When did you know

[FoxyForestFire]

When did you know you were sub or Dom? What conflicts did you go through with self and others towards full discovery. I am a novice obviously i have read past threads on fears, commitments... tahts not my issue... its knowing what i am without false commitments...... Please tell me your self discovery paths you traveled to help me along my journey.

thank you

 

[Desdemona]

Foxy, thats a big question you asked. I'll try to give you a relatively short version. I first knew that I was aroused by kinky sex about 10 years ago. While reading the Beauty books by Ann Rice, I was astounded to find myself aroused like never before by the bondage and torture she described. I thought about it off and on for several years, but told no one.

Finally, the internet came to my house and opened up a new world for me. I did a fair amount of research and read everything I could find about BDSM. At this point, I hadn't met anyone or spoken to anyone living this life. I just knew that I needed to explore it in real life in spite of my fear. I took a crazy chance and posted a personal ad and was quickly overwhelmed by responses. I played a little and one of the men told me about Lit.

Coming here was very helpful for me. The opportunity to interact with others was priceless and has guided me down a saner, safer path. As I became comfortable with who I am, I was able to make a variety of changes in my life which included leaving a marriage which had died years ago. Yes, I tried to introduce BDSM to my spouse. He was not interested, told me I had perverse sexual desires and suggested therapy.

I'm still learning every single day and I still think of myself as a novice. I don't think the journey ever ends. I only know that this is the right path for me. I wish you good luck and happiness on your journey of self discovery.

 

[FoxyForestFire]

That is a wonderful storey you have... thank you so much for sharing it with me!

 

[psiberzerker]

Pretty much as soon as I was exposed to the concept of Sado-masochism (By the literature the former is named after), I realised that was what I wanted. Later, I was shown the Ds aspect, and eventualy grew into a Dominant, but I've always been masochistic. I can't remember a time when I didn't bite myself, or otherwize inflict pain for the way it felt, and it always got me hard.

 

[catalina_francisco]

For me my submissive tendencies date back to early childhood as in around 6 years of age from memory. Unfortunately, growing up in a fairly conservative and non-social family, it was not until my mid teens I realised this was a particular need of mine, and there were at least fantasies woven into stories around it. Being shy 90% of the time, I still did not find the right people to mix with, nor did I really know there was a way to experience this lifestyle with like minded people.

I stumbled through life knowing I was missing an integral part of my being, often flirting around the edges without realising, directing myself instinctively toward people who lived outside the square in various ways, all I believe in a subconscious effort to discover what I secretly knew was there to be enjoyed.

It was amazing that during this whole time, the only similar people I came remotely close to experimenting with were others who harboured submissive desires, were also inexperienced, and wanted me to fulfil their needs. I tried on at least 3 occasions but failed miserably, disgusting them with my laughter at how ridiculous I felt in the dominant role.

I was almost sure I was never going to discover the magical experience which would change my life forever when I became friends with a D online in a totally unrelated way. He recognised my needs and guided me through the necessary steps required to find all I ever dreamt of. Now I am happily married to the Master who was meant for me,am still friends with my former online D, and live a life that shows me everyday what bliss truly is.

Catalina

 

[Etoile]

I had broken up with my girlfriend and was visiting some friends in NYC. I've always been known among my friends as a sexual being and an exhibitionist, so we decided to do a little show for our own amusement. One of my friends is known among us as a knowledgable, skilled, and experienced top, and so it was decided that I would be the bottom - again, this was just for fun. The previous night we'd been playing with ice, and I'd asked not to be penetrated - I was still hurting from the breakup, and didn't want another relationship. But that day, while I was curled on the floor, the top whispered in my ear (nobody else could hear) that although I'd asked not to be penetrated, it was going to happen anyway. I was immediately terrified, but when it happened, I loved it, even though I was still scared. That top became my Daddy, and we've maintained our relationship for three years, even though my girlfriend and I were only broken up for a summer.

I've sometimes wondered if I would be as submissive if I weren't in the relationship with my Daddy. If Daddy and I broke up, would I seek out another dominant? I don't think so. I'm happy in my relationship with my girlfriend, and I think she would fill my subby needs if my Daddy weren't around.

 

[Bachlum Chaam]

I have always known what I am although tis only now after illness, I am prepared to be true to myself,I love and cherish ladies but I am in control at last of myself and those I want.
Bachlum Chaam

 

[Netzach]

I think I got more charge than a lot of little girls when adult men dropped down to all fours to play horsie.

I've fantasized about striking, overpowering, and being knelt to by men long before I fantasized about fucking anybody.

I got into a 7 year relationship with a vanilla guy with a submissive behavior pattern but no ability or desire to engage in SM. After leaving that relationship, I explored all angles of my sexuality that I could think of, explored SM from Top and bottom angles.

My first hunch was the right one. I'm comfortable as a somewhat sadistic Top to primarily male partners. The biggest hurdle for me was gaining the self-confidence to Top, I've had that broken down in so many ways and had to fight for it a lot.

 

[Etoile]

Originally posted by Bachlum Chaam
Was she so loved because her eyes were so beautiful, or were her eyes so beautiful because she was so loved?

This sounds familiar! I think it's from the Rodgers & Hammerstein musical Cinderella - is that right? There's a movie version with Lesley Ann Warren, and I remember the prince singing words like "do I love you because you're beautiful, or are you beautiful because I love you?" to Cinderella.

 

[roofus_23]

I first realized i was a submissive when I met my first girlfriend. It was such a rush giving up all control to another person.

 

[FungiUg]

Seems like I've been dominant forever! I remember organising people when I was pre-teen.

Of course, I never believed people did it for [b}real[/B]... wasn't until I came out of a marriage and started to explore my own sexuality that I got a chance to realise people actually enjoy this, in real life! woo hoo!

 

[dancinvixen]

When did you know you were sub or Dom? What conflicts did you go through with self and others towards full discovery. I am a novice obviously i have read past threads on fears, commitments... tahts not my issue... its knowing what i am without false commitments...... Please tell me your self discovery paths you traveled to help me along my journey.

thank you

Oh what I went through before I figured myself out. I am a switch. The only catch is that the only person I have that I trust enough to be my dominant is my husband. Over the last 7 years the two of us have been having fun exploring ourselves. He<unfortunately> is totally dominant. Me, I am dominant with everyone but him. Which works out really well in our relationship.

 

[Mr Blonde]

When did you know you were sub or Dom? What conflicts did you go through with self and others towards full discovery.

I didn't know the name for it or what it meant, but I have always been the way I am. First realization? Probably being turned on by something in a movie or television when I was 8 or 9 years old.

Steps to discovery? It will be like one of those annoying "life in moments" things!

• typical relationships during high school years
• first serious girlfriend during freshman year in college; she and I agree to explore things, and I have my initial experiences of being a dominant
• bad experience with a mentally unbalanced girl a year later; had me concerned with misconceptions that BDSM behavior was unhealthy and all women with submissive tendencies must have history of abuse or self-esteem issues
• four years of just typical relationships
• have another serious girlfriend where we agree to explore things; learned the good side of BDSM and left that relationship very comfortable with who I was and what sort of women I wanted
• now I alternate between relationships that are non-BDSM, relationships where I guide/introduce the women into certain activities and relationships where we fully explore things

I still have a lot to learn. I wonder how it will be when I become involved with a woman who is more experienced at being submissive than I am at being dominant. I wonder how things will work in marriage or potentially starting a family. Still have a long way to go before I have full discovery of everything, but I am enjoying the progression and just take it as it comes.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I didn't know nor did I have a name for it until just a few years ago. I met a man who apparently saw in me something that I never knew about myself. Submitting to him was the easiest and most rewarding thing I had ever done. He was/is a very Dom-ly man, who I was strongly attracted to.

I am indebted to him.