when you accidentally date a narcissist

[satanicbubblegum]

Sooooo been dating, (we'll call him) "slick" for a year. Kinks matched up great, banters in check, Hes handsome all that good jazz, right?

However....the warning bells start going off....women's intuition or what have you. I know he has his anxiety issues or whatever....HOWEVER...I noticed he is ALWAYS playing the victim whenever something happens and Mr. Domly dom here cant take care of anything. I have too.

Lost his keys. Yup. I had to call one of MY FRIENDS to go get his spare set. HE didn't even ASK his friends!
I had to pay for a plunger AND show him how to use it whenever his toilet was clogged. Can't be bothered to take his kid to school....has one of his relatives do it because he can't get up that early . (bro...what? seriously?)

Never initiates dates, I ask every time, and every time its always, "Well I gotta see whats going on...might be a couple hours." its been a year and i see him once or twice a week....if im lucky. Whenever I have had enough if his shit? He threatens to self harm. Well self harm or not, I blocked him today on all fronts. I think home slice needs a mommy domme not a submissive.

I mean am I over reacting here??

Your thoughts...please. Give it to me good or bad, I can take it.

 

[Otis_Ravelli]

While mental health is very real, using that and the threat of self harm as a method of control is absolutely not okay. That's manipulative and a huge red flag.

 

[BiBunny]

Blocking sounds like a good option.

Edited: I used to date a guy when I was in college who couldn't wipe his own ass and threatened to kill himself if I left. I bounced, eventually, and needless to say, he's still alive and well.

 

[satanicbubblegum]

He sounds young and immature..Or just doesnt have his shit together.
Was all this not recognizable from the start?

yeah....what can I say...I was dick blind

 

[Otis_Ravelli]

yeah....what can I say...I was dick blind

Did it poke you in the eye?

 

[satanicbubblegum]

Did it poke you in the eye?

omg I hate you

 

[Ash999]

Have U finally left him??

 

[Boat1]

It sounds like he's completely insecure and is using you as an "emotional tampon."
IMHO, you'd be better off if you kicked him to the curb.

This is coming from one of the most disorganized guys you could ever meet, but I would NEVER guilt my Lovely Wife Goddess for my F'k ups... I own them myself.

 

[satanicbubblegum]

It sounds like he's completely insecure and is using you as an "emotional tampon."
IMHO, you'd be better off if you kicked him to the curb.

This is coming from one of the most disorganized guys you could ever meet, but I would NEVER guilt my Lovely Wife Goddess for my F'k ups... I own them myself.

good on you dude...p.s. I thought I was the only one who used "emotional tampon" hahaha

 

[satanicbubblegum]

Have U finally left him??

wellllll....ummm....im trying....I know I fucking suck

 

[Boat1]

wellllll....ummm....im trying....I know I fucking suck

No, you don't... it just sounds like you're "loyal to a fault" and don't have much "quit" hardwired into your system...

 

[satanicbubblegum]

No, you don't... it just sounds like you're "loyal to a fault" and don't have much "quit" hardwired into your system...

well....this is true...alot of truth in this actually

 

[PaxNurgle]

Threat of self-harm is manipulative bullshit and either 1) he needs psychiatric help, or 2) he is not serious, and is doing this to manipulate people, and (like many who do this) probably doesn't even realize he is doing it.

It's probably option 2. Tell him to get his shit together, go see a therapist, and kick him to the curb. It takes a certain emotional maturity to be in ANY relationship (BDSM or otherwise) and he isn't there.

 

[satanicbubblegum]

Thank you

 

[Lickalotapuss29414]

Threat of self-harm is manipulative bullshit and either 1) he needs psychiatric help, or 2) he is not serious, and is doing this to manipulate people, and (like many who do this) probably doesn't even realize he is doing it.

It's probably option 2. Tell him to get his shit together, go see a therapist, and kick him to the curb. It takes a certain emotional maturity to be in ANY relationship (BDSM or otherwise) and he isn't there.

Truer words have never been spoken. Kick him to the curb and move on. Have to agree he must be younger and this sort of behavior had to have been learned from a male family member…uncle, father, grandfather.

 

[Noor]

Sooooo been dating, (we'll call him) "slick" for a year. Kinks matched up great, banters in check, Hes handsome all that good jazz, right?

However....the warning bells start going off....women's intuition or what have you. I know he has his anxiety issues or whatever....HOWEVER...I noticed he is ALWAYS playing the victim whenever something happens and Mr. Domly dom here cant take care of anything. I have too.

Lost his keys. Yup. I had to call one of MY FRIENDS to go get his spare set. HE didn't even ASK his friends!
I had to pay for a plunger AND show him how to use it whenever his toilet was clogged. Can't be bothered to take his kid to school....has one of his relatives do it because he can't get up that early . (bro...what? seriously?)

Never initiates dates, I ask every time, and every time its always, "Well I gotta see whats going on...might be a couple hours." its been a year and i see him once or twice a week....if im lucky. Whenever I have had enough if his shit? He threatens to self harm. Well self harm or not, I blocked him today on all fronts. I think home slice needs a mommy domme not a submissive.

I mean am I over reacting here??

Your thoughts...please. Give it to me good or bad, I can take it.

I’d go on YouTube and listen to some hg Tudor videos, he’s a totally narcissist but his advice is good. Plus he has a super voice, but I wouldn’t interact with him.

 

[Noor]

Several years ago I met a woman at a convention who I realized had been dating the same narcissist as I had, at the same time.
we had both dumped His ass, and gone no contact.
She and I had a lot in common, besides this and she was listing things and it took a lot of control to not mention our mutual narcissist.

 

[Noor]

Imo Narcissistic can be great in bed, they do what gets you off, they don’t care, they are just getting off and hooking you on them.
they are kind of empty shells and they try on people’s lives like other people try hobbies.
They don’t keep commitments unless there is a reason for them to do it. They will sleep with whoever, and whatever sex. The only time I think they have any real feelings is when whatever house of mythical cards they’ve build comes tumbling down. They can be vicious and violent if confronted. The best way to get rid of them is get them to not want you and then go no contact, not at all.
They collect people, they shelf them and take them off the shelf every so often like driving a used car so it will still start when it’s needed. When you are out of contact, you don’t exist to them, unless they need something they can get from you. They have lots of people on their shelves, so if you can’t deliver, they have someone who can.
When they get older and can’t attract new victims, they can get depressed or suicidal.

 

[Noor]

Sooooo been dating, (we'll call him) "slick" for a year. Kinks matched up great, banters in check, Hes handsome all that good jazz, right?

However....the warning bells start going off....women's intuition or what have you. I know he has his anxiety issues or whatever....HOWEVER...I noticed he is ALWAYS playing the victim whenever something happens and Mr. Domly dom here cant take care of anything. I have too.

Lost his keys. Yup. I had to call one of MY FRIENDS to go get his spare set. HE didn't even ASK his friends!
I had to pay for a plunger AND show him how to use it whenever his toilet was clogged. Can't be bothered to take his kid to school....has one of his relatives do it because he can't get up that early . (bro...what? seriously?)

Never initiates dates, I ask every time, and every time its always, "Well I gotta see whats going on...might be a couple hours." its been a year and i see him once or twice a week....if im lucky. Whenever I have had enough if his shit? He threatens to self harm. Well self harm or not, I blocked him today on all fronts. I think home slice needs a mommy domme not a submissive.

I mean am I over reacting here??

Your thoughts...please. Give it to me good or bad, I can take it.

He sounds like a narcissist. You’re not over reacting. They can play dom or sub. He waits a couple hours to see if he can get more out of someone else. Most of them cheat, and don’t use protection. Never initiates dated sounds like you are not primary here and he has to see what is up with them, or what he can get out of them.
I’m really sorry, they are always attractive because they work on that like a supermodel does because that is the shell that pulls victims.

 

[satanicbubblegum]

Imo Narcissistic can be great in bed, they do what gets you off, they don’t care, they are just getting off and hooking you on them.
they are kind of empty shells and they try on people’s lives like other people try hobbies.
They don’t keep commitments unless there is a reason for them to do it. They will sleep with whoever, and whatever sex. The only time I think they have any real feelings is when whatever house of mythical cards they’ve build comes tumbling down. They can be vicious and violent if confronted. The best way to get rid of them is get them to not want you and then go no contact, not at all.
They collect people, they shelf them and take them off the shelf every so often like driving a used car so it will still start when it’s needed. When you are out of contact, you don’t exist to them, unless they need something they can get from you. They have lots of people on their shelves, so if you can deliver, they have someone who can.
When they get older and can’t attract new victims, they can get depressed or suicidal.

indeed! the funny thing is you guys keep saying oh he must be young, he must be young! He's not! he's on the wrong side of 45! He's very much a man child! I honestly don't even know why I put up with this behavior! ugh! I'm so disgusted with myself!

 

[Noor]

indeed! the funny thing is you guys keep saying oh he must be young, he must be young! He's not! he's on the wrong side of 45! He's very much a man child! I honestly don't even know why I put up with this behavior! ugh! I'm so disgusted with myself!

I thought he was 45-55 actually, worried about losing his looks and all.

 

[Noor]

indeed! the funny thing is you guys keep saying oh he must be young, he must be young! He's not! he's on the wrong side of 45! He's very much a man child! I honestly don't even know why I put up with this behavior! ugh! I'm so disgusted with myself!

Hey , don’t be disgusted with yourself, this is their profession, their entire life.

 

[satanicbubblegum]

this is true....you are absolutely completely right

 

[Noor]

Hey , don’t be disgusted with yourself, this is their profession, their entire life.

Mine was in his mid 50s though he’d pretend he was younger, thank goodness he didn’t have a child or anything. The children of narcissists can’t get away from them as easily.

 

[satanicbubblegum]

isn't that the truth....thank you for taking the time for your thoughts I really appreciate it