going up shortly to see if that brings any better fortunes, with a third chapter being edited. I am wondering though whether I am just flogging a dead horse with this one

I suspect the problem may be too much background before hitting any erotic scenes

Forget about the ratings at the moment because that question has already been answered. I see your second chapter has now been published and I’ve read them both. I wouldn’t normally read T&M, in fact I think this is the first time, but I do write BDSM. I think it’s a mistake when writing a series to mix up the categories and, in this instance, I think the second chapter should also have been in T&M. The first chapter was masturbation and this one was about a toy.

The foreword, from “Copyright CiaoSteve” to “Sophie will not make an entrance until the fourth chapter” is unnecessary, boring and spoiling the story by telling us about future intent. The same advice also for chapter 2.

A nice lead in to Claudia and her character but from telling us it was a two hour drive to the cabin to Claudia getting out of the bath, which must be about 1500 plus words, it was 90% of information which could easily have been either edited out or, preferably, fitted in in smaller segments as the story progresses. As I’ve said I wouldn’t normally read T&M so perhaps I’m a little biased in my judgement but, if I wasn’t reading this story for a particular reason, I would have given up on it long before she began masturbating. Having said which I thought the masturbation was well written.

As I’ve said all the foreword for chapter 2 was unnecessary for the same reasons as for chapter 1. Chapter 2 is much better in respect of the information dumping. It was as if you wanted to get it all out of your system in chapter 1. In fact, as a whole, I thought chapter 2 was much better and I enjoyed it more. But the penultimate paragraph is unnecessary and took the edge of my enjoyment. It would have ended better with just the last paragraph.

There is the occasional part I would have phrased differently but that’s just my personal opinion as is the rest of what I’ve written. As for the rating you can, if you wish, ask for the first two chapters to be deleted and submit them again at a later date as Lovecraft is going to do with his next story.

 

[CiaoSteve]

Thanks Emirus for your constructive comments. I do take your points, especially around the amount of background info in Ch 1 (that sort of evolved as I found myself confused as to whether Claudia was entertaining for money or lust) and the category for Ch. 2. The final paragraph is the lead in to Ch 3 but I do agree seems to be out of context. I'll wait a few days and decide whether to publish Ch 3 or not.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I've looked at your scores, and you've done incredibly well in your years here. That 3.65 looks like the only one you've ever gotten below 4.00. (And 3.65 ain't that bad.) I didn't even count the red Hs you've gotten. You haven't done anything wrong! It's like Hank Aaron (RIP) worrying about his batting results.

If you like this series, just keep writing it. The readers obviously love your stuff.

 

[HappySpouse]

I do agree that there is a great deal of "info-dumping" but that is often appropriate for Literotica especially in first chapters. There was one thing about it, though, that kept making me roll my eyes. The information is often repetitive.

For example, it spends paragraphs talking about a hectic meeting with looming deadlines and its strong leader giving them direction. Then there are two lines of text.

"Bit of a heated one, was it?"

"Sure, Janet," Claudia responded. "You know what it's like. When the water gets choppy, you need someone strong at the wheel. Deadlines are getting close, but they'll make it."

Other examples are

that "play hard" is in the title, but it is explained that she likes to play hard 4 or 5 times.

That the cabin appears to be normal but isn't, is said in multiple different ways.

The bedroom is described as large, as taking up 2/3 of the width of the building, and as being "spacious enough".

She liked to be in control and her life was about passion and control and her partner liked her being in control and her new relationship was about control followed up at the end with a reveal of her being a dom.



I didn't think any of it was poorly written and the masturbation scene was hot enough to bring me back in, but all the repetition had made the read before that a chore. Like Emirus, if I weren't reading it for the purpose of a response I either would have quit it or more likely skipped ahead to the good stuff.

That said, if you're happy with it, then our opinions can fuck right off along with those low voters'.