When is the best time to talk about D/s

[NCShin]

If you're in a relationship that includes BDSM, but isn't based on BDSM. When would you feel most comfortable and open about talking about future scenes.

Dom/mes when would you feel best about laying on your most limit pushing desires?

Subs, when would you feel most comfortable discussing your darkest and hardest to admit submissive desires?

I prefer to talk about it in an otherwise purely vanilla situation. A non-sexual situation where the temptation to act out on what you're talking about is impossible, or at least nearly impossible.

My girl has a very very difficult time with this. She cannot talk about what she likes, dislikes, wants, or doesn't want unless she is in some form of headspace to do it.

This about her, bothers me for reasons maybe i'll start another thread to discuss.

opinions please....

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Isn't that what the internet is for? lol But truthfully its much easier for me to bare my soul, talk about my deepest fantasies, etc. in writing rather than face to face. At least at first. To break the ice. We email all week long, then when we get together we talk thru the things we wrote about. Easier for me that way.

 

[fallon2]

From experience

From experience I find that e mails were the best since they didn't have to worry about being judged. FRom there we could go onto specifics. Good Luck and hang in there.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[WriterDom]

Compromise. Start out at the kitchen table, and when the conversation turns, tie her hands behind the chair.

 

[Netzach]

I know when it's NOT.

It's NOT right before bed, especially when one or both parties are PMS-ing.

 

[shy slave]

Compromise. Start out at the kitchen table, and when the conversation turns, tie her hands behind the chair.

 

[s'lara]

If you're in a relationship that includes BDSM, but isn't based on BDSM. When would you feel most comfortable and open about talking about future scenes.

Dom/mes when would you feel best about laying on your most limit pushing desires?

Subs, when would you feel most comfortable discussing your darkest and hardest to admit submissive desires?

I prefer to talk about it in an otherwise purely vanilla situation. A non-sexual situation where the temptation to act out on what you're talking about is impossible, or at least nearly impossible.

My girl has a very very difficult time with this. She cannot talk about what she likes, dislikes, wants, or doesn't want unless she is in some form of headspace to do it.

This about her, bothers me for reasons maybe i'll start another thread to discuss.

opinions please....

imo, the best time to talk about it is when neither party is angry, overly emotional and a willingness is present to be brutally honest despite what may come out of their mouths.

A simple, "can we speak freely?" would signal a much needed talk is coming.

Bottom line, a good time to talk is when defenses are down and those involved are aware that an impending discourse on the BDSM aspect of their lives is about to happen. A surprise "we need to talk about you taking a heavy vampire glove on the breasts" over toasted cheese sandwiches and tomato soup will leave little desire to discuss things willingly or without some jarring.

lara

 

[AvaAdore]

in my opinion, during pillow talk

nothing opens me up better and relaxes me than a good fuck. then laying in bed and cuddling with the other person, chatting about what you liked, what you would like, etc.

of course, if you're dead tired and it's late at night, it's not a good time. especially if you've gone and told the person all your deepest desires, only to realize that they were asleep the whole time

 

[ethereal~minx]

the best time, I would like to think is of course, when we're all calm~ but in my experience it did not work.

I wrote on the internet, they read it and responded but when I wished to actually talk like mature flippin adults, ohhh no~ that's not going to happen. of course, I was not who I am today so this would not fly with me now.

and ...laughing... I'm no longer 'submissive' enough

I've woke up to my worth is all.

the best time is when you feel safe and trusting with the other person...and w/ yourself. know that what you say could be misunderstood..have the guts to deal with the reaction gracefully.