When writers "out" themselves: To tell, or not to tell?

[BlackShanglan]

I've just realized that I think I know someone on the AH from a non-AH context. The person in question has posted sufficient personal details and photographs to give me a strong hunch. It's not clear to me whether the individual simply doesn't care who knows, or whether perhaps the joy of the Internet playground has led to an assumption of anonymity that is not wholly accurate.

Should I mention this? It's not a problem to me; I don't imagine that I will run into this person any time soon, and I'm not particularly interested into digging into the author's personal business. However, it's not clear to me that the author realizes that the materials posted give fairly clear hints as to identity. If I had posted something that inadvertently revealed personal information (as indeed I have), I would want to be told (as indeed I was - and thank you very much, Ms. West!)

There's this complicating factor, too. I don't care to "out" myself to this person. Even mentioning the matter seems likely to convey some idea of who I am, and so there's my own position to be weighed as well. All in all, quite a tangle.

I don't suppose anyone has some wonderful advice to offer?

Shanglan

 

[English Lady]

Wow, this one is a tangle and I'm not sure where to start. I initially thought "let them know" if they don't mind, then there is no issue and if they do mind, they can fix things up and I can't believe anything bad would come from it. However, if you can't tell them without letting on who you are, and you want to keep your anonimity (which a genderless horse must want to do*L*)then I'm not sure how you go about it.

I wasn't much help, was I?

 

[Guest]

I've just realized that I think I know someone on the AH from a non-AH context. The person in question has posted sufficient personal details and photographs to give me a strong hunch. It's not clear to me whether the individual simply doesn't care who knows, or whether perhaps the joy of the Internet playground has led to an assumption of anonymity that is not wholly accurate.

Should I mention this? It's not a problem to me; I don't imagine that I will run into this person any time soon, and I'm not particularly interested into digging into the author's personal business. However, it's not clear to me that the author realizes that the materials posted give fairly clear hints as to identity. If I had posted something that inadvertently revealed personal information (as indeed I have), I would want to be told (as indeed I was - and thank you very much, Ms. West!)

There's this complicating factor, too. I don't care to "out" myself to this person. Even mentioning the matter seems likely to convey some idea of who I am, and so there's my own position to be weighed as well. All in all, quite a tangle.

I don't suppose anyone has some wonderful advice to offer?

Shanglan

The long and short of things....
We are in an adult sexual venue....
Because of this we IMHO place ourselves in even more of a hurtable position....
if I did what your describing I would want someone to tell me....
I may couch it as look I am not trying to dig into your life but I noticed that you said "x" and I thought maybe that was alittle too RT revealing.... but I am not trying to intrude I am just mentioning it because of safety

OR...

talk to another that you trust implicitly and have THEM tell the person

 

[AppleBiter]

Wow, this one is a tangle and I'm not sure where to start. I initially thought "let them know" if they don't mind, then there is no issue and if they do mind, they can fix things up and I can't believe anything bad would come from it. However, if you can't tell them without letting on who you are, and you want to keep your anonimity (which a genderless horse must want to do*L*)then I'm not sure how you go about it.

I wasn't much help, was I?

Your thoughts on the matter were right on par with mine, EL.

What a pickle. Telling them seems like the right thing to do because if they are just spouting off personal info, willy nilly, without thought that someone might recognize them, then letting them know might be very sobering and might make them realize that the Internet, as the world, is a small place, after all.

However, since you're not wanting them to recognize you in return, this does present a problem. Had you not already started this thread, I would've recommended you make up an alt and inform them that way. Alas, I don't know what to tell you at this point.

Sorry. That sucks.

 

[Kev H]

Hi, Shan. So we meet again! Muhahaha!

Hmm seriously, the odds of exposure to someone else on here that you know are roughly 1billion to 1. So, it seems fairly safe to those who want to protect most of their identity. If they slip up too much and you are certain that it is unintentional, then it makes honorable sense to me to alert them, even if you create a "dummy" account from which to do it. And as for that "outing" you, I'd bet they know so many people, they could not possibly guess who you are.

 

[ElizabethWest]

I would want to be told (as indeed I was - and thank you very much, Ms. West!)
Shanglan

You're very welcome. You still owe me a ride.

What a pickle. By outing yourself to this person you are jeopardizing your own anonymity as well. Do you trust them to not tell what they know about you?

 

[carsonshepherd]

Heh. If it were a friend, I'd bust'em right out. But if it were an acquaintance I wasn't close to, or someone whose sex life I don't care to know about, I think I'd just keep quiet about it and not comment at all. It's not your responsibility to point out to them they're not as anonymous as they might hope, after all. Keep your anonymity and let them keep theirs.

 

[Guest]

Should I mention this? It's not a problem to me; I don't imagine that I will run into this person any time soon, and I'm not particularly interested into digging into the author's personal business. However, it's not clear to me that the author realizes that the materials posted give fairly clear hints as to identity. If I had posted something that inadvertently revealed personal information (as indeed I have), I would want to be told (as indeed I was - and thank you very much, Ms. West!)

There's this complicating factor, too. I don't care to "out" myself to this person. Even mentioning the matter seems likely to convey some idea of who I am, and so there's my own position to be weighed as well. All in all, quite a tangle.

I don't suppose anyone has some wonderful advice to offer?

Shanglan

Have someone else -- someone perhaps not unknown but not connected -- convey the information phrased as you would phrase it. Something along the lines of "Someone has recognised your real life identity from your comments and is unsure if you wish this known or not. This isn't to frighten you, merely to ask if you wish more information so you can correct the problem, or to know if it is a matter of indifference to you" -- or words to that effect.

If someone wished to conceal themselves here, they might want to know, and a third party might be the way to protect everyone involved.

 

[CharleyH]

I've just realized that I think I know someone on the AH from a non-AH context. The person in question has posted sufficient personal details and photographs to give me a strong hunch. It's not clear to me whether the individual simply doesn't care who knows, or whether perhaps the joy of the Internet playground has led to an assumption of anonymity that is not wholly accurate.

Should I mention this? It's not a problem to me; I don't imagine that I will run into this person any time soon, and I'm not particularly interested into digging into the author's personal business. However, it's not clear to me that the author realizes that the materials posted give fairly clear hints as to identity. If I had posted something that inadvertently revealed personal information (as indeed I have), I would want to be told (as indeed I was - and thank you very much, Ms. West!)

There's this complicating factor, too. I don't care to "out" myself to this person. Even mentioning the matter seems likely to convey some idea of who I am, and so there's my own position to be weighed as well. All in all, quite a tangle.

I don't suppose anyone has some wonderful advice to offer?

Shanglan

Well, I will only give my Charleyism. I think that one who posts photos of themselves and gives details of their life will sooner or later be found out. On a personal level, I, myself do not give a rats ass who knows I am here and so incrementally post my own photos. I seriously have nothing to hide or job to keep since my job is one of an erotic nature, so I will never get fired or found out by anyone really.

This is the INTERNET my friend, and who knows who is on here? If your anonymity is sacred, then so are you and keep it to yourself unless there comes a time when you truly (heart of hearts) believe you can open and trust. I am never sure the net is such a place, but in the vein of optimism ... it does happen. I suppose the best thing to ask yourself is:

What is the worst thing that could happen? If the worst outweighs the best? Then you need to consider that because I am not sure of your position, so can't really speak to it. Nonetheless, it seems like you do not want to out yourself - in which case - go with your instincts until a time when you feel safe in yourself and of yourself.

 

[artisticbiguy]

It can be a most perplexing problem. I myself put my photos up, and have a fair amount of personal details posted around the web. As I know that anyone who "really wants to know" can hunt the details on me without my putting that level of detail up, I have decided that I'm not going to live in fear of discovery.

Even my boss knows I write erotica and have won awards. My mother knows, though not the details there of (she needs only know that I write it, not specifically what I write). My wife knows. Most of my friends know. I, for the most part, do not live in fear of those who know me in "real life" know about my "cyber life".

I still keep a, albiet thin, barrier between my "real self" and my "writer self", but that is simply to prevent the "average person" from knowing more than I want. The "determined stalker" will do as he or she will... and a pain it will be... but the only way to prevent such is to not have no exposure online.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Hi, Shan. So we meet again! Muhahaha!

Honestly, Mr. President, I was trying to be subtle about it.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

This happened to me, once. The info included the person's real name and hometown.

I passed along the details to this AH regular. Like all AH regulars, they were cool, thanked me, and said they'd handle the situation.

Of course my memory, which wasn't much in the best of times, has deteriorated to the point I can still recall the person's AH name, but not their real name or hometown, so all secrets are safe.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[BlackShanglan]

However, since you're not wanting them to recognize you in return, this does present a problem. Had you not already started this thread, I would've recommended you make up an alt and inform them that way. Alas, I don't know what to tell you at this point.

Yes, Colleen made a similar point by PM. I'd worked that out myself about half an hour after I posted this thread and made it pointless.

At least I have learned one thing: ask the clever people in private first.

I shall mull it. I've had some good suggestions by PM, and of course there's always the possibility that the person in question might read this thread and decide to examine the information available without me needing to identify who it is. Thanks for all of the excellent thoughts!

Shanglan

 

[Liar]

There's also the possibility that the person in question reads this and goes "Uh-oh that might be me the horse is talknig about. Maybe I should try and be more careful about what I reveal."

 

[BlackShanglan]

There's also the possibility that the person in question reads this and goes "Uh-oh that might be me the horse is talknig about. Maybe I should try and be more careful about what I reveal."

That would be ideal. With any luck it will be enough. I would just leave it at that, really, but I remember how grateful I was when someone pointed out my little slip to me.

Shanglan

 

[Guest]

 

[Evil Alpaca]

That would be ideal. With any luck it will be enough. I would just leave it at that, really, but I remember how grateful I was when someone pointed out my little slip to me.

Shanglan

You? Slip? But quadrupeds are so sure footed!


If anonymity is your concern, then let sleeping ferrets lie.

 

[Guest]

.....

 

[Kev H]

Hi, I'm Dranoel, dragon. I'm about 35 ft long and stand 12 feet at the shoulders, I have leathery wings that are somewhat maroon in color, scales that are a slightly faded amethyst color and a 6 inch wide gold band on my left crest horn. I also breath fire.

Has anyone seen me?

I recognized you, but wasn't going to say anything. Now that you asked, though... You are the star/co-star of several Anne McSomebody books, and I must say, you are quite impressive. (Not to be confused with the impressive.)

Flame on.

 

[Evil Alpaca]

Hi, I'm Dranoel, dragon. I'm about 35 ft long and stand 12 feet at the shoulders, I have leathery wings that are somewhat maroon in color, scales that are a slightly faded amethyst color and a 6 inch wide gold band on my left crest horn. I also breath fire.

Has anyone seen me?

Weren't you at that Arsonist's Anonymous mixer a few weeks back?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Hi, I'm Dranoel, dragon. I'm about 35 ft long and stand 12 feet at the shoulders, I have leathery wings that are somewhat maroon in color, scales that are a slightly faded amethyst color and a 6 inch wide gold band on my left crest horn. I also breath fire.

Has anyone seen me?

YOu are just the most gorgeous dragon!

I have a "Dragon" handle, myself, that I've used pretty much since the internet began. back in the early days of chat rooms, someone tried to get a sex scene going with me; "I'm 16YO, blue eyes,blond hair 36-24-36" what do you look like?"

"I'm about 24 ft long, green and bronze, bad skin, clawed, and really bad breath. And you look like food."

 

[Guest]

.....

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

Seriously, if it were me, I would want to know, and I would be grateful enough for the tip to not try to investigate who twigged.

Ditto.

 

[oggbashan]

This happened to me, once. The info included the person's real name and hometown.

I passed along the details to this AH regular. Like all AH regulars, they were cool, thanked me, and said they'd handle the situation.

Of course my memory, which wasn't much in the best of times, has deteriorated to the point I can still recall the person's AH name, but not their real name or hometown, so all secrets are safe.

Rumple Foreskin

Thanks, Rumple.

I am in a better situation than many. I am retired and not dependent on any employer.

Outing me might cause passing embarrassment but nothing life-changing.

The Lit meets can cause worry to some. We have to be careful at and after the meets to separate the RL person we meet from the Lit persona. A lapse could cause considerable distress and possible employment catastrophe.

Our 'secrets' on the internet are illusory. A reasonably competent researcher could make educated guesses about the true identity of many of the more prolific posters in Literotica.

The only safe way is not to join.

Og

 

[kendo1]

I recognized you, but wasn't going to say anything. Now that you asked, though... You are the star/co-star of several Anne McSomebody books, and I must say, you are quite impressive. (Not to be confused with the impressive.)

Flame on.

Leonard!
It's Lenny!
Not seen you for years.