What's wrong with these women?

[Svenskaflicka]

When I want to feel good about myself - I watch "Bridezillas" on TV. It's a documentary series about New York women who go mental when they're getting married.

We have one middleaged woman who's all excited about being a "princess" for a day.
We have a lawyer who gets up at 6am every morning for 2 years to work out so she will look good in her dress. While she do sit-ups, she shouts her mantra: "Pain is weakness leaving the body!"
We have a woman paying $250.000 for a one.day event.

Grown women, who regress into 8-year-old girls, and squeak about how they want to be princesses, who spend a fortune on one single party, and have hysterical fits about what type of invitationcards to send out, what color the frosting of the cake must have, what type of shoes the man should wear...

OK, it's snobby of me, but I actually DO feel superior to such airheads.

 

[deezire1900]

Airheads

Oh NO!

I think I am in the trap...I know I will probably never have "the Wedding" but instead I am throwing a huge bash for my 30th birthday party....am I in the same boat?

I themed it a goth night...so I am working out to look good in my leather skirt, and I am spending a ton....

 

[lucky-E-leven]

When I want to feel good about myself - I watch "Bridezillas" on TV. It's a documentary series about New York women who go mental when they're getting married.

We have one middleaged woman who's all excited about being a "princess" for a day.
We have a lawyer who gets up at 6am every morning for 2 years to work out so she will look good in her dress. While she do sit-ups, she shouts her mantra: "Pain is weakness leaving the body!"
We have a woman paying $250.000 for a one.day event.

Grown women, who regress into 8-year-old girls, and squeak about how they want to be princesses, who spend a fortune on one single party, and have hysterical fits about what type of invitationcards to send out, what color the frosting of the cake must have, what type of shoes the man should wear...

OK, it's snobby of me, but I actually DO feel superior to such airheads.

It is both sad and embarrassing, but quite entertaining nonetheless. There is also a show in the U.S. titled Newlyweds, which is a reality-based program that documents the day to day life of a newly married couple of pop-stars (Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey).

The wife is by far one of the most sheltered and ignorant women I've ever seen. For example she read 'Chicken of the Sea' label on a can of tuna and couldn't figure out the meaning behind it. She actually thought she was eating chicken and was then confused by the sea reference. Even after a detailed explanation, the chicken reference on a can of fish simply blew her mind. There are countless examples of things like this and I have a friend that calls me at least twice a week to rave about how good it makes her feel to know that such childish women do exist and have no qualms about displaying their own monstrous shortcomings. I find it embarrassing, but must admit to smiling at the absurdity of it all.

I love the term bridezilla...just makes you want to rush right out and plan a wedding, doesn't it?

-E

 

[Svenskaflicka]

No, you're safe. Birthdays are acceptable spending spree days. ESPECIALLY if you have a theme.

I'm planning to have a big party when I turn 40. I'm gonna wear lightblue eyeshadow, leopard print, and spray my hair up in an 80'ies-style. Then me and my girlfriends will go out dancing, and I'll pinch 18-year-old boys' asses and pat on my legs, and say in a shrill voice "come here, cutie, and sit in Nanna's lap!"

 

[Guest]

deezire, I think your party is just fine. 30 is something to celebrate (as I recall, haha). My best friend gave herself a catered 'high' tea party for her 40th b.day, about 40 guests (women only) w/plenty of 'good' Champagne that lasted from 4pm to midnight (yeah, we did run out of tea and cucumber sandwiches).

I was married 3x, all in city halls, never had a desire for the big bash, couldn't see spending money like that. What I remember about the actual days:

1. my baby brother, 8 to my 18 giggled through the whole thing.
2. my best friend (30's) began to giggle when the judge read something very pompously written, so then I began and we both had a fit of hysterics and had to calm down so the judge could continue.
3. my sons and my husband's nephew giggled the whole time.

Perdita

 

[oggbashan]

Svenskaflicka,

I think you are missing the point.

Whatever they spend or whatever they do, they will have the memory for the rest of their lives.

Men do similar things but it is more likely to be going for a day driving a race car; being pushed up Everest or the ultimate, buying a ride on a Russian spacecraft.

It can be a celebration of "I am someone - if only for a day".

Many of us get our self-image from writing.

I have a book written by a dancer who survived a serious accident. When she could walk again she had a "Day in Pink". She dressed up in her favourite pink dress, invited all her friends and the medical staff who had fixed her back together to celebrate her major step on the way to recovery. It cost a lot of money but was a way to say thank you to those who had helped her either as professionals or as supportive friends.

The "Day in Pink" was an act of completion. From then on she wasn't looking back to what might have been.

Big events are often to mark major changes in people's lives. If the event itself is more important than the incident it celebrates then it is out of proportion. Some weddings are like that. The wedding is the event, not the joining of this man and this woman. The groom could be anyone because the wedding is to show that the bride and the bride's parents can afford the spectacular show.

Og

 

[minsue]

I must disagree with the venerable Og and go with Flicka on this, but then I eloped so I guess it depends on the person. We married in Vegas (yes, we were sober) in jeans & T-shirts. The woman who signed as our "witness" on the marriage license was actually in the other room getting the money from the next couple and the minister performing the ceremony looked pissed and obviously thought the whole thing was for shits & giggles. In the beginning of the ceremony he was listing off what marriage should be and kept stressing the words 'supposed to'. As in, "Marriage is supposed to be..."

It was quick, easy, and completely worth the guilt trips from both sides of the family.

- Mindy

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I saw "The Simple Life", and I was dropping my chin every 5th minute. Is it really physically POSSIBLE for anyone to be as ignorant and stupid as Paris Hilton?


"We don't have enough money - can we have this stuff anyway?"
-No, you can't. This isn't a soup kitchen!
"What's a soup kitchen?"

* * * * * * * * * * *

"What is Walmart?"

* * * * * * * * * * *

"We spilled half of the milk, so we can't fill up these bottles. Let's fill them only halfway up with milk, and then pour water in them! That way they will LOOK like they're full of milk, and we won't get yelled at!
-But people are going to drink this..?
"Oh, but it's so fat! If we water it out, we're actually HELPING people!"

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Svenskaflicka,

I think you are missing the point.

Whatever they spend or whatever they do, they will have the memory for the rest of their lives.

*SNIP*

It can be a celebration of "I am someone - if only for a day".

Yeah, they will remember the day forever. As the day that forced them to live on oatmeal for the next decade or two...

I think it's sad to see otherwise clever women fall for that princess-of-a-day myth. As if they were nobodies all other days of their lives!

I'm no sissy princess, I'm the Queen! And I'm the Queen EVERY day!

A wedding is just a ceremony, a nice dress, good food, and one helluva party.

What REALLY matters are all the other days together.

 

[KillerMuffin]

While she do sit-ups, she shouts her mantra: "Pain is weakness leaving the body!"

The StudMuffin used to do that when he was getting ready to try out for Special Forces.

Weird.

 

[Guest]

Flicka, I understand all you've said about the commercialism of weddings, and I never wanted that, though once I did want a church wedding, but for its meaning not the hoopla. Wedding ceremonies and celebrations can be meaningful, but today they're more like greeting cards.

Orange blossoms are traditional for weddings (like rice and rings), and my mother saved her bridal veil's orange blossom tiara made of fake pearls and satin wrapped twigs. I wore it for my first communion.

A ballet dancer friend was married in a dress w/a wimple that made her look like Maid Marian, which was the intent. She entered the church completely covered in a sheer, plain gauze veil that trailed behind her like a scene from the ballet "Giselle", which was also intended. I will never forget the sight. It was near Christmas time so the decor was deep dark reds and greens, beautiful and festive. The wedding was truly a celebration among family and friends. I even recall the priest's homily. That was a real wedding.

Perdita

 

[shereads]

I'm with you, Svenskaflicka. I have allowed myself to be the victim of more than one bride, and I enjoy Bridezilla like the taste of revenge.



(Bridesmaid = maid of the bride. Never forget that, girls.)

Mind you, on two of eight occasions it was a pure pleasure being part of a friend's wedding. These were women who handled the occasion as what it was: a celebration to which they were inviting friends.

As "Miss Manners" once wrote in her newspaper column, no event to which you issue invitations is "your big day." It is an event for the pleasure of your invited guests.

I've seen perfectly reasonable women get so carried away with the Princess Syndrome that their friends and relatives find them a misery to be around for weeks before the event. My mom was in tears the night before my sister's third wedding, because she was terrified of the consequences when The Bride found out that a cake ornament had been broken. Granted, it was being repaired, but The Bride wanted everything perfect for Her Big Day and was about one tantrum away from total meltdown.

Granted, weddings ought to be more romantic than mine (I wanted to get married in the courthouse on our lunch hour; later realized that it was because I didn't want much thought to go into what we were doing) but they don't have to be a stress-inducing celebration of Self which is what most formal weddings seem to be.

The most enjoyable weddings I've been part of were low key, informal affairs where the bride wore something lovely but comfortable, there were flowers, music, dancing, and no great spectacle or ceremony. Both of these weddings were between couples who had been married before and understood that what they were doing could not be enhanced by a high-stress event that would leave them financially destitute and hungover with anger and nerves afterwards.

I've seen Bridezilla in many of her incarnations, Og. I don't know if you've ever seen her up close, from the perspective of a bridesmaid or sister or, God help you, a wedding planner. Tears, tantrums, the most childishly selfish behavior, in otherwise sane adult women.

Bridezilla the TV program should be required viewing for every woman planning a wedding. They might be a bit kinder to the people they've recruited to help with "their" big day.

I think Miss Manners' advice should be engraved on the wedding invitations, too.
"It's not The Bride's Big Day, it's yours."

P.S. Bridezilla, dear, no matter how you ratonalize it, that $500 dress you've chosen for each of your bridesmaids is not A Classic Style That She Will Wear Again. It's a bridesmaids dress, period. She might be able to sell it on e-bay, but only if it's a designer label. Have mercy, okay?

(There is a theory commonly shared among bridesmaids: the dresses are boxy and awkward and chartreuse and otherwise hideous not because the bride lacks taste, but because she wants to make sure she's the prettiest one in the wedding pictures. If you've ever been through the dress selection process with Bridezilla, you can see this phenomenon at work. No matter that the neckline of her own gown may dip to her navel, she will shake her head and get a bewildered "I just don't know why I don't like it" look when shown anything remotely sexy for her "maids of honor."

Hiss. Scratch! Snarl.

It does make great TV, though.

 

[Madame Manga]

I tried hard to be Practical No-Nonsense Bride. I was married in my in-laws' big back yard. I wore my great-grandmother's dress after repairing and cleaning it myself and sewing a petticoat. My mother put the bouquets and centerpieces together since she's into flower arranging. I had only two bridesmaids. We rented chairs and tables and linens, but no tents or dance floor. It was going to be nice but cheap; this was 1987, and I think Hubby and I budgeted about $1500. Not so bad for fifty people.

Then my mother-in-law and sister-in-law stepped in. I managed to restrain them to hiring a caterer--I was going to make finger food myself and even bake the cake since I was working in a deli at the time--and hiring a string trio to play (Music? What's that?) and making me get a pro photographer instead of relying on my dad. Jack up that expenditure to more like $6000.

Oh well. At least it wasn't a full-bore Martha Stewart hullabaloo.

MM

 

[SeaCat]

I watched it once to see,

I watched the show once to see what my wife was laughing so hard about. Our weddings were simple ones. (We got married twice believe it or not.) The first was a simple ceremony in her parents back yard with a JP. he turned out to be the Chapline for a local Fire Dept. and when he found out I was also a sparky he prettied it up a little. Still it was a simple back yard affair with a few guests and finger foods.

 

[Dirt Man]

Re: I watched it once to see,

I watched the show once to see what my wife was laughing so hard about. Our weddings were simple ones. (We got married twice believe it or not.) The first was a simple ceremony in her parents back yard with a JP. he turned out to be the Chapline for a local Fire Dept. and when he found out I was also a sparky he prettied it up a little. Still it was a simple back yard affair with a few guests and finger foods.

My wife and I married each other naked in my stateroom aboard the ship I was working on thirty years ago, then about a year later we had the mayor of the city marry us legally with my sister and her husband as our only witnesses. And we only had that second wedding to make all of our paper work simpler. We gave the license to her mom and dad the following Christmas instead of something they'd never use, or want. We gave a copy of the license to my own parents the day after Christmas. Until that moment none of them considered us married, even though we did.

As Always
I Am the
Dirt Man

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Same here, MM. When I got married, the whole shabang costed around $1500. For that, we had a nice ceremony in the church, a great dinner at a charming old inn (the house we were in was built in the 1800, and had once been on my family's land, before it was sold and moved), and a great party with family and friends.

I'm against marriage as a way of life, not just because my own was a disaster, but because from what I've seen, marriages tend to favour men and exhaust women economically and mentally. When you get married, you start letting yourself go, no matter what gender you elong to, and you start taking each other for granted.
Just living together, as a couple, doesn't have the same effect. There seems to be more respect and more eagerness to make an effort with living-together couples.

BUT, if you want to get married, that's your right. I just fail to see why it has to be such a huge deal.

And to pay $250.000 for something that will only last a day?

Pure madness.

 

[Lovepotion69]

Bridezillas

Svenska,
I saw that show when it was aired last year. Pretty amazing stuff, but what you forgot to leave out was that majority of the women on it were living in New York and had well paying jobs.

Yes, it was excessive, but also keep in mind that the whole angle of the show was to show how excessive it was. How crazy they were etc etc. And yes, when one woman spent equally much as the downpayment of a house I couldn't believe my eyes/ears! For one day!!!

At the same time, for some reason being a Swede and used to minimalism and being "lagom", I couldn't help thinking "yeah, that's US weddings for ya!" *ducks*
My cousin's wedding in the US wasn't that glamorous etc, but just the fact they had a photographer who spent four hours (!) taking pictures of everyone got my head shaking in disbelief.

At the same time, I think it's up to everyone to have the wedding of their dreams; may it be Las Vegas style, princess style, church or in the back of someone's garden. I'm sure there are people out there who want the whole fancy wedding thing, but can't afford it and vice versa. If I had the budget and wanted a big bash, then why not? (Unless you live in Sweden, then you'll just have people look down upon you and think you're showing off).

It's their money and if their dream wedding requires all that cash, then it's their problem. As long as they get what they want; a memorable day.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

It just gives me the creeps.

Sort of "look at me, I'm rich!"

"Look at me, I'm a princess bride!"

"Look at me, I'm Barbie!"


I mean, some of these women had been planning this One Day for over 2 years. Two years! For two years, this woman has spend a great part of her free time obsessing about what dress she will wear for a couple of hours, what shoes her husband will wear, what type of forks and spoons the guest will eat with...
Doesn't she have anything better to do?
(Like, folding socks..?)

And that one woman, who exercised as much as an elite gymnast, just to look good for those few hours when she will be the centre of attention?

If I want people to pay attention to me, I get up on a stool and raise my voice.

Free of charge. Doesn't take much planning, either.

 

[Lovepotion69]

Svenska,
It gives me the creeps too that you want to spend two years planning one day. On the other hand, think about other cultures where a wedding is a HUGE thing. When it's the business of the whole village. They may not spend two years planning for it, but the four months they spend may well end up in the biggest bash possible!

And when it comes to the woman who excercised that much, I just see it as an incentive. Many women start excercising ahead of their wedding because they "want to look good on the day". Don't see anything wrong in that. It's an incentive, other may reward themselves with trip somewhere, she finds getting into her wedding dress the reward.

And I'm sorry, but the first quote you stated is the perfect example of Swedish attitude. There is no other country than Sweden (ok, perhaps the other Scandinavian countries?) where you'll get as much shit thrown at you for doing/being above the "norm". If you excell at school or work, are better than anyone else, earn more or look better etc; instead of having people praise you or admire you, you are looked down upon. Jantelagen.

Sure, be good at what you do, look good, have money; but don't you dare show it! Oh no, then people will believe you're showing off. Don't say who got the best grade on the school essay, it makes the other kids feel bad. Don't wear clothes from NK, you'll be seen as some snob. Don't pay your kid's schooling, you'll be seen as a snob. It's not allowed to make comments about a person's religion, sexuality, skin colour, job or if he/she is too fat, but you're welcome to say whatever you like if the person is "too" thin, good looking or earn above average.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Ofcourse I'll pinch whoever has more money than they can spend in a lifetime.

I'm a communist.

I believe that everyone should have equally much. It's just not fair that one person should sit on top of a mountain of money, while a whole group of people are working their asses off to make ends meet.

 

[destinie21]

P.S. Bridezilla, dear, no matter how you ratonalize it, that $500 dress you've chosen for each of your bridesmaids is not A Classic Style That She Will Wear Again. It's a bridesmaids dress, period. She might be able to sell it on e-bay, but only if it's a designer label. Have mercy, okay?

Lol my friends wore Nice Designer Pantsuits for which I paid, (I wanted everyone in Manolo shoes with a steel heel as pictured in my AV so I paid for the suits and they paid for the shoes.)


did I have mercy

 

[DevilBoy79]

We have a lawyer who gets up at 6am every morning for 2 years to work out so she will look good in her dress. While she do sit-ups, she shouts her mantra: "Pain is weakness leaving the body!"

lol did you ask if she was a marine at some point by chance? hehe

 

[oggbashan]

Bridesmaids' Purgatory

I've posted this before but some may not have seen it:

http://www.uglydress.com/index.html

How to annoy your bridesmaids - easily.

This site helps bridesmaids get their revenge.

Og

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Back home my little brothers had a crowd of buddies. These were all good ole boys, they chewed, fished, hunted and generally all raised hell together. When one of them chose to get maried he fell for a rich girl from the good side of town. Her daddy was a good ole boy too and while the wife, freinds and mother were in one room planning the wedding, daddy pulled Steven aside, cracked open a beer and offered him 50,000 dollars to elope.

His bride to be would hear none of that, and I think the final tab was twice what he offered. They really loved each other, but the marriage lasted less than a year. All of their fights were over money, he was working as a mechanic and she was used to a life style he couldn't support. I have always wondered how things might have been different if they began their marriage with fifty thousand in the bank rather than having to live on his 10.50 an hour.

-Colly

 

[SummerMorning]

Ofcourse I'll pinch whoever has more money than they can spend in a lifetime.

I'm a communist.

I believe that everyone should have equally much. It's just not fair that one person should sit on top of a mountain of money, while a whole group of people are working their asses off to make ends meet.

Everybody should start with 0 money or estates, but they should then have whatever they earn themselves. All assets to return to the gov't upon death . That's fair and egalitarian. Equal rights, not equality.

Everyone having equally much doesn't work - some dope-ass narco has no right to the same stuff as me (well, our welfare state actually got the narco a free apt., whoopee).

As to weddings...neither my brother nor my sister got married - they moved in together with their SOs and that was it. Much simpler. And cheaper.