What would YOU do?

[SpecialK]

Okay, here's the situation:

The 10th wedding anniversary of a couple I know is coming up. It happens to occur the same time as opening hunting weekend. Hubby is an avid sportsman and he goes on a week-long hunting trip with his buds. He has been going for years. Usually when he misses the wedding anni he makes it up before or after. The wife, while she doesn't really like the fact that he goes hunting with the boys the week of their anniversary, hasn't complained too much in the past since she does love him and says he is a good husband. And she also concedes that he has never forgotten their anniversary, like some husbands do.

This year, since it is their 10th anni, hubby has only planned to go for the weekend, instead of the whole week like usual.

But, since this is the 10th anni (10 being a more significant number than 7, 8 or 9), wife is FUMING that hubby is going hunting for the weekend of this anniversary. She thinks he should miss the annual hunting trip with the boys this once so that they can do something nice for their anniversary.

He thinks she's overreacting and feels he has already made a compromise by only going for the weekend and not the whole week. However, even if he goes for just the weekend, he still misses their anniversary, which is Sun. Wife is not content by that 'compromise'.

Next, hubby suggested that she goes along for the weekend. She doesn't want to go on a hunting trip with a bunch of men. He says he will rent them a separate cabin. He suggested that she can bring something along to do during the day (a book to read, whatever) and they can spend the nights together. He's trying to convince her how romantic it can be, etc, etc.

Now, the wife, a friend of mine, isn't a prissy kinda gal and she enjoys going camping, etc. But she is angered over the idea that hubby wants to combine their 10th anniversary with his hunting trip.

Hubby has now approached me to try and convince her that it would be a good idea for her to go along and that they would have a good time. (And he's enlisted my help in coming up with romantic things for them to do, and bring.)

I'm not sure how I feel about the whole thing. While part of me is kinda intrigued about the whole 'weekend in a cabin in the woods' thing, I hafta kinda side on the wife's side as well. I think he's being an ass for wanting to go hunting on their 10th anniversary.

So.... should I help the hubby convince his wife to go along for the weekend (and put some things together to ensure it IS as much of a romantic weekend as possible?) OR should I side with the wife and tell the hubby he's being an ignorant SOB for wanting to go hunting that particular weekend.

What would you do?
If you were the wife in this situation, what would it take to convince you to go?
What romantic things should I tell him to bring? Massage oil, candles, bottle of champagne... what else?!?!

Thanks for your help here!

K

 

[Laurel]

Wooo hooo!!! SpecialK's back! Paarrttyy!! We missed you! (kisses hugs etc.)

Um...what was the question again?

 

[SpecialK]

Well, I was never really gone.

I've been dropping in on occasion, normally in the wee hours of the morning after work. My brain is usually too vegetative to post an intelligent reply however.

Incidentally, I have managed to write a story. Just waiting for the word from the Volunteer Editors. Let me know when you have those scripts done so I can send it in!

As for the question.... I see you people looking! Someone ANSWER already!

K

 

[Wizard]

I think he is FUCKED.........Not hunting trip for him this year..........When I used to travel for work I know about missing dates like this and birthdays ect.......It is bad.......and really I don't think the girls are out of line for wnting us home for those dates.........In my case I couldn't control it..........It was work and I didn't own the company......If he takes her on the trip, she is going to bitch the whole time and not have a good time .......Just becuse she didn't want to be there in the first place............Just my thoughts.....If he was smart he would cancel the trip this year......

 

[Cheyenne]

Here is a question: If he is a hunter, how did they ever get married on opening weekend of deerhunting in the first place? Did he take up hunting AFTER he was married? Or did he give up hunting the year he got married so he could attend his own wedding?

This is probably not the answer you expect from me but I think he should go hunting for the weekend, she should stay home, and they should celebrate their anniversary a different day. Second choice is she goes along and they stay in a separate cabin from the other hunters. I don't think she'd be happy though.

I come from a family of deerhunters. All the relatives know that if you schedule a wedding for opening of deerhunting, the men in my family won't be there. Your choice. Pregnant? Don't plan to deliver on opening weekend. I know one man who was hunting on opening day on Saturday with his cell phone along, just in case, and his wife delivered on Monday. Even if you die, don't schedule the funeral for opening weekend. Better get it done on Friday or wait until Monday. If it is on Saturday, there won't be anyone there to pay respects (hasn't happened yet, but word is out so no one dares to die on opening weekend, either.) For people who do not hunt, this logic seems strange. For hunters, it is normal. Nothing interferes with opening day of deer hunting, absolutely nothing.

 

[Softly]

Trouble in River City!

Cheyenne is exactly right about the traditions in deer hunting areas. The seasons are short. The men plan on where and how they will hunt all year long.

He will not have time or energy for her if she goes along.

Suggest that he take her for a two day weekend to a nice resort the week before.

 

[CreamyLady]

What Cheyenne said.

He's sacrificed his week; surely she can sacrifice the weekend. Unless her feeling is that she and the marriage come in second place to hunting with the guys, in which case there are probably other issues as well.

 

[Cheri]

Wizzie's right, Cancel it!

Hasn't she been very understanding in letting him go every year for 9 consecutive years? Can't he miss opening weekend just once for her? What is more important to him, bagging a deer or making his patient and understand wife happy? Perhaps he needs to take a step back and consider his priorities.
I also grew up in a family who hunted and understand the importance of opening weekend, but that's not the point here, her wishes are. I also agree with Cheyenne, what was he thinking getting married then if it was so important to him?

 

[R Nitelight]

I would advise the husband to go on his hunting trip alone, and then hit on the pissed-off, looking-to-get-even wife while he was gone.


Damn, how much time do I spend here?


http://smilecwm.tripod.com/net5/42.gif

 

[Purple Haze]

Skip 10th anniversary for weekend with the boys.

I use to think I was a pig.

Thanks.

 

[KillerMuffin]

It comes down to a matter of priorities here. I have never begrudged my avid fisherman StudMuffin a single moment of fishing joy, unless it fell on one of a few dates that were important to me, particularly our anniversary. For his birthday, he gets fishing trips with the family, that makes him extremely happy.

He has to choose between his wife and celebrating a day that means so much to her with her, or going out and having a wonderful time hunting with the boys. She has to choose between being keeping him home where he doesn't want to be and begrudging him something he enjoys so much, or letting him go with her blessing, to have a good time.

The opening of hunting season rolls around every year. Obviously she doesn't begrudge him going out and having fun on their anniversary, except for big ones like the 10th. The 10th anniversary only happens once.

At our house, the anniversary is sacred. I would rather he missed my birthday or christmas. On that date the most important, special, wonderful thing happened to the two of us. Every anniversary we celebrate the joy and love we have, and make a private, informal renewal of that love.

Sure, I'd let him go, if he wanted to. Wouldn't say a word to him. But we'd never be the same again. If he cared so little for my feelings that he'd rather celebrate his anniversary with the boys (yes, the date DOES make a difference), then he'd better plan on doing everything with the boys, because I would no longer share myself with him.

It would hurt, hurt to the core that I would get angry, and I wouldn't 'get over it' very easily either. I have absolutely no sympathy for your friend. She sacrificed all those other anniversaries already, with a smile, it seems. How incredibly awful of him to not sacrifice one for her.

You should never take your wife or husband for granted, that s/he'll always be there for you.

 

[KillerMuffin]

What would you do?
If you were the wife in this situation, what would it take to convince you to go?
What romantic things should I tell him to bring? Massage oil, candles, bottle of champagne... what else?!?!

Hunting involves mud, dirt, smelly things to attract deer, cold, and if successful, blood, guts and dead deer. The smell of a dead deer does not come out in one washing. He would field dress his kill, come back to the cabin and reek. There is NOTHING romantic about a hunting trip, unless you don't do any hunting. I would go hunting with him, cause tramping through the woods with him makes him happy. But NOT on my anniversary.

It would be like having him be gone from well before sunup to just past sunset, then expect a few hours of quick nookie cause he's gotta get up early the next morning or disappoint the guys.

Sorry. On my anniversary I want his undivided attention. I'd be tempted to take the rifle after him.

Your friend is an ignorant SOB.

By the way, I've yet to meet a man who forgot anniversaries.

 

[Bobtoad777]

Maybe a simple case of bondage the night before he is to leave, Tie him to the bed whilst he sleeps, gag him so the boys can not hear him screaming when they come to pick him up and you tell them he left early to get a good start on the hunting.

 

[forgetunome]

To go or not to go....

My husband is an AVID hunter/fisherman and our wedding was planned around (kinda) those dates. We were married Dec. 5th 1987 which sometimes there is a special doe hunt here in Washington that falls around that time. If he hasn't gotten a buck during the regular season and has drawn a special doe tag for this late Dec. hunt and the 5th happens to be on a Sat. or Sun. of this hunt he cuts his hunting time off early that day and comes home cleans up and we go out and then he returns to hunt the next day. But, where he hunts is not to far from where we live...just a couple of hours. I've also been known to go with him. But...it is a reality that I knew about him going into the marriage. And I don't let it get to me because he is the most wonderful husband a gal could possible have. He lets me get away with anything he (smile) can't say no to me. I love it! I am spoiled so I am not complaining.

What I did for our tenth was we celebrated it early...that way I had a quality anniversary without his thoughts being elsewhere. I am a very easygoing person by nature my personal beliefs are "don't get stuck on an actual date or number" the whole year is your 10th so it doesn't matter when it's celebrated as long as it's in the tenth year and not the 11th year.

That's JMHO

[Edited by forgetunome on 10-08-2000 at 09:28 AM]

 

[Curious Guy]

First of all, I love to hunt. If a hunter gets married during the deer season, hopefully for his own sake he can give up one opening day for his wife.

We all do dumb shit, but, getting married on opening weekend. Sheesh!!!!

 

[Bliss]

Hubby has now approached me to try and convince her that it would be a good idea for her to go along and that they would have a good time. (And he's enlisted my help in coming up with romantic things for them to do, and bring.)

Whatever I chose to do in that situation, I'd bean the Hubby if he used the sentence "But K said I should..." as an escape from responsibility.

What would you do?
If you were the wife in this situation, what would it take to convince you to go?
What romantic things should I tell him to bring? Massage oil, candles, bottle of champagne... what else?!?!

It's fairly obvious he could bring a hot tub, Englebert Humperdink and edible undies, and she'd still be angry that he can't seperate the two events. I'm curious as to why he choose to bow out of the larger part of the hunt, when Sunday is clearly the day she wants to spend alone with him.

I understand all about the opening weekend and so on, but surely his own wife is more important than the average 8 point buck? They'll never have another 10th anniversary so I suppose it's all a matter of him prioritizing.

Hope it all works out!

 

[Cheyenne]

I'm curious as to why he choose to bow out of the larger part of the hunt, when Sunday is clearly the day she wants to spend alone with him.

The opening weekend is so very important if you actually want to kill a deer. The vast majority of deer are killed on opening day, or on Sunday. The rest of the week, there are fewer hunters in the woods to move the deer around. No moving deer, no chance to kill them. Deer are also smart- after the first weekend, they find a place to stay put as much as possible and instinctively know not to move. Saturday and Sunday are the really important days of the hunt.

I still say he should go deerhunting and they can celebrate the anniversary on Monday. One day off is not a big deal. Or pick a different weekend to take a getaway with just the wife.

 

[Bliss]

Sorry, I was placing the week before the weekend instead of after.

Unlike your family, Cheyenne, this guy doesn't sound like he's been heavily involved with the hunt all his life (or why would he have married so close to those dates?), and his wife seems to be of KM's mindset. Hopefully he'll see that it's better to have a loving wife than "the perfect kill".

Maybe he could go all out and suggest a renewal of their vows on a different date (and move all his things to the doghouse beforehand to save time).

It won't kill him to miss one hunt. Life is short, obviously this lady is special to him, so he should celebrate their life together above anything else.

Anywho, I'm sure this is one case we can all say "Whew, glad I didn't do that" over.

 

[Never]

What Cheyenne said.

He's sacrificed his week; surely she can sacrifice the weekend. Unless her feeling is that she and the marriage come in second place to hunting with the guys, in which case there are probably other issues as well.

Hows about he sacrifice his weekend and she sacrifice her week? Doh?

 

[Cheyenne]

Hows about he sacrifice his weekend and she sacrifice her week? Doh?

Never, go up and read my last response to this same question from Bliss. The weekend for the deer hunt is much more important than the week. It isn't an even trade.

 

[Skitten]

He should cancel the trip and spend the time with his wife. He can go hunting anytime your tenth anniversary is a one time thing. Even though he is making it shorter, some men don't seem to realize how important anniv. are to their spouses. In fact, a lot of us it is like remembering our wedding day. And being with that special person, even if you are just staying home means more to her than making it up to her later. It just doesn't mean the same some may not understand that, but when your hubby isn't there on that day it just makes you empty inside he is like that spark and magic of how it all started.

I believe he should either cancel the trip or postpone it until after the anniv. is over hope it helps good luck .

 

[Earthmuffin]

I'm with the kill the trip, not the deer crowd. If this has come to the point that she's said she doesn't want him to go and he's enlisting help to be "allowed" to go it's not worth the headaches that will ensue if he does go. My only qualification on aforesaid statement is this: Does he feed the family with his kill thereby reducing financial hardship? In which case, move the 10th anniversary only to feed the family. Just my opinion.

 

[Wizard]

I'm telling ya if he takes of to go, he will never heard the end of it....she will tell him about it till the day he dies...................

 

[Curious Guy]

I'm telling ya if he takes of to go, he will never heard the end of it....she will tell him about it till the day he dies...................

exactly

 

[Siren]

Wizzie, spoken like a truly married man.....