when to start dating again

[wildwesty]

I was wondering what the the guidelines for the proper amount of time after being broken up with or breaking up with someone, is before you start to date again or partcipate in other activites so as not to hurt the other person who may still have feelings for you. While it may seem like it shouldn't matter, by maintaining a friendship with your previous bf/gf, they will know when you start to get back into the game. Just wondering about thoughts from people...share stories, or just whatever.

 

[intrigued]

How and why would they have to know?

LOL, I never realized there were any such guidelines.

 

[wildwesty]

I wasn't really aware either till some of my friends got into heated debate. Some were saying that you do it when you feel comfortable and others were saying that you wait for so much time depending on how long the relationship was out of respect for feelings that might still be there...just wanted to know what everyone else thought.

 

[ChromeCollar]

I would say it depends on your comfort level. If your previous relationship is over, and you are looking to move on, then do so. Your past lover should respect that you no longer have those feelings for him/her.


If you feel uncomfortable about it, maybe you could sit down and talk with the ex and explain the situation?

 

[bytor2112]

screw the other person..it's your life...go for it whenever youy want...that's the point of being single again...you are on the hunt!!!

 

[shell seeker2]

I don't think there is a correct response to this. I was with someone for 11+ years when we broke it off. It had been over for a while before it was official. I think it needs to be when you are most comfortable. I started to put myself out there probably 3 months after it was official. He knows, and I don't care what his opinions are on the subject. It's my life and when I thought I was ready, I started getting out there. Good luck!

 

[wildwesty]

All of this is pretty interesting stuff to think about. Personally I feel that it is your own choice to do whatever you wish. Once you have broken up, it really doesn't matter what the other person thinks as it isn't their problem anymore. Like I said though different people have different opinions. You certainly need some time between long term relationships to rediscover yourself but a little fun while you do that isn't a bad idea.

 

[sheath]

I think it hurts to see your ex with someone else for the first time...whether it is a day later or a year later. I mean...it makes you question things, doesn't it? Like, "What does that person have that I don't?" or "Does he really feel that strongly about them, like he felt about me once?" It is a slam into the ego.

But, that said...I think it is important to do what you need to do for you. When I have broken up with someone and then moved on...I contacted them and said, "Hey...I wanted you to know...I have met someone I want to get to know, and I'm going out with them this weekend." Maybe I did that because I always maintained close relationships with my exes? But anyway, it softened the blow, and it worked. Hearing it from YOU rather than through the grapevine is a good thing to try.

But whether or not they had a problem with someone new, the point was, it was MY someone new. And so I didn't have to answer to the ex, but I did give them the courtesy of letting them know I was at the 'moving forward' point in my life.

S.

 

[wildwesty]

I think it hurts to see your ex with someone else for the first time...whether it is a day later or a year later. I ...S.

Very well said.

 

[ReadyOne]

There is a lot to be said for getting the 'freedom fuck' or 'revenge fuck' as soon as you're sure the <explitive deleted> is gone.

It's like crossing the rubicon; it breaks the tie that bound; establishes inside you that you are lovable and capable no matter what they said about you. And, since we've all been told the the 1st relationship after a break-up never works, you've put it behind you, and don't have that hanging over the next one you really want to work.

 

[zhukov1943]

I've got a similar problem - my ex's friends have come nosing around...I think they're interested, because she told me that they talked about sex all the time, and I know she loved how I used to "go down" on her...

It's been since last September- I've asked a few of my friends what they thought, and they all said - hell, yes! Go for it!

In your case, it should be what makes YOU feel right. Are YOU ready to date again? Or are you afraid it might be just a rebound thing?

 

[watergirl]

oh, wait

There was some silly movie, I think it was called "Out Cold" - goofy teen thing set in Alaska at a ski resort... and they had a rule of thumb for waiting. It was lame, but funny. Something like 1 week of waiting for every 6 months you dated? I can't remember exactly, but it made me laugh, especially since I'd just gotten dumped by a bf of 4 and a half years at the time.

 

[wildwesty]

Re: oh, wait

There was some silly movie, I think it was called "Out Cold" - goofy teen thing set in Alaska at a ski resort... and they had a rule of thumb for waiting. It was lame, but funny. Something like 1 week of waiting for every 6 months you dated? I can't remember exactly, but it made me laugh, especially since I'd just gotten dumped by a bf of 4 and a half years at the time.

Yeah I rememeber that movie...sort of funny but I do remember the rule. Everyone seems to have their own way of doing things, for me it really will just depend. As far as her friends calling me up, that could happen because since we broke up on good terms, there is not anything that I did poorly and they all loved me anyway so I will probably stear clear of them for a while.

 

[zhukov1943]

Well - how long HAS it been since y'all broke up?

If it's been at least a month or two - then it's been plenty of time...

 

[wildwesty]

Not quite a month, plus she is living with a lot of 3 of her friends so that would be pretty strange, for her anyway. I appreciate everyone responding on here though. How is everyone doing anyway?