When to know it is time to get the hell out

[Beck31]

When shit isn't going right and you are feeling abused it is time to get the hell out. The question is how? Especially if the person "in charge" insn't keen on granting a release and void the relationship. Btw the person "in charge" is my mistress.

 

[JulieArt]

If you can't get out, seek help. You should always be able to get out.

 

[blonde_duchess]

if you really don't know how, and you tried honestly discussing this & he is still not letting you then I suggest calling crisis hotline or rainn: https://ohl.rainn.org/online/ or call 800 656 4673. i am sorry for your trouble, hugs

 

[Beck31]

Lol. She actually but thank you both for the responces.

 

[CutieMouse]

When shit isn't going right and you are feeling abused it is time to get the hell out. The question is how? Especially if the person "in charge" insn't keen on granting a release and void the relationship. Btw the person "in charge" is my mistress.

The person wanting to end the relationship, ends it. Why does the person wanting to end things *need* to be "granted release" and "void" the relationship? It isn't as if one needs to hire an attorney and go through the mess of a formal divorce or anything...

"This isn't working anymore for XYZ reasons. I do not believe these issues are something we can fix; I'm leaving."

 

[Beck31]

Yes but my understanding was a verbal contract is still a contract. Simply saying this is not working and I am leaving is not as simple as it may seem to others. I was taught to always ask permission to do something. Perhaps saying: "Mistress, this is not working out. May I please be released from my duties as a sub/slave etc" is in order. Permission might be granted or it may be denied depending on one's maker/dom, etc. However thank you CutieMouse for your imput.

 

[ownedsubgal]

The person wanting to end the relationship, ends it. Why does the person wanting to end things *need* to be "granted release" and "void" the relationship? It isn't as if one needs to hire an attorney and go through the mess of a formal divorce or anything...

"This isn't working anymore for XYZ reasons. I do not believe these issues are something we can fix; I'm leaving."

that may apply to the majority of relationships, but not in the world of serious M/s, or to those who have otherwise made lifetime honor-bound commitments. and obviously i recognize the concepts are not something you believe in or agree with...that does not negate their existence.

but as far as the OP goes that is neither here nor there...to the OP specifically, isn't this a new relationship anyway? the one you were all giddy and excitedly bragging about just a short while ago?

 

[Beck31]

Lol. I wasn't refering to the new relationship which is going fine by the way. I was actually refering to a previous relationship where the person in charge still attempted to hold dominion over me. Sorry any confusion.

 

[CutieMouse]

Yes but my understanding was a verbal contract is still a contract. Simply saying this is not working and I am leaving is not as simple as it may seem to others. I was taught to always ask permission to do something. Perhaps saying: "Mistress, this is not working out. May I please be released from my duties as a sub/slave etc" is in order. Permission might be granted or it may be denied depending on one's maker/dom, etc. However thank you CutieMouse for your imput.

Yes, one may always ask permission, and that is ideal; however, ideal is not always realistic.

In summary -

1) You've decided for whatever reason you're ready to end a relationship.
2) You believe the only way to do this is through being "released" by the person "in charge".
3) The person "in charge" does not wish to release you
4) Therefore you have chosen to stay in the relationship.

Is that working for you? And is this the same relationship you were waxing poetic about a month or two ago? Madly in love, etc?

that may apply to the majority of relationships, but not in the world of serious M/s, or to those who have otherwise made lifetime honor-bound commitments. and obviously i recognize the concepts are not something you believe in or agree with...that does not negate their existence.

but as far as the OP goes that is neither here nor there...to the OP specifically, isn't this a new relationship anyway? the one you were all giddy and excitedly bragging about just a short while ago?

I would argue in kind, that just because in your particular view of BDSM relationships only involve the concept of lifetime honor-bound commitment, does not make it a more serious M/s relationship than those who don't agree with that perspective. That's like saying the only serious marriages are Roman Catholic; Protestants are just doing "marriage-light".

OSG, you and Catalina are the only people I've ever experienced who have a strict life/death/permanent/no way out without release view of BDSM relationships. I should have remembered to put an asterisk next to my statement to exclude those who have a significantly stricter belief in BDSM relationships. My apologies.

I also have a feeling your relationship is in a much different place than the OP - who's relationship (if I remember correctly) is less than 3 months old... I have no idea how long they knew one another/what negotiations occurred before ownership took place.

OP - how much work went into this relationship before you agreed to ownership? And what exactly is it that has suddenly turned you from a starry eyed love-puppy to using words like "abuse"?

 

[CutieMouse]

Lol. I wasn't refering to the new relationship which is going fine by the way. I was actually refering to a previous relationship where the person in charge still attempted to hold dominion over me. Sorry any confusion.

So, you're actually talking about how to leave a relationship that you've already left?

 

[BiBunny]

Lol. I wasn't refering to the new relationship which is going fine by the way. I was actually refering to a previous relationship where the person in charge still attempted to hold dominion over me. Sorry any confusion.

So, you're actually talking about how to leave a relationship that you've already left?

*Headdesk*

 

[Beck31]

It was a general question. Perhaps I should have also included that information. It was not easy to leave my previous relationship b/c it was getting to be abusive. I asked b/c I wanted an opinion and also if had been the right way to go about it.

 

[FurryFury]

There must be 50 ways to leave your PYL/pyl.

 

[Beck31]

leaving

Probably. Thread now closed.

 

[Etoile]

Well that de-escalated quickly.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Well that de-escalated quickly.

[Patented CM/BiBunny *snort*]

We love you, Etoile.

 

[FurryFury]

Just jump on the bus gus . . .

 

[Etoile]

[Patented CM/BiBunny *snort*]

We love you, Etoile.

This feels good right now. Thank you.

 

[desertslave]

Lol. I wasn't refering to the new relationship which is going fine by the way. I was actually refering to a previous relationship where the person in charge still attempted to hold dominion over me. Sorry any confusion.

They can only have dominion if you allow them to.

 

[FurryFury]

Exactly.

They can only have dominion if you allow them to.

 

[midwestyankee]

There must be 50 ways to leave your PYL/pyl.

What rhymes with PYL/pyl?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

What rhymes with PYL/pyl?

Depending on how you pronounce the vowel sound of the Ys:

bill, chill, dill, fill, gill, hill, jill, kill, mil or mill, nil, pill, quill, rill, shill, sill, till, ville, will, and all words ending with those syllables.

Also:

bile, dial, file, guile, mile, Nile, pile, rile, tile, vile, wile, and words ending with *those* syllables.

If, however, you insist on making the two acronyms a single "word," I can't think of anything that would rhyme with it with either vowel sound for the Ys.

Those are, of course, only *English* rhymes; I'm not conversant enough with other languages to even suggest rhymes in them.

 

[midwestyankee]

If, however, you insist on making the two acronyms a single "word," I can't think of anything that would rhyme with it with either vowel sound for the Ys.

Seeing as each half of the "word" has its own meaning, the linguist in me wants each meaning part to have its own phoneme. Of course, in the original song, the word "lover" was never rhymed as it appeared only in the last line of the verse (except in verses 2 and 6, where the word concludes the last two lines in each case, thus rhyming with itself).

Thus, I think the question, as originally posed, was absurd.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Seeing as each half of the "word" has its own meaning, the linguist in me wants each meaning part to have its own phoneme. Of course, in the original song, the word "lover" was never rhymed as it appeared only in the last line of the verse (except in verses 2 and 6, where the word concludes the last two lines in each case, thus rhyming with itself).

Thus, I think the question, as originally posed, was absurd.

(Best Sheldon voice): Sarcasm?