When Dom's do wrong

[DustyWolfe]

Domme's what do you do if you make a mistake or do something really bad or wrong to your sub?

I know some Domme's let their sub punish them in some way. Some give them a bit of extra attention or give them extra rewards.

What do you do?

Since Jen made her big mistake she let me torture her on the phone last night, and it made me feel a bit better. Not sure why though lol. I feel guilty for enjoying it so much.

 

[~Dream~]

DUSTY...

i KNOW you were asking Dom's this question,but I just felt compelled to write..
if my Master WERE to do ANYTHING really bad or wrong to ME ,which is hard for me to even imagine but hey (noone is perfect),anyways..I feel that the sheer Guilt that I KNOW that He would feel(cause He loves me so)and that in itself would be more than even I could bear...everyone makes mistakes..especially people who are passionate about one another..I would forgive
Him even as He does me now... ~

 

[zipman]

Domme's what do you do if you make a mistake or do something really bad or wrong to your sub?

I know some Domme's let their sub punish them in some way. Some give them a bit of extra attention or give them extra rewards.

What do you do?

Since Jen made her big mistake she let me torture her on the phone last night, and it made me feel a bit better. Not sure why though lol. I feel guilty for enjoying it so much.

I would never allow my sub to punish me, regardless of what I did. However, I would probably be extra nice to her for a while, depending on what it was that I had done. As it would probably be something about causing her too much pain, I would rectify it by giving her additional pleasure.

 

[Shadowsdream]

After reassurring Myself that any hurt I had caused My sub was not life threatening or severely emotionally damaging I would apologize. My apology would be undeniable sincere.

W/we would discuss it at length as I held him in My arms and brought U/us both back to safety.

Any mistake that I would have made would be just as painful to Myself as it would be to him. There would be two people recovering.

My sub would not punish Me as My self punishment would always be enough.

 

[SexyChele]

I know you asked for Dom/mes to speak out, but just to chime in: I couldn't "punish" a Dom. Just not in my nature to do so. If I felt what he did was really, really wrong, I would talk to him about it, why I feel like I do, what I didn't like, etc. I would expect him to be big enough to aplogize for it (and mean it! ). Making "up" for it would be his discretion - and apology would be enough for me.

 

[Cirrus]

I am also a sub, and my Dom and I aren't 24/7 by any means, and that includes in the bedroom so that might color my views.

My Dom has done wrong. I've also wronged him. We're only human, regarding of our sexual preferences and preferred roles in a relationship. Therefor, when one of us messes up, we handle it as 2 human beings. We fight, we talk, we cry, we clear up any misunderstandings, we apologize, and we try to find ways to prevent it from happening again.

I don't think really matters which way you lean...you need to work it out. A lot of times, and this is JMO, "punishment" just comes off as theatrics and doesn't solve the larger problem.

 

[Desdemona]

I'm really not into punishing other people but,

it all depends on the nature of what was done wrong.

For something petty, say you're sorry and move on. Life is short and we all screw up. I need to be forgiven from time to time, myself.

For something large; something that demonstrates a fundamental lack of respect for me or involves not being trustworthy, I would need to have a sincere apology and I would have to see over a period of time that the behavior would not be repeated. During that time I would want us both to have open communication and work on the problems within the relationship. In short, we might have to start over in order to rebuild the foundation for trust.
That is a pretty hard thing to accomplish within a relationship and we would both have to be committed to making it happen.

 

[morninggirl5]

Re: I'm really not into punishing other people but,

it all depends on the nature of what was done wrong.

For something petty, say you're sorry and move on. Life is short and we all screw up. I need to be forgiven from time to time, myself.

For something large; something that demonstrates a fundamental lack of respect for me or involves not being trustworthy, I would need to have a sincere apology and I would have to see over a period of time that the behavior would not be repeated. During that time I would want us both to have open communication and work on the problems within the relationship. In short, we might have to start over in order to rebuild the foundation for trust.
That is a pretty hard thing to accomplish within a relationship and we would both have to be committed to making it happen.

I agree. The small things, if they are recurring can become a big thing, in my mind as well.


Rebuilding trust is something that is extremely hard for me. I don't trust easily and once there is a break, mending it is next to impossible.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Domme's what do you do if you make a mistake or do something really bad or wrong to your sub?

I know some Domme's let their sub punish them in some way. Some give them a bit of extra attention or give them extra rewards.

What do you do?

Since Jen made her big mistake she let me torture her on the phone last night, and it made me feel a bit better. Not sure why though lol. I feel guilty for enjoying it so much.

No offense, but that does not and would not happen. Why? It is the nature of how I a) pick my subs and b) dominate them. It takes weeks of communication and lots of face to face interaction to even be considered a sub of mine.

Ebony

 

[artful]

I'm really not into punishing other people but,

I agree. The small things, if they are recurring can become a big thing, in my mind as well.


Rebuilding trust is something that is extremely hard for me. I don't trust easily and once there is a break, mending it is next to impossible.

So TRUE,...Lies and deceiptfulness are the "Unforgettable sins"!

 

[Ebonyfire]

After reassurring Myself that any hurt I had caused My sub was not life threatening or severely emotionally damaging I would apologize. My apology would be undeniable sincere.

W/we would discuss it at length as I held him in My arms and brought U/us both back to safety.

Any mistake that I would have made would be just as painful to Myself as it would be to him. There would be two people recovering.

My sub would not punish Me as My self punishment would always be enough.

That sounds pretty good, but for some reason, I still do not see that kind of thing happeing to me. Maybe there would be more chance of it happening if I had a 24/7. but I just can't relate.

Ebony

 

[P. B. Walker]

That sounds pretty good, but for some reason, I still do not see that kind of thing happeing to me. Maybe there would be more chance of it happening if I had a 24/7. but I just can't relate.

Ebony

Ebonyfire,

Question (and I ask this with the deepest respect, this is more a curiousity thing): What if you somehow injuried your submissive during your play? For example, maybe you didn't see him tensing up during anal play, and you tore something inside him with your strap-on. He's bleeding internally, rather heavily and needs medical care at the earliest opportunity. (Yes, I know, pretty off-the-wall situation, but it was the best I could come up with off the top of my head that seemed plausible for a Domme and a sissyboy... forgive me).

How do you see that situation? As a wrong on your part because you weren't in touch with him and over-did your play? Or rather just a freak accident with no blame on either party? Or his fault? Or no fault on anyone's part, it just happened, let's go deal with it and get back to playtime?

And afterward, would you be concerned about him trusting you again?

Again, this is purely curiosity on my part after reading your posts on this subject. I mean no offense.

PBW

 

[Ebonyfire]

Ebonyfire,

Question (and I ask this with the deepest respect, this is more a curiousity thing): What if you somehow injuried your submissive during your play? For example, maybe you didn't see him tensing up during anal play, and you tore something inside him with your strap-on. He's bleeding internally, rather heavily and needs medical care at the earliest opportunity. (Yes, I know, pretty off-the-wall situation, but it was the best I could come up with off the top of my head that seemed plausible for a Domme and a sissyboy... forgive me).

How do you see that situation? As a wrong on your part because you weren't in touch with him and over-did your play? Or rather just a freak accident with no blame on either party? Or his fault? Or no fault on anyone's part, it just happened, let's go deal with it and get back to playtime?

And afterward, would you be concerned about him trusting you again?

Again, this is purely curiosity on my part after reading your posts on this subject. I mean no offense.

PBW

I would have to be some kind of idiot to do that.

I do not see it happening. I think you will have to come up with a better analogy.

Eb

 

[P. B. Walker]

I would have to be some kind of idiot to do that.

I do not see it happening.

Eb

Ok... so the situation was too far off-the-wall. Uhmm... but still not the point I was after... let's forget the situation, and just say, the submissive is injured to the point that medical attention is required.

PBW

 

[Ebonyfire]

Ok... so the situation was too far off-the-wall. Uhmm... but still not the point I was after... let's forget the situation, and just say, the submissive is injured to the point that medical attention is required.

PBW

Unless one of my subs had a heart attack in the middle of play, I till cannot see him needing medical attention.

Hell, If I tripped over him and he stubbed his toe, I would say I would apologize.

My point is this, I am always watching for signs of distress, and I am very conservative. So I must say again, I find Shadow's response the most sensible, and the closest to what I would do. But I still find it hard to relate to this subject.

Ebony

 

[P. B. Walker]

Actually, Shadowsdream's response made the most sense to me as well. In fact, I think most Dom/me's would punish themselves mentally more than any sub could punish them. Plus, I don't think anything can be gained from a sub punishing a Dom/me. The only reason I got curious enough to ask you questions Ebonyfire, is that you couldn't relate at all... that just seemed unusual to me... we all make mistakes, no matter how caring and thoughtful we try to be, or how much we plan ahead and try to work things out to the smallest detail.

Anyhoo, thanks for putting up with my curiosity.

PBW

 

[Ebonyfire]

Actually, Shadowsdream's response made the most sense to me as well. In fact, I think most Dom/me's would punish themselves mentally more than any sub could punish them. Plus, I don't think anything can be gained from a sub punishing a Dom/me. The only reason I got curious enough to ask you questions Ebonyfire, is that you couldn't relate at all... that just seemed unusual to me... we all make mistakes, no matter how caring and thoughtful we try to be, or how much we plan ahead and try to work things out to the smallest detail.

Anyhoo, thanks for putting up with my curiosity.

PBW

My making mistakes is not the issue. I cannot relate to making THE KIND OF MISTAKES THIS THREAD IS TALKING ABOUT.

Ebony

 

[Ebonyfire]

My making mistakes is not the issue. I cannot relate to making THE KIND OF MISTAKES THIS THREAD IS TALKING ABOUT.

Ebony

Since I am the only black woman posting to this, maybe it is a black thing.

LOL

 

[P. B. Walker]

My making mistakes is not the issue. I cannot relate to making THE KIND OF MISTAKES THIS THREAD IS TALKING ABOUT.

Ebony

Whoa... no reason to yell at me.

the thread starter wasn't specific on the mistakes. She just stated:

Domme's what do you do if you make a mistake or do something really bad or wrong to your sub?

I don't take that to mean anything specific at all. Sorry for the miscommunciation... I wasn't implying you would do something like what happened to the thread starter.

PBW

 

[Ebonyfire]

PBW,

I did not yell at you. I added emphasis to my statement.

And this is what the poster said verbatim:

"Domme's what do you do if you make a mistake or do something really bad or wrong to your sub? "

I do not relate to the phrase, "If I make a mistake or do something bad"

First of all, what kind of mistake are we taking about? I am not relating to type of question. What kind of mistakes need to be punished by anyone?

I do not punish my subs. I have said this at least 50 times on this forum. So I sure as hell am not going to stand for being punished by a sub or anyone else for making a mistake, when I do not punish them for making mistakes either.

Now that said, let's look at the other part of that question. The "do something bad" part.

Why would I do something bad to a sub of mine? I have subs to make my life easier, not to do something "bad" to. So I cannot relate. Yes accidents do happen, and I would behave no different to a sub of mine as I would do to any other person in my family who had an accident.

If you are talking about intentional harm, then I definitely cannot relate is because of what I said before. I have subs to make my life easier.


Ebony

 

[artful]

Sis

If you are talking about intentional harm, then I definitely cannot relate is because of what I said before. I have subs to make my life easier.

Ebony

I so AGREE with this statement!

 

[Shadowsdream]

intentional harm?

Bizarre to see the least.

But harm does and can happen even with the most experienced Dominant at the helm of the ship.

You may only make a genuine mistake once in Your lifetime (also bizarre concept) but if at the end of the day Your tally sheet says *0* someone is fooling someone...

It would take a super human mind conglomerate expert in humanity to play the games and bend the minds that come under Our control without occassionally misreading a subtle off moment that may be creeping up on US...the Dominants...We are NOT Gods or Goddesses ordained with some higher Power of perception and good will.

I absolutely do everything in the Power and experience that I do have to never INTENTIONALLY cause harm to the ones I hold so closely to My heart. But I do have the balls to admit My own humanity and not candy coat it with impossible statements that may hold water today and have Me eating crow tomorrow.

I have hurt My slave physically when My fingers slipped on the plastic coating on a nipple clamp...he was writhering on the floor in pain with a bleeding nipple. Experienced Domme? Big Time: Slippery moment? Can happen! Did happen! I apologized and My pain though not physical matched his emotionally.

I have hurt My slave emotionally by asking him to perform for the entertainment of a fellow Domme and Myself in such a way that devestated his artist vulnerability. Was it intentional? Not on your life. It fed into all of his interests in humiliation and I would have enjoyed it very much. BUT My mistake was having not even CONSIDERED how such an innocent task could have caused him such chaos. I was stunned and not particularly pleased when he safe worded out, in tears. But I took the time when the Domme had left to calmly and lovingly get to the bottom of the situation. I apologized once I KNEW what I had allowed to happen to him. I reassured him that he would not be placed in an artistic situation again.

I am also a service oriented Domme..it is next to impossible to get to be Mine...I am at this time in a 3 year 24/7 relationship and trust Me....We all make mistakes that hurt physically or emotionally from time to time...That IS reality.

2 mistakes 3 years..not a bad tally but a tally it is non the less.

Reality! Without My long term experience I am certain I would have had to post a much higher number. Both subs and Dom/mes entering this lifestyle better have a realistic understanding that Dominants are NOT Gods but people with a Dominant nature!

 

[artful]

Shadows

intentional harm?

Bizarre to see the least.

But harm does and can happen even with the most experienced Dominant at the helm of the ship.

You may only make a genuine mistake once in Your lifetime (also bizarre concept) but if at the end of the day Your tally sheet says *0* someone is fooling someone...

It would take a super human mind conglomerate expert in humanity to play the games and bend the minds that come under Our control without occassionally misreading a subtle off moment that may be creeping up on US...the Dominants...We are NOT Gods or Goddesses ordained with some higher Power of perception and good will.

I absolutely do everything in the Power and experience that I do have to never INTENTIONALLY cause harm to the ones I hold so closely to My heart. But I do have the balls to admit My own humanity and not candy coat it with impossible statements that may hold water today and have Me eating crow tomorrow.

I have hurt My slave physically when My fingers slipped on the plastic coating on a nipple clamp...he was writhering on the floor in pain with a bleeding nipple. Experienced Domme? Big Time: Slippery moment? Can happen! Did happen! I apologized and My pain though not physical matched his emotionally.

I have hurt My slave emotionally by asking him to perform for the entertainment of a fellow Domme and Myself in such a way that devestated his artist vulnerability. Was it intentional? Not on your life. It fed into all of his interests in humiliation and I would have enjoyed it very much. BUT My mistake was having not even CONSIDERED how such an innocent task could have caused him such chaos. I was stunned and not particularly pleased when he safe worded out, in tears. But I took the time when the Domme had left to calmly and lovingly get to the bottom of the situation. I apologized once I KNEW what I had allowed to happen to him. I reassured him that he would not be placed in an artistic situation again.

I am also a service oriented Domme..it is next to impossible to get to be Mine...I am at this time in a 3 year 24/7 relationship and trust Me....We all make mistakes that hurt physically or emotionally from time to time...That IS reality.

2 mistakes 3 years..not a bad tally but a tally it is non the less.

Reality! Without My long term experience I am certain I would have had to post a much higher number. Both subs and Dom/mes entering this lifestyle better have a realistic understanding that Dominants are NOT Gods but people with a Dominant nature!

I so AGREE with your post also. It explains my thoughts on the subject in greater detail and clarity. (I just love it when you do that)

Dream asked me on Yahoo to clarify myself BETTER,...I know she will read this and understand EXACTLY what I explained to her.

If I DO make a mistake,...and we all know it DOES happen,...I apologise with SINCERITY.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Art

Good morning My Siamese Twin

~~~grin~~~

 

[artful]

Shadows

Art

Good morning My Siamese Twin

~~~grin~~~

Thanks for the compliment!