When porn becomes a problem

[Bed_Bunny]

Hi all

So.. My guy is "furry" and there's probably enough freaks on the board that I don't really need to explain what that is, which is great.
I'm furry too, but to a lesser extent. I'm not into the fursuits and badly drawn cartoon porn. I have nothing against furries or anyone else really /end disclaimer

Anyway, the reason I'm telling you this is that my guy admitted to me last night that he thinks all the furry porn has "tainted his tastes". He still finds me attractive, he reassures me, but he's still less interested than if I had a tail. (And is dramatically less interested in real people porn of any type) And as the amount of sex we're having gets less and less, I wasn't terribly surprised.

Now, the short term solution is obvious. Every time I want sex I can equip my furry rabbit ears and tail of added desireability. But I'm thinking that long term that might just make it worse.

Even if my ears were not terribly heavy, even if they didn't cruely pull on my hair while he fucks me, I'm sure I wouldn't want every encounter we have to rely on props to make me sexy enough. I like role play. Some days I'll be a rabbit, or a nurse or a school girl - whatever. But the rest of the time I want to be me, and still be just as desirable.

How do we overcome this? He expressed a desire to not need furryness every time, but I've never encountered this before, and I don't know how to help him, shy of asking him to see a councilor which at this point would probably achieve nothing other than shattering what small confidence he has left.
Is there something I can do to help? Would not looking at furry porn help or would that just make it contaband and thus more exciting?
Please help!

 

[infinity706]

Honestly, I'd just find a furry outfit that you're comfortable in. If you put in some time for his fantasy, it'll lose some of its luster after a while. Just treat "furry" sex like normal and soon enough, it'll lose enough of its power that he probably won't need it all the time. It's just something forbidden and out of reach that's really getting him wild right now. I'd say he'll probably always have some desire for furries, but to a lesser extent.

 

[SpecialKay62]

Hi!

First my own disclaimer: I have no knowledge/expertise in the area of "furriness." I also have nothing against anyone who does. : )

However, this problem isn't very different from similar problems with addiction. Pleasurable activities causes a release of feel-good hormones to the brain, dopamine. So, if watching the furry stuff (and the ensuing activity) makes him feel good, he
may be conditioned. Furry=Pleasure. More, please. However, there's probably a way to decondition the response as well. Perhaps cutting back on viewing and engaging in other activities that he can "learn" to find pleasurable again.

I'd be interested to see what others have to say!

 

[Bed_Bunny]

I have enough furry gear lying around, I guess I could just do it til it gets boring... not sure how honest that would be, or if he'd simply think I was embracing this head on, and it'd just get worse. Interesting theory!

I wouldn't say it's something out of reach or forbidden though - I never stop him watching his porn, I incorperate furry speach and action into our every day lives because he wanted more furriness, and I wear my ears and tail for him less than I could, but I still do it. We have pretty hot furry sex. So yeah, I'm not sure it's the forbidden thing in there yet... but if we stopped, or did it less it might become that.

 

[naughty Papa]

hey bunny you have a geniuine problem and you are sweet you still love him

Hi all

So.. My guy is "furry" and there's probably enough freaks on the board that I don't really need to explain what that is, which is great.
I'm furry too, but to a lesser extent. I'm not into the fursuits and badly drawn cartoon porn. I have nothing against furries or anyone else really /end disclaimer

Anyway, the reason I'm telling you this is that my guy admitted to me last night that he thinks all the furry porn has "tainted his tastes". He still finds me attractive, he reassures me, but he's still less interested than if I had a tail. (And is dramatically less interested in real people porn of any type) And as the amount of sex we're having gets less and less, I wasn't terribly surprised.

Now, the short term solution is obvious. Every time I want sex I can equip my furry rabbit ears and tail of added desireability. But I'm thinking that long term that might just make it worse.

Even if my ears were not terribly heavy, even if they didn't cruely pull on my hair while he fucks me, I'm sure I wouldn't want every encounter we have to rely on props to make me sexy enough. I like role play. Some days I'll be a rabbit, or a nurse or a school girl - whatever. But the rest of the time I want to be me, and still be just as desirable.

How do we overcome this? He expressed a desire to not need furryness every time, but I've never encountered this before, and I don't know how to help him, shy of asking him to see a councilor which at this point would probably achieve nothing other than shattering what small confidence he has left.
Is there something I can do to help? Would not looking at furry porn help or would that just make it contaband and thus more exciting?
Please help!

 

[SweetErika]

How do we overcome this? He expressed a desire to not need furryness every time, but I've never encountered this before, and I don't know how to help him, shy of asking him to see a councilor which at this point would probably achieve nothing other than shattering what small confidence he has left.
Is there something I can do to help? Would not looking at furry porn help or would that just make it contaband and thus more exciting?
Please help!

Unfortunately, if it's a true fetish, it's probably not going to diminish on its own and his options (assuming he wants to change) are limited to trying to suppress it, therapy, and perhaps medication. If he wants to change it, therapy would probably be the best place to start. You could try presenting it as an one possible option to him, without telling him he needs it or making any judgments.

Out of curiosity, why do you think therapy would hurt his confidence?

Your options are trying to cater to his fetish, not catering to it, trying to find a compromise and leaving. If his fetish remained the same, would it be a dealbreaker for you, or could you live happily with it?

Basically, you can't change him or his fetish, but you can support him in making any changes for himself and choose whatever option works best for you (whether that's staying or leaving).

 

[naughty Papa]

lady erika that is such a nice advice i think you are a therapist
cheers

Unfortunately, if it's a true fetish, it's probably not going to diminish on its own and his options (assuming he wants to change) are limited to trying to suppress it, therapy, and perhaps medication. If he wants to change it, therapy would probably be the best place to start. You could try presenting it as an one possible option to him, without telling him he needs it or making any judgments.

Out of curiosity, why do you think therapy would hurt his confidence?

Your options are trying to cater to his fetish, not catering to it, trying to find a compromise and leaving. If his fetish remained the same, would it be a dealbreaker for you, or could you live happily with it?

Basically, you can't change him or his fetish, but you can support him in making any changes for himself and choose whatever option works best for you (whether that's staying or leaving).

 

[Dearelliot]

Geez...isnt a fetish like somerthing necessary for the person to enjoy sex...Im not sure, cant this fellow enjoy sex without the fur or is it the only way ..in which case a fetish otherwise not...itis a preference he enjoys...like black stockings high heels etc..simply something to add to the excitement...There is no way my wife will agree to the things I find special...(fur isnt one of them)...big deal so for specisal events I go elsewhere...whats the problem...one door closes another opens up.

 

[Bed_Bunny]

I think it would hurt his confidance because he already thinks he's a freak and seeing a theripist really rams home the fact you have issues. (Personally I'm all for therapy, and have done it for various things in the past, but it doesn't really improve one's sense of self worth, especially in the begining). If it came to the point where I would seriously consider leaveing because of this, only then would I suggest it, I know he doesn't have much faith in that kind of thing either.

It's unlikely I'd walk out over something like this, hell, I moved to a different country to be with him! It would be stupid to give up so easily on something so special... however, I don't want yet another relationship where I'm always the one asking for sex or where I'm constantly not good enough to keep my man turned on either.
Really, if we were both happy the way things are, I wouldn't be here trying to research and help him. I don't want his furriness to disapear or anything, I just want it to impact less on our lives - for it to be a fun way to spice up sex like it used to be, rather than a requirement.

Deareliot - I'm glad that works for you, but we are monogomous. If I can not keep him satisfied, he can man up and leave me, not just catch some furry tail on the side which risks our health, not to mention the damage it would do to the relationship or the possibility of a whoops-a-baby. And I'm not saying I wont cater to his fantasies and desires - I'm trying to find a compromise where I'm not doing it every single time.

 

[kara24]

In my experience (not with furriness I have to say) fetishes do not go away, in fact time only strengthens and reinforces them. Fetishes that I have have been there for years and I cant imagine them going anywhere ! However, maybe there are other fantasies that he has that you could discover together and then broaden his range of interests - so to speak. Talk to him and find out what else he might enjoy and tell him what you enjoy. You will get there together!

 

[silverwhisper]

bed bunny quoth:
i think it would hurt his confidance because he already thinks he's a freak and seeing a theripist really rams home the fact you have issues.

i hate to say it, but if he doesn't want to be intimate with you without the furry accoutrements, he does have issues. given what you've said, the furry component is steadily increasing in your lives together. so at some point, unless you're going to go furry for him (and if you did, wouldn't you ultimately resent it--and him?) and leap off that ledge, you will have to confront this.

if he's serious about not wanting to give in to his fetish--and yes, i believe based on what you said here that the clinical usage of the term may be appropriate--then he should seek professional assistance.

ed

 

[fuckmeat]

People have fads and as Infinity said, after a while the 'fad' becomes the current 'norm' and then it becomes mundane and boring. It will likely then be replaced by a new fad though, so be warned.

I wonder if he realises how unattractive his fur fixation makes you feel. It can be hard to be that brutally honest with someone but I think you should spell out what this fetish of his is doing to you. He might just think you're bored of the rabbit ears and not realise you think he has deeper issues going on. I also wonder whether he's a bit complacent about the fact you're unlikely to leave him. You've obviously made a lot of sacrifices to be with him and that makes the prospect of ending the relationship feel like more of a loss or failure. Be careful that he doesn't take your love and loyalty for granted though, even on an unconscious level. I'm not saying you should start throwing ultimatums around but it seems to me that it's perhaps his turn to make sacrifices, and it's not even as though you want to stop the furry sex altogether, just find a balance.

If I were you, I'd suggest therapy. I say this because the idea of confessing his fur fetish to a therapist will almost certainly terrify your man into making more of an effort to meet you halfway. Then lock your bunny ears away somewhere and announce that you're not putting them on again until he's made you feel like a sex goddess without any props or costumes.

 

[Bed_Bunny]

i hate to say it, but if he doesn't want to be intimate with you without the furry accoutrements, he does have issues.

*laughs* Well said. I can't argue with that.
I just don't want to hurt him *shrug*

But, you both have good points.