What Type of Sub Appeals To You?

[Killishandra]

I consider myself an alpha personality, with my subby tendencies only coming out around truely Dominant people. Sometimes I think I view the world too much in terms of rank based on dominance. But my question for the Dominants in this community is: What type of sub appeals to you? By that I mean, do you like your subs with an alpha personality or do you prefer your subs to be completely complient to the world at large? Do subs of the latter variety make better companions to you, and if so, why do you think that is so? If you prefer alpha personalities, why? And of course, if you're polyamorous, do you prefer a mixture of some sort?

 

[Marquis]

I like Hawaiian subs personally, pineapple and ham.

 

[Killishandra]

Someone kick him out??

I like Hawaiian subs personally, pineapple and ham.

Marquis, you're making a mockery of my second attempt at a thread. *SOB*

 

[Reverse_Cowboy]

I personally like a mixture in my subs. I like someone who is mildly submissive with the general populace, (by this I mean they tend to let others take charge of things, but at the same time won't allow themselves to be mistreated or taken advantage of by stragers or aquaintences.) But totally submissive to me.

 

[Marquis]

I consider myself an alpha personality, with my subby tendencies only coming out around truely Dominant people. Sometimes I think I view the world too much in terms of rank based on dominance. But my question for the Dominants in this community is: What type of sub appeals to you? By that I mean, do you like your subs with an alpha personality or do you prefer your subs to be completely complient to the world at large? Do subs of the latter variety make better companions to you, and if so, why do you think that is so? If you prefer alpha personalities, why? And of course, if you're polyamorous, do you prefer a mixture of some sort?

Sorry, I didn't read the post newbie.

To answer your question:

I think it's very common for subs to be very submissive people in general. I think they often let that side be more free around a Dominant they feel they can trust, but I'd be willing to bet that 90% of the time subs tend to be rather subby in general.

At this point I'd like to draw the distinction between subs and bottoms, who are into submission purely as a sexual fantasy. From what I can see, I'd say a lot of Alpha type people are bottoms in bed.

I've always been doubtful that someone who could be very submissive in the context of a relationship could be very dominant/alpha/agressive/whatever outside of it. My first girlfriend/sub was almost totally helpless. Ordering food at a restaurant was sometimes flustering and answering simple questions at the airport could bring her to tears. I do like caring for a person and guiding them, but I'm not interested in being anyone's mommy or daddy. I know there are others who are very interested in this sort of thing but that isn't who I am and that isn't what I do. If you can't tie your shoelaces or boil water, you are submissive by default, not by choice in my book.

I tried my best to help her, but eventually she decided it was me who was holding her back. From what I hear she is now dating a very submissive man.

But I digress, what is my personal preference? I'll give you an equation.


I - O = S

I = how submissive the person is inside the relationship
O = how submissive the person is outside the relationship
S = their "sub score"

The higher the S the better.

As for polyamory, I think it could help to have one sub be slightly more passive than the other to avoid conflict between the two of them, but it would be essential that they are equally submissive to me. I suppose if I was with one sub for years and then another sub were added, I could be more relaxed about that. However, if my feelings for my subs were equal (which is the situation I would be most comfortable with) I would have equivalent expectations of effort from them, if not performance.

 

[Shadowsdream]

The submissives that attract Me are strong individuals who do not need to be loud about it. They are able to stand up for themselves but do not need to be passive aggressive. They are confident yet still searching for all they can be.

I am attracted to the soft spoken...the ones that naturally drop their eyes in shyness not coyness. Graceful...and intelligent with a sense of humor.

I notice the ones that have no need to be the center of attraction.

 

[Netzach]

I am attracted to people who are non-commital about how other people view their power, generally.

Some of my submissives have been alpha personalities except as concerns D/s, and in some cases, except as concerning me. Some have been anything but alpha. It really depends.

 

[serijules]

I think it's very common for subs to be very submissive people in general. I think they often let that side be more free around a Dominant they feel they can trust, but I'd be willing to bet that 90% of the time subs tend to be rather subby in general.

I find this curious, as my own experiences in meeting submissives is the exact opposite...I don't know many submissives that are not confident, sure of themselves and generally very take charge types. Maybe I'm not understanding what "subby in general" is though but some of the most submissive people I've met are also some of the most dominant personalities outside of their kink roles...including myself.

 

[serijules]

I notice the ones that have no need to be the center of attraction.

Same thing that attracts me to dominants.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Same thing that attracts me to dominants.

I agree

 

[Caitlynne]

Same thing that attracts me to dominants.

Oh, BINGO!!!

Same for me. I am also attracted to Dominants that know who they are, and demonstrate their dominance in less obvious ways and quiter ways. I like the contained type. The controlled type. I know that even the Dominants that appear to be louder and more out-of-control can actually 'be' in control, but I prefer the way quiet dominance affects me. It has nothing to do with the level of cruelty, I mean, I don't think this type of Dominant is 'nicer' or anything.

Actually, these are the only ones I am attracted to. There is something in the quiet 'knowing', the stillness and reserve, that speaks to me. I desire to serve such stillness. Even if it isn't always so calm under the surface. I like the discovery of what *is* under the surface as it is shared with me. My experience is that there is a depth to this type that you could take a lifetime to discover as a submissive, if the Dom/me would allow it. That inspires my desire to serve.

In any event, the desire to serve this type is very strong in me. I'd say it was more than an attraction.

~ cait

 

[SueJ]

There is something in the quiet 'knowing', the stillness and reserve, that speaks to me. I desire to serve such stillness. Even if it isn't always so calm under the surface. I like the discovery of what *is* under the surface as it is shared with me. My experience is that there is a depth to this type that you could take a lifetime to discover as a submissive, if the Dom/me would allow it. That inspires my desire to serve.

Yep, this is my husband to a T. It's why I can sub for him, and why we've been together 21 years. It's easy to sub for him. That personality type makes me feel so comfortably controlled. The respect level is HUGE. Besides, he's always right. <wink>

Edit: Edit to say, "oops"! This is supposed to be about sub types, not Dom types!

 

[AngelicAssassin]

She's gotta have ...

• Intelligence
• Grace
• Self-esteem
• Passion
• Wisdom

and last, but not least,

a masochistic streak a mile wide

running from her navel, up her belly, through her cleavage in a wild crazy eight, round and round her throat, from up under her chin splashing across her face, continuing over her entire scalp, down her back (while radiating out to entwine her arms and hands), blosssoming across her tail, before diving back between her thighs, wrapping her legs all the way down to her ankles, under her soles, and ending at the tips of her toes.

Why?

Because i would wish to wreak merry, sadistic havoc upon that streak to my heart's content.

 

[!bear66]

Her qualities will include: intelligence, passion, devotion, adventurous spirit. She will be attractive with a great sense of humor and a "try anything" kind of attitude, but only 70-90% sub. The other 10-30% of the time she will be independent and capable of almost anything she sets her mind to.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... but only 70-90% sub. The other 10-30% of the time she will be very capable and independent.

A submissive can not be capable and independent?

 

[!bear66]

A submissive can not be capable and independent?

Yes, many of the qualities I listed would apply 100% of the time

 

[ammre]

oh yay. So far these answers are giving me hope. The next problem is that bieng an alpha submissive, how to you ward off nilla partners and attract dominant ones...

 

[TaintedB]

oh yay. So far these answers are giving me hope. The next problem is that bieng an alpha submissive, how to you ward off nilla partners and attract dominant ones...

If by "alpha" Killshandra means aggressive, than the first part of that task, the warding off, is probably not that hard for you I would think.

Smart dominants can spot a submissive personality in an aggressive shell. You may not attract as many dominants as you would if you were very visibly in a sub behavior role, but they're probably be of better quality, I would think, because they'd be used to and even appreciate an aggressive streak in a submissive and because they can see beyond the very obvious.

You could also use little visual signals to code your sexuality to others (like a semi-blatent collar, or maybe some other piece of jewlery showing a little figure of a woman in chains) but then you'd attract a lot of the weak dom types, you know, the kind that abound in the personal-ad sites--as in demonstrated in that hilarious collarme thread--and who, as soon as you even ask a simple question of them, will defensively scream, "You're not a True Sub!!" So I don't recommend the signs and signals method, unless you particularly enjoy playing with the minds of the "bottom feeders."

 

[TaintedB]

I notice the ones that have no need to be the center of attraction.

In dominants, this is good of course, but I also appreciate the ones that, while not particularly insecure and constantly playing an agressive role to get attention, have naturally exuberant or outgoing or aggressive personalities, performer types almost, as they compliment my real-life shy "audience-style" personality very well. I like loud and enthusiastic talkers, long laughers, racounters who tell goofy jokes or fascinating stories, and dominants with performance-based careers (actor, musician, and less obvious jobs) or hobbies. Secure dominant performers are not common, but they're out there, luckily for me and folks like me.

I have almost zero appreciation for the "strong silent stand in a corner and observe" types, because in my personal experience, that is often a role put on by insecure not particulary dominant men who have read bad bdsm novels and think that's how dominants should act. You know, kind of like the scene doms who always wear suits when they play (hot and impractical as they are) because that's what they thought Sir Steven did all the time, so it must be cool? I think I've said this once before, but even if such a person is genuinely dominant, my shyness and his obession with playing it cool and not ever being the one to approach, means that this type and I shall never meet. Which is all for the better, I imagine, as a relationship with me and that sort would probably be a pretty silent one. :/

 

[Marquis]

oh yay. So far these answers are giving me hope. The next problem is that bieng an alpha submissive, how to you ward off nilla partners and attract dominant ones...

"attract" is the wrong word. As an alpha sub I think you're better off approaching the dominants you are attracted to.

 

[Aeroil]

I have almost zero appreciation for the "strong silent stand in a corner and observe" types, because in my personal experience, that is often a role put on by insecure not particulary dominant men who have read bad bdsm novels and think that's how dominants should act. You know, kind of like the scene doms who always wear suits when they play (hot and impractical as they are) because that's what they thought Sir Steven did all the time, so it must be cool? I think I've said this once before, but even if such a person is genuinely dominant, my shyness and his obession with playing it cool and not ever being the one to approach, means that this type and I shall never meet. Which is all for the better, I imagine, as a relationship with me and that sort would probably be a pretty silent one. :/

Although for different reasons, that's exactly what I do (in more than one different setting), I'm quite the watcher, I like my corners, or at the very least, a wall.
I also don't really have enough experience to say that I have a 'type' I levitate to, I'm much more of a "wait until they come to me" person.
Meh, I'm shy, it works for me.

 

[Killishandra]

*on my way to the beach*

If by "alpha" Killshandra means aggressive, than the first part of that task, the warding off, is probably not that hard for you I would think.

Smart dominants can spot a submissive personality in an aggressive shell. You may not attract as many dominants as you would if you were very visibly in a sub behavior role, but they're probably be of better quality, I would think, because they'd be used to and even appreciate an aggressive streak in a submissive and because they can see beyond the very obvious.

You could also use little visual signals to code your sexuality to others (like a semi-blatent collar, or maybe some other piece of jewlery showing a little figure of a woman in chains) but then you'd attract a lot of the weak dom types, you know, the kind that abound in the personal-ad sites--as in demonstrated in that hilarious collarme thread--and who, as soon as you even ask a simple question of them, will defensively scream, "You're not a True Sub!!" So I don't recommend the signs and signals method, unless you particularly enjoy playing with the minds of the "bottom feeders."

Hmmm. I think Hawaii must be quite lacking in these Doms that see through aggressive shells... lol, actually, since I have recently become involved in the community I can tell you that there definitely IS a lack of Doms in general (and subs, and we have no public dungeons, and.... I wouldn't recommend moving here * *. Yeah, the beaches are great, but some days I'd rather someone tan my hide with a flogger than go get a sun tan.) I recently bought a black and metal collar and maybe I should start wearing it to cue people in. I don't mind playing with the minds of weak Doms.... Mwa ha ha!!

 

[Killishandra]

!

Edit: Edit to say, "oops"! This is supposed to be about sub types, not Dom types!

HIJACK!!! *points!*

Just kidding... If anyone wants to talk about Dom types in here, that's okie dokie by me. I'd be interested to hear what people have to say on that subject as well.

 

[FungiUg]

I am attracted to alpha-personality women, whether they are dominant or submissive. At the same time, I dislike pushy or insistant women.

My partner falls into the category of "alpha/not pushy", and any submissive we would have would also need to fall into that category.

For me, a large part of the attraction of submission is knowing she is submitting out of passion and desire, but not out of some sort of personality need. Like she is there because she conciously wants to be there. The combination of a strong woman asking or begging for my attentions is pure aphrodisiac.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I have always

been attracted to strong willed men and women. Whether they are submissives or Dominants.

Personally, I prefer someone who knows thier own wants, thier own needs and desires and then consents to letting me take them beyond what they thought they wanted. That is the sort of high one can only achieve (IMHO) with someone who is an alpha personality.