When you recogize kinky people

[sb2009]

So, on Fetlife I was perusing profiles of people in my area. My face is not on my profile and unless someone is really familiar with my cleavage, I'm anonymous.

However, I recognized a woman who had several photos (not naked) showing her face on her profile and some details of her life. I have worked with her on a few volunteer things. We are probably the same age or therabouts.

I'm not interesting in her for anything sexual, but I think it might be intersting to meet for lunch or something. As she has her name and photo on there, is that a clue that she wouldn't freak at a PM from someone? "I know who you are bwahahah" OK, no exactly like that, but a casual, "hello, etc."

Or is that breaking some rule I don't know about?

 

[graceanne]

So, on Fetlife I was perusing profiles of people in my area. My face is not on my profile and unless someone is really familiar with my cleavage, I'm anonymous.

However, I recognized a woman who had several photos (not naked) showing her face on her profile and some details of her life. I have worked with her on a few volunteer things. We are probably the same age or therabouts.

I'm not interesting in her for anything sexual, but I think it might be intersting to meet for lunch or something. As she has her name and photo on there, is that a clue that she wouldn't freak at a PM from someone? "I know who you are bwahahah" OK, no exactly like that, but a casual, "hello, etc."

Or is that breaking some rule I don't know about?

I don't think it should be an issue. If it was, she shouldn't have her photo up. And if she freaks out, after she's had her photo up and everything, then (honestly) I'd avoid her like the plague. Sounds like a drama queen.

 

[WriterDom]

You'll never know unless you ask.

 

[Primalex]

Or is that breaking some rule I don't know about?

Yes, it is.

 

[cromsgirl]

I think it would be fine. I was contacted there by people I knew but didn't know were lifestyle. I have become very good friends with one of them. It is much better to have a live person to talk to. Just my two cents.

 

[dianajh73]

I would think there is a way to PM her and say "I saw your ad/profile and believe that we have worked together. If you would be interested in talking about our common interests, please contact me. Regardless, please rest assured, I will not approach you in RL unless you ask me to."

My .02 FWIW

 

[HottieMama]

I would think there is a way to PM her and say "I saw your ad/profile and believe that we have worked together. If you would be interested in talking about our common interests, please contact me. Regardless, please rest assured, I will not approach you in RL unless you ask me to."

^^^ This would be the best way to phrase it IMO.

 

[Chicklet]

This is a tricky topic.

A lot of people would be uncomfortable knowing that someone recognized them from work, even if they did put their pictures up on fetlife. I'm speaking from personal experience; it's happened to me!

I would highly recommend not doing anything about it, or mentioning it in real life in your vanilla setting. Inquiring about lunch or a coffee or something is going to be considered a come-on even if it isn't, unfortunately.

It would be different, in my opinion, if you were recognizing her in a kink setting in the real world. Recognizing her online and approaching her that way might be considered creepy.

One thing you might do is note on her fetlife profile whether she goes to a local munch or other similar gathering, and planning to attend the same one. Meeting each other in that kind of setting would be, for me at least, a lot more comfortable.

 

[Primalex]

I think that if she were worried or paranoid about someone finding out she was into BDSM she wouldn't have pics and identifying information on a public website.

You are right, she was neither worried nor paranoid. But in my experience it does not mean that she had thought about the problem beforehand and discarded any problems as irrelevant. In my experience it just means that she did not think about the possible problems.

People have NO clue how easy it is to track their real life down. When I'm bored, I do this and show them how silly they are, f.e. like in http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=675317
I have yet to meet someone who wasn't surprised and said:"Oh yeah, no problem, I expected that my real life identity would be found."

 

[Primalex]

^^^ This would be the best way to phrase it IMO.

How would you feel when you would get such a PM?

Knowing that someone out there knows about your kinks, might even be able to cause severe harm to your workplace..or relationship. Any person you would meet that day, you would ask yourself, if it's maybe him / her. And the next day.. and the next day. Until you can't bear it any longer and then you will be forced to meet this person to end this.

"I know what you did last summer." PMs... bleh.

 

[sb2009]

see, that's why I asked for advice, I wasn't sure at all. Thanks for the input!

 

[StrayKat]

People have NO clue how easy it is to track their real life down. When I'm bored, I do this and show them how silly they are, f.e. like in http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=675317
I have yet to meet someone who wasn't surprised and said:"Oh yeah, no problem, I expected that my real life identity would be found."

Of course its easy. Just as it is easy to stalk someone on the street. But that doesnt mean it is acceptable.
When you are bored you show people how nosey, badly mannered and inconsiderate you are? Interesting, I thought only children up to certain age tend to do that.

 

[Primalex]

Of course its easy. Just as it is easy to stalk someone on the street. But that doesnt mean it is acceptable.

You don't know what stalking is, right?

When you are bored you show people how nosey, badly mannered and inconsiderate you are? Interesting, I thought only children up to certain age tend to do that.

No need to worry, I'm not interested in your daughters.

 

[StrayKat]

You don't know what stalking is, right?



No need to worry, I'm not interested in your daughters.

I am telling you its rude and disgusting to pry into someones privacy. Period.

As far as my daughters go, I am not worried about someone like you being interested in them - I can deal with your kind. You better not even try to provoke me like that ever again.

 

[Primalex]

I am telling you its rude and disgusting to pry into someones privacy. Period.

What is private about the things you post on the internet?

You better not even try to provoke me like that ever again.

I have no reason to, if you manage to watch your tongue.

 

[ImOnIt]

Does StrayKat have redeeming features?

 

[bobamabush]

I think

I think ALL people have kinks but its only when listening do you find out what they are. Not everybody agrees with each others kinks but we need to respect them.

I can't see somebody and think are they kinky or not kinky so I don't even try.

 

[HottieMama]

How would you feel when you would get such a PM?

Knowing that someone out there knows about your kinks, might even be able to cause severe harm to your workplace..or relationship. Any person you would meet that day, you would ask yourself, if it's maybe him / her. And the next day.. and the next day. Until you can't bear it any longer and then you will be forced to meet this person to end this.

"I know what you did last summer." PMs... bleh.

It actually wouldn't bother me as much as the person who knew who I was from some website and didn't have the guts to talk to me. Then again, I gave up the idea of internet anonimity a LONG time ago. My Fetlife profile has my first name in it and a clear face photo. I used to have a face photo as my AV here. I am really NOT worried who knows where I post online. My ex routinely looks up my posts here and on other websites. I can't stop them from doing that...so I have done my best to simply not care any longer.

 

[DVS]

You are right, she was neither worried nor paranoid. But in my experience it does not mean that she had thought about the problem beforehand and discarded any problems as irrelevant. In my experience it just means that she did not think about the possible problems.

People have NO clue how easy it is to track their real life down. When I'm bored, I do this and show them how silly they are, f.e. like in http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=675317
I have yet to meet someone who wasn't surprised and said:"Oh yeah, no problem, I expected that my real life identity would be found."

I think you could help people on this site to understand just how easy it is to find out things about them. But, in the link you provided, you shouldn't have posted the cam4 link, AND the guy's first name in the thread, like you did.

The proper way to do that would be to send him a PM stating what you know. You "outed" him in a public forum and that's against LIT rules. It seems you are quite proud of your abilities and that's more important to you than informing people of their lack of personal security.

Be a friend to these people...tell them in private that their info isn't so private.

 

[DVS]

I'd be concerned about a person who knows me and just taunts me more than someone who actually contacts me and wants to meet. Sure, it could be startling to some, if they think their info is private, but someone who posts their name and pic on a fetish site needs to know what's possible.

Too many people don't think about it, before posting things. You hear it all the time about vids and pics people send to boyfriends and girlfriends, then when they break up, these same pics and vids end up posted on the Internet by the disgruntled ex.

Who is it...ex Miss California or someone who's experienced that in the recent weeks? What the hell was she thinking, when she sent those vids to her boyfriend. Didn't she know they could possibly break up and someday he would want to get back at her?

But, back to contacting the person you know from seeing their info...I'd agree with Chicklet that although she posts these things and you can tell you know her, she might not realize she's outed herself (although she should). Meeting her in a level setting, such as a common munch would be better than contacting her in PM.

You might not mean any harm at all, but you have to look at it from her viewpoint. How well does she know you? Maybe she has issues with some people knowing she's kinky. Maybe she would be concerned that you might tell someone you both know...someone she doesn't want to know this about her.

I know...I know...she's got her name and pic on the site, and she should understand how easy it is to know this stuff. But, it could be startling to know, and maybe frightening. And you'd be the one frightening her.

If you do meet her, and get to be friends, you might let her know how you found out about her. But be gentle.

 

[StrayKat]

What is private about the things you post on the internet?

"People have NO clue how easy it is to track their real life down. When I'm bored, I do this" implies a bit more than just things people post on the internet. If you are "tracking" down someones private life deliberately to embarrass them or scare them or whatever reason you have to do so, I call that prying.

I have no reason to, if you manage to watch your tongue.

You seriously think you can threaten me into watching my tongue? Who do you imagine you are? If what I said offended or scared or gutted you, you can point it out and I might even apologize if I see you mean it, I am capable of saying "sorry I went too far". But trying to use my children to threaten me? That is so pathetically childish.

I think you could help people on this site to understand just how easy it is to find out things about them. But, in the link you provided, you shouldn't have posted the cam4 link, AND the guy's first name in the thread, like you did.

The proper way to do that would be to send him a PM stating what you know. You "outed" him in a public forum and that's against LIT rules. It seems you are quite proud of your abilities and that's more important to you than informing people of their lack of personal security.

Be a friend to these people...tell them in private that their info isn't so private.

That is what pissed me off, he implied that he goes around discovering private info just because he is bored and wants to make people feel uneasy.
Thank you for putting it in proper perspective DVS.

 

[StrayKat]

Does StrayKat have redeeming features?

Yes she does - you can tell her "you went too far, you offended me with x,y,z for x,y,z reasons".
Or you can put her on ignore, whichever suits you best.

 

[MisterSir]

I have no reason to, if you manage to watch your tongue.

...mother of God, man. You're actually threatening to stalk people for insulting you over the Internet? Has it never occurred to you that something's gone wrong here?

 

[Primalex]

The proper way to do that would be to send him a PM stating what you know. You "outed" him in a public forum and that's against LIT rules. It seems you are quite proud of your abilities and that's more important to you than informing people of their lack of personal security.

Be a friend to these people...tell them in private that their info isn't so private.

You assume that there was no PM conversation with him. This is wrong.

 

[Primalex]

implies a bit more than

It only implies what you want to read in there. The text implies nothing more than the fact that I'm sometimes bored. You like to make assumptions and get all upset about them then. This is not my problem (unless you decide to insult me then).

If you are "tracking" down someones private life deliberately to embarrass them or scare them or whatever reason you have to do so, I call that prying.

What now? Prying or stalking?

You seriously think you can threaten me into watching my tongue?

I'm telling you that you reap what you sow. If you feel the urge to attack me the way you did and decide it would be nice to have a little fight with me, then I'm not holding back. There are several ways to express an opinion and different ways provoke different reactions. It's actually very simple. Even childs know this.

If what I said offended or scared or gutted you, you can point it out and I might even apologize if I see you mean it, I am capable of saying "sorry I went too far".

How about you watch your tongue first instead of later posting a lame excuse? Either you mean what you write or you don't. If you can't control yourself, it's not my problem.

That is what pissed me off, he implied that he goes around discovering private info just because he is bored

Not because - when. This is a difference.

and wants to make people feel uneasy.

And this is again one of your assumptions. If I had the desire to make people feel uneasy and wouldn't care about such things, how would fit a text like http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=32545917&postcount=10 in there? Right, it doesn't. Of course you don't care about getting an unbiased point of view, you just like to jump on people. It's not the first time you did this. Pick your targets more wisely or live with the consequences.