Whatever shall I do with it?

[Salvor-Hardon]

The way we both like.

And I'd go with BDSM for teh category.... though I am tempted to pm Laurel for a category "Too Hot for any one category"

 

[logophile]

And I'd go with BDSM for teh category.... though I am tempted to pm Laurel for a category "Too Hot for any one category"

Thanks Salvor -

I think I've decided on one.
I'll be submitting it shortly.

 

[alice_underneath]

For Alice, I really and truly appreciate your honest feedback. It's interesting, isn't it? The D/s relationship, that is. As a sub, I am truly focused on her pleasure. Mine means almost nothing in that moment. I guess the part that is missing from this is the background: In the relationship I'm writing about she was always in the mood to take it slow, and I usually bounded in with heaps of energy and enthusiasm. We had to work on balance in that area a lot. So in this particular scene, I've slowed myself down to her pace, in deference. Perhaps I could write that in smoothly.

Also: We almost always started sex this way, with her under me and me on my knees for her. I would make her come first, almost always, because if I got too turned on, I wasn't any good for her. Well, it's not that I wasn't "any good," but I certainly wasn't as focused as usual. The fact that she rolled me back over so quickly was the surprise part because it was totally out of order for our usual scenarios. I can probably slide that in somewhere as well.

The fact that we started with me pleasing her didn't lessen the amount of control she had on the entire situation every time. Even when we tried to switch rolls (what a joke), she clearly topped from the bottom. And to be completely honest, I bottomed from the top, too. But it was fun... I will try to convey this more clearly. Your input has been invaluable.

Hi, Logophile.

Your response to me was kind, and I appreciate it very much.

I did not realize that you were describing an actual episode from your life. Had I known that, I would have worded my comments a bit differently.

Instead of suggesting that the spanker be in control from the outset (in order to adhere to the Top/bottom expectations of BDSM readers), I would have recommended exactly what you mention here. Specifically, subtle additions to the wording to suggest that the initial actions of the one to be spanked are made in deference to the spanker's desires. This would preclude the confusion that I had when I first read the piece, and make the scene more cohesive (in my opinion).

Btw, I think it is brilliant to leave the gender of the spanker ambiguous.

Belegon said, "the writing is making your fantasy mine in a way, and that shows it is effective." That is exactly how I feel about this piece of writing, too. However, as a heterosexual woman, I would not be able to view the fantasy as "mine" in a scene in which the spanker is female. I hope that doesn't make me appear close-minded. It is just a candid acknowledgment of my reaction to the stories I read on this site.

Alice

 

[logophile]

Hi, Logophile.

Your response to me was kind, and I appreciate it very much.

I did not realize that you were describing an actual episode from your life. Had I known that, I would have worded my comments a bit differently.

Instead of suggesting that the spanker be in control from the outset (in order to adhere to the Top/bottom expectations of BDSM readers), I would have recommended exactly what you mention here. Specifically, subtle additions to the wording to suggest that the initial actions of the one to be spanked are made in deference to the spanker's desires. This would preclude the confusion that I had when I first read the piece, and make the scene more cohesive (in my opinion).

Btw, I think it is brilliant to leave the gender of the spanker ambiguous.

Belegon said, "the writing is making your fantasy mine in a way, and that shows it is effective." That is exactly how I feel about this piece of writing, too. However, as a heterosexual woman, I would not be able to view the fantasy as "mine" in a scene in which the spanker is female. I hope that doesn't make me appear close-minded. It is just a candid acknowledgment of my reaction to the stories I read on this site.

Alice

Thanks again, Alice.
Leaving her gender ambiguous was indeed intentional. I think that almost everything I've written about her does this very thing. Except Dessert in the Rose Garden, but it's a different sort of story.

Here's what I did with those first few paragraphs after reading your suggestions:

You roll us over, so that you're under me and I'm on my knees for you.
Again.
Just the way you like.
The way we both like.

Your teeth are raking against my mouth during a rough kiss, making me burn for you on both ends.

I focus on self-restraint, trying not to get ahead of myself.
Or, more importantly, ahead of you.

I put my lips to your ear, breathe deep through your hair
and let out a small pleading noise.
You chuckle softly back at me and
I get breathless at the feel of you under me.


What do you think?

Thanks again for your input!

 

[alice_underneath]

What do you think?

Thanks again for your input!

I think it is fantastic! Subtle but brilliant additions that worked beautifully.

Can't wait to vote on this one.

Alice

P.S. You're welcome.

 

[logophile]

I think it is fantastic! Subtle but brilliant additions that worked beautifully.

Can't wait to vote on this one.

Alice

P.S. You're welcome.

As I was reworking this today, I realized that the small changes were able to be made without compromising the truth of the tale. The piece is based on several situations between me and this woman, but is not an exact retelling of any one tale. And so the addition of the small pleading noise and her soft chuckle, for example, were still part of our actual play, just at different times.

The piece has been submitted. Now begins the really hard part - the wait.

 

[Belegon]

As I was reworking this today, I realized that the small changes were able to be made without compromising the truth of the tale. The piece is based on several situations between me and this woman, but is not an exact retelling of any one tale. And so the addition of the small pleading noise and her soft chuckle, for example, were still part of our actual play, just at different times.

The piece has been submitted. Now begins the really hard part - the wait.

ah, but waiting can be sooooo delicious too...*grin*

glad you submitted it baby...it's damn good.

 

[logophile]

ah, but waiting can be sooooo delicious too...*grin*

glad you submitted it baby...it's damn good.

Jesus, you're incorrigible these days, Bel.
I love you like that...

 

[logophile]

Three views already. Interesting.
I wonder how fast stories are going up these days.
Anyone have any idea?

 

[logophile]

Three views already. Interesting.
I wonder how fast stories are going up these days.
Anyone have any idea?

Now it's up to 8 views. I've never had one be viewed so many times before posting.
The poem I submitted a few hours ago is at 5 views, too.
Interesting...

 

[logophile]

OK - It's finally up everyone! If you read it before and you liked it, please go give it another read. I made a couple of minor adjustments at Alice's suggestions and I'd love to know what people thought of that, too! Thanks everyone!