When Fantasy Becomes Reality
- Thread starter mblanton
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silverwhisper
just this guy, you know?
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mike: um...while i'm glad that everybody is (at least for now) happy about the arrangement, if your fantasy is to have a three-way, you should broach it w/ your wife before there's more extracurricular action, IMHO. while it's refreshing to see people who can distinguish between love and sex, be sure that your friend and your wife also can make that distinction.
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Rocket69
Literotica Guru
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Though I don't think this kind of situation ever works for very long for all parties involved. I do have a good friend who did more or less this exact thing. However she was the third party that was invited by the husband and wife.
They got together probably 2-3x per month. Each time it was all three of them but not long into it the wife said she didn't care if her husband and the friend wanted to go at it alone. The husband and my friend had been friends in high school though they had never dated. Had always been attracted to each other.
Though there were multiple opportunities my friend refused to turn it into a twosome at anytime with the 3rd person absent.
After several months the little get togethers finally came to an end when my friend told them that she was getting into a serious relationship and did not feel it was honest or fair to her boyfriend to have to deal with it.
The couple was not very happy about it ending but I have to say I was really amazed at my friends ability to handled everything the way she did. I can't say what the long term effects have been on the couple but for her it was a good time.
Personally I don't think I could keep everything in it's seperate little box. Which is why I would never do this if in a serious relationship.
They got together probably 2-3x per month. Each time it was all three of them but not long into it the wife said she didn't care if her husband and the friend wanted to go at it alone. The husband and my friend had been friends in high school though they had never dated. Had always been attracted to each other.
Though there were multiple opportunities my friend refused to turn it into a twosome at anytime with the 3rd person absent.
After several months the little get togethers finally came to an end when my friend told them that she was getting into a serious relationship and did not feel it was honest or fair to her boyfriend to have to deal with it.
The couple was not very happy about it ending but I have to say I was really amazed at my friends ability to handled everything the way she did. I can't say what the long term effects have been on the couple but for her it was a good time.
Personally I don't think I could keep everything in it's seperate little box. Which is why I would never do this if in a serious relationship.
LadyJeanne
deluded
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Is this man married or in a relationship? Do you or wife know anything about his sexual history and sexual health? Starting some kind of sexual relationship with your wife could be bad news on both fronts unless you know what's what. I'm guessing neither you nor your wife know anything about his STD status - must have that conversation before proceeding any further.
Another conversation you need to have before proceeding further is with your wife. What does she want out of this? What are her concerns? What if she falls in love with him? What if she wants to leave you after she falls in love with him? What if she begins to resent you for being so willing to give her body to another man? What if the condom breaks or slips and she gets pregnant? What if she starts to spend a lot of time with this man, leaving you home alone all the time? What if she stops wanting to have sex with you?
You can't just leap into this without discussion because you get hard fantasizing about her with another man. It could have far-reaching repercussions that you won't be able to handle.
Another conversation you need to have before proceeding further is with your wife. What does she want out of this? What are her concerns? What if she falls in love with him? What if she wants to leave you after she falls in love with him? What if she begins to resent you for being so willing to give her body to another man? What if the condom breaks or slips and she gets pregnant? What if she starts to spend a lot of time with this man, leaving you home alone all the time? What if she stops wanting to have sex with you?
You can't just leap into this without discussion because you get hard fantasizing about her with another man. It could have far-reaching repercussions that you won't be able to handle.
SweetErika
Fingers Crossed
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We have some experience. My overall impression of your story is that you're lacking (or didn't mention) those serious conversations about reality, which are necessary to even give this a chance of working (or not hurting your relationship). Some may think these conversations ruin the fantasy, but our experience has been that they actually ease fears and allow it to happen. Have you thoroughly discussed and come to agreements on issues such as:
-How will both of you feel, and what will you do if this causes negative feelings or harms your relationship? Will you talk right away? Seek counseling?
-You've said the only requirement is for her to tell you everything. Both of you need to sit down, think hard, and seriously talk about other requirements/rules like:
a) Condom use (down to the nitty gritty like, "At what point in the encounter must a condom be used? Are we willing to risk exposure to STIs via precum or more genital rubbing?")
b) What specifically you want and expect to be told (e.g. facts, feelings, desires, what might bother either of you?)
c) Is EVERY act okay with both of you, or are there some you're iffy on?
d) Sharing negative feelings-- is this okay/expected even if it makes the other feel guilty or end it?
-What will you do in the case of pregnancy or STIs, despite the use of condoms?
-What will you do if either of you feels uncomfortable at any point. For instance, if you were to feel bad when you left them alone, would you come back and stop it, or allow it to continue? What are her plans and feelings on that? Work out signals and procedures for before, during and after (especially for something like a threesome) EVEN if you're sure you won't need them. One of the reasons to do this is also so things are less likely to be misinterpreted. For instance, in a threesome, you might leave so they can be alone, but they may interpret it in the moment as you being upset, which could cause bad feelings or ruin the moment.
-What if feelings develop? Is that okay, unacceptable? How will the three of you deal with it?
There are many, many more issues which will likely come up once you get the ball rolling. Be open about all of this, and just approach it from a cooperative, planning, problem-solving manner. We've learned talking about the possibilities beforehand is far easier than trying to deal with them in the aftermath, and I think doing so is a big reason we've had such positive experiences and our relationship has been strengthened (which is not really the norm).
-How will both of you feel, and what will you do if this causes negative feelings or harms your relationship? Will you talk right away? Seek counseling?
-You've said the only requirement is for her to tell you everything. Both of you need to sit down, think hard, and seriously talk about other requirements/rules like:
a) Condom use (down to the nitty gritty like, "At what point in the encounter must a condom be used? Are we willing to risk exposure to STIs via precum or more genital rubbing?")
b) What specifically you want and expect to be told (e.g. facts, feelings, desires, what might bother either of you?)
c) Is EVERY act okay with both of you, or are there some you're iffy on?
d) Sharing negative feelings-- is this okay/expected even if it makes the other feel guilty or end it?
-What will you do in the case of pregnancy or STIs, despite the use of condoms?
-What will you do if either of you feels uncomfortable at any point. For instance, if you were to feel bad when you left them alone, would you come back and stop it, or allow it to continue? What are her plans and feelings on that? Work out signals and procedures for before, during and after (especially for something like a threesome) EVEN if you're sure you won't need them. One of the reasons to do this is also so things are less likely to be misinterpreted. For instance, in a threesome, you might leave so they can be alone, but they may interpret it in the moment as you being upset, which could cause bad feelings or ruin the moment.
-What if feelings develop? Is that okay, unacceptable? How will the three of you deal with it?
There are many, many more issues which will likely come up once you get the ball rolling. Be open about all of this, and just approach it from a cooperative, planning, problem-solving manner. We've learned talking about the possibilities beforehand is far easier than trying to deal with them in the aftermath, and I think doing so is a big reason we've had such positive experiences and our relationship has been strengthened (which is not really the norm).
LadyJeanne
deluded
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The additional information you provided still sounds like you are only focusing on the thrill of the fantasy.
STI's, his other relationships, pregnancy - these are issues you need to discuss with your wife and him. I can't really believe the last time he's had sex was 7 years ago. And your wife's vagina was already in contact with his penis without a condom. So, she's already broken that rule.
Also, keep in mind, that your wife may not have strong feelings for this man now, but that may change after she has sex with him. You need to discuss what to do if that happens.
Reread Sweet Erika's advice. Like, at least 10 times. And then let it sink in. Then talk to your wife about all of those things.
STI's, his other relationships, pregnancy - these are issues you need to discuss with your wife and him. I can't really believe the last time he's had sex was 7 years ago. And your wife's vagina was already in contact with his penis without a condom. So, she's already broken that rule.
Also, keep in mind, that your wife may not have strong feelings for this man now, but that may change after she has sex with him. You need to discuss what to do if that happens.
Reread Sweet Erika's advice. Like, at least 10 times. And then let it sink in. Then talk to your wife about all of those things.
