When does it stop tingling?

[SubbieHubbie]

I just had my first femdom experience with my SO - actually, I say JUST, I should say this weekend. Well, it's 3 days later now and I still get a shiver down my spine when I think about it... the memory of her nails, the submission to her commands. So just when should the memory stop tingling?

SH

 

[CarolineOh]

I just had my first femdom experience with my SO - actually, I say JUST, I should say this weekend. Well, it's 3 days later now and I still get a shiver down my spine when I think about it... the memory of her nails, the submission to her commands. So just when should the memory stop tingling?

SH

Never.

 

[Sandia]

Tell us more please.

Oh, and welcome.

Sandia.

 

[SubbieHubbie]

The details, if its ok with you, I will keep quiet. Respect to my beloved SO, despite the fact that she doesn't (I believe) read lit. I dunno, I just never had my toes curling for 3 days after a lovemaking experience since the early days. *shrug*

 

[Sandia]

Well, not so much details.

Ok, here's the question that's going through my mind: My impression is that genuine Dommes are rare. So, is that what you have?

I guess I'm asking about the relationship, not the sex.

 

[SubbieHubbie]

Hmmm... I guess the argument would accurately be made that the sub/dom setup was as much an act as anything else: certainly she has absolute respect of any limit I would set, and that being the case, can it be defined as true domination? I'm not sure. I gave myself to her (actually as part of a lost bet on a sporting event) and accepted anything she wanted me to do, which was all light. I loved it. And, as I accepted things I for brief seconds was unsure of, I'll call it subbing.

In the rest of the relationship... hmmm... She is a type A, driven, competetive. I am a type B, yielding, subdued insome ways. She is a high earner, I am a housewife (hey we use the term Fireman as a generic, so I'm using that as a generic here). Due to certain other issues it is also essential that I be willing to give up anything to do what she needs. So, I would say its a relationship of near equality based in love, but if there is a tendency for one to dominate the other, that would be her.

Oh, is it fully sub/dom: absolutely not - both our wedding vows included the phrase 'obey'. Sorry if that is a disappointment, or if my level of sub/dom is not acceptable here.

 

[Never]

Re: Re: When does it stop tingling?

CarolineOh:
"Never."

Yes? Can I help you?
Oh, I guess you want me to answer the question. Well, we lose over 98% of our memories within one year of having them. But no one knows what 2% stays though it typically has to do with activity of the hypocampus.

 

[CarolineOh]

Re: Re: Re: When does it stop tingling?

CarolineOh:
"Never."

Yes? Can I help you?
Oh, I guess you want me to answer the question. Well, we lose over 98% of our memories within one year of having them. But no one knows what 2% stays though it typically has to do with activity of the hypocampus.

Boy, you are really a smartass.
I like you.

 

[Never]

SubbieHubbie:
"Oh, is it fully sub/dom: absolutely not - both our wedding vows included the phrase 'obey'. Sorry if that is a disappointment, or if my level of sub/dom is not acceptable here."

Don't worry; this board welcomes anyone with an open mind and an opinion. We don't get too caught up in definitions, ie: You're only a sub if you eat broccoli at twelve o five on the Third Sunday of March, You're only a domme if you know at exactly what the maximum speed the tip of a bullwhip can travel.

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
I learned the bullwhip one from reading Catwoman

 

[SubbieHubbie]

You're only a domme if you know at exactly what the maximum speed the tip of a bullwhip can travel.

Heh, haven't gone to that level yet... sounds an interesting experiment though...

 

[WillowPuss]

Originally posted by SubbieHubbie
So just when should the memory stop tingling?

As Caroline said ... never. And then I will add ... until the next time, and the next, and the next ... until your toes never uncurl!

Originally posted by SubbieHubbie
Sorry if that is a disappointment, or if my level of sub/dom is not acceptable here.

As Never said ... ANY level of sub or Dom/me is welcome here ... ohhh WELCOME! by the way .... just make yourself comfortable and join in.



Edited to correct formatting errors!

 

[cellis]

Welcome to Lit Subbie Hubbie... You might want to stop off at the New Faces thread and tell us a little bit about yourself.

There are not right or wrong limits or degrees to submission or domination on this board.

We do ask only that you read the sticky at the beginning of the forum as it will tell you a little about who we are here and the very few rules that we all try to live by.

As I said all are welcome here, and you certainly are...

 

[navarre]

"Oh, is You're only a domme if you know at exactly what the maximum speed the tip of a bullwhip can travel.

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
I learned the bullwhip one from reading Catwoman [/B]

An average of 76.42 MPH

 

[Sandia]

Hmmm... I guess the argument would accurately be made that the sub/dom setup was as much an act as anything else: certainly she has absolute respect of any limit I would set, and that being the case, can it be defined as true domination? I'm not sure. I gave myself to her (actually as part of a lost bet on a sporting event) and accepted anything she wanted me to do, which was all light. I loved it. And, as I accepted things I for brief seconds was unsure of, I'll call it subbing.

In the rest of the relationship... hmmm... She is a type A, driven, competetive. I am a type B, yielding, subdued insome ways. She is a high earner, I am a housewife (hey we use the term Fireman as a generic, so I'm using that as a generic here). Due to certain other issues it is also essential that I be willing to give up anything to do what she needs. So, I would say its a relationship of near equality based in love, but if there is a tendency for one to dominate the other, that would be her.

Oh, is it fully sub/dom: absolutely not - both our wedding vows included the phrase 'obey'. Sorry if that is a disappointment, or if my level of sub/dom is not acceptable here.

Thank you for sharing. To even it up a bit, I'll tell you I consider myself a switch (someone who's interested in both sides), but my r/l (real-life) experience is limited to (mostly) dom, what there is of it.

I'm anxious to make you feel included, for my own selfish reasons. I'd like to learn more from you. Truth is, the experiences of less-experienced folks are at least as valuable (to me) as those of folks who've been doing this a while.

And please don't say things like "not acceptable here."

Please?

You're accepted here.

Sandia.

 

[SubbieHubbie]

OK, I got it wrong, I feel accepted... heh, sorry, sometimes misunderstandings occur - and thank you for straightening me out on that.

Yeah, I read the sticky at the top, and at least scanned/read the links off there. However, maybe I missed it, but I would like to ask: is there anywhere that lists the different phraseology used on here. I appreciate being accepted, I truly do, but I feel a little unsure about some of the words (unsure as to my understanding, not their validity that is).

One example of that is finding a definition of hard limits vs soft limits. See, perhaps its as a survivor of abuse, but to me, a limit is a limit. So I'm not sure I understand what a 'soft limit' is. I don't think I have any limits which I will pass if pushed, because for that to be the case, I (personal view folks, nothing more) am lying to myself to call it a limit. Preference yes, limit no. So if there is somewhere I can LEARN to UNDERSTAND some of the stuff said here, I'd appreciate it.

Oh, and thanks for the def. of a 'switch' - I figured from context that was probably what it meant, but wasn't 100% sure.

Acceptance of variation? Heh, I got one rule: moral=consenting adults. *shrug* I doubt that would offend anyone here, ties into the "Safe, Sane, Consensual."

 

[Sandia]

This is a very good link: (thanks cymbidia)

http://www.queernet.org/deviant/frames.htm

I tried to provide the link up there, but if it didn't work, you can look up "Deviant's Dictionary" on Google, or wait for a more savvy person than I to do it better. (smile)

Or, you can just ask about anything you're unsure of. I'll do my best to provide an answer, and I'm sure others will too.

I think what most peeps mean by hard v. soft limits is that they expect their dom/me to "push" their limits; to require/ask them to do things that they might not ordinarily do, except to please or satisfy their dom/me.

That's the soft limit. The hard limit is something they wouldn't do no matter what.

If you look at some of the other threads, there's some good discussions on this. Please feel free to post your thoughts.

One more try:
http://www.queernet.org/deviant/frames.htm

Sandia.

 

[WillowPuss]

Yeah, I read the sticky at the top, and at least scanned/read the links off there. However, maybe I missed it, but I would like to ask: is there anywhere that lists the different phraseology used on here. I appreciate being accepted, I truly do, but I feel a little unsure about some of the words (unsure as to my understanding, not their validity that is).

SubbieHubbie (what would you like to be called btw? SH? or full handle, or???) You could try the thread on the first page called BDSM links. That is a mine of informative links.

If you can't find what you are looking for there, then just give a shout and somebody (better at formatting in this forum than I) will post one.

Hope that helps a little.

Ohhhh - but to answer the one on limits ... those things you just will not ever consider doing ... those are hard limits.

Things that you think you may one day, at some stage, do ... but not just yet, those are soft limits.

(And if I have that terribly wrong ... somebody please put me right!)

 

[SubbieHubbie]

Hmmm... contrasting definitions of soft limits: something you would only do to please your dom/me, or something you would not do at the moment but only some time in the future. I can understand both definitions, but if its ok to talk on this for a while, I'm enjoying exploring the wording and implication of the stuff we're discussing.

As I say, I have only been in one sub-sex experience, and I will say that there was one thing (undescribed) I did that I had a moment of thinking 'hey, wait.' A moment is probably too long a word, as my immediate self-talk was, you gave yourself as a sub, this is the demand, do it. For that reason, what I would have thought was a limit proved to be not a limit at all.

As to the future. There are many things I do now that I thought I would never do. Coming here is one of them. In the right circumstances, I could even perceive myself doing things I find unacceptable (killing for instance, if it were the only way to stop the victim from murdering many more people, or in a war situation etc). I sometimes wonder if there are any things I can absolutely, in all circumstance, given every possible stress or insanity, say that I would never do.

Just thoughts. I love english, philosophy, sociology and psychology, so your words gave me pause to consider. Thanks for feedback and links. Oh, and you can call me anything: SH, Subbie, SubbieHubbie, Oy You!, anything works for me.

 

[Sandia]

Hmmm... contrasting definitions of soft limits: something you would only do to please your dom/me, or something you would not do at the moment but only some time in the future. I can understand both definitions, but if its ok to talk on this for a while, I'm enjoying exploring the wording and implication of the stuff we're discussing.

As I say, I have only been in one sub-sex experience, and I will say that there was one thing (undescribed) I did that I had a moment of thinking 'hey, wait.' A moment is probably too long a word, as my immediate self-talk was, you gave yourself as a sub, this is the demand, do it. For that reason, what I would have thought was a limit proved to be not a limit at all.

What a wonderful discussion on limits, SH. Thank you for sharing it. I have a question, though: was that "hey, wait" moment one of the best parts of the experience?

Sandia.

 

[SubbieHubbie]

The "Hey, wait," was indeed ONE of the most delicious parts - but not just because it pushed my borders. Rather it was because it was the submission of anything approaching what was described as 'soft limits'. Basically, it was delicious as it said 'Other than that which touches too strongly on emotional or physical trauma, I will not even pretend to have the right to deny you anything in this situation.'