What would you do?

[ms.read]

Julie is a family member, who over the 7 years that I've known her, has shown to be a manipulator, a gold digger, and someone who will do anything to get what she wants. I opened my husband's eyes up to her behaviors, when she stuck him with a $2000 bill among other things. Now, she is up to her old games. She's quitting her job over a supposed "injury". She just broke up with her ex fiancee, but won't let him go. She keeps pestering to move in with him 4 hrs away from where the family is. He keeps giving her mixed signals. Now, she's laying on the guilt trip to everyone in the family to let her stay with any of us. did I mention she's casually dating 4 other guys? What would you do when she keeps calling you 2- 3 times a day asking for advice on what she should do, and then either flat out ignoring your (sane) advice, or doing the exact opposite?

This is very frustrating and I am at the end of my rope with this chick!

(BTW this would make a very good story if it only were fiction!)

 

[3113]

I see no reason why you shouldn't block her calls and stop talking to her altogether. I'm afraid, in my Asperger way, I view relationships very simply, and being related by blood doesn't entitle anyone to special treatment. If someone is toxic, then I don't want them in my life--because my life is too short and too important to me to waste giving even a minute of it over to a toxic person who will only leave me regretting that I can't get back that precious minute and use it for something better.

So. I don't answer or return the phone calls of toxic people, nor do I read or respond to their e-mails. I avoid them at family gatherings and if they corner me, I stare at them, shrug, and frustrate them till they learn it's probably better to leave me alone. This is what I would do.

 

[starrkers]

What 3 said.

 

[Katyusha]

What 3 said is far easier said than done, but in a situation like this, must be done. Otherwise she'll keep manipulating you, keep taking advantage of you, and keep trying to make your life miserable.

 

[ms.read]

Thank you, for all of your replies. I really do appreciate it. I will have to talk to my husband about cutting her off permanently, (it's his mom), he's talked about it before. I think it's finally time to put words into action.

It's just sad, because of her actions, she won't bond with her new grandbaby on the way.

 

[sdsioux]

Always remember that the only attitude that you can change in this situation is you. Right now she gets to live in your head rent free. The calling can be taken care of by you. There are ways to be polite but make it clear that this isn't something you can help with. A good phrase I use in sticky situations is "You could be right" or "I can't help you." If you and your husband want her to be a part of the babies life focus on that. Her getting back together with a fiancee or dating 4 other men doesn't directly effect your family. You're husband should have consulted you before spending $2000. Anytime you give a family member money expect never to get it back so make sure you can afford to do it or it is something that you know is the right thing to do. Try to focus on some of her good qualities.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Always remember that the only attitude that you can change in this situation is you. Right now she gets to live in your head rent free. The calling can be taken care of by you. There are ways to be polite but make it clear that this isn't something you can help with. A good phrase I use in sticky situations is "You could be right" or "I can't help you." If you and your husband want her to be a part of the babies life focus on that. Her getting back together with a fiancee or dating 4 other men doesn't directly effect your family. You're husband should have consulted you before spending $2000. Anytime you give a family member money expect never to get it back so make sure you can afford to do it or it is something that you know is the right thing to do. Try to focus on some of her good qualities.

Excellent advice.

 

[ms.read]

Always remember that the only attitude that you can change in this situation is you. Right now she gets to live in your head rent free. The calling can be taken care of by you. There are ways to be polite but make it clear that this isn't something you can help with. A good phrase I use in sticky situations is "You could be right" or "I can't help you." If you and your husband want her to be a part of the babies life focus on that. Her getting back together with a fiancee or dating 4 other men doesn't directly effect your family. You're husband should have consulted you before spending $2000. Anytime you give a family member money expect never to get it back so make sure you can afford to do it or it is something that you know is the right thing to do. Try to focus on some of her good qualities.

when i met her and my husband, she was living with my husband, and she ran up some of the utility bills (that were in his name) He was on a limited income, and I was still in school (fulltime). She moved out, (in with another boyfriend) did not pay her part of the rent or any of the utility bills. Since they were in his name, he bit his tongue and paid them off. But, we both know that she will never live with us ever again. Or mooch off of us.

In some ways, I want her to be in this grandbaby's life, but then again, I don't because I don't want our daughter to learn her manipulative ways.

Right now, I think the best idea is to tell her nicely, that we don't want to hear about her love life.

I like the phrase "I can't help you." I will be using it much more often! I wish others in our family would see it the same way.

I don't want anyone else getting screwed over by her, that I care about!

 

[jomar]

Sounds like a personality disorder.

What 3 said.

 

[ms.read]

Good to see you again jomar! yeah, I am agreeing with you about the disorder.

Thanks everyone again, for posting!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

MS.READ

Read a copy of the old book GAMES PEOPLE PLAY by Eric Berne, MD.

Berne created a school of therapy known as Transactional Analysis. Its not rocket science; what it is is all the rules and moves that most social games have. Once you know the rules and the moves, you can see the bullshit coming. And avoid it.

From what you write its obvious your husband is a KICK ME player. And kick people is what the woman does.

 

[ms.read]

MS.READ

Read a copy of the old book GAMES PEOPLE PLAY by Eric Berne, MD.

Berne created a school of therapy known as Transactional Analysis. Its not rocket science; what it is is all the rules and moves that most social games have. Once you know the rules and the moves, you can see the bullshit coming. And avoid it.

From what you write its obvious your husband is a KICK ME player. And kick people is what the woman does.

thanks jbj it'll be at the top of my reading list!

 

[Handley_Page]

One thought occurred to me.
A telephone answering machine ?
works for me!