When someone dies, what "affairs" are a hassle?

[ReallyOldLady]

I am curious, when someone dies, what are some of the hassles for the family?

Some of my ponderings are:

Notification of friends.
Location of various bank accounts and insurance policies/retirement stuff.
Dealing with incoming mail/bills.
Cleaning up the house.
Taking care of the pets (finding them new homes).
Email and other types of correspondance.
Arranging for car/house payments.

What else? What about the above things? (I am referrring to the little things too.)

 

[April]

Income taxes.

Looking around the house, and seeing they are not there anymore. It's wrenching.
The disposition of their things.

Everything about it is hard.

 

[ReallyOldLady]

Let me restate my questions, please.

What things or actions could the deceased have done to make things less difficult for the remaining family?

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Well there is the obvious: a funeral and burial. That is one of the reasons why I am going to be cremated. I wish to have more of a wake than a funeral, and everybody is to wear Hawaiian shirts and have a really good time. I hate going to funerals all dressed up in a suit and everybody feeling sad. If it was more appropriate I would have one of those New Orleans bands that marches with the funeral processions - but since I am not going to have a funeral...

Other hassles are finding "things" you didn't know about your loved one; like their porn collection.

 

[Wizard]

Well my father died a few months ago and left my Mom.....What a huge mess it is and can be .

Funeral was perpaid not an issue...

However my father worked for the railroad and the state of PA ........got a great retierment program he must have took a buy out or something when I was younger and when he died my Mother got nothing for income.
she went from living very well to no income at all for a couple 2 months then got S.S. only 1000 bucks a month.

She is now selling the house to go live in a sr apt. complex

My Father was 83 and Mom 71

She is deaf and can't see out of one eye.........We had to sell her car (or trying right now) and she will have someone drive her around plus access will let her ride cabs dirt cheap.

Things can be such a real mess.......wills were in place they thought they had it all covered.

You can't plan enough for these things........

On a side note I did try to move Mom in with my family and she wanted to stay on her own......
Just so folks don't think I truned my back on her.


Make sure you know where bank accounts are and about how much is in each.

Know about life insurance polices and where to find them...
A list of friends and family can help....In my case most all of my Dads buddies had passed.

All of our funeral expenses Mom and Dad had picked out and prepaid.

as well as where they want to be baried.

Taxes is a very good point.

Feel free to Pm or e-mail me if I can help........

 

[miles]

The hardest thing for me was personally dealing with the loss of the family member.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Leaving a will.

When my grandfather-in-law passed on he neglected to do so. Since his wife had gone before him, it was left to be divided amongs the children. The decision was to divide it all equally among the children and sell the home to pay for burial expenses.

As you can see, the brawl and subsequent arrests and hospitalizations could have been avoided if he had left a will.

Beyond that, nothing is easy. The person can make all the burial arrangements they wish to, but in the end it still really hurts and there is nothing that can make it easier. I believe my mother-in-law found some comfort in picking out the things her father would like to have for all eternity. The reverse was patently not true when her son died. She required sedation for that.

If there is a situation where someone knows they are passing on, then the gentlest thing they can leave behind are plenty of good memories of time spent with family, letters of what the soon to be deceased happy with each family member, special tokens, and photographs. Personal things that those left behind can hold onto until the pain recedes enough that they can remember the happy times by themselves.

 

[Bob Peale]

The will ranks up there near the top - otherwise, probate is a royal bitch.

Number two is probably final arrangements - in the absence of clear direction, family members tend to bicker.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

A will is not enough

A will does not prevent property from going through probate - "living" trusts and a number of other precautions do. Besides trusts, some of the things you can do are setup money/stock/fund accounts with the intended beneficiary as joint ownership upon survival (lawyers, please correct my terminology).

I have all of my stuff setup, as much as possible, to go to my daughter.

Also, writing letters/documents is not enough; tell people what your intentions and desires are - especially about such things as organ donorship and funeral arrangements. Documentation is needed, and is prevalent over verbal instructions, but telling people what you want so there is no arguments/surprises is necessary also.

Also, as I alluded to before, if you have something you would rather not have your family find, like erotic literature, etc., then arrange for a friend to dispose of them on your death (Lost Cause has those instructions in my case).

 

[Myrrdin]

Re: A will is not enough

A will does not prevent property from going through probate

No but it makes the process much easier. Some insurance companies/stroke pension funds, will not release funds to the surviving partner until they have a copy of the grant of probate. Getting one of these without a will takes far longer, involves far higher legal fees and the use of a valuer to resolve the value of shared assets. Also the banks may freeze all accounts (business and personal) that bear the deceased persons name until probate is given . Locking up cash at a time when money is most often needed.

None of us like to acknowledge the fact that we are going to die and postpone the act of making a will. But few of us will get told when our date of departure is, so act now while you are fit and healthy.

(From someone who's been there , done that, currently paying accountants/lawyers for a very expensive tee shirt.)

 

[BlondGirl]

I had a patient once that told me about his fave hunting partner.

Many years before, his friend had made him promise that if the friend died, my patient would go get this special box out of his pickup with stuff for his wife in it.
As "luck" would have it, the friend died while on a hunting trip. My patient called the family, then went out to the truck to get the box. When the widow opened it, the man had been for years putting 100$ bills in there every month. It had (if I remember correctly) over 10,000$.
I truly think this was a man who loved his wife greatly to want to give her such immediate security upon his death.

I now have a safe in my house and I try to purchase bonds every month--even if it is the smallest denomination, just to make a dent of some type. My son knows where the key is. (Cash is too tempting right now for me.)