WHAT TO DO

[CATZN]

I need some input on what to do. First im new to this board but i have been reading some of the post and noticed that everyone on here is pretty open on their thoughts. Anyways, im a 25 year old petite female living in San Diego, Ca. I recently moved in with my cousin and her friend. Everything is good except one thing which is my cousins friend, Lisa, is gay and she just broke up with her girlfriend of two years. Lately i have noticed that lisa is always making these comments about how she would like to be close with someone again. I always offer her my support but i dont want her to think that i am gay. There has been times when she wants to lay in bed with me because she claims to have nightmares. I went as far as giving her hugs and kisses on the cheek but i do not plan to go any further. The problem i have is that i find it hard to say no to her. She is a butch type of girl who has very strong opinions. I just wanted some advise on how to turn her down without hurting her feelings. I feel that it will not be long before she makes the suggestion as having me as her next partner.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Waste no time in saying "I am uncomfortable lying in bed with you, okay?" Don't worry about "tension". If a friend cannot appreciate candor regarding personal boundaries then they're not a friend, and there are ulterior motives she hasn't expressed.

The longer you wait, the more "passive permission" you give that this sort of unwanted contact is acceptable to you, and can easily be mislead as a "signal".

So, I say again, waste no time in securing your personal space, and be firm about boundaries. It may be tense at first, but not nearly as tense as it could be should she determine that your're either seduceable (is that a word? LOL) or more of a friend that you want to be.

 

[Evesdemise]

I agree...

DCL is right on target. Don't let the fact that the girl is a girl stop you from being firm. People tend to use thier knowlege of others' emathetic attitudes to their own advantage. Let this girl know that you do not mind lending a little emotional support, but that you also stand firm on the issue of heterosexualism (is that a word?) Well, I am sure, that if it were a man that were becoming too close, you would have no qualms about telling him how you felt. This is, unless you are actually no quite sure how you feel. Hmmm. So it is ultimately up to you to steer the relationship in the direction you want it to go.
Good luck

 

[Naked Hunny]

Basically DCL is usually right in these types of situations there really isnt anything else to say!!

 

[Samuari]

Absublutly (I'm cursed by the spelling gods) DCL is right on target. The only thing that I can add is from my expernce. I allowed a situation to delvelop past where you curently are in yours, basicly by not setting limits, and thereby giving 'passive permision'. I hate confrontation, and simply ovioded putting myself in situtations where he could be intimate with me. Finally, the day arrived when I had no choice and had to make my feelings clear, and there was a lot of confrontation! In time we were able to salvage our freindship, but it took a lot of work that would not have been nessecary if I had been direct about my position (ie. I like slits, not pointers)

By the way, welcome to our comunity, come in, sit a spell, look arround, take your shoes (and anything else you want) off. Get confortable.

 

[willow]

I did the same thing, only with a guy. He was a friend & when he broke up with his girlfriend, also a friend,he decided we were meant to be together. I waited way too long to be honest with him & it ended up really ugly. I'm involved with a great guy & by not being direct with the other guy, I caused so many problems. Good luck, this is a tough situation.

 

[OUTSIDER]

Unto your self be true.

Letting down someone gently is one of the hardest thing's you will ever have to do, but you need to be strong and tell this girl that your life style's don't coincide and that you want to be friend's and that's all.