What's a Munch

[ruby_my_dear]

This thread is really timely for me since DH and I will be attending a munch for the first time on Satuday. The group posts their schedule on fetlife and there is a post there about what to expect in terms of dress and protocol. The convenors are listed and when I posted my intention to attend, several people responded to make me feel welcomed. Based on their posts and messages, I suspect that I'll be comfortable asking anyquestions I have there but I may circle back to this thread if anything still perplexes me.
In terms of by invitation only, I think the one in my hometown is run that way. I suspect the reason the reason is more related to the need for discretion in our community rather than a wish to exclude.
ruby

 

[StrayKat]

Unfortunately, the friends you speak of are just the type of submissive that is prime prey for all of those posers, fakers and abusers out there. They know how to play the game and how they have to look to someone who isn't experienced enough to know any better.

BDSM groups do sometimes have people in charge of security, but usually only a Sgt. at Arms and that person only makes sure any situation is controlled at a meeting, play party or whatever. Munches are by design just a gathering of people with the same interests. They are not meant to be social dating scenes. They give people a chance to make new friends and to find out that they are not alone in their sexual interests.

I understand how you feel about your friends. It's not easy to know the difference between good and bad, in any form. The bad have the necessary skills to look the part and newbie submissives are hungry for the connection they desire.

I'd suggest your friend make friends with other submissives in a group to get the behind the scenes info on different dominants. Long time members of a group know the good and the bad of most members. And there are questions one can ask to find the fakers, but it isn't an exact science. Some good doms can be filtered out with the same questions. Been there, done that. The BDSM library has several links to threads with conversations on how to spot a fake dom, as well as ways to play safe.

Thanks for the understanding and the link DVS.

I will try to entice her to read as much as she can. It is really hard sometimes to try and give advice in things like this without coming out as smartass or patronizing.
I dont have much experience so I cant take a position of know-it-all in any way, all I got is my common sense and as CM said bullshit meter. I listen to my gut feelings, if I feel something is wrong then it usually is, no matter if I can point a finger at anything or not. So far I went through years of online dating and making friends based on mentioned and I always did fine. I believe I can apply that on BDSM as well, people are just people.

But coming out as a protector and advisor takes more than that for some people. I hate when I see them running into a disaster and try to prevent it and then get "you dont know much more than I do about these things" kind of answer back.
Yeah, I should just let them smash their head into the wall and learn on their own mistakes but I guess I am after all a nicer person than I really want to be. *sigh*

 

[TheOlderGuy]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Munch_(BDSM)

unless you meant

I can't believe NO one thought that was funny Your day will come.