when did you realize your submission? was it anything like this?

[ethereal~minx]

through soul-searching & such, I feel at times that I got a pretty good handle on who I am~~ (I've been at this point before & it just makes me laugh because it constantly changes)

I'm submissive
I know what that means
then *POW*

my life is changed dramatically and it's NOT MY FAULT!!!!! of course it's not~~~ (this is all self-talk by theway)
but through the devastation! pain & reflection I find the reasons for it all-- up to that very moment anyway...

the giving was realized only to a certain level
~this is even difficult for me to admit~ *embarrassed*
I was not intentionally willful or headstrong, I didn't realize I was fighting for control~~~ I thought I was fighting only to be heard.. it gets so convoluted in my mind

but my point is~~ *stomach turning*
I think I am reaching a deeper level of awarenss that scares me~


to be aware that you consciously choose to [it's difficult for me to even think the words, let alone write them] *tears, fears...* submit ~ to become aware that you are placing your control, your power, your faith in another's hands~

the thought alone stops my words, nearly ceases my breathing... it's a choice that I've never consciously made~ that I am scared to death of... that ---

it really brings EVERYTHING to the NOW and from the decision to go forward with submitting, every move, action, thought must be a conscious one... (am i right?)


at what point did you realize you were here and how did you get past the fear, or did you have any?

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think many have the fear thing, and relive it often when about to challenge yet another limit or unknown territory...is part of the seduction for some. The reality though, if this is what you want, is that through your submission you can reap more freedom than you ever dreamed possible in the vanilla world. It can be a liberating experience when you stop fighting what your heart and soul are screaming out for. Enjoy the tumbling emotions, the love/hate struggles, and the feeling of complete peace when you reach the point where your journey truly begins.

Catalina

 

[SexyChele]

I never recall as fear, per se. More of a reflection and soul-searching moment. I had been pursuing what I had thought to be "me" and then suddenly I was questioning that pursuit.

After much thought, I realized that what I had been pursuing was not going to fit. Can't put a round peg in a square hole, so to speak. At first I felt badly, as I was in the midst of beginning a relationship with a Dominant. But, above all, I had to be true to who I was.

I turned from the edge, and happily so. My only regret was that I had not secured who I was before beginning to involve some one else. Even though I tried to explain, I don't believe he ever really understood. He felt he could help me face my "fear." He never understood that it wasn't "fear" I was facing.

 

[WillowPuss]

Good question - and one I am unable to answer ... as it is almost the reverse for me.

I am submissive
Always have been
and always will be.

It was a struggle within me until I finally found that it was a perfectly natural thing for some people to be. I discovered that my feelings and yearnings had a name, and that submissives were not weak - but incredibley strong.

Once I found out I was then faced with the fact that I needed it in my life - as openly as possible. The only thing was - I was married ... and had been so for 24 years. I had to somehow tell my husband what I had found, and what it was I so much desired and yearned for.

After much mental tossing of coins, and playing out of conversations, I approached him and showed him what I had found. That was both very easy and incredibly hard.

I was fortunate - He read the sites I had found. Then did some of His own research - and then we talked and talked. Asked and answered countless questions. Researched even more - but this time together ... and then began O/our journey.

We are still together - over 26 years as husband/wife and almost 2 as Master/slave.
People who meet us remark just how much in love we seem and how perfectly we fit together.

Submission is very simple ... and terribly difficult at the same time!

 

[A Desert Rose]

... and that submissives were not weak - but incredibley strong...

Submission is very simple ... and terribly difficult at the same time!

Well said, Willow.

 

[lilnymph28]

.... I turned from the edge, and happily so. My only regret was that I had not secured who I was before beginning to involve some one else. Even though I tried to explain, I don't believe he ever really understood. He felt he could help me face my "fear." He never understood that it wasn't "fear" I was facing.

Thank you for that... I think it may be the answer that I have been searching for. While I know that I am submissive, that I have a need and desire to give up control to the right One, I've been thinking lately that I hide behind my submission, the same as I hide behind my keyboard and monitor, as a way of connecting personally without the danger of actually letting myself be seen. And while I am hiding, I can't truly let myself go and be the submissive that is required. All I would be doing is playing a role, instead of being myself. I'm ashamed and embarrassed, and very confused, because there is someone else involved ... but I have to face it and be honest about it.

 

[ethereal~minx]

I'm afraid I may end up turning this into a very very personal thread if I'm not careful...



thank you for your responses... I've had to go back & figure out what exactly I was searching for in beginning this thread~~


this awareness is overwhelming and I agree, nothing to fear. heck, I'm the biggest preacher against fear *smiles* but I was interested to know how others found this depth inside themselves... this came to me through what I have been calling ~mindfuck~ by the person I was/am involved with...

I don't know if I'd call it that now~ I have my eyes WIDE open because of this experience. Every step of the way I will consciously choose one way or the other... and I think this was the intent behind the devastation, the destruction of my will

 

[A Desert Rose]

... this came to me through what I have been calling ~mindfuck~ by the person I was/am involved with...

ah yea... what you said.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Perhaps I should clarify what I mean by 'fear'. It is not so much a fear as in weakness or failing, or a denial of the submission you seek, but a reality check about what you are doing, no matter how much you know it is right for you. I think this is also partly where the issue of limits come into play....some set clear limits and do not allow them to be challenged ever, so no, there is not much to fear here, but also not much growth...others have initial limits but realise part of submission is challenging those limits if it is the Dominant's desire. That can instil fear, and takes courage and the support of the D to overcome and make those steps which help you grow and give you a feeling of accomplishment.

I am in the positon of no longer having limits of my own, but I will be the first one to admit there are things I am asked to submit to by Master that make me break out in a sweat, panic for days on end, and even sometimes when the moment of submission comes, I am not shy to admit I may be in tears, but I usually get there with his help and am the better for it later. If I don't succeed, he is not disappointed as I have tried, and there is always another day. It is not shameful to admit fear, just realistic.

Catalina

 

[ethereal~minx]

... this came to me through what I have been calling ~mindfuck~ by the person I am involved with...



I have my eyes WIDE open because of this experience. Now, with every step, every breath, every word I speak, I will be making a decision to submit~ or not... WOW!!!!



and I think this was the intent behind the pain & devastation~

 

[Desdemona]

I think as you move forward, in whatever direction, you will continue to discover new things. For some of us, fear, pain and devastation are just a part of the way we learn.

For me, it is a concious decision to submit. I move forward knowing that there may be pain in my future at some point. I figure the only way to avoid pain is to die, so that's a moot point. For me there is no turning back. As my dear friend ADR pointed out to me, my need to submit seems to be growing as my relationship continues to evolve. I have moved beyond places I thought I would never reach. I don't know what lies around the next bend in the path of our journey. I choose to trust that we will meet whatever comes together and that Snooze will help me over whatever hurdles I have to face.

 

[ghosst_K&H]

I knew I was submissive my whole adult life, but didn't realize my submission until last sunday.

I finally found the mythical "sub space" that I've heard so much about, and always dreamed of reaching. Sunday was my first r/l "scene". It was very emotional for me, and I finally found the Women I would give heart, body and soul to.

 

[ethereal~minx]

it's strange~~~ I think I've been to this mystical subspace on many occasion...


mere words spoken just the inflection, the tone, the look in His eyes cause me to go deep into this ~~~space~~~~
my breathing changes, i feel my heart beating, i hear the sound of my blood pumping, every sensation is amplified and alive
and still...
as if transfixed


I cannot imagine being taken to this place intentionally!
and who flippin knows~~~ maybe it was intentional...

"..it's nature.." he says

 

[magdalene]

I think I've always known I was sort of submissive. But lately I keep discovering I am more submissive than I previously knew. For me it has been an on-going process, not a single event. Each time I submit to something difficult, each time I ask Him to take more control, I realize my submission all over again.

Magdalene

 

[ghosst_K&H]

I think I've always known I was sort of submissive. But lately I keep discovering I am more submissive than I previously knew. For me it has been an on-going process, not a single event. Each time I submit to something difficult, each time I ask Him to take more control, I realize my submission all over again.

Magdalene

I have a feeling it will be the same for me, and look forward to finding out