when Harry met Butters ( and then they met Magnet Ron )

[Magnetron]

Because this love story demands a thread of its own.

 

[Magnetron]

whatever butters your popcorn

Working the popcorn popper at the stove
fluffy pee-jays on
prepping
popping
getting ready for evening's non-stopping
creature feature marathon

when she hears the doorbell ringing

She answers in expectation of being
trick-or-treated
and is instead greeted by Harry
his trenchcoat open wide
singing

more so shouting in his drunken outing,

Happy Halloweeeeen-ie!
May I come inside?
I brought a delicious sack o nut filled canny
for my lovely bride hic soon to be!

"Oh, pants ... not this again."

 

[Magnetron]

I Had A Hunch It Was You

Udderly shudderly was Lady's Butterly's lover
for a harry hill of a hunch he sported
on his back and often he snorted
much like a billy goat
having a monumental sinus attack
Whenever he entered public rooms
townsfolk were taken aback
sometimes swatting him with brooms
more often than not they ran
ducked for cover
or dived into the moat
at the mere sight of this man
Lady's Butterly's lover
for little reason other than just because
he was tad frightening to look upon
what poor sap that Igor was
until one day lightning struck him on
his rump which straightened out the hump in his spine
And he shouted,
Holy fuck ... boy, do I ever feel fine!

 

[Magnetron]

Butters

Butters scuttles
Skitters and skutters
Inside the cookie jar
Tracking her stinky
Rinky dinky
Centipede feet
All over my very last
Nutter Butter bar

 

[Magnetron]

Harry's Law

Sniper Harry, soon to marry a British chick
Did inspire me to be just a bit poetic today
Got off his ass and lead me away in a hurry
And scurry we did through a drain pipe so scary
Towards a grassy knoll of a hill where he was gay
Fully intented upon showing his canary colored daffy-dil
Doh! he sniped and grumbled while over bented
Having tumbled onto his now indented hiney
Slipped during a sudden downpouring of rain
Ripe for a falling that fell for quite a spill of a spell
After dilly-daffying away the morning sunshiny
He mumbled in the most jumbled of mutters,
Well, ain't that just motherfucking swell!
At the overflow from my inspirational well
That unfortunately began to fill up his potato cellar
Where his lovely Butters had gone nutters
Fondling a perfect pair of round spudders she found
A bitter pill to swallow as I heard him yell down to tell her,
We would still be vacationing in the town of Taterhole, Idaho
if it were anything but Spring here dontcha know, eh?

 

[Magnetron]

Anything But Spring

Yo yo yo
It was anything but Spring
Tending to my front yard
Doing my own thing
When my neighbor, Harry
He started to sing
Naked amongst the lilacs
Like he took some goofy pill
Frolicking
Politicking
Something about voting for his prized daffodil
All that was missing?
A soap box of a podium
Then Sniper Harry pulled out a pair of glocks
I ran straight for the Imodium
His competitiveness was making my insides a mess
Gastrointestinal distress
But I refused to vote willy-nilly for his daffy-dilly
Not even under the duress of gun barrels against my temples
Though, I must confess
I shit myself
To this day
Live in stress
PSTD
Like an STD
Harry gave to me
Fucked me up real good,
G

 

[Magnetron]

Hamburger Hill

I'm here to kill
Harry Hill
Hill, Harry
Sounds like Hilary
Not Hillary Clinton
Nor Tilda Swinton
Hilary Duff
I've had enough!
Can't take anymore of this poem
This book depository is my home
A little more to the left
Motherfucker, stand still
While I turn you into Swiss cheese
Take you out swiftly with finesse and ease
Mmmmm .....
..... takeout
One bullet between the eyes
To go with a side of order of fries

Fail, snipers have to research their target, you were shooting in Dallas. I'm roughly 1800 miles away

I must confess to having no GPS
Being a hit man without plan
Is always cause for shit to hit the fan
The number one reason why
They don't let me participate in gunfights
Incapable of following rules
I don't take orders from da Man
Target you long distance
Lock on
Have you dead in my sites
Or ...
Knock, knock on the door
It's the Cable Repairman
Through the peephole I'm seen
Nine inch glock in my trigger hand
Gonna make you suck it like a cock
Damn .....
I went way beyond Line Fourteen

 

[butters]

oh. my. goodness.




totally bonkers.

over your flu/virus/lurgy then? sounds like it.

 

[Magnetron]

oh. my. goodness.




totally bonkers.

over your flu/virus/lurgy then? sounds like it.

Yep, I'm good.

And I might have enough material here to publish an ebook on Amazon.

 

[Magnetron]

Strange Brew

Butters mutters
toiling
she stutters
over brew boiling
in her witchy business* pot
Along came Harry
who entered
dipped his finger in
exclaiming, Sonofabitch!
Damn this be hot!!










* 10% of royalties go to Angeline for ripping off her words

 

[Magnetron]

Deep Under Groundhog

Peering from a fallen log
I'm just a deep under groundhog
who likes to creep through the tunnels
I've dug beneath Harry's lawn
Popping up through a hole
between your feet one moment
the next I'm gone
with the glimpse I stole

I see London
I see France
I see Butters
without any underpants

I see Germany
I see Prague
I see Harry
shouldering his twelve gauge

Shit
No time for dropping the perfect rhyme
cause I'm
outta here

 

[butters]

Deep Under Groundhog

Peering from a fallen log
I'm just a deep under groundhog
who likes to creep through the tunnels
I've dug beneath Harry's lawn
Popping up through a hole
between your feet one moment
the next I'm gone
with the glimpse I stole

I see London
I see France
I see Butters
without any underpants

I see Germany
I see Prague
I see Harry
shouldering his twelve gauge

Shit
No time for dropping the perfect rhyme
cause I'm
outta here

LOLOLOLOL

this has really tickled me

 

[HarryHill]

Because this love story demands a thread of its own.

.. presales on our book will be available after months of editing

 

[Magnetron]

Dirty Harry

Harry paused to give me a dirty look


I resumed writing my dirty little book

Harry keeps a dirty house
with a broom he swats at a dusty mouse
across the room the filthy rat zig zags
through a clusterfuck of newspapers
and mags stacked floor to the ceiling

Goddam varmint ran off with more of his stinky cheese

One fine day
Dirty Harry got on his knees
kneeling amidst the clutters
she asked Muddy Butters
if she would marry him
Perty please?

She said,
I'm in love with a man named Herman
he lives in house without any vermin
You're going to have to clean up your act
if you want to be betrothed to me ...
especially if you want more of me
unclothed for free

You see
Muddy Butters was a dirty girl
who danced around a metallic pole so shiny
she like to twirl her wobbly bits
and shake her hiney in all of its glory

Harry paused to give me another dirty look


I resumed writing my dirty little story

Tock Tick
See it scurry through the pig pen?
Tick Tock
In a hurry
mouse crawled up the wall
hid inside a miniature Big Ben clock
and I'm sorry to say
I am out of time, Folks
Good day, Yawl!

 

[Magnetron]

Rabbits Gone Wild

Rascally rabbits gone wild game
After midnight; they're at it still
Passions hotter than campfire flame

Skip P. Booty was her name
Likewise his was Hare E. Hill
Rascally rabbits gone wild game

A jackalope only she could tame
When hopped up on the blue pill
Passions hotter than campfire flame

Neighbors heard whenever they came
Shouts spilling in each window sill
Rascally rabbits gone wild game

His honey bunny was quite the dame
Hare could never quite get his fill
Passions hotter than campfire flame

Her gentlemen's night club cotton tail fame
Combined with his rabbit hole entry skill:
Rascally rabbits gone wild game
Passions hotter than campfire flame

 

[JanneE]

whatever butters your popcorn

Working the popcorn popper at the stove
fluffy pee-jays on
prepping
popping
getting ready for evening's non-stopping
creature feature marathon

when she hears the doorbell ringing

She answers in expectation of being
trick-or-treated
and is instead greeted by Harry
his trenchcoat open wide
singing

more so shouting in his drunken outing,

Happy Halloweeeeen-ie!
May I come inside?
I brought a delicious sack o nut filled canny
for my lovely bride hic soon to be!

"Oh, pants ... not this again."

"Get your footlong and a bag of nuts!"

 

[JanneE]

*laughing maniacally*

 

[HarryHill]

*laughing maniacally*

Jesus, don't encourage him

 

[Magnetron]

Jesus, don't encourage him

Bucket Listing

Who's that up far away
on that thar shoreline hilled?
Through water and glass murky
it sure looks like Harry ...
and the bucket of sand
he's trying to carry today?
Wobbling everywhere
about to be spilled
If he doesn't stop swaying
straying
doing a Hoky Pokey Herky Jerky
be more careful in general
none will be left for his
Butters
and the castle she wants to build
You thought I was going to say,
Jill
What?
Sad was the story of hers;
an empty bucket list chock
full of his wishes unfulfilled
of which Harry had his fill of
pretty iffy
lacking all the promise in the world
more so than a sink of dirty dishes
( plus one wiffy stinky dead fish head chopping block )
and now that Harry has new love
fitting him snugly as if a glove
not too mention
she's not ugly like Jill was
who was quite hairy herself
covered with tangled up peach fuzz
like the fungus among us gilled ones
in Harry's neglected rectangled tank
Damn!
I don't think any of my poems ever rhymed
as well as this son of beach does
which to my misfortune
is giving off a peculiar stank of its own ... er .....