When is my MASTER no longer?

[masterspet_13]

Ok, so here's my story in a nut shell...

My R/L MASTER and I met when I was married to a Vanilla guy. I decided, along with the assurance of MASTER that if I left Vanilla and came to MASTER that everything would work out. Silly me...so I did. Not that I am regreting leaving the Vanilla guy, he was and still is a big loser. That was almost 2 years ago.

Anyway, kids are also part of my package and even though they are both older...13and 11.....they do get in the way sometimes. It would be very difficult for them to see Mommy tied up or blindfolded for the sole purpose of pleasing their new step-dad.
It has been very hard to keep up with the R/L training.

My biggest concern is that our D/s originally focused on e-mail/telephone training and since we have actually moved in together I don't believe there have been more than 5 e-mail training sessions or phone instructions.

I did discover last year that MASTER had been training another slave on-line for months...even with me living under the same roof. When confronted, he swore that it would never happen again, but he was also very confused as to why I would have such a problem with it. Our relationship has been slowly working toward marriage so it is quite serious...I thought.

When we do have alone time it is almost like he has to force himself into the Dom role with me. I often wonder if he wants me to lead or initiate the play time, but I'm not sure how a sub is supposed to do that? Please MASTER play with me???

Very recently, I discovered yet more things to suggest that MASTER is yearning to train another sub. He has been sending messages to authors from here saying things like...I love your stories, you should continue writing more......if you need any help with your stories or ideas let me know......the best one was....My PET will love reading your stories as well. Hmmmm, funny......my MASTER never did send me any of those stories.

How does this MASTER expect his submissive/slave to trust him when he continues to seek pleasure from others?? Is this a normal action from a MASTER? Please fill me in!!

masterspet_13

 

[BlushingFlames]

Honestly with the one training me, I am usually licking his feet clean when he is writing emails...honestly he is the type to say it as it is. I know he would tell me if something was going to happen, I trust him with that. Honestly if you can't trust your dom then there is a problem. What kind of relationship are you and him having? You need to find the answers to that to see what will be the best for both of you..communication is the only way to know everything.

 

[ZenDragoness]

edited

 

[masterspet_13]

Thank you Zendragoness. The thread was most definitely meant as an ambush for MASTER should he ever read it. I have tried on many occassion to discuss my feelings with him, but he either does not care or he is oblivious.

The reason for this post was to see if there were other Dom/sub relationships out there that have similar troubles or if our problems are indeed unique.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Have to agree with much of what ZenDragoness has said, and as cruel as it may seem I wonder at your surprise in his actions. Though I don't agree with what he has done, the way you initially became involved with each other (unless I am mistaken) was built on deceit by you both betraying your vanilla husband's trust. That lays the ground rules in a way and also gives an indication of what can be expected as in his own code of behaviour, what he sees as okay, and how he treats others. Just as he was not concerned with how your former SO might feel about the betrayal, nor had any reservations about enticing you away from him into his own house, he now seems to be unconcerned with how you feel by being dealt similar treatment and finding he is communicating with and training other subs without your knowledge or welfare in mind.

As painful as it is, I would say the trust has been destroyed for you (and you evidence this by your now continual surveillance of him), and perhaps you are better making a clean start, but not one built while still in this relationship, rather ending it first and beginning again with someone you feel you can trust. I empathise with your pain and know if I were in the same situation I would not be able to find trust again with this Master. That being said though, only you can decide what is right for you and what you can handle at this point.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

The problem as I see it is it sounds like this is a person who lives out his fantasies primarily on line and has no idea what to do with that slave once they are online-trained to the moving in point.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

The problem as I see it is it sounds like this is a person who lives out his fantasies primarily on line and has no idea what to do with that slave once they are online-trained to the moving in point.

As is often the case, Netzach has come to what may well be the core of the issue. It can be very difficult for one who has built a wonderful fantasy life in online BDSM to translate the words on the screen to real life activities if he hasn't actually participated in that type of relationship. The presence of the stepchildren can also be a damper, inhibiting his desires to get into real life action.

I also have to agree with ZenDragoness and Catalina regarding the ambush factor and the deceit/betrayal issues respectively. As in any relationship, communication between the parties is a must if the relationship is to survive, and communication by ambush would not appear to be the best way to go about it, IMO. I understand Pet's frustration if he refuses to discuss the issues when she tries to raise them, but feel there are other ways she could have tried communicating with him - perhaps via e-mail, since that may be his preferred method?

As far as Pet's wondering if there are other D/s relationships which have had similar troubles, I'm quite sure that her situation is not unique, as lack of communication and the other issues she raises are common in "vanilla" relationships, and thus will occur in roughly equal proportion in our culture, which is not immune to the ills that befall any other group.

Finally, I'll agree again with Catalina in her opinion that this relationship is probably irretrievably damaged, and that Pet should seek first to extricate herself from this one before trying to find another... and I'll wish her - and her erstwhile Master - luck.

 

[incubus'_sub]

I agree with everyone, particularly Netzach's observation, but I'll add my little bit as well.

I'm not going to advise on the trust issues. We are probably all guilty of sometimes following our heart & bits rather than thinking things through with regard to failing relationships.

Online relationships are sooo easy when compared to the real thing. You can say or do whatever you like & who's going to know, I mean really know, not just trust. There is no effort involved except a vivid imagination. Real life problems, such as earning a living, coping with kids, doing housework etc etc don't exist in that world. It is also common for an online Dom to be training numbers of subs at the same time. As long as they don't know about each other, what's the problem, right & even if they do what are they going to do about it?

My view is that neither of you have adjusted very well to the real life world & both of you have unrealistic expectations. Your Master has realised quickly that the effort involved in real life B&D is considerable, hence the downturn in your physical activities. You are unhappy, your expectations of daily mastering have not been met so you are vulnerable to jealousy about his other online friends. Both of you are moving away from each other instead of accepting the limitations of the new relationship.

My guess is that if you were satisfied with the physical relationship that the online friends would not be an issue. You do have to talk this out together and you have to both accept that real life B&D does not mean scenes every day, life is too busy & demandiing. Don't blame your kids, it's got nothing to do with them at all, any more than your sex life with your former partner did. Just make sure, as in any blended family relationship, that they are behaving towards your new partner with respect. Unspoken anger about a domestic situation will destroy any sex life.

So, this going behind each others' backs has to stop & some serious work has to be done. I doubt that you left your former partner without thinking about the consequences to your lifestyle, it's just that you viewed the new one with rosy coloured glasses & so did your Master. Time for them to come off & for you both to talk & more importantly to listen to each other about your real, everyday needs.

Good luck

 

[bridgeburner]

You've got more than five dogs living under your front porch, don't you?


Is "Loser Vanilla Guy" the father of your children? The way you talk about him I gather not. Sounds to me like Master isn't the only person here with relationship challenges.

Some men like the wooing part best and when they've become assured of their conquest they're on to the next thing. Some women like to be eternally pursued as if at any moment they might walk out the door. These two types of people don't generally make good marriages.


None of that has the first thing to do with BDSM. That's strictly generic relationship stuff, but if you're still at the adolescent stage of publicly airing your grievances in the hopes that your lover will walk by and overhear and be contrite then I'd say finding someone to beat you is the least of your concerns.


-B

 

[Etoile]

The thread was most definitely meant as an ambush for MASTER should he ever read it. I have tried on many occassion to discuss my feelings with him, but he either does not care or he is oblivious.

This sums up the problem right here. You don't trust him, you feel he doesn't listen to you, and you're setting up a hurtful trap for him to fall into. As Catalina pointed out, this is not a healthy relationship.

If you love this man and want to salvage the relationship, then you need to talk as equals. Put the D/s aside (where have I heard that lately, FungiUg?!) and have an honest discussion. No distractions: not over dinner, not before the kids are in bed, not when e-mail is beckoning or it's time to go to sleep. I know it might be hard to find a time to talk, but you must do it if you want to continue the relationship. You need to tell him all of your concerns - from the fact that you feel he's cheating to the fact that he doesn't seem to know what to do with you IRL - and he needs to listen. If he has feedback for you, you need to listen to that.

Personally, I can't give you much encouragement, given the apparent personality conflicts. But there may be hope for it.

The reason for this post was to see if there were other Dom/sub relationships out there that have similar troubles or if our problems are indeed unique.

You are never alone! While there may not be people with these specific problems here on Literotica reading this thread, rest assured that you are not alone. Even what seems like a unique combination of feelings and events has happened somewhere before. You are never alone.

 

[masterspet_13]

3 months later

Ok everyone, it's been 3 months since my last posting.

Thanks to all of you that posted responses.

Master and I have had a few discussions, although I did not tell him of this thread, nor has he mentioned it.

We have talked about some of the issues, and have both agreed that for now neither of us wants to leave.

The trust issue for me is not getting better though, as I always wonder if the reason he is not doing any training with me RL or on-line is because he is focused on another sub. Somteimes I think that Master uses the lack of D/s against me, just to see how much misery I can take.

I know this is not a good thing for me, but I am not ready to say goodbye to this one yet. There are more people involved here than just me and Master, there is also the kids who have come to form a huge bond with their step-dad. I feel as though I am sinking most days and the one person who can throw a life jacket refuses to do so.

A note to bridgeburner.....yes, my ex is the father of my children....we were together for 12 years.

Anyway, just thought I would update things and maybe get more feedback about my situation.

 

[catalina_francisco]

You are the only one who can decide what you need to do. I admire you thinking of the children's stability in this, but it is often just as destabilising to live in an atmosphere where adults think they have successfully disguised the misery, but which those little beings can detect in a heartbeat with no visible proof needed.

Catalina

 

[rosco rathbone]

I note that MASTER has been demoted to Master status, a pay cut of 5 entire capital letter grades. Does this denote a change in the status of your relationship?

 

[shy slave]

I note that MASTER has been demoted to Master status, a pay cut of 5 entire capital letter grades. Does this denote a change in the status of your relationship?

lets hope it was just a pay cut she gave Him and not any other sort lol

 

[masterspet_13]

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by rosco rathbone
I note that MASTER has been demoted to Master status, a pay cut of 5 entire capital letter grades. Does this denote a change in the status of your relationship?

I guess the change in status is more of a metal shift for me. I'm trying not to put all of my energy in the D/s part of my life. Even though it aches each time I think of what we have lost, I try to think of the positive things that we share. I'm not sure where our relationship can go from this point. Maybe we need mental time apart, I don't know. Since my first post in October, Master and I have had sex 6-8 times, all of which have been boring vanilla episodes, very mechanical, not much fun, and not what either of us wants. It's almost like we are playing the part of a happy couple, but niether of us is getting the satisfaction that we so desperatley need through D/s play.

I agree that he obviosly doesn't know how to train a RL sub, but is it possible that a RL sub can train an on-line Master to do the things that need to be done in RL? Does that make sense???

 

[Shadowsdream]

The problem as I see it is it sounds like this is a person who lives out his fantasies primarily on line and has no idea what to do with that slave once they are online-trained to the moving in point.

What else is there to say?

 

[Guest]

{Catalina..Does this whole thing remind you of that link I sent you on the other thread..Just a bit????}

There is a point where you say "Sorry folks R/l and O/l are not the same"..Never the twain shall meet and all that.
Some people handle that better than others...
Some, well some never handle it at all.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Maybe not the same. But do they not provoke the same feelings?

 

[rosco rathbone]

Maybe not the same. But do they not provoke the same feelings?

*chin scratching smiley*


good point kasey

 

[MissTaken]

What else is there to say?

While I agree with Netzach's statement, I have known several couples who were in good stead until they made it real life and time, weekends, not withstanding.

However, I wonder, if perhaps these Dom's needs are ONLY fulfilled with online relationships for whatever reason. This coupled with the typical adjustments that any two LDLs (Long Distance Lovers) have to contend with are a recipe for major difficulty, perhaps insurmountable.

Mistress Steele has suggested that for some, online D/s should be considered a "kink", a subset of D/s. These sorts of relationships would uphold that theory, imho.

Pet's Master may, in fact, care for her, but gets his needs met in another fashion.

On a personal note, I am happy to hear that you are talking and wish you and your Master the very best.

 

[Kajira Callista]

*chin scratching smiley*


good point kasey

 

[incubus'_sub]

Yes, it's fairly obvious when reading posts from the onliners, that the feelings engendered are the same, but the situation is not.

It is much easier to "fall in love" with an unknown at a distance and in your spare time. Both parties communicate only when & if they feel so inclined, presenting their best thoughts & clever turns of phrase. When you type it, if it doesn't sound right then you just delete & start again. No wonder everything seems rosy so quickly.

Real life means in your face, in your bed, in your life. There is no rewind button to take back the things you wish you hadn't said. There are other things which get in the way like earning a living, housework, kids etc etc & no, you don't feel like playing every night & no, you can't just turn the person off like a computer.

Anyone can fall in love & believe they have found their soulmate in such an easy atmosphere without the distractions of reality. Living in love is a whole different thing.

 

[WriterDom]

Anyone jumping from a bad marriage, to moving in with an IMF, is asking for trouble. And bringing kids into the equation just increases the probability of problems. BDSM, in this case, is about as important as hair color.

IMF= Internet Mutha Fucker

 

[Sodality]

Beyond confused

Ok Help me out here, at what point during the first 3 months did you not understand that your Master wasnt a RT kinda guy? If at all? The second is that even after the second set of 3 months you are still noting that your Master isnt an RT kinda guy.

Of course the whole time maintaining you do not trust him. Ok so you jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire without a whole buncha real time knowledge as so many have put it gently on here.

I mean It sounds cold and harsh but I cant seem to find any sympathy for you. You dragged your kids away from their father, only to put them into a situation where it isn't much better. With what looks to me, by the way you posted, very little knowledge of this man in real time. NOW you're unhappy with him and the situation is not going to be fixed because you still do not trust him and he isn't giving you what you need, I have to say sarcastically what a suprise.

I make no apologies for the fact that I just see mistake after mistake after mistake from you Both although his side is not even stated here because OH YEAH you are sneaking behind his back to bitch to everyone and their brother about the things you SHOULD be telling your what? Your lover ? No hes your MASTER...Say it with me..

"I made this commitment with my open heart and of my own free will"

I hope you both Iron out this myriad of crap you've gotten yourselves into, You are both in the wrong and neither is doin much to fix it if you cannot be completely honest.[/I]

 

[Guest]

Maybe not the same. But do they not provoke the same feelings?

Hmmm I would not argue that it is possible..YMMV and depending on the individuals involved..

But I would say that I think the odds are a bit longer for the OL than the RL.. Then again .. you don't have to smell their bad breath in the morning online..