When size DOES matter - help please?

[sillypanda]

This is incredibly embarrassing, but maybe others have experienced this and can help, so... here goes:

I'm in love with an amazing guy with just one problem - he's too big for me. We've been unable to sleep together because of the size difference.

On the advice of a friend, I got a dilator (in the literotica shop no less!) to work on stretching to accomodate him.

Unfortunately, even that has been tricky - when I finally got up to the larger sizes, it was uncomfortable but I tried to keep going. The next day I woke to swelling and tears.

May I ask please, can anyone provide advice on how to make this work please? A few places have recommended lubricants, but I was overwhelmed by the options - the ingredients, what does/does not work with condoms, scents, consistencies, etc. Does anyone have recommendations?

Also, is this something that should heal on its own, or should I make an appointment with my doctor? I'd prefer not to (for obvious reasons), but at the same time I want to heal as quickly as possible. He's been insanely patient as it is, and honestly, this whole issue has made me feel very unsexy and a complete failure as a woman. Ugh.

Thank you in advance for any help/advice you can offer!!!

 

[SweetErika]

Unfortunately, even that has been tricky - when I finally got up to the larger sizes, it was uncomfortable but I tried to keep going. The next day I woke to swelling and tears.

May I ask please, can anyone provide advice on how to make this work please? A few places have recommended lubricants, but I was overwhelmed by the options - the ingredients, what does/does not work with condoms, scents, consistencies, etc. Does anyone have recommendations?

So you haven't been using lube with the dilators?

Try silicone lube. It's more expensive than water-based, but you don't have to use as much because it's super slick and doesn't get gummy or dry out. The other advantage is that it doesn't have any irritating ingredients and won't cause infections like water-based lubes can. It's condom-safe, though you can't use it on most toys that contain silicone, like jelly and cyberskin-type materials (so you would have to use a condom over such toys).

Also, is this something that should heal on its own, or should I make an appointment with my doctor? I'd prefer not to (for obvious reasons), but at the same time I want to heal as quickly as possible. He's been insanely patient as it is, and honestly, this whole issue has made me feel very unsexy and a complete failure as a woman. Ugh.

Thank you in advance for any help/advice you can offer!!!

When did the injury occur? Vaginas heal pretty quickly, so if it's been more than, say, 5 days, it's probably time to see your doctor. Don't worry, they see and hear everything, and they might have some good suggestions for you on working up to the proper size safely.

Once you do have sex, use lots of lube after tons of foreplay, and control the speed and depth of penetration yourself. When you're comfortable doing this, he can take over very slowly. Stop if anything hurts.

 

[sillypanda]

So you haven't been using lube with the dilators?

Try silicone lube. It's more expensive than water-based, but you don't have to use as much because it's super slick and doesn't get gummy or dry out. The other advantage is that it doesn't have any irritating ingredients and won't cause infections like water-based lubes can. It's condom-safe, though you can't use it on most toys that contain silicone, like jelly and cyberskin-type materials (so you would have to use a condom over such toys).


When did the injury occur? Vaginas heal pretty quickly, so if it's been more than, say, 5 days, it's probably time to see your doctor. Don't worry, they see and hear everything, and they might have some good suggestions for you on working up to the proper size safely.

Once you do have sex, use lots of lube after tons of foreplay, and control the speed and depth of penetration yourself. When you're comfortable doing this, he can take over very slowly. Stop if anything hurts.

Thank you so much for your help Erika!

No, I didn't use lube with the dilator - the directions stated that it may be used with any lubricant, but I didn't read that as a must or should. And having never used/bought lube (or sex toys, etc) the dilator was enough out of my comfort zone that I didn't pursue further options. Now, of course, I know better.

Thank you very much for the suggestion of the silicone-based lube. May I ask, do you know offhand if it's readily available in, say, drugstores, or is it something that must typically be purchased at adult stores or websites? If you don't know, no worries - I can always check the pharmacy next time I go.

The injury was Tuesday, so I'll see how the tears and swelling are in the morning and maybe call the doctor then. As embarrassing as it would be, I adore my doctor so hopefully that will make it easier. Obviously I'd love to be "better" by Monday, so if a doctor can help speed the process it may be worth it.

Thank you again for your help Erika - I really, really appreciate it!!!

 

[SweetErika]

Thank you very much for the suggestion of the silicone-based lube. May I ask, do you know offhand if it's readily available in, say, drugstores, or is it something that must typically be purchased at adult stores or websites? If you don't know, no worries - I can always check the pharmacy next time I go.

Sometimes it's available in stores, but it's very expensive. Your best bet is to buy it online, and don't worry about getting a large bottle if that's the cheapest route. You can use it for everything from sex to skin moisturization (I even put a drop on my lips or hands before bed sometimes) to massage (though massage oil is much cheaper). It's also great for shower play and handjobs! We're only about 2/3 of the way through a 16 oz pump bottle of ID Millenium that we bought several years ago!

If your dilators are hard plastic, you could potentially use coconut oil (which has natural antibacterial properties; a pint-sized jar of organic is about $9), but be careful with other oils. Of course no oil-based lube is latex-friendly, and they will destroy toys that contain rubber as well. They're also messier, more likely to stain fabrics and harder to clean.

The injury was Tuesday, so I'll see how the tears and swelling are in the morning and maybe call the doctor then. As embarrassing as it would be, I adore my doctor so hopefully that will make it easier. Obviously I'd love to be "better" by Monday, so if a doctor can help speed the process it may be worth it.

Last Tuesday, or like yesterday? If it was last Tuesday, you probably need to see the doctor. Give it until Monday if it was yesterday.

There may not be much the doctor can do unless you have a tear that needs to be repaired, infection or similar. But it's still worth checking out if you're concerned.

 

[sillypanda]

Sorry for the confusion - a class got canceled so my days are all out of whack. I should have said "two days ago" since it was actually Monday.

Things seem better today so maybe I can skip the doctor. Thank you again for your advice! I'll check for silicone-based lube next time I go to the store (and I'm guessing they don't have the same glycerin and paraben problems the water-based ones do?).

Thank you again!

 

[SweetErika]

Things seem better today so maybe I can skip the doctor. Thank you again for your advice! I'll check for silicone-based lube next time I go to the store (and I'm guessing they don't have the same glycerin and paraben problems the water-based ones do?).

Thank you again!

You might check out your local sex store(s), but I think your best bet is going to be online. Amazon has some good deals, and some even have free shipping. Click me, or if that doesn't work, google 'silicone lube sex' and click on the Amazon link. I'd probably go with the 16.4oz Wet Platinum for $32. I did a little bit of price shopping, and that appears to be the best deal around for total cost. Plus, it's a trusted brand and website. Yeah, I know it's a little scary to get such a big bottle of something you've never tried, but like I said, it's a multi-tasker, and I've never heard of anyone not liking silicone lube.

And you're right: if you get pure silicone lube (the only ingredients should end with "-cone" like "dimethicone" or "simethicone"), there are no glycerin or paraben issues and it won't ever go bad. You've probably already used silicone lube in some form, as most lubed condoms use it (in tiny amounts).

 

[SkAoUt]

... this whole issue has made me feel very unsexy and a complete failure as a woman. Ugh.

Thank you in advance for any help/advice you can offer!!!

Whoa. Back up there.

I don't see how you're a failure. Look, sometimes these things happen. He's large and your tiny so there's bound to be a period of adjustment. Incorporate the stretching regime into your love making as foreplay perhaps?! And at what point did penetration become the pinnacle of human sexual expression? Not that you said it was but there are other ways to satisfy your bf, and he you, that doesn't include inserting tab A into slot B. I'm sure you're aware of that but why not try mutual masturbation, oral and grinding to temporarily satisfy your needs. I'm just saying that you ought to try to relax and assuage your anxiety about your tiny pussy. Its not your fault but if you want to make your relationship work just realize that its going to take a little time.

You, I'm sure, are 100% woman! So relax and snuggle up to your bf letting the contentment wash over you being with someone you love.

 

[sillypanda]

You might check out your local sex store(s), but I think your best bet is going to be online. Amazon has some good deals, and some even have free shipping. Click me, or if that doesn't work, google 'silicone lube sex' and click on the Amazon link. I'd probably go with the 16.4oz Wet Platinum for $32. I did a little bit of price shopping, and that appears to be the best deal around for total cost. Plus, it's a trusted brand and website. Yeah, I know it's a little scary to get such a big bottle of something you've never tried, but like I said, it's a multi-tasker, and I've never heard of anyone not liking silicone lube.

And you're right: if you get pure silicone lube (the only ingredients should end with "-cone" like "dimethicone" or "simethicone"), there are no glycerin or paraben issues and it won't ever go bad. You've probably already used silicone lube in some form, as most lubed condoms use it (in tiny amounts).

Thank you again Erika, and I really appreciate your price shopping/research!

Believe it or not, I was actually able to find Astroglide X, their silicone-based condom-friendly product, at Target. Who knew??? It was a rather small bottle (2.5 oz), but it was under $10 so it was beyond affordable! If it ends up working out and is something we both like, I'll definitely go with larger sizes online for future purchases.

In case this piqued anyone else's curiosity, I tried it out (the Astroglide X Silicone) just on my fingers when I got home. It doesn't take much to get a good amount of slickness, as Erika said, and it was neither greasy nor sticky. It washed off easily with soap and water, but I can't yet attest to whether or not it stains. My favorite part about it, though, is that it has zero scent!

Before the awesome advice above on silicone lube, I got K-Y Sensitive Jelly, a water-based lubricant. I know K-Y doesn't get great reviews, but this product was actually great, especially the first morning after when I was incredibly raw and sore. Like the Astroglide X, it has NO odor and, even though I have very sensitive skin, it was not the least bit irritating - on the contrary, it was actually very soothing. Unfortunately it didn't last very long, but it didn't get gummy or sticky, and left absolutely no residue on clothing, which was a definite plus.

So, so far so good! xD Thank you again for all your help Erika!

 

[sillypanda]

Whoa. Back up there.

I don't see how you're a failure. Look, sometimes these things happen. He's large and your tiny so there's bound to be a period of adjustment. Incorporate the stretching regime into your love making as foreplay perhaps?! And at what point did penetration become the pinnacle of human sexual expression? Not that you said it was but there are other ways to satisfy your bf, and he you, that doesn't include inserting tab A into slot B. I'm sure you're aware of that but why not try mutual masturbation, oral and grinding to temporarily satisfy your needs. I'm just saying that you ought to try to relax and assuage your anxiety about your tiny pussy. Its not your fault but if you want to make your relationship work just realize that its going to take a little time.

You, I'm sure, are 100% woman! So relax and snuggle up to your bf letting the contentment wash over you being with someone you love.

Thank you SkAoUt - I know it's completely irrational, but, well, unfortunately emotions aren't rational. xP Even though I know it isn't anyone's fault, I still feel responsible for our frustration.

To your point, though, we have been able to be intimate in other ways, and in some ways it's made us be creative and do things we may not have otherwise done, so that's a plus. And he's been very supportive, which is wonderful, but at the same time makes me feel worse. I know that probably doesn't make much sense, but if he were pushy or negative about it, I'd probably think "well screw you" and be done with him, but because he's been so understanding (this isn't a problem he's had with any other woman) that just makes me want him more. Ahh well - such is life! xD

So for now I'll try to take the V-Day stress away and just enjoy being together. =) Thank you again for your feedback!!

 

[squarejohn]

This is incredibly embarrassing, but maybe others have experienced this and can help, so... here goes:

I'm in love with an amazing guy with just one problem - he's too big for me. We've been unable to sleep together because of the size difference.

On the advice of a friend, I got a dilator (in the literotica shop no less!) to work on stretching to accomodate him.

Unfortunately, even that has been tricky - when I finally got up to the larger sizes, it was uncomfortable but I tried to keep going. The next day I woke to swelling and tears.

May I ask please, can anyone provide advice on how to make this work please? A few places have recommended lubricants, but I was overwhelmed by the options - the ingredients, what does/does not work with condoms, scents, consistencies, etc. Does anyone have recommendations?

Also, is this something that should heal on its own, or should I make an appointment with my doctor? I'd prefer not to (for obvious reasons), but at the same time I want to heal as quickly as possible. He's been insanely patient as it is, and honestly, this whole issue has made me feel very unsexy and a complete failure as a woman. Ugh.

Thank you in advance for any help/advice you can offer!!!

It's not your fault he's hung like a mule. I'll bet your gynecologist has an off-the-shelf solution to your problem.

 

[bailadora]

And at what point did penetration become the pinnacle of human sexual expression? Not that you said it was but there are other ways to satisfy your bf, and he you, that doesn't include inserting tab A into slot B.

Whoa! You realize you might be asked to hand in your man-card , doncha? What you're spouting is pure heresy!

(Good for you!!!)

 

[sillypanda]

Whoa! You realize you might be asked to hand in your man-card , doncha? What you're spouting is pure heresy!

(Good for you!!!)

Okay, that made me literally laugh out loud. xD

I can't thank you all enough for your input, ideas and support!

Unfortunately, (ironically,) we broke up today, but I think this will carry over into any future relationship and be helpful nonetheless.

Thank you again everyone, and have a wonderful weekend!

 

[SkAoUt]

Okay, that made me literally laugh out loud. xD

I can't thank you all enough for your input, ideas and support!

Unfortunately, (ironically,) we broke up today, but I think this will carry over into any future relationship and be helpful nonetheless.

Thank you again everyone, and have a wonderful weekend!

Yo, that bites! I hope you're dealin'.

As an aside you won't have to worry about the fit now. Most guys'll fit just fine. Though of course you don't want to hear that now. Forget I mentioned it.

 

[zhelp]

He's been insanely patient as it is, and honestly, this whole issue has made me feel very unsexy and a complete failure as a woman. Ugh.

Thank you in advance for any help/advice you can offer!!!

It could be a lot worse, from most guys point of view this is far better than being with a woman who is too loose..

Investing in some quality lube is definitely something you should look into

 

[sillypanda]

Yo, that bites! I hope you're dealin'.

As an aside you won't have to worry about the fit now. Most guys'll fit just fine. Though of course you don't want to hear that now. Forget I mentioned it.

Thanks so much, and yes I am - today has actually been the first really rough day, but I think that's because it's starting to sink in that it's real. Ah well. And no worries lol, I know how you meant it and I appreciate it. ^^

It could be a lot worse, from most guys point of view this is far better than being with a woman who is too loose..

Investing in some quality lube is definitely something you should look into

Well, I guess that's something - the opposite problem can always be just as big an issue. Well, maybe not as big an issue... I doubt those women have ever had the problem of being unable to have sex due to their size, but I'm sure that comes with its own perils as well.

Thank you for the advice - I've actually gotten some great advice on here in regards to different products and have purchased a few. While I certainly don't plan on using them for a while, it's nice to know they're there in case I do start seeing someone in the future and want to be prepared.

Thanks again everyone for your help, advice and understanding - I really appreciate it. ^^